In preparation for the women’s tea I host at our church, I bought a new outfit. Working out and eating right had made a positive impact on my weight, and my body showed the results, so I bought an outfit one size smaller than my normal size.
The day came, and I got ready. I put on my dark-washed denim jeans and eggshell white short-sleeved top and admired my silhouette in the long bathroom mirror. Thinking I needed a tank top underneath, I pulled the top above my head to take it off, only to be greeted by a sound no woman ever wants to hear:
Rip!
Apparently, the one size smaller in number became one size too small for my curves. Jumping around my bedroom like a Mexican jumping bean, I contorted my body in ways God did not design but to no avail. Embarrassed, I called my husband. He did his best to tug the too-small shirt but could not pull it off. Fifteen minutes and one pair of scissors later, the shirt was torn in shreds, and so was my pride.
I’ll admit I thought about not attending the event. I could have feigned illness and called on another church leader to take my place. No one would’ve known the difference.
But if I had done that, Satan would have capitalized on my insecurity, and it wouldn’t have stopped there. One negative thought would’ve turned into two, and soon my soul would’ve assumed a posture of bowing to fear rather than living in the freedom bought for me at the cross.
I’m no less embarrassed to share that story today as I was when it happened, but God taught me an important lesson through it. As I stared at my shredded shirt on the bed, two questions flooded my mind:
Why was I so obsessed with how I looked?
Why did I care what others thought about me?
As a pastor’s wife, people think I have it all together. I don’t. They think the pedestal they have me on never shakes, but it does.
God’s grace extends to me just as much as it does to everyone else. Just because my life is on display doesn’t mean it’s perfect. In fact, as a pastor’s wife, I often deal with unseen pressures and trials behind the scenes, but my significance and worth as a human being was settled a long time ago on the cross.
Jesus’s death paid the price for all sin — even my desire to seek others’ approval over accepting myself for who I am. I no longer have to be in bondage to society’s standards of me. Every time I buy that fashion magazine in the grocery checkout line, whisper about that church member’s flourishing ministry in a derogatory way, or peruse my Amazon reviews for the fourth time, I put myself back in the cage of people’s approval. I let go of the keys Jesus earned on the cross to set me free. Jesus became my bondman on that cross and already paid my bill, so why do I constantly keep putting myself behind the imaginary bars of doubt?
But there’s hope. I combat those feelings of insecurity when I take baby steps towards victory. When I trade that grocery store magazine in for the Word, those Amazon reviews for daily fellowship with Him, and those whispers for words of encouragement, I remember who I am in Christ. I acknowledge my position as a daughter of the King rather than a slave to the lies of the devil.
I’ll buy a new outfit without caring about the size, without being weighed down by what other people might think, because I have been set free and my worth is found in Christ alone.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
Michelle, I love it when God orchestrates the right words, pointed like an arrow at my heart, at just the right time. Thanks for sharing the uncomfortable today.
Blessings!
michelle lazurek says
thanks Michele, you are a blessing!
Barb Lewis says
Excellent, Michelle
Beth Willis Miller says
Michelle, I LOVE this post! Such a visual and personal reminder that we are who God says we are! I wallpaper my mind with Ephesians 1, in Christ, I am blessed with every spiritual blessing, accepted in the beloved son of God, adopted as a child of the King, chosen before the foundation of the world, redeemed by His precious blood, forgiven by His grace and mercy, and loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms, a love that will not let me go. Many blessings to you ❤️
michelle lazurek says
thank you Beth! I’ll have to write that verse down and put it on my dresser mirror, a reminder of who I am everyday.
Beth Williams says
Michelle,
No one is perfect. Pastors’s wives are just human beings doing a hard job of helping their husbands. They are just like everyone else. They have their flaws, trials & tribulations. My pastor’s wife went through breast cancer & is dealing with an aging parent five hours away. To me she is just another person like the rest of us. No big pedestal. This world has a way of putting people on pedestals or making us feel insignificant. That is just the devil’s ploy to make us feel down & depressed. We need to fight those flaming arrows with the truth of God. He made us in His image. We are flawed, imperfect, loved & forgiven Children of God. We must remember who we are in Christ, acknowledge our position as daughters of the King & not slaves to the lies of the devil.
Blessings 🙂
michelle lazurek says
thank you for the comment.
Becky Beresford says
Thank you Michelle for sharing this VERY needed story… my heart needed it badly today. I get caught up in the opinions of others so easily, and before I know it, I’m measuring my worth based on social media likes, neighbors’ smiles, and ministry wins, etc… And then I slowly start to apply that people-pleasing to God. Like I can earn more of His love or favor by doing more for Him or being a “good” Christian wife, mom and woman. Ugh!
It’s posts like yours that help reel me back in. So thank you again, Sister!
All of God’s love to you,
Becky 🙂
michelle lazurek says
you are welcome. Thank you for sharing your story. So glad my story could help you in some way.
Courtney says
Thank you for this. I can let myself get so bogged down by other people’s opinion of me.
michelle lazurek says
thank you for your response. Everyone struggles with this. You are not alone!
Jas says
Amen! Amen, Amen!! We all need reminders to lean into God and our worth is found in him, it blows my mind sometimes when I think about how awesome, amazing and perfect as God is would love and want me!?! And if He wants and loves me so much to send his son to earth to die so he could offer me an eternal place with him and for Jesus going through all that humiliation and unimaginable pain, give up his life for the same reason, for me, none of the superficial stuff matters. It reminds me to stop looking for my worth in other people’s opinions and look to God. We are His masterpieces and we are made perfect in Him.