About the Author

Karina Allen is devoted to helping women live out their unique calling and building authentic community through the practical application of Scripture in an approachable, winsome manner.

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  1. Incredible hardship for a family to suffer, and yet when the body of Christ shows up, it makes such a difference. Thanks, Karina, for honoring the role of the “do-er” in the Body. Martha gets a bad rap so often, but I know she’d show up with a casserole and her cleaning supplies if someone in Bethany was hurting!

  2. Karina,
    So sorry for your friend’s loss and what a testimony to the hope we can have when we know this world is not all there is. But, even when people appear to be coping well and grace is holding them up, they still need others. I try to take my cues from Jesus too – at the tomb of Lazarus He wept. Now, if there was ever a “man” who could say the right words or offer the right consolation, it would be Jesus. He didn’t speak. He let His actions speak for Him. He was just there for His friends and He wept with them. I agree, fewer words more action. People in crisis can’t and don’t need to make decisions. Instead of “Let me know if there’s anything I can do?” How about, ” I’m bringing you some frozen meals you can pull out when you want them.” “Or here’s the name of XYZ Housecleaning. I’ve paid for a couple cleanings….give them a call.” There are people in crisis all around us. It may not be a catastrophic crisis. It may be a mom going through divorce, or someone battling depression. We don’t have to look far to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Great post….
    Blessings,
    Bev xx

  3. Sometimes all you can do is cry with those who are grieving, sharing your presence and your tears. This was done for me when I lost a son.

  4. Karina, as someone with intimate knowledge of losing a child I echo your thoughts. These are good reminders for anyone that wants to help someone during a time of loss. Thanks for sharing this.

  5. YEARS ago, someone shared a very very practical idea….to show up (or just drop off, depending on the relationship) with a box filled with paper products — paper towels, toilet paper, plates, cups, tissues. In a time of grief, no one wants to run to the store for those items, but they are SO needed.

    Praying for you and your friends right now!

  6. Karina,

    I’m a Martha also. When someone is ill, has family in hospital, etc. my first thought is to cook a meal for them. A few years ago my elderly neighbor lost her son to heart attack. She was hysterical. My hubby & I got some food together for them. Over the years I would just sit with her & see how she was doing. My thought was to try & comfort her as best I could. This year she had surgery, was in rehab & her sister was at the same nursing home. I went to see them several times. Trying to be a smiling face & shine the light of Jesus to brighten her day.

    You give some good thoughts on handling a crisis. The best one is to show up & let the people know you care. No words are necessary. Do as Jesus did & cry with them. Let them lead the way as to their needs. Sometimes a simple hug, I love you, I’m here for you is all they need.

    Blessings 🙂

    • Beth, that is awesome! I am so glad they have been blessed by you. Jesus is shining brightly through you sister!

      Thank you for reading and sharing!

  7. Karina,
    You are a blessing…….My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to your friends as they overcome their loss, and for their daughter as she recovers.
    Have a blessed day all,
    Penny

  8. This hit home hard, I just lost a friend to cancer on Sunday evening. I’m in the middle of writing a note to family.
    When I lost my husband 7 years ago, I started walking. One day I ran into a friend at the park walking too. After 6 years we still walk 2-4 times a week. She let me vent, cry, and share experiences with her. She gave guidance, love and gentle advise. Likewise, I have been there for during her problems.
    I find getting someone walking helps the soul and person’s spirit.

    • That is beautiful Tricia! I am so sorry for your loss. Thank God for bringing you community and for you being community for others!

      Be blessed!

  9. Speaking as one who has been through loss (of my sister when I was 16), I can tell you that the hardest time is not immediately after the event. . . . It’s when everyone else goes back to their normal lives and you are aching and cannot think why it’s worth living anymore. God is faithful in all of it, but the time when your friends will need you most is now–not to say the right words but just to listen to them and love them. . . . Thanks for sharing!

    • I agree. Pain makes up life’s tapestry and you can’t have a full picture without it. But if the picture is filled with people supporting you even in the quiet times, it is a beautiful picture. I pray this for everyone, to know the love and support of people even when life goes back to ‘normal.’ Because there is no ‘normal.’ Just life. And we all need eaxhnother throughout all of it.

  10. Oh, bless their hearts. I’ll sure pray for Autumn, Ben, and Ashtyn. Lovely reminder, Karina, that “grieving with those who grieve” often looks like just being present. I have a friend going through something right now, and I want to fix it so badly for her. It’s so hard when you feel helpless. Thanks for the reminder that being present is itself a worthy service. ♥

  11. You are an incredible writer and sharer of wisdom. Thanks for imparting good advice along with comforting verses about sharing each others’ burdens. Reading this has helped me in my own struggles with community and grieving.

    • Sloan, thank you so much! I needed to hear that!!!!

      I am so sorry about your struggles. If you need anything, let me know!

      Praying hope, healing, comfort and strength in abundance over you sister!

  12. I have been blessed with a small circle of friends who have become family and though we haven’t always been the best at bringing forth our burdens, we always support each other and pray for one another when we do finally find the courage to bring them to the group. I know that if it weren’t for each other and our little community (that is growing) of faith-hearted believers, situations would have been a lot harder to get through and hope wouldn’t be nearly so easy to find.

  13. That loss is terrible for anyone, Jesus carried her away from something she couldn’t survive and will be there to bring healing and comfort to her parents and sister. As for Job’s friends they were critical at times, glad we have a better covenant. And I don’t think we are running down Martha, we’ve all be there, it’s just that we’ve come to see Mary in a new light. Jesus said she chose the one needful thing, Him above all else. I am so glad to see people out being His hands and feet, and remembering to share His heart.

  14. Such a good word. A family that I’m very close to lost their 17 year old son/brother last June in an accident. No one is prepared for that but I have learned so much about entering into suffering with people and continuing to remember the memories and significant milestones with them.

  15. Amen Christina! Praise God that He placed you in your friends’ lives! It’s a long road. May He give you grace to walk it with compassion, strength, love and joy!

    Thank you for sharing!