I move at a pace much too slow to be called successful. Or maybe even ambitious. I guess I look around and wonder what all that means anyhow. It’s no secret I hold no deep love for blogging as a medium other than the community that has become an anchor for me, tethering me to friendships spanning the globe. I’ll admit, that part is tremendous. I have the most amazing readers on the Internet. No contest. But keeping up with it all can be hard.
The world moves at a pace I often can’t seem to keep up with.
Social media churns so blisteringly fast, I often feel scalded by the friction of opinions and voices and noise. Everyone longing to be relevant and heard and I want to slip away to the horizon where the tips of pines grasp at the open sky.
I want to watch more sunsets and swim in more lakes and eat more strawberries. In the fall, I want to gather under the shimmy of leaves turned auburn and fiery and golden like the low sun and I want to drink all manner of hot beverages and wear boots and hats and scarves when I go out. In the winter, I want to curl up with a good book as the exhale of the wood stove sweeps warmth into frigid corners. I want to hear the crunch of my boots on virgin snow and lay down tracks of wonder and take in the beauty of pink noses and children’s laughter and the explosion of a perfect snowball on contact.
These days I want to fall asleep without the glow of a screen hazing me with its importance and place in my life.
I long for slower times. And that in itself seems ludicrous because of how slow I move already.
I have been working on my book for months and life keeps getting in the way. Some things can’t be helped. Some things are worth taking a break for but still, there are never-ending demands on our time no matter how intentional we are with it all.
Overall, I’m in a season of good. I’ve carved out time this fall to get it done and have set myself a deadline a little earlier than what my publisher stated so I’d have the margin to still live my life.
Some days I sit in the garden and the poppies flutter like butterfly wings and I think this is enough right here. But summer has already faded and fall is in full swing. Winter will come and their petals will be crushed back into earth under the weight of snow and I’ll have to look for other places where enough can be seen.
Other days I grab my kids and they squeal and wrestle out of my grasp but they come right back for another round and I make grilled cheese sandwiches with the good bread and fill our library totes with so many books it right tips the 12-year-old girl sideways but those will be read under her lamp with the turquoise fringe after she’s been tucked in, because some things you still love even when you’re “too old” for them, and I’ll think this is enough right here. Just this mothering and living into the daily mundane, the holy work of doing my best to raise these kids and love them into the people they’re becoming every day. But I know I’m more than a mama too.
And some days I’m woman to my man. I remember the girl who glossed her lips and swayed her hips a little when she left a room he was in. I’ll remember how his eyes would find me wherever I was and they’d connect like I belonged in his gaze. I’ll remember to look up from the dish full sink and the pots clattering on the stove and find him sunk down in the couch weary from all the day’s work and his eyes will catch mine and I’ll be that woman to him, the one with the slow smile and eyes that suggest an early bedtime for the kids. And he’ll grin, like the boy I fell in love with. And that’ll be enough too.
Some mornings I set my fingers to typing and my voice to saying all the hard and beautiful things and I think this is what God made me for, this too. I’ve said before I feel God’s pleasure when I write.
We all talk about comparison as the jaw that will snap shut a writer. I’ve written that myself even. But what happens when the words and stories that matter to you can’t seem to make it to the post because your life must be lived first and well?
What happens when the world moves on so steadily you just can’t keep up? What if you don’t even want to?
People say to write for an audience of one. Maybe I’ve even said that? I don’t remember. It’s this idea that your words are faithfully penned for God and God alone. I get that, I do. It sounds pious and holy, writing with blinders on. But then I’d just write faithfully in my journal and tuck it back into my bedside drawer, roll over, and collapse into sleep. I wouldn’t have to care about stewarding words in an online space. But these words are penned for consumption and that costs a writer.
I’ve been thinking about the cost of writing a lot lately. There’s a payoff, sure. But there’s also a loss. I think writers need to acknowledge that. When I write words I’m proud of, it feels like creation. It feels like magic and wonder and all things holy and sacred. And sometimes it feels like discipline and hand cramps and madness, but when I put it out into the world, it’s no longer mine. Now it’s under the scrutiny of an audience and even though my readers are the best, it still costs. It’s something you’re giving away and sometimes there’s a vacancy after they’re gone. You have to be filled again before more words make their way to the surface.
