There are only two and a half months until I finish college. Somedays I can hardly believe it. It feels like I just started. Part of what will allow me to graduate college is the successful completion of a six-week internship. The first step to a successful internship completion is, of course, finding an internship.
I applied for the best internship I could find, happening right in the heart of the largest city in Canada. I’m in school for journalism. Immediately after I applied, I started imagining myself taking the train to downtown Toronto each day, the bustle of activity featuring busy commuters surrounding me. I thought about the stories I would write, and the people I would meet. I couldn’t wait. Maybe it wouldn’t be simply an internship… perhaps they’d even give me a job afterward.
This must be what God wants for me, I thought. Why else did I feel so confident? Was God giving me a glimpse of what my future might hold?
I received an email from the company, requesting an interview.
I prepared for the interview using all the ways I knew how — I made connections with people from the company and called them to learn what their interviews had been like; I emailed previous interns; I wrote down the answers to questions I thought they might ask.
The morning of the interview, I felt nervous but confident. I could do this.
I didn’t feel great when the interview ended. None of the questions I had prepared answers for had been asked. I started to doubt everything.
I received the email yesterday: I didn’t get the internship.
The rejection stung. In a split second, all of the times I’d been rejected flashed before my eyes like a cruel slideshow. Have you felt that way, too? The hot sting of feeling unwanted or not good enough?
I wasn’t shattered. I knew, deep within me, that God’s ways often look different than what I have in mind.
I wanted that internship so I would feel safe and secure. I thought if I had this internship solidified, I would feel as though my future was set. (Finishing college brings some serious feelings of unsteadiness.) But weeks earlier I had prayed, “God, I don’t want to be comfortable. Don’t let me get comfortable. Let me only follow you.”
I remembered my prayer when I read the rejection email.
Faith isn’t comfortable, but then again, neither is Jesus. When I read the Bible, I don’t see Jesus as soft and mushy. I see Him acting strong and brave and vulnerable. It can be uncomfortable. He is honest — He doesn’t sugarcoat his words. His disciples aren’t living cushy lives.
So maybe following God’s plan isn’t about being comfortable at all.
Regardless of what internship I receive… regardless of if I ever get a job at all, I know that God has good plans for me. They might not be what I thought I wanted, but I’ve been following God long enough to know His plans are much better than we think they could be.
I’d like to keep being uncomfortable. It’s in the uncomfortable where I rely on God fully. I’ll keep opening my hands, palms upward, surrendering my future and my dreams and my plans.
Jesus never promised us a comfortable life. I remind myself of this when I feel confused or unsure about my future. Jesus didn’t promise comfort — at least not the materialistic kind our Western culture often knows. But He did promise fulfillment. In John 10:10 Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
I’ll choose a full life over comfort any day. Fancy internship or not. Boyfriend or not. A house I own or not. I’d choose Jesus every time.
So here’s a prayer I’m praying these days. It’s a prayer you can steal if you need.
Here I am, God. Here’s all of me. Keep me uncomfortable, so I can see you. May I not rely on the comfort of this world. May I only rely on you. Your ways are perfect — may I know that full well.
God has a plan for you, friend. Even in the midst of what might feel scary or unsure. His plans are good, and the life He offers is a life to the full.Leave a Comment
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
I remember when my prayer was much like yours, “Lord, keep me comfortable and secure.” Why do we pray that way? Because we fear we can’t handle it if things go south. The truth is when things don’t go our way and life gets uncomfortable, we can’t handle it….not in our own strength. Only when life gets uncomfortable do we consider running into the arms of God. Like you said, God’s desire is not to “make us happy.” He wants us to have abundant life and having abundant life means having character. In order to gain character we need to persevere through trials and come to know, that no matter what, the everlasting arms will always be beneath us to catch us. He will not let us fall. You are learning some great spiritual character lessons early in life which is hard, but good. They will serve you well as you go through life. Thank you for sharing such great wisdom this am. Blessings as you pursue what God would have you do….He’s got great things in store. He WILL use your beautiful heart for Him!
Aliza Latta says
Bev, your comment reminds me of Romans 5:4… and don’t we all want perseverance, character, and hope? I just don’t often want what comes with it. 🙂 Thanks for being here today.
Michele Morin says
I have a son who is in exactly this phase of life: senior year of college, seeking the internship, getting the rejection, falling back and re-grouping based on a faith that is able to absorb disappointment and move on in hope. As I pray for him and his next step, I will be remembering you as well.
