About the Author

Rebecca is a writer and speaker encouraging women to find real faith for real life. A wife and mother of three in Connecticut, her book, Worthy: Believe Who God Says You Are, is available on Amazon. She can often be found typing words, driving her kids places or wherever there...

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  1. I’m teaching through Romans 8 with a group of women in my church, and so it makes sense that I would have spent the past week studying “There is therefore no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus,” while at the same time (because isn’t it always this way when we teach?) fighting self-condemnation on every front. Thanks for adding your voice to the truth I need to hear and absorb and live.

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart; it was exactly what I needed to read this morning as I struggle with too many expectations myself. It’s often with great intentions, as you mentioned, but sometimes debilitating. It’s freeing to be reminded that we are fully known and loved right where we are.

  3. Becky,
    God doesn’t set expectations (especially high ones); we impose those on ourselves. God doesn’t get disappointed; we become disappointed with ourselves. God doesn’t expect perfection; we are the ones who strive for perfection. God doesn’t compare His children; we compare ourselves to others. God doesn’t need us to earn His approval; we already have it. He sees us as absolutely perfect and holy through the blood of His Son. While we were STILL sinners, He loved us enough to give us the gift of His Son. We are the ones who impose all these unhealthy expectations on ourselves. God’s already found what HE’S looking for – us. Like you beautifully pointed out….we already have all that we need and are looking for….HIM. Amen!
    Blessings,
    Bev xx
    ps. If it helps….my box of fall decorations is still in the attic and I just recently took down my summer flip flops garden flag lol.

  4. I keep looking at my mantel thinking, “I should bring out the box with leaves and pumpkin things.” I chose myself for not surrounding my family with the sights and scents of the season. In reality, my kids would rather have me beside them reading a book or outside pushing a swing. Being present trumps being my idea of “perfect” every time. Thanks for this one!

    • Yes! Exactly! Isn’t it amazing how easy it is to get wrapped up in the Pinterest trap, thinking that’s the lens God views us through? His only lens for us is grace! (see Bev’s comment above!) Go read and swing with your kids. Grab a pumpkin and call it a day friend.
      xo
      P.S. I LOVE the irony by the way!

  5. Becky! 😀 Fun to see your face here. Beautiful writing, friend. I’ve been in that trap altogether too often myself. I’m finally learning that rest is key for me. Abiding rest. In His presence. When my mind isn’t chaotic, I’m able to better parse the truth from the lies. Loved this, thanks for sharing. ♥

    • Loved your post, thank you for sharing your heart! I think we all put false expectations on ourselves on what we think we should be. Something I am slowly learning with Gods grace. Blessings!

      • Thank you Darlene. Knowing we are not alone helps so much. And spreading God’s grace all around is a gift! Praying the truth soaks deep in your heart today!

    • You are so right Brenda! Rest in Him is key. It’s the only place we find the truth and give it time to soak in to our souls. Thank you for reminding us today! And it’s so good to see you here today 🙂

  6. We just moved in September into our own home. Our very first one in 11 years of marriage! It is exciting and exhausting all at once. God is deconstructing my perfectionism mind set. Truthfully, it has never served me well. haha I have 5 children that I homeschool, plus running our household, and in trying to “perfect” everything around me, I have ended up feeling defeated and like a failure at the end of every day. The story is SO much deeper than that, but I don’t have the time to write a small novel and fill y’all in. 😉 Suffice it to say that this blessed me today and that it affirmed what God has been working out in me for the last few years. (Yes… years…. and possibly the remainder of my days here on earth…being a work in progress and all.. ;))

    • Oh, Michelle, the best lessons do take years. And I am a work in progress right along side you. 🙂 I love how you describe God deconstructing your perfectionism mindset. It’s the perfect word. Sometimes it feels slow and hard, but He’s there, full of grace friend. Know you are not alone and we can all walk this path in grace together!

