A few minutes before, I’d reprimanded my daughter like a hardened kitchen cop.
“Dinner is almost ready,” I warned, her chip-laden hand halfway to her mouth. “No more snacks.”
This was my peanut-sized grade-school girl who loved to devour junk food but when dinner rolled around, couldn’t find the stomach for a healthy meal.
“I’m not hungry,” was her typical defense.
Whatever.
After parenting six kids, I’ve learned “not hungry” is French for “My princess stomach is bloated with potato chips.” This was our ongoing argument, the near-daily battle. I was so over it.
I turned back to the stove to finish final dinner preparations, willing myself to breathe. That’s when, God love her, I heard her sneak another snack-a-licious bite.
Thoroughly irritated, I whipped around.
“I said no more chips! When I say something, I mean it. And I expect you to respect it.” I gave her my best authoritative mom glare.
She blinked, eyes round.
“I know,” she said with a shrug. “I was just drinking my milk.”
My turn to blink. I looked at the kitchen counter, and sure enough the snacks were put away. Instead, a small cup of milk.
Oops.
What I’d heard as a “crunch” was actually more of a “slurp.” I might’ve pulled my gun too quickly.
“Oh.” I offered my best penitent smile. “I-I thought I heard you eating again. My mistake.”
She smiled back. “That’s okay, Mom.”
And, that was that. No drama, retaliation, or arguing. I messed up. She forgave me. Life moved on. And the words that came to mind as I looked at my daughter were these:
Wow. Grace looks good on you, Girl.
My daughter’s maturity in that moment surprised me. And delighted me. However, on the heels of that delight sat a painful discovery: my response to everyday irritations is rarely as quick and kind. Instead, at times I prefer to coddle my hurt, maybe make those who wronged me grovel just a bit and pay for their blunder. Their discomfort makes me feel better, right?
Hardly.
In spite of the misery of unforgiveness, grace is not always my automatic response. It’s much easier to be irritated, incensed, indignant. Much easier to ruminate on wrongs done, maybe offer a cold shoulder or hot glare here and there.
Sounds ugly, doesn’t it? Because it is. A life decorated by bitterness and unforgiveness doesn’t wear well. A life dressed in grace, however, never goes out of style.
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3 (NIV)
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult.
Proverbs 12:16 (NIV)
A person finds joy in giving an apt reply — and how good is a timely word!
Proverbs 15:23 (NIV)
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)
Here’s the unaccessorized truth, sisters: Grace looks good on you. And on me. Far more eye-grabbing than a grudge. So why do we waste so much time coddling our offenses and irritations?
Your best beauty investment isn’t in your dress but your demeanor.
Grace transforms our appearance, from the inside out, producing beauty that is far from superficial. It makes a soul glow, a face shine. It’s the single best way to add years to your life, improve your health, dive deeper into meaningful relationships, break the iron grip of past memories and regrets, and bring healing to hurts, including your own.
And the best news? It doesn’t cost a dime, except for a bit of effort and pride.
But that’s only the beginning. The real secret of grace is that it transforms the receiver as much as the giver. The ease with which my daughter forgave me in the kitchen changed how I responded to the rest of the family that day. To be the recipient of unmerited love is like throwing your head back and guzzling fresh cold water after a long, hard day in the heat. It refreshes the spirit, fills the soul, and gives a girl that much more to turn around and give away.
Time for a change, friends. Let’s develop a new impulse, a new reaction, a new beauty regimen. Rather than whipping out offense at the first indiscretion, let’s slow down and reach for grace. Let’s take off the drama, the back-biting, and grudge-holding. And let’s put on kindness and patience, practicing grace until it turns second nature.
Why?
Because grace looks good on you, Girl.
Leave a Comment
Michele Morin says
Amy Carmichael said, “A glass of sweet milk will not spill one drop of sour milk, no matter how much it is jarred.” (Approximate quote here on a Friday morning . . .) I’ve been convicted over the years of mothering about how much sour milk comes splashing out of me at the least little jiggle of my cup, and I’m still a work in progress on this.
Thanks, Michele, for reminding me that I can learn from the grace my own kids extend to me.
Lucinda McDowell says
Great blog Michelle! And Michele, thanks for the reminder of that wonderful quote by Amy Carmichael in her classic book, “If.” “For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.”