I so needed this today planning on retirement this fall exciting and scary want to know what He wants me to do with it. Praying you get the internship meant just for you. I know you will.
Aliza Latta says
Change can feel so scary, right Sharon? But you’re right — it’s also exciting to think about what God might have for us in our next season. Praying for you as you enter a new season yourself!
PY as in says
Blessings ladies! Thank you so much for your hope, wisdom and faith! Still at my ‘vintage’ age of +82 I still struggle sometimes to remember that HE is always strong, loving, kind and filled w/Grace & supportive of me & mine in the potential changes that my hubby of 64+years & I are facing! Blessings for All ages! Thank you Dear Lord for caring ❤ all of us!
Aliza Latta says
Thank you so much, Michele! Praying for your son now, too.
I can relate in a completely different way.
The beginning of January I found out I was pregnant. A week or so later my grandpa passed away, a week later my husbands Grandpa passed away, and several days after I found out I miscarried. Fast forward several weeks and find out I hadn’t fully miscarried and pregnancy hormones sky rocketed, come to find out I had a molar pregnancy, which is basically where sperm fertilize a dead egg and cells rapidly grow which causes pregnancy symptoms. Your body thinks it’s pregnant and does what it’s supposed to but nothing is there as far as a baby goes. I am scheduled to have surgery on Monday to remove contents of pregnancy. I’ve never had surgery and it’s really scary and uncomfortable for me to think about as minor a procedure as it may be or not. All I can do is trust and lean on God because I don’t understand any of what’s going on or why it’s happening. I may not ever know for years to come, if at all. But I know God’s ways are higher than mine and his timing is perfect. Even if it’s uncomfortable for a season.
Pearl Allard says
Brianna, my heart goes out to you. I’m so sorry for the avalanche of grief you’re experiencing. May God shelter you with His presence and guard your heart with a peace that doesn’t even make sense. May you be given the strength to feel the pain and be given the freedom to process it in healthy ways. May your surgery go well without complications, if the Lord wills. Hugs!!!
Aliza Latta says
Brianna, I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I am so sorry for the amount of pain you are experiencing. May God give you an insurmountable amount of strength and peace — and may you feel that peace and strength in a very tangible way. Love to you today!
Beth Williams says
Praying for you sweet sister. Hard to image all the emotions you are feeling now. Know that God is there with you-holding you in His loving arms! He will never leave nor forsake you!! May God guide the surgeons hands. His strength is sufficient for you-lean hard & heavy on him.
Beth Moore says
Anne B. says
Your words cause me to reflect on Father God’s loving kindness to move me out of my “comfort” zone into trusting & depending on my “Comforter” for all my needs in every situation(Comfort Detox by Erin M. Straza)Blessings, dear hearts!
Aliza Latta says
That’s beautiful, Anne. Thank you for sharing!
Amen! I remember hearing this preached a few years ago, but I misinterpreted what was said and thought the pastor meant that’s it is sinful to ask God for comfort. As I dedicated my life (career, leaving friends and family to go out to the field where he was calling me), I grew afraid because there was no comfort, only obedience. What a blessing it was when a counsellor finally corrected my thinking – God doesn’t want us to become comfortable independent of Him, but he blesses us with assurance when we rely on Him!
Aliza Latta says
I am so happy to hear what that counsellor told you, Addie. God can absolutely bring us comfort even while we’re in the midst of the uncomfortable. It’s a strange paradox, but I think it’s a part of God’s mystery 🙂
Thank you for this!! Definitely stealing that prayer ❤️
So true, so good!!! Following Jesus is uncomfortable, but its all worth it in the end!!
Mary Geisen says
Praying God has just the right internship for you. After typing that I know he does because his plans are good and perfect. I love how you pray for the uncomfortable. God is honoring that prayer and when the answers are revealed it will be amazing. Blessed by your words today!
Aliza Latta says
Thank you so much, Mary!