    • I have a sign in my home that I had made ” Welcome to Imperfection” that I love! In our home we may have 20 high school teens in and out daily. I always want me home and those who come here to know that they are always welcome here just as they are and they get us just as we are too. It’s not always pretty but its real right? Last year I had a young man tell me that he loved coming over because our home was one of grace and acceptance. How awesome is that? I was so touched and am in awe everyday that God would place us here to love on these kids right where we are and swinging the doors open no matter what. This year our desire is to live intentionally with God as Captain of our lives and to be open to God’s plan by simply saying “yes”. I’ve learned that true joy comes from being present and just showing up, a lot of times in my own home where I work too. One thing I’ve learned is that kids don’t care if you’re sporting a messy bun 6 days a week and or have 3 piles of clean (or dirty) clothes that need to be put away or cleaned. They won’t remember that as much as they will remember that we loved them as we feed them, listen to them, and just do life with them. God is so good! Thank you for the reminder today and sharing your wisdom. Sending you love and hugs from Hurst, TX, Diana

  7. Great post today!
    Thankfully perfection isn’t really something we Can master.
    We must choose to give grace daily, first to ourselves and next to others! Just a thought…
    “I think that miss matched socks
    Are a reminder that no one has it all together after all!” BB
    A True story….”My sisters husband (when he was a bachelor and working as an engineer) never even washed his socks!
    He just bought new ones every week with his pay check!!
    He didn’t have much furniture in his apartment… But felt this extra expense gave him freedom of “less stress and more time” in the morning. No more mismatched socks! More time…less stress!
    Kind of silly 😉 but logical as well.
    How many of us would admit, grabbing “mismatched socks” and running to carpool the kids to school! Thankfully the Lord accepts us where we are, and we need to lighten up a bit!
    I will forward this in-courage to a few friends today! Great words!
    Thanks
    BB

    • So grateful for your kind, inspiring words BB! Knowing that we need to walk in grace and we can lighten up about it all is such a gift! So glad you’re here!

  8. Thanks for the reminder Becky , so true his love is never failing and he loves us as the perfect imperfect women we are . I think we all tend to put such high expectations for us Moms , even though deep down inside we know the truth. Great reminder and all of you with younger kids in school , know this season is busy but you don’t have to do it all !

    • Isn’t it funny how we can know truth, but our actions have a mind of their own? Praying we all learn to walk in that grace more everyday! Great advice for the mamas today Jen!

    • It sure is. Knowing we are not alone and that God’s truth can set us free is such a blessing! Praying that you understand how deep and fully His love is for you today!

  9. Oh for a spirit that is not bent and molded by a Pinterest-peppered, social media-laden, glossy pictures-sodden frontline of warfare that distracts and misshapes our attention and perceptions! We (and by that, I mean I) so often miss God’s holy purpose for us in our days, our relationships, and our choices, because we remain vulnerable to worldy influences. Sometimes the war right outside our door is not guns and mortar.
    Thank you for the reminder and encouragement. May you be blessed with strength to put down the list at every turn.
    From another destructive List-maker.

    • I’m so glad I’m not alone Terri! Thank you for sharing so well. We do forget that there is an unseen battle, but knowing that it is already won is such a blessing. Walking fully in grace together friend!

  10. Love your wisdom. I really needed to hear this! Keep sharing your thoughts! Thank you.

  11. Great to see your words here, Becky! Congratulations! And I loved the last line….”Even if you do get the wrong notebook!” Love it!

  12. Boy did I need this this morning!! Thank you, Becky! The expectations we put on ourselves are so exhausting and can be all consuming if we don’t get this reality: ” you are fully known and fully loved right where you are!” I will mull over these words of wisdom today and try to remember that the to do’s are just tasks,nothing more. Bless you!

    • I’m so grateful these words touched your heart today! Praying God’s truth sinks deep to your core! So grateful that you are here, fully known and fully loved!

  13. Love that we don’t need to be perfect and “shoulding” all over ourselves. We pile on more and more and then go into the nasty four letter word….BUSY for anything and nothing.
    Who cares if we get the wrong notebook or not! We stay clear on our path to God.

  14. What a blessing to read your goodness on Incourage, Becky! Oh, how many times I’ve gotten the “wrong notebook” knocked to the ground by the unmet expectation. All the while, the only expectation I need is to do what God has called me to do and to do it to the glory of Him. We all need to pick up the wrong notebook!

