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The Happiness Dare

Wondering, Dreaming, and Learning

by (in)courage  •   Sep 6, 2016  •   16 Comments  •  
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Chapters 8 & 9


Me: “That one.”

Fiancé: “It’s okay. We’ll keep looking until we find the right ring — I want one that makes you deliriously happy!” 

Me: “This is my deliriously happy face.”

Yeah, it’s been a bit of a learning curve lately. We have very different happiness styles, my fiancé and me.

I’m a Thinker — a noticer, a daydreamer, a question-asker. A contemplative. I love books and ideas, learning and problem-solving.

At times I’ve felt frustrated, misunderstood, or even ashamed that my happiness is “a quieter, inside happiness that doesn’t always express itself in bold, outward ways” {p. 156}.

I’m tempted to keep my inner world — where I really live — all to myself.

But I’ve learned that opening up and sharing my thoughts — being real and vulnerable with others — gives others permission to be real and vulnerable, too.

This has never been more true than with my Relater-fiancé, who thrives on deep, honest, heart-felt communication. He’s always asking me what would make me happy, a question that often surprises and confuses me. Jennifer writes:

Thinkers might not even identify happiness as a core motivation of their thoughts and actions {p. 166}.

I want to ask, “What’s happiness got to do with it?” I mean, I’m aware that some things make me happy, but that’s not usually why I do them.

[Thinkers] believe this: The secret to happiness is to have the mind of Christ. {p. 153}

Yes! But as my fiancé points out, sometimes I’m so focused on doing what I think is right, I don’t have any idea what I want or how I feel. And while it’s true I can’t always have what I want, ignoring my feelings or desires (or pretending they don’t exist) will actually make me very unhappy in the long run.

I’m learning a lot about myself and about happiness, being in a relationship with someone whose happiness style is different from mine — and he’s learning, too.

He says because of me, he’s thinking more about everything, including how he functions best and why. For instance, he’s discovered he’s not a morning person. Seriously! He never really paid much attention before. He’s also less haphazard about his day and his to-do list, which means he gets more accomplished — making him feel less stressed and happier.

Something else he’s been thinking about lately? Seeing if he can find ways to get me jumping-up-and-down happy.

It turns out he can. He just leans over and whispers in my ear: “Want to brainstorm some big ideas?”


What’s Next

For Tuesday, read Chapter 10.

Discuss

Head here to join the conversation! Whether or not you scored highly as a Thinker, God has given each of us the ability to wonder, dream, and learn. When was the last time you felt true happiness in learning something new — whether in school, in a book, from a podcast, or in a Bible study?

2016 Christin Ditchfield HeadshotChristin Ditchfield is an author, speaker, and syndicated radio host, passionate about calling women to a deeper life — a deeper and more meaningful relationship with Christ. She and her fiancé, C.S. Lewis scholar Andrew Lazo, are getting married early next year! Christin blogs at www.ChristinDitchfield.com

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