Dena Courtney says
Aliza, I love this! i have not been praying to be uncomfortable (although maybe i should be) I have been noticing that as i get closer to Jesus and build my relationship with him my comfortableness has gone. i am not able to rely on many things the way i used to because i think as we get comfortable in things our identity starts to show through in those things and not in Jesus…and i want to make sure my identity stays in him. I am learning to be comfortable and even happy about the uncomfortable and the uncertainty and unknown in my life, because as you said, that keeps us closer to him! and Closer to him is exactly where i want to be! 🙂
Another thing you said Struck me…” Faith isn’t comfortable, but then again, neither is Jesus. When I read the Bible, I don’t see Jesus as soft and mushy. I see Him acting strong and brave and vulnerable. It can be uncomfortable. He is honest — He doesn’t sugarcoat his words.”
the reason this struck me is that i have always been a person who struggles with telling people the truth. What i mean by that is, if people ask my opinion i will be honest with them… i don’t sugar coat my words, and i will tell them the truth. i am honest with those in my life and this has hurt people in the past and i get so mad at myself for that. i get mad because maybe i am too honest and maybe i need to sugar coat my words. i have even found myself praying to god upset because i wanted to know why he made me this way…and then one day i got an answer…he replied back and told me “i made you exactly as you should be…” i was refreshed when i received that response…but i think i need to learn to sprinkle in some Grace with all of my honesty…Just as Jesus did.
Thank you for this! it is exactly what i needed to read today!
Aliza Latta says
I am guilty of that too, Dena! Speaking the truth, sure, just not always speaking it in love! I love how God reminded you that he made you exactly as you are. That’s beautiful. Thank you!
Aliza bless your heart,
Thank-you for sharing with us….I hope all the best for you as you approach graduation. It can be hard to have our heart set on something only to have the door close. And then, (even if we think it’s out of our comfort zone), God opens the one that He intended for us.
Blessings to all,
Thank you so much for sharing what God placed on your heart today!!!
The past several days have been really stressful for me, mostly due to a decision hanging before myself and my fiance: do we buy my future-father-in-law’s house that he has so graciously offered us or not? Normally, I don’t think it would be much of an issue–he’s offered us low rent, a rent-to-own option, and they’re leaving the furniture that’s in the house for us! But a week ago yesterday, one of my best-friends and my sister told me (months after we had initially decided to go for the house) that they don’t think it’s a good idea. My best-friend/brother feels that if we live there and stay there, my fiance won’t experience spiritual growth the way he needs to, and that my leaving the town I currently live in will ‘hurt people’ in a way beyond just a friend moving thirty minutes away. So I shared this and my concerns about cost and budget (which I had actually miscalculated) with my fiance and he shared with me that he had also been having concerns. So we decided immediately thereafter to not get the house. When I told my parents this, they said they don’t think we need to be jumping into a decision like that (not buying it) when we’ll be getting married at some point later this year and it’s such a good and generous offer and to be frank, my sister and friend do not have the life experience that my mom and dad do, and they don’t think I should be placing all my bets on their opinions. Since then, my parents have brought up several good points towards buying it, and even told me of a way that we can sell the house if we decide later on that we need to move. There have been too many point brought up to get into here, but nevertheless, stress has been the theme of my days recently.
Now, I’ve started a bible study called Open Your Bible, and that, in addition to persistent prayer for God to reveal His way for us, has occupied my mornings (the prayer has been throughout the day). And God has really shown up in speaking to me through His Word; through daily reading in my study, verse of the day, (in)Courage, facebook and instagram posts…etc. It has been amazing, and today you contributed to that as well. More and more as the days have progressed, the Lord seems to be telling us to trust him, to stay on the path he has set for us and to know that his plans are GOOD. He is the author of the divine whether we get this house and move or whether we go a different route, I know that we just have to trust him to work his goodness in our life.
Aliza Latta says
Totally, Katheryn. I think it’s amazing that you’re trusting God with this big decision. Thanks for being here today!
Kathy Cheek, Devotions from the Heart says
So beautifully written!
As much as we wish, the line from Point A to B in our plans is rarely a straight line!
Kerry Campbell says
I had an open hands experience just yesterday, as I poured my expectations and hopes like sand into the ocean. It was scary but it was also time. Thanks for your beautiful words. https://mylittleepiphanies.com/2018/03/02/hands/
Joey Rudder says
Aliza, First I want to tell you that I’m sorry the rejection hurt you. But God sure does have a great plan for you! With the beautiful and willing spirit you have to follow Him…my goodness I can’t even imagine the amazing plans He must have for you!! I’m excited for you! 🙂
And second, thank you. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I needed this post. I received a painful rejection on Monday. After much prayer, I’d sent out a book proposal for my novel (which by the way, hinges on John 10:10), but was rejected. I’d prayed so much, saw doors open (with jaw-dropping shock), and it didn’t happen. I’ve spent much of the week wondering why. I thought about what I should have done differently, what I did wrong, how I can improve my craft, and all sorts of other ideas/fixes/plans etc.