  15. Becky,
    Your post was so refreshing, thank-you. This past weekend we hosted our Canadian Thanksgiving in our home. I thought I’d prepare early. Everything was going along smoothly until it wasn’t. I knocked the bowl of freshly made stuffing all over the floor, then it turned out I put the Turkey in upside down, and then I didn’t grind up the cloves finely enough for the pumpkin pie. But no one complained, and were extremely kind. My youngest son said to me,”I’m thankful for your mistakes because then I get to make you feel better.” So despite my imperfections I felt so blessed, and thankful for the time we all shared together.
    Have a blessed day all,
    Penny

    • Awwwww! First of all, that boy is a gem! What a treasure to have that moment with him. How beautiful that you can see past the bumps in the road to the beauty right in front of you! Such a beautiful example of embracing what matters!
      Thank you for sharing, and happy thanksgiving.
      xo
      Becky
      P.S. I would have eaten the stuffing off the floor with you 😉

  16. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. So many of us fall into that same trap. I tend to seek peoples approval when in reality they will like me as I am at that very moment. Thank you for the reminder that my Heavenly Father loves me right where I am at the moment. I don’t need to seek His approval or for His love because I already have it. Thank you so much. I appreciate you being sincere and speaking from the heart.

  17. Oh Mama, I needed to read this today! Thank you for the reminder, thank you for the honesty, thank your for the real truth that you shared

    “My kids don’t need a mom who has every piece of laundry done, they need one who goes to Jesus.
    I don’t need to have the perfect fall outfit to be beautiful; I already am.
    My family doesn’t need a mom who always smiles fake, but one who feels real and smiles big because she means it.”

  18. Did you know that even when you hit retirement age that you can still put unnecessary expectations on yourself? I was hoping to be laid back and at ease but it seems not. Thanks for reminding me that I don’t have to do this by myself, that I don’t need to have high expectations.
    Stopped by from Coffee for your Heart.

    • I’m so glad you’re here Cindy! And you are so right, these expectations we put on ourselves don’t go away after a certain stage is over. God is always working on us to live more in freedom of being fully known and fully loved!

  19. Becky, I let out a deep breath I didn’t even realize I was holding when I read these words, “It wasn’t until I stopped, still sitting in my car, notebooks in hand, that I realized I’d made it all up. No one put those expectations on me other than me.” I need that reminder SO often. These words were like a friend handing me a cup of tea and inviting me to just rest. Thank. You.

    • Oh, Pearl. I’m sitting right there with you. And I wish we could have a cup of tea and exhale these expectations and inhale grace together. You don’t happen to live in New England do you? 😉 Wishing you full exhale and grace upon grace!

      • Becky, you are such a gift! I’m in the Midwest raising my teacup to what you said. Exhale expectations, inhale grace might need to become my new life motto! Hugs!

  20. Becky,

    We need to stop the comparison trap. Who cares if you don’t have the right decorations up or all the laundry done. It only matters that we know God loves us unconditionally. Change can be hard, but why put extra stress on yourself by saying I must have it all together. Truth is: we don’t need to have it all together. Our friends & family need us to be ourselves. A person wholly loved by God.

    Blessings 🙂

  21. It’s great to be reminded that God is not the one placing extra burdens on my shoulders – I do that all on my own! Thank you for your encouraging words.

  22. Much needed reminder that we do no need to have it all together. God is in control and yet we are so unwilling to let things go. We talk as if when we don’t let go, someone will step to our house pointing fingers at us for our imperfections. I am guilty of trying to be the perfect wife, mom, daughter, daughter in law, sister and friend. When we see others perfecting what we can’t even do sure makes us want to step our game up. Whatever that means!! If we can have that much competition to living our lives according to God’s word, think of how awesome this world would be!!! Let’s just love one another for whom we are, imperfections and all and walk out this life together. My motto is, leave a little kindness everywhere you go, it doesn’t cost a thing.

  23. Wow Becky, this is right up my alley. I make things up in my head and declare them true too many times. And it is usually the minute things that become the cherry on top, which also serve as a wake up call lol! This is wonderful, thank you for sharing your experience and heart.