I didn’t take notes during John Blase’s session at Jumping Tandem Retreat a few years back. I just sat there with a churning feeling in my gut as he spoke on the burden of nouns. I probably can’t do his session justice, maybe because he’s a poet and that stuff just has to sit with you a bit. His words are of the kind that gets stuck on repeat like a catchy set of song lyrics, only once you slow down to listen to what you’ve been humming you find there’s more to it. His session hounds me. I want it said that I cared for my nouns. My kids and man and spot of home. My community and the ones I call friends. But I don’t know quite how to care for my words also. And caring for my words is caring for myself. To slow enough to write the true things and the cost of them afterwards, well I haven’t figured that out yet.
I wrote last night, typing words with midnight behind me. Scattering memories into sentences doesn’t just give my experiences meaning, it gives them a second chance at redemption and beauty. It lets me see things pieced together, the seams of my life, where all the margins meet and even the worn and torn scraps are woven in. It makes sense of secondhand things.
It invites community.
My tongue lingers on words, rolling them soft and pliable until they go down smooth, without the fire and burn of so many things. Maybe they are prayers, maybe they are lament or even praise.
Writing is a beautiful tool not just for processing during but for retrospection after. But these days my life seems full and that contentment doesn’t stir me in the same way. I don’t need the words as much. They’re a lifeline on my dark days, a trail of syllables and sentence crumbs spilled on my journey that always seem to lead me back to God. It’s the gift He’s given me to make sense of it all and scavenge for glory when the world seems harsh and unforgiving. But when the good days come, it feels less vital to hold the scraps of words up as an offering.
Mostly I just want to sit and take it all in. I want to turn the volume way up and grab my boy’s hands and swing him around the kitchen while he tips his head back and laughs at his mama. I want to sprawl out on the bed with my girl and tell her all my secrets about womanhood and life and what it means to live claimed by God. I want to binge watch The Great British Baking Show and drink sweet hot milky coffee slowly on an ordinary Tuesday. I want to slip my cold feet right up next to Josh’s warm ones and curl into him like I always belonged there. And sometimes those things are worth sharing and the words come but sometimes they’re just for me. Just for us.
I’m content with the quiet, it doesn’t feel like God is far away and silent.
It feels like peace. Maybe this is the stillness where you know that you know that God is God and the hush of wonder is all around beckoning you to stop and sit awhile. And that’s enough for you.
Leave a Comment
Lauren says
Thank you. This post spoke right to my heart today
Alia Joy says
I’m so glad.
Michele Morin says
I believe that you speak for many of us when you say that the blogging life wears on you, but the community it fosters has been worth the wearing. I enjoy the many faces of you that this post offers to your readers’ eyes and hearts.
Blessings to you as you chase that deadline and pour out your own spectacular nouns.
Alia Joy says
Yes, the community has been one of the biggest blessings of them all.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Alia,
Amen to the blistering pace of writing. The friction hurts and it costs….it costs us time from doing something else and sometimes that something else is just being STILL. We trade our nouns in (spouse, child, friend) for verbs (do, write, accomplish, run, run faster). Five times now, God has sidelined me with surgeries. I’ve squirmed and wiggled under the inability to get up and do things and go places. But, I’ve been able to find the one thing you mention…I was able to be filled. Filled with His Word, His presence, His comfort, His beauty. Why? Sadly to say it was because I was forced to be still. Like you, I find beauty in the silence. I prefer the quiet to the noise. There is something truly beautiful in moving at a pace where you can actually take things in….the birds at the feeder….the cup of hot cocoa….the butterfly lighting on one bush and then flitting to the next. When I move at this pace, put the pen down, focus on my nouns and not my verbs, I truly find Him and in finding Him I find peace. Awesomely beautiful post! I love your writing. Thank you for the price you pay to put words to paper. It is appreciated, truly!
Blessings,
Bev xx
Ada Joe says
Thanks for your response Bev…I always look forward to reading your reply on every post…Hope you are fully recovered…Stay blessed…xxx
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Thanks for asking Ada Joe,
I’m doing much better and the sun seems to be shining just a little bit brighter these days 🙂
Blessings,
Bev xx
Alia Joy says
I’m glad you’re on the mend. Surgeries are no fun at all but I’ve seen the blessing of being stilled, even if unwillingly at times. Thanks for always being with us here in the comments, you’re a blessing to all of us who write here.
Summer Rae says
Miss Alia
I have been thinking about my own little blog a lot lately… and whether or not I should just quit and write for God and myself or if I should keep going. Writing, as I am sure many can relate, is where I do most of my thinking. But, like you said, time just keeps going. Sometimes it’s hard to find a good balance… Thank you for imparting your wisdom and encouragement. I pray you and your family have a blessed day Miss Alia.