But God has been working on me all week. He reminded me of past lessons about trusting Him…gripping on to my own tiny mustard seed of faith: “He must have a reason.” He used our first small group meeting to encourage me through the Scripture He’d planned weeks ago and dear friends who listened to my questions and fears while handing me tissue after tissue.
Your final words blessed me more than you will ever know: “God has a plan for you, friend. Even in the midst of what might feel scary or unsure. His plans are good, and the life He offers is a life to the full.”
May God bless you abundantly with a deep and full life, overflowing with more of Him in every aspect of the adventurous journey you’re beginning. And again, thank you for writing this and helping my heart to heal and my focus to be back on Jesus as I wait for Him to direct my next step.
You wrote, “Faith isn’t comfortable, but then again, neither is Jesus.” You’re so right. I needed to be reminded of that.
Aliza Latta says
Joey, thank you. I’m sorry about the book rejection. If it’s any consolation when I wrote my novel I received a looooot of rejection too — so I think I know where you are coming from 🙂 It doesn’t feel good at all. However, during that season of rejection, God taught me SO much about his faithfulness. Even though that was a very painful season, I wouldn’t trade what I learned for anything. I hope this becomes true for you in this season as well. Even though the rejection is very painful — and in no way am I diminishing that — I pray that God gives you peace and an overflow of the love he has for you.
Joey Rudder says
You’re sooooo right…it doesn’t feel good at all! A painful season indeed. I’m sorry you’ve gone through it too. But thank you for sharing your story…you’ve given me hope and again directed me to focus on His faithfulness. Thank you! And thank you for your prayers. (Praying for YOU as you finish college! Exciting times and adventures await!!)
“SO I CAN SEE YOU”…. those words right there resonate deeply in my soul. Just as Jesus himself said, He only does what he SEES the Father doing. I want to see Him so that I can do what I see. Blessing to you as you faithfully follow His lead.
Beth Williams says
Such great wisdom. I believe God allows trials in this life to bring us closer to Him. Jesus had trials & tribulations while on this earth. We all want the cozy, easy breezy life. God doesn’t offer that. Following God means hardships & pain. Look at the disciples & all they went through-floggings, jail, stuck on an island, shipwreck. We need to persevere through all the hard times to fully appreciate what He has for us in Heaven. We shouldn’t want what this world has to offer. We must be Heavenly minded. Loved that prayer of fully relying on God for everything. This reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. To give you a hope and a future”. We should want His plans as they are better than anything we could ever imagine!
I’m so sorry that you didn’t get your intership, and I know that feeling of loss, but I do know God had a beautiful plan for us all, if we just walk in His light. What we don’t see, He sees. I’ve read that verse so many times lately John 10:10 it has come up so many times in the last pass month in my life. So I’m believing that God is still working on me and even through all my trails I know deep down in my heart, He will bring me to the place where I need to be. Thank you for your messages I so love reading them and feel very encouraged when I do read them. God bless Aliza
Rebecca Jones says
I don’t have a degree but I have been rejected as a writer many times but He never rejected me. His plans are much better than ours and it’s not no, just not right now, not here. He will show the right career, husband and everything in his time. He is mysterious and I know His love is lavish and He did send us a Comforter. You’re doing fine.
Nancy Ruegg says
Aliza, behind your words I see great maturity and strong faith–two commodities in the spiritual realm that God can use BIG TIME. Press on, Faithful One!
Eda Shore says
This post resonated with me because…well…I think we’ve all been there. There are so many times that I have been in a crossroad in my life and I just wanted God to put a sign on the front lawn, telling which path to take! But our loving and patient father has shown me instead how to rely on Him, and trust His timing. It has been hard and frustrating, but I truly believe that His way is the perfect way. Loved this post – thanks!
Jessie Pierce says
I was in basically the same exact position when I was graduating, and it was terrifying, but so eye-opening when I realized all I could do was trust God to provide His best in His timing, knowing it would be far better than my best and my timing. I learned so much through that experience, and I know you will, too! (I also wrote a book about what I learned from that experience 😉 Thanks for sharing!