Jonathan said, “Go in peace! The two of us have vowed friendship in God’s name, saying, ‘God will be the bond between me and you, and between my children and your children forever!’” {1 Samuel 20:42, MSG}

When I read the Old Testament story of Jonathan and David and their deep friendship with one another, I feel as if I’m in the middle of a sweeping saga where the very best things in life stand the test of time. These men had a friendship that was fierce and unshakable. Their friendship withstood Saul’s attempts on David’s life. Watching Jonathan and David honor their promise of friendship is a constant reminder to me of the value of faithful friendship, no matter what the circumstances may be.

Lately, I’ve been noticing the friendships of women a decade, or more, ahead of me on the journey. I watch these women and I notice the way they care for one another. They bring out the best in each other. Sometimes, I watch them crossing the street downtown. They lean in, shoulders touching, eyes sparkling. They have found a treasure in one another, and that treasure has stood the test of time.

I look at these women and, if I’m not careful, I can think to myself that their friendship has been smooth sailing over all the years they’ve know each other. But, you and I both know life throws curve balls from time to time. Our friendships are not immune to the difficulties of life. Jonathan and David were well-acquainted with the struggles that threaten to drive two friends apart. While our friendships may not ever have to struggle against the impossible odds Jonathan and David did, we can use their friendship as a model for building friendships that stand the test of time.

1. Make a Vow of Friendship. Jonathan and David vowed friendship with one another in the name of Lord. While we often think of vows as being reserved for marriage, friends can vow to be true to one another, as well. Through our words and our actions, we can express our commitment to be faithful, trustworthy, kind, sincere, honest, loyal, and truthful in our friendships. Jonathan and David spoke their vows to one another, and we can do that, too. However, if speaking vows to a friend seems odd, a good alternative is to establish a vow to yourself when it comes to friendships.
2. Choose a Friendship Verse. Proverbs 17:17a is a “friendship verse” that we cling to here at (in)courage. The verse is simple and it gets straight to the point: “A friend loves at all times.” When thinking about where to begin with your own Friendship Vow, this simple verse is a powerful place to begin. Consider turning this verse into the jumping-off point for your own vow by saying, “I am the kind of friend who loves at all times.”
3. Determine the Kind of Friends We Desire to Be. I have a dear friend who has encouraged me to incorporate a simple sentence into my life whenever I’m trying to establish new patterns of behavior. My friend told me to say to myself, “I am a person who _____________,” and then fill in the blank with the kind of behavior I’m striving to incorporate into my life. So, when the alarm goes off at 6:00AM, and I want to talk myself out of getting out of bed to exercise, instead I tell myself, “I am a person who wants to stay healthy, so I get up early to go for a walk.” We can do the same thing when we’re creating a friendship vow. We can say to ourselves, “I am the kind of friend who _____________,” and then live into the kind of friendship we desire.
4. Follow God’s Lead. Of course, it takes more than writing or speaking a vow. As people of faith, we have the privilege of moving into friendship with God as our faithful and loving guide. As we study the Word of God, we can invite God to show us what it truly means to be a friend to someone else. We invite the Holy Spirit to grow us in our understanding of the gift of friendship, so that we consistently offer our best to our friends. And, we look to Jesus as our best example of friendship.

Jonathan and David had a friendship that endured the best and the worst of times. When I read of Jonathan’s death and David’s grief over that loss, I am always moved to tears. It is a blessing to have loved a friend so well and so deeply. God designed us for friendship and for going through life with good friends. One of the best ways to ensure that we have good friends is to be a good friend.

Question for you: What verse will you use as a starting point for establishing a friendship vow?