This side of Heaven,
Summer Rae
Alia Joy says
Yes, the ever constant movement of time and pace can be so hard to juggle and pushing words out before their time sometimes just seems like too much noise in an already loud world. But then there’s something to be said about writing and sharing our words and stories. Sometimes I think balance in something of a fairy tale, we will always be choosing one thing over the other, moment by moment. Some days that’s choosing to write over doing the other things and somedays it’s choosing the other things and walking away from my laptop. It’s just having the wisdom to know which time is which that is tricky. 😉
Yvonne says
You have such a wonderful way with words….thanks so much for this lovely blog….
Alia Joy says
Thank you!
Sandra says
Beautiful!!!
Stephanie Lagerborg says
Alia,
My heart reciprocates your sentiment on the pace of the world, not being able to keep up or even want to… sometimes I feel run over by the pace that is expected of me. It was encouraging to hear I am not the only one!! You write with such beautiful imagery. Thank you for your words.
Steph
Alia Joy says
Nope, you’re not alone in that at all. I can’t keep up either and I’ve decided that’s ok. Good even.
Paulette says
Alia,
Your words really hit home. Thanks for sharing. By the way my Saturday afternoons wouldn’t be complete without watching The Great British Baking Show. Blessings.
Alia Joy says
My daughter and I love it. I find it so relaxing to watch. Ironically, she has celiac disease and I can’t eat sugar so neither of us could actually eat any of the things they make. My husband thinks we’re crazy to watch a baking show and that it’s like torture but it’s our favorite.
Brenda says
Well, gosh Alia, that’s beautiful. — I’ve often wondered if I’m the only writer who doesn’t feel like a “blogger.” It’s a scary thing to admit out-loud because you worry you’ll offend, or turn readers away. Writing begs my soul for an outlet, but blogging doesn’t always feel like my outlet. I, too, have been learning to surrender to a pace that feels authentic to me, giving my life first dibs at creating before the words on the page have their say. — May the Lord inspire the words of your book for His glory. ((Hug))
Alia Joy says
Thanks, yes I think some people are great at blogging and that’s a gift. I wouldn’t say that’s me. I like longer form slower writing and blogging happened to be the medium that I got started in but the pace is often too much for me and always has been. I go at my own pace and it doesn’t make for a huge platform or anything but it feeds my soul and makes me enjoy the process more. Everyone is wired differently and we need to find what works for us as we create. It’s ok to be a writer who blogs rather than a blogger who writes.
Brenda says
Your pace works well for you, Alia–every time you share here at (in)courage, your words bless me. Thank you for being faithful to His pace for you. — Like you, the communal aspect of blogging is my absolute favorite part. Can’t imagine my world without my sweet writing friends in it…and blogging is the bridge that connected us. 🙂 Thankful for Christian community. 🙂
Jean Blackmer says
Beautiful. Thank you. I’m about to release a new book and this is always terrifying for me. I’m learning to let go of wondering and worrying about what others will think and be content in knowing I am doing my work of writing wholeheartedly for Him.
Roxana says
Exquisitely written Alia!
DonnaMarie says
Wow! Your words today spoke directly to my heart and this season I have been in. As I started reading, I was thinking….”Hmmm…How did she get inside my head and know exactly what I have been feeling?” You were able to say, quite eloquently, what I have been trying to process through without having the right words to do so. Thank you for sharing your words and your heart with us.
Alia Joy says
Thanks for reading, Donna Marie. I’m glad these words spoke to you.
C. Beck says
Amen!
Kim B Smith says
Alia, my friend shared this post on FB, I am glad I opened and read. I love the way you write. So profound and beautiful. I am with you in slowing down while the world speeds up and feelings of being left behind. This year has been the year of working through all of this and getting closer to God.
Alia Joy says
Thanks for reading, Kim. Here’s to slowing down and paying attention.
Kim B Smith says
Yes! I would love to connect with you sometime! Is that possible?
darlean tipke-kane says
This is magnificent-powerfully sacred~thank you, thank you.
Kit Tosello says
“Scattering memories into sentences doesn’t just give my experiences meaning, it gives them a second chance at redemption and beauty.”
Just today, I was thinking many of these same thoughts you’ve strung together here so eloquently. Questioning where the writing life ranks among my precious nouns. Thank you, Alia, for your beautiful, brave words. They mattered to me today.
Alia Joy says
Precious nouns. Yes indeed.
Linda Shukri says
I LOVE how you write and express yourself! and your message was lovely! It has given me a nudge to keep working at my blog and to work at writing better and better as time goes by. Thanks!
Alia Joy says
Awesome! Writing is a skill you develop, it only improves with use. Keep at it.
