Last week I left my baby girl, Mea, in the car. I was rushing from school to practice and my schedule was jam packed. I turned off the engine, tossed my keys in my purse, shut the door, and was annoyed that my big kids weren’t hustling. I had one foot inside the supermarket when I turned around to see my nine-year-old son carrying my baby girl. I gasped. Had it not been for his attentiveness, Mea would be hot and screaming in the car while I was inside buying chips and milk. I was that mom. The one too overwhelmed, stressed out, and busy to see my kids. I was that mom too focused on my list, schedule, and what other people would think of me if I were late. Fear was driving me, not love.
I’ve spent most of my life with an undercurrent of anxiety. What do people think? How can I get people to like me? Fear is a feeling I am very much familiar with. I am a people reader. I read their body language, eye movement, and smirks. When I meet a stranger, I try to figure them out before they speak. I don’t just try to know them, I feel them. I’ve lived by my sixth sense of reading people my entire life. In fact, I’ve become dependent upon it. You see, if I can read your needs, desires, and expectations, I can try to meet them. I can be the hero.
This anxious need to be liked or “have it all together” in essence is idolatry. It’s a false belief that I can be like God, becoming everything for everyone. This anxious need to be all things, in all situations, to all people drives me like an alcoholic to whiskey. I am addicted to being liked. I play the part or become the person I think people want me to be in hopes that they will love me in return.
Recently, a dear friend graciously sent me her old Apple watch. Her name is Tiffany and she’s a mom to five kids, just like me. She is courageous, lives from her gut, and is lovely, kind and unapologetic about who she is. I had the option of changing out the band to get one that was more my style, but I didn’t want too. I wanted Tiffany’s band. I wanted the band that she wrapped around her wrist every morning. Somehow, I thought it would help me channel her awesomeness (although I realize a watch can’t do that), and it was soothing to think that she was with me on this march of motherhood.
This idea of putting on something is a powerful image. Beyond a watch, I do believe God is always inviting me to put on Christ. I don’t have to put on a prettier version of myself, a mask, or an “I’ve got it all under control” attitude. I simply need to put on Christ.
Today, the temptation to perform for others will be strong. At every turn you will want to fix your mess so no one will see your mistakes. Anxiety will drive you to hurry and hide. It will tempt you to be controlling and to be controlled. It will whisper lies of failure. Instead of running from your anxiety, today, let it be your gift. Don’t push it down or away, but befriend your fear. Let it be close. Know it. Understand it. Let it be what ushers you to Jesus. Let it become what moves you to pray.
Take off your need to please or be perfect. Take off your desire for attention, praise, and affirmation. Take off the false layers you have relied on to feel secure. Take it all off, lay it down, release it. Instead, take on Christ.
Take on His compassion and care. Take on His adoration of you. May you find your greatest comfort in knowing that you are seen by Christ. He is the great reader of people, knowing the inner hunger and deepest longings of the soul. Today, put on God’s love like sleeves of new skin: strong, resilient, gracious, selfless, vulnerable, and good.
Rest in the assurance that Christ is wholly surrounding you. He goes before you, behind you, and beneath you. You not only put Christ on, but He puts you on. He carries you, like the cross, to the very end. In suffering and in want. In hope and in shame. He props you up and endures all of life’s struggles beside you.
Today, put on His love. Don’t allow fear to be your motivation. Let His love, and love alone, be what moves you.
Instead of running from your anxiety, today, let it be your gift. Let it be what ushers you to Jesus. Let it become what moves you to pray. Click To Tweet Leave a Comment
Thank you for this call away from the striving life. I have line that runs horizontally between my eyebrows, and I know my youngest son would not recognize me without it. I think often of “putting on” Christ–clothing myself in His compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience–but I forget that He first put me on, and He is doing the heavy lifting here.
Love your “He is doing the heavy lifting here” Michele. Thanks for that. Like He tells us to be anxious about “nothing” (we realize that means that He wants us to spill everything verbally from our Heads and hearts unto Him) – sometimes the list is exhausting and anxious items keep getting added in terms of the “anxious disclosure” – depending on the circumstances of days or lives.
I love your “He is doing the heavy lifting”.
I am imagining myself just throwing down all the anxiousness-producing items in a big pile…and Jesus comes walking toward me and easily lifts it all in One Hand, looks at me graciously and Kindly and then turns His back, but holds out His free hand for me to grasp and walk with Him.
Seriously, I am weeping as I write this…so grateful that He will take every anxious item up “easily” and then allow me (and you of course!) to experience “ease and warmth” in His gentle, strong fingers. All day I am going to live and move and “speak my being” to Him saying : Lord, thank you for doing the heavy lifting here”.
May He richly bless your day with fragrant glimpses of Him.
May He saturate you with His Living Love. Janine
Janine, thank you for sharing your good insights here.
We are blessed beyond words.
I forget that as well. Praying we can always remember Christ carries us.
