Read
Chapters 8 & 9
Me: “That one.”
Fiancé: “It’s okay. We’ll keep looking until we find the right ring — I want one that makes you deliriously happy!”
Me: “This is my deliriously happy face.”
Yeah, it’s been a bit of a learning curve lately. We have very different happiness styles, my fiancé and me.
I’m a Thinker — a noticer, a daydreamer, a question-asker. A contemplative. I love books and ideas, learning and problem-solving.
At times I’ve felt frustrated, misunderstood, or even ashamed that my happiness is “a quieter, inside happiness that doesn’t always express itself in bold, outward ways” {p. 156}.
I’m tempted to keep my inner world — where I really live — all to myself.
But I’ve learned that opening up and sharing my thoughts — being real and vulnerable with others — gives others permission to be real and vulnerable, too.
This has never been more true than with my Relater-fiancé, who thrives on deep, honest, heart-felt communication. He’s always asking me what would make me happy, a question that often surprises and confuses me. Jennifer writes:
Thinkers might not even identify happiness as a core motivation of their thoughts and actions {p. 166}.
I want to ask, “What’s happiness got to do with it?” I mean, I’m aware that some things make me happy, but that’s not usually why I do them.
[Thinkers] believe this: The secret to happiness is to have the mind of Christ. {p. 153}
Yes! But as my fiancé points out, sometimes I’m so focused on doing what I think is right, I don’t have any idea what I want or how I feel. And while it’s true I can’t always have what I want, ignoring my feelings or desires (or pretending they don’t exist) will actually make me very unhappy in the long run.
I’m learning a lot about myself and about happiness, being in a relationship with someone whose happiness style is different from mine — and he’s learning, too.
He says because of me, he’s thinking more about everything, including how he functions best and why. For instance, he’s discovered he’s not a morning person. Seriously! He never really paid much attention before. He’s also less haphazard about his day and his to-do list, which means he gets more accomplished — making him feel less stressed and happier.
Something else he’s been thinking about lately? Seeing if he can find ways to get me jumping-up-and-down happy.
It turns out he can. He just leans over and whispers in my ear: “Want to brainstorm some big ideas?”
What’s Next
For Tuesday, read Chapter 10.
Discuss
Head here to join the conversation! Whether or not you scored highly as a Thinker, God has given each of us the ability to wonder, dream, and learn. When was the last time you felt true happiness in learning something new — whether in school, in a book, from a podcast, or in a Bible study?
Christin Ditchfield is an author, speaker, and syndicated radio host, passionate about calling women to a deeper life — a deeper and more meaningful relationship with Christ. She and her fiancé, C.S. Lewis scholar Andrew Lazo, are getting married early next year! Christin blogs at www.ChristinDitchfield.com