Michele Morin says
Oh, Lucinda! You are my hero! Thanks for giving that quote a home — and an accurate presentation!
Michele Cushatt says
Great quote! Thank you both for sharing it here. I’ve already shared it with my team as a reminder of GRACE today. Thanks, friends!
DonnaT says
Oh am I so convicted by this post! GRACE a beautiful word. A word that flows so easily from the mouth yet oh so hard to flow when we feel slighted, ignored or disappointed by others.
I must remember to give GRACE.
What comes to mind is the verse from Matthew 10:8 which says: “as freely as you have received, so should you freely give.”
Maybe I need freely give even if I don’t receive! That would be true GRACE.
Thank you for this reminder.
Michele Cushatt says
So well said, Donna. Grace is easy to talk about, hard to live by. I’m praying that God makes GRACE my instinct, and not grudge. With you, sister!
Kathy Cheek, Devotions from the Heart says
That drama and irritation we tend to hang on to is such a grace robber, and yet we know walking in grace is so much better! The best news is God freely gives us all the grace we need. Thank you for reminding us to let grace transform our lives today.
Michele Cushatt says
That IS good news. I read a devotional by Charles Spurgeon this morning that said this: “There is nothing little in God; His mercy is like Himself—infinite.”
Jocelyn says
When my daughter was about fourteen, I remember lashing out at her about some little indiscretion. When I saw the look in her eyes, I realized my error. I can’t remember if I apologized at that moment, but the damage was already done. The trust severed. It has been a constant climb back, even now 20 years later. Even through many attempts in asking her forgiveness, I lost her heart that day, and my regret has been great. I mourn what I lost in a moment of haste. I’ve learned the hard way that God’s grace is always there for me. I was too immature in my parenting to share that with my own.
Jas says
I love this! Needed the reminder and focus of working on my grace when it comes to snap reactions of irritations. Kids not listening, asking a thousand times…it’s frustrating! I pray here and ask for Gods grace to flow from me in these interactions! May it reduce my stress levels, improve my relationships and put an end to mother guilt from my reactions! Thank you Jesus! Amen. Such a great post!
Kelly says
Dear Michele, I appreciated the honesty in your post. We are imperfect human beings, lived by a gracious God. I’m convinced that God will use anything and anyone in our life to grow us into His image, when we are postured toward life and growth. I’ve often been that hardened cop in the kitchen and I’ve also been the tender mom listening and caring for the same snack devouring kids. I’m grateful for the opportunities in family life to discover the treasures of the kingdom. Grace does look good on us all. Thanks for this refreshing post.
Laurie says
Goodness, this was a great reminder for me to read today! I usually don’t ever hold a grudge, but I do think I need to re-calibrate my grace meter. Nice article.
Jas says
Love this Laurie, I need to recalibrate my own meter!
Leanne Porterfield says
God’s timing is always SO perfect… I’m heading to an unemployment hearing today – it’s a long story – but I’ve fretted and I’ve been angry and hurt. Giving it to God this morning (well trying to!), I’m praying for a calm spirit. Then I grabbed my phone devotions and read these words… thank You for sharing from your own experiences to bless others…
Lynn Koukal says
Grace breaks every chain, because Grace makes everything beautiful in its time. Grace is the absolute love demonstrated in every relationship, and it’s ours to have and give.
Thank you Jesus for the holy spirit’s enabling to us. And the Peace you give us, among all the promises of God.
Michele Cushatt says
Grace breaks EVERY chain! Yes!
Pearl Allard says
Michele, this is thoroughly beautiful! Love this so much! I love the line you repeat: “Grace looks good on you, girl.” May that be true of each of us today. Hugs and blessings to you!
Tricia says
So timely message…in the news…at our Nation’s capital to sports players to local police departments and even regligious organization. But it all start with each of us dressing ourselves in the morning with Grace!
Thanks for the reminder!
Becky Keife says
Michele! I want to squeeze you! This is so good. Convicting and encouraging and it makes me want to shout from the rooftops, Girl, grace looks good on you!
What a gift your girl is to you and you to her and all of us. Putting on some extra grace as I start my day. xx
Michele Cushatt says
I would welcome the squeeze! 🙂 Thanks for your ongoing encouragement, Becky. You are a gift! xo
Joan Moore says
What a beautiful and important reminder of Grace as we all travel this fallen, sin filled, “ all about me” road of life! May Grace be the first thing we put on in the morning and the last thing we take off at night! Oh, to be more Grace filled in my daily life.