Anjuli,
I have OCD, an anxiety disorder. I also suffer from generalized anxiety. I used to curse this illness because it is so insidious and can rob you of a lot of joy. I still don’t like anxious spells, but now they send me running right into the arms of Jesus. I can honestly say that I don’t think I’d have the relationship that I have with the Lord if I didn’t have this illness. It keeps me utterly relying on and depending upon Jesus. It’s only by His grace (which is sufficient) that I get through the days sometimes. So, like you I have learned to befriend my anxiety (which is fear amplified a 1000 times). God has proven himself to be faithful over and over again. If I didn’t have fear and anxiety, I wouldn’t have found Jesus as my refuge. Great reminder today!
Blessings,
Bev xx
What an incredible journey you have been on. Thank you so much for sharing!
I like you! You may have some quirks but I like you a lot! Keep blessing with your openness. And by God’s grace keep pointing others to Christ. Love (and like ) you, sweet friend.
Ahhh Thank you! Your comment made me smile!
Anjuli, thank you. For describing so well what the battle feels like but infusing it with hope, truth, and love. Needed this reminder this morning.
you’re welcome. Thank you for being here and apart of this community!
Anjuli, you are such an amazing mum with all your kids you find time to run your fundraising for other mothers and kids in need. You are an example of Christ in this way! Thank you for this reminder, I am leaning on God, on Jesus and on the Holy Spirit more and more and it feels good! I feel contented and safe. I am by no means perfect but God is with me through it all. I’m praying to put on ‘Christ’ and all his wonderful attributes I pray I can consistently show these in my own life!
This is total encouragement for the day! I believe so many readers will related to this. God is using you and the rest of the team to minister to each of us. Thank you Anjuli. Continued blessings.
Thanks Karen. I’m so grateful for this community and the constant encouragement here. Blessings!
Thank you!!!!!
Yes, Anjuli! Reading people is a strength, and like you, it’s helped me navigate life – moves, motherhood, determining healthy or unhealthy relationships. But all strengths can become a weakness. God is good to gently catch our attention and bring us back. Thank you for your honesty today.
Yes, its a strength and a weakness. I am constantly having to surrender and be mindful of my motives. Thank you!
Anjuli,
Thank-you ,this was very helpful. And so was your son, to help with his sister, (team work).
Have a blessed day all,
Penny
When I was younger, I felt the same as you but now as I am older, I just won’t allow others to dictate how I feel or think. I am not that scared little girl who wanted everyone to like me. I am me and there is none other like me declares our Awesome God. I think in this society especially with social media, we feel the need to be accepted, liked and so forth. The thing is that if we only lived within these constraints and not allowing others to see the real authentic version of ourself, we are missing the opportunity to possibly be that light for those who truly may need it. Everyone is fighting their own struggles and we all are striving to be liked, to be loved for who we are. Let us let that fear go and be the best true version of ourselves even if it looks messy. Thank you for sharing this.
So true. I think social media plays a big part in this. Now we can measure if we are liked by actual “likes!” I have to be so mindful of my motives. I hope I can care less more and more what others think and find freedom to be myself. The struggle is real. Thanks for your encouragement.
I loved this~ Thank you so much for these truths.
You’re welcome!
I’ve left kids in the car, other people’s children at the pool, and dogs at the groomer. If my head wasn’t attached I’d leave that somewhere too, so you are not alone. You’re right, it’s what we do with our fears and anxiety that makes the difference. We can’t beat something we turn our back on, ignore or refuse to confront.
Thank you for this reminder as we head into the weekend where the desire to fit in and be liked seems to ramp up!!
Thanks Niki!
So glad I’m not alone!
You are a brave young lady. thank you for sharing your story–we mom’s make many mistakes, and thankfully God’s angels are with us working to stop us from going all the way into the store! Many of us spend a lot of years blaming our circumstances, the way we were raised, or ourselves for being defective in some way–and we build up walls of defenses that protect our shortcomings. You are getting it. You are opening yourself up to God and giving him all of what needs to be guided or healed–I wish I had done this years ago! I’m in my late 50’s and I am finally living more intentionally and authentically with Jesus as my center compass!! Bless you for sharing your story–I needed to hear it today, as many other women I’m sure did too—keep writing, you have a gift there!!
Ahhh thank you much. I am so grateful to be here. I’m sure I’m not the only one whose made mistakes. I hope moms can find more space to be honest. I hope God can always be my compass and center. Thank you for welcoming me and encouraging me!
Loved this Anjuli! Thank you for speaking these truths! You bless us all!
erin
Thankyou for your post! I so related to you ! Thankyou for the encouragement to befriend our anxiety!!! I will give that a try! Lauren Griesmeyer
Anjuli,
God doesn’t want us striving through life. He wants us. Our time with Him in prayer & meditation. 1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you”. He already knows our problems & wants to live with open hands & hearts to release everything to Him. Like Michele said “Let Him do the heavy lifting” while we just hold His hands. God understands us better than we know ourselves.
This country is filled with people having psychological disorders. Thank you for shedding light on this somewhat touchy subject. Most won’t talk about it-especially in the church. It is something that definitely needs to be addressed. We need to own it & seek help whenever possible.
Blessings
Thank you. I too struggle with this underlying anxiety and desire to be other than who God lovingly created. I’m working hard at it though and most days, it’s working. But loved your article.
Blessings.
Oh, friend, You are my kindred sister. Forever grateful for your words and in the thick of it wisdom.