Rebecca L Jones says
I don’t like the rush or fast pace, either. But I’m not giving up writing, it’s my solace and my gift from God. It His love that express to others and I don’t worry about offending anyone, if love is offensive, they don’t have to read it. I have been blessed to have had only a few comments that I deleted. Most people are desperate to hear about His grace. The Holy Spirit whispered to me to work from inspiration, not desperation. I don’t have to keep up with people, they need to slow down for God.
Ada Joe says
Thanks for sharing Alia…God bless…xxx
Debbie says
I have always enjoyed reading your posts. Your honesty and insights are refreshing but today’s post really touched me that I couldn’t help but cry. I can’t really explain why but I thank God that He gave you the gift that you have. May He continue to bless you and your family as you continue your journey.
Alia Joy says
Thank you for reading and sharing Debbie. So glad to have you along for the journey.
Beth says
Some nouns must be, by definition I guess, a burden. Others soar, flying high and free. Giving praise and thanks. And I just want to tell you I so enjoy your writing, its flow and the glow of those nouns 🙂 . And that your life will always be your best writing, your best book.
And that I, too, marvel (often in dismay) at the pace of time, even though I go much more slowly these days. And I’ve learned that, so long as I follow Him, there will always be enough. As His grace is always enough, no matter the plenty or want.
Alia Joy says
Yes, I think the concept of the burden of nouns that John spoke about in his session had more to do with the weight of them being important than just the typical kinds of burdens we think of. How we manage and prioritize the nouns in our life. I wish it was recorded because it was one of my favorite sessions on writing I’ve ever heard and years later, it’s still present every time I take the time to write.
Sheryll Poel says
Alia, when invited to give advice to a class of high school graduates, 50 years younger than I, I told them that nothing had changed. “Learn how to write well, no matter what your major interest of study.” It was Eric Liddell (“Chariots of Fire”) who said, “God made me fast and when I run, I feel His pleasure.” Think long and hard about what you would substitute for the words “fast” and “run” and then ask “What kind of person do I want to become in order to feel God’s pleasure?”
Alia Joy says
I love that Eric Liddell quote and I think of it often when I write.
Michelle says
I love that this was posted on my 40th birthday..it speaks right into the middle of where I am at and affirms what the Lord has been placing on my heart like a soothing balm.. I too am content with quiet. So many things spin by too fast for my lingering heart as well. I see it as a blessing that we linger, that we don’t feel the need to keep up with the breakneck speed that everything/everyone else goes at. It is a wonderful thing to disconnect from all of that and just “be”. Your words are beautiful and have the healing touch of the Makers hand. Thank you for being His vessel.
Alia Joy says
Happy birthday! I just turned 39 last Thursday and the older I get the slower I go. I appreciate things differently than in my 20’s when everything felt so rushed and hectic and keeping up seemed to be so important. I think my 40’s will be the best yet.
Joy says
Alia your writing is BEAUTIFUL. As a fellow writer I sure do hear you . . . writing costs. Our written words are often appear to be an invisible exchange. Your noun/verb analogy is stunningly fresh. In fact I find your whole blog waking my senses. God has obviously prepared you for your writing journey.
Alia Joy says
Thanks Joy. I owe the noun/verb analogy to John Blase, poet extraordinaire, but it’s been a good thing to keep top of mind as I pursue writing in my own way at my own pace.
Karen says
Beautiful! Thank you for this post. I love quiet, for in the quiet, I sometimes hear God’s whispers. Yet, the busyness of life invades that quiet. Thank you for the reminder to care for my nouns. I operate mostly in verbs. It’s nice to slow down and attend to the nouns in life. It is the nouns that give pleasure. Thank you.
Beth Williams says
Alia,
I also love the slow pace of life! I don’t do much, if any, social media. Love it when I can gaze at mountains, see a sunset or sunrise. Life is moving at to fast a pace for most. People need to slow down & enjoy the stillness of knowing God is God. All activities take time. We just need to decide how best to spend our time-with nouns-family, friends, at home- or in verbs working, writing, etc.
Blessings 🙂
NANCY ROE says
So, so lovely! No words, thank you!
Becky L says
Alia, as always I enjoy reading your words. I’m resting my weary legs from today’s work, enjoying my favorite fruit stand on my way home. Just wandering thru is enough. Dinner in the oven is enough as my Phil helped me make it. Blogging is time consuming but I know people read it from around the world. Not sure why more people don’t leave comments there but it’s enough to be read! God bless you, my friend. Enjoy the fall weather and the crunchy leaves and fall flowers. Hugs!