Michele Cushatt says
“The first thing we put on in the morning and the last thing we take off at night.” YES!
PY Pyshora says
My heart is asking for your heart along with mine to be healed as somewhere along the way our daughter & I have had experience(s) that have driven us apart. Thank You for GRACE! A BLESSING ALWAYS!
Beth Williams says
Michele,
In her book “Grace for the Good Girl” Emily P. Freeman talks about taking off the masks of pretending & being yourself. We should stop judging & pretending. Just be yourself & extend God given grace to everyone. Oh how easy it is to hold onto grudges & hurts. Jesus asks us to drop them into His lap & forget about them. “Grace transforms our appearance, from the inside out, producing beauty that is far from superficial.” That is the appearance Jesus is looking for. Beautiful women who exhibit grace & mercy to everyone around them.
Blessings 🙂
Michelle Stiffler says
Agreed! Being offended is the full-time job for which we never get paid. It costs us greatly, instead. Thanks for the good words today, Michele!
Michele Cushatt says
Yes! A full-time job for sure. And NOT worth it. Well said, Michelle.
Jeri says
Oh Michelle I have been grace empty this past two weeks. Watching two family members go through their separate pain. I didn’t realize how much the hurt for them affected my heart towards the ones causing them pain. I did not like my attitude at all and it kept festering. I prayed last night and this morning. And God gifted me with your words. Thank you so much for letting him speak through you.
Courtney says
I needed to see this today. I was not a giver of grace today with the kids. I have repented and will try again tomorrow, with God’s help!
marie anonnymous says
We don’t try to change, because we can’t. If we could, we would be a little god but we can never do His job well. Only He can! Then We would receive glory for what We did, instead of Him receiving glory for what He does! We sit at His feet and soak up His love for us, expressed when we dwell on and think about all His glorious ways and attributes and who He reveals Himself to be to us and to others. The more we remember, the more our hearts are transformed by who He shows Himself to be in our lives. We sit with Him and think about it constantly and that is what moves our hearts and spirits to be imitators of the Father, Then His ways pour our b/c He is what we are full of… instead of all the hurts, resentments, of this life…..then He gets glory and we realize we have acted differently b/c He has changed us. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He puts Himself into us, because He fills us up with Himself the more we think on who He is, This alone brings life change we long for. And thanking Him for all the amazing things about our Great Lord in worship. The more we dwell on Him and we make choice to believe Him. b/c the work of the father is to believe on the one whom he sent. and to labor to enter the rest John 4 and Heb. 4 Jh.14 He is the way the truth and the life and He shows and teaches us the way b/c He is the way and He put life into us and gives us life b/c he is life. abundant life is sitting at his feet. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Jh.8 He is everything we need not anything else! just Jesus He is wonderful! Think about Him always and believe Him and His ways! IT changes everything!
DMD says
We don’t try to change, because we can’t. If we could, we would be a little god but we can never do His job well. Only He can! Then We would receive glory for what We did, instead of Him receiving glory for what He does! We sit at His feet and soak up His love for us, expressed when we dwell on and think about all His glorious ways and attributes and who He reveals Himself to be to us and to others. The more we remember, the more our hearts are transformed by who He shows Himself to be in our lives. We sit with Him and think about it constantly and that is what moves our hearts and spirits to be imitators of the Father, Then His ways pour our b/c He is what we are full of… instead of all the hurts, resentments, of this life…..then He gets glory and we realize we have acted differently b/c He has changed us. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. He puts Himself into us, because He fills us up with Himself the more we think on who He is, This alone brings life change we long for. And thanking Him for all the amazing things about our Great Lord in worship. The more we dwell on Him and we make choice to believe Him. b/c the work of the father is to believe on the one whom he sent. and to labor to enter the rest John 4 and Heb. 4 Jh.14 He is the way the truth and the life and He shows and teaches us the way b/c He is the way and He put life into us and gives us life b/c he is life. abundant life is sitting at his feet. You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. Jh.8 He is everything we need not anything else! just Jesus He is wonderful! Think about Him always and believe Him and His ways! IT changes everything!