About the Author

A three-time tongue cancer survivor and mama of children from “hard places," Michele Cushatt is a (reluctant) expert on pain, trauma and the deep human need for connection. Her most recent book, "Relentless: The Unshakeable Presence of a God Who Never Leaves", wrestles with the dogged presence and affection of...

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& you will too!
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Reader Interactions


  1. Michele,
    I used to have this warped sense of justice when it came to meeting the expectations I placed on myself. If I screwed up, I somehow thought it “honored” God if I heaped guilt upon myself. Like you, I was good at guilt. I could heap it on like a three scoop ice cream cone. I’ve since come to learn that those types of actions don’t honor God at all, in fact they insult Him and what He has done for me. He didn’t send His precious Son to die for me so that I could walk around beating myself up. No, He sent Jesus to take all my/our sins and mistakes (yes, even backing into the garage door) upon Himself so that we could walk in FREEDOM. I know the enemy gets in there as well and joins the chorus of “I’m/you’re such an idiot.” I know when I say that to myself or listen to the enemy too often, I start to believe the lies and nothing could be further from the truth. Lets agree to be Freedom Walkers in our self talk and let nothing separate us from the awesome love of the Lord. Great post and reminder….wise son too!
    Bev xx

    • I want to be a freedom walker it’s harder than it reads! I for once would love to do a better job of not indulging self doubt and sometimes hate (yes hate at times) disappointment etc in myself for not holding my tongue or sliding into my emotions so easily ….bottom line is I’d love to make God proud/pleased in my attempts and journey to being a better daughter of Christ and less of a sinner. Less being reactionary and then constantly asking for forgiveness. I know that God loves me and us regardless of what we have done but I pray to live the word of God, the commandants, more than sin. It seems easier when it’s written down like this but it’s not easy 100% of the time.

      • Jas,
        You sound so much like me…..I have always been my own worst critic. Boy was I good at lashing myself with criticism. I tried so hard to do what God wanted me to do yet I found myself doing the exact things I didn’t want to do (the age old dilemma of every Christian). One verse that really helped me not be so hard on myself was/is 1 John 1:9: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. When I got caught up in self-loathing, I kept this scripture on a card in my “emergency kit”. I’d pull it out and read it over and over to remind myself that when I mess up (and I will) if I confess my sin, God not only forgives me but He purifies me from ALL unrighteousness. The next time you want to give yourself a good tongue lashing, pull this out and know that God does not want you beating yourself up, He wants you to confess it, know that He loves you and forgives you, and purifies you from ALL sin. Try to sit and let that balm of peace flow over you and know that this verse is for all of us tough self-critics out there. One irony I’ve found is that the people who are hardest on themselves, in reality are following closer to God’s commandments. I think sometimes the enemy uses our desire to please God against us. If he can get us into self-loathing mode then we forget whose we are and we aren’t able to walk in the freedom that God richly desires for us under His new covenant. Be easy on yourself sweet sister and know you are dearly loved.
        Bev xo

      • Jas, I agree. It’s often easy in theory than it is in practice! I catch myself slipping into old patterns of negativity and self abuse and then have to remind myself all over again of the beauty of the Gospel. His grace covers that, too. xoxox

    • I’ve learned the same, Bev. Grace recognizes the deep need while simultaneously receiving the extravagant gift of love. Thank you for sharing a piece of your journey with us.

  2. I was recently reminded that just as God put His blessing upon Jesus at the beginning of His ministry, so Jesus put His own blessing upon His disciples at the beginning of their ministry, as His feet were lifting off the ground! It’s so hard for me to remember that we live and work and serve out of blessing–not FOR blessing or to achieve God’s approval. And so, like you, I continue to arrogate to myself the role of judge and jury over my own failures.
    I’ve never before thought of those powerful verses at the end of Romans 8 in this context–so true!
    Blessings to you, Michele!

  3. Michele, I was dying laughing and commiserating, both. Yeah. Lived there too many times. Funny, I can run late to an appointment, but I’m always on time to self-berating. I’m learning with you what you so beautifully articulated: “…friends, Jesus didn’t come so you and I could kill ourselves trying to be good enough for Him.” Thank you, Michele for this reminder!!! Such healing truth!

  4. Michele,
    This was so timely. Exactly four weeks ago today, I had a car accident. It was totally my doing when changing lanes and not checking my blind spot. Oh my, how I berated myself! I cried, I apologized to my husband, called myself all kinds of names. It was just an accident, no one was physically harmed and the car was not needing to be towed away.
    Thank you so much for the reminder to give ourselves grace and let it go. The price has been paid!
    Be blessed,

  5. Thank you so much for this wonderful reminder. I’ve always been harder on myself than anyone else and quicker to forgive others but don’t know how to forgive myself for all the mistakes I made when I was younger. Now at almost 65 I pray and ask the Lord to help me make peace with Him and myself and to at least like the person in the mirror. I grew up in a very abusive home and every thing was always my fault and I was never good enough. Same thing with my ex husband and other relationships. I know that Jesus gives us grace but it’s the judgment that scares the mess out of me.

    • It is so very hard to unravel messages that we’ve carried since childhood. I understand only too well. One thing that has helped me is to read and re-read truths about how God feels about me as many times as necessary and possible. 😉 Romans 8:35-39 is a favorite. And I also love reading the many passages that tell of Jesus special affection and tenderness for children. He loves you more than you know, Cherlyn.

  6. You would think at my age I could live in this truth. I need to allow God’s generous grace to wash over me. I’m good at telling others to let it go. But. I forgot to offer it to myself. Thanks Michelle. So enjoy you on communicators academy.

  7. Accidents happen. Let it go. Thanks for the reminder, Michele. We can be so hard on our self. And what does it accomplish? God isn’t punishing us. We are punishing our self. Love the idea of the grace insurance plan with no deductible.

  8. Michele,

    Women, especially, tend to hard on themselves. I berate myself harshly for each mistake-past or present. Most of the time the mistakes/mishaps are no big deal. Oh how the devil wants to get us down. The lies come into my head & I start believing them. We think we must conform to society’s norms of being the “perfect person” all the time. Truth is everyone makes mistakes all the time. `We aren’t perfect. Only God is perfect. We need to remember the truths of Romans 8:38-39. Jesus came so His death and life could cover us, free us, once and for all. To give us grace enough. Praise God. We must let His grace be sufficient for us. Don’t try to judge ourselves by the world’s standards. Let Him be our only judge!

    Blessings 🙂