I tickle my baby girl’s tummy as I close up a fresh diaper, gently guiding her tiny toes into her blue footie pajamas and narrating the snaps because this is where she grows impatient: “one, two, three snaps!” I zip her into her SleepSack and swaddle her arms in, leaving her hands by her face; she loves to suck her first two fingers. She always wakes smelling of dreams and baby spit, and I breathe her in now, kissing her soft cheeks as she starts to whimper because she knows it’s time for a nap.
I gather her into my arms, her head resting on the crook of my elbow, and she twists away, crying now, trying to break free. I pat her back and begin to sing, and by the second verse her eyelids are heavy, closing and opening slowly, her lips quivering with one final protest before she’s asleep.
As I lay her down in a crib that still seems too big for her, my heart breaks at the thought of leaving her alone in the dark. I lay a hand on her belly and whisper, “Sweet dreams, my brave girl. I love you.”
I chose these words carefully, the ones I whisper each time I lay her down to sleep. These words have become a mantra of sorts, a reminder for me and an exhortation for her. Someday, these words will become a beloved memory, the stuff of “remember when, Mommy?”
As I tiptoe out of her room, making sure the click of the door closing is as quiet as possible, I’m reminded of the Lord’s heart toward me:
“He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” {Zephaniah 3:17, NLT}
I didn’t understand this maternal heart of God until I became a mother myself. How could God, so mighty and strong, delight just to look at me and find joy in singing over me? If He wanted to show me His love, I’d have appreciated Him swooping into action and changing my circumstances. But now I see the value, the tenderness in His joy-filled songs, chasing the darkness from my mind and shining His light onto my deepest fears.
His song tells me that I can be brave in the face of this unknown season of parenting, in the midst of my long wait for healing, in this time that is marked by both intense joy and overwhelming anxiety.
As I lay her down, I imagine my little girl thinking, “Don’t leave me all alone in the dark! I need you!” which is what I’ve often cried aloud to the Lord. And as I reassure her with my words and my song — that she is my sunshine, my only sunshine; that she’s my brave girl and that my heart can’t contain all the love I have for her, all the good things I want to give her — I learn again, with every nap time, that God believes the same about me.
These words we speak over our children when they are at their most vulnerable carry life. They reflect the mother-heart of our tender God, speaking light into the darkness, hope into the fear, and sacredness into the everyday.
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Brittany,
What beautiful words to speak and pray over your little girl. One of my prayers that I continually prayed over my children (now grown) is: Lord, I have done my best today. Use what I’ve done to honor you. Forgive me for when I’ve failed my child and fill in those gaps with your love and presence so that they would be lacking in nothing. At every age and stage, I failed my children in some way, but I trusted their Heavenly Father to fill in the gaps that I left wide open.
Blessings to you and your sweet baby girl,
Bev
Bev, what a wonderful prayer of love and humility. Thank you for placing it here-it brings a peace to my soul. May He bless you and your family with peace today 🙂
A wise Christian mentor shared this prayer with me…and yes it does bring peace to know that God IS able to fill in all the gaps! Glad it brought peace to your soul today 🙂
B xx
Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement! I love this prayer, and I have definitely prayed a version of it many, many times. It’s amazing how quickly we as moms start to fail our kids, but it’s a beautiful reminder of the abundant grace we have available to us in Christ.
Beautiful and touching beyond any words I can think of. Made me shed tears.
I somehow envy parents and children like you and yours because you are SO ACTIVELY taking in every moment of their young life and although I was a very loving, cool but also worrying mother myself, I could never have had the strength to put such words into writing at the end of each day. Thank you so much – and of course you’re very right with your silent observations and your insight in How God looks after His children!
Kiki
Thank you, Kiki! I have had so many friends and mentors go before me and tell me how much I need to cherish these days. I took their words very seriously, and I’m doing my best to soak it all in — the good, the bad, and even the ugly. I know I will long for these days when she is grown! I am definitely prone to worry and anxiety, and this whole motherhood thing is one giant lesson in trusting God.
I am so grateful, Brittany, this morning for this beautiful posting of tender words that open my eyes more fully to the Lords care for me. What a gentle and delighting Father He is towards us. I love how you are speaking words of life over your daughter, words of love. May you and your daughter be blessed in His love that He expresses over you, lifting you up into His strong arms today 🙂
Thank you for your encouragement, An! It’s such a good reminder for me that as much as I love to speak words of life to my daughter, God delights even more in doing that for me.
Brittany,
My children are adopted. I got them at age 2 and 3, (now 30 and 31). I always read to them, one on each side of me, then individuality said prayers with then, and then sang “Good night Irene” substituting their names in the song. They loved that. I miss those times.
Oh, I love that so much. That is definitely one of those “remember when?” moments. I’ll bet your kids still miss that as much as you do!
I love reading what parents say over their children every day. Growing up, it was always “Be Smart, Be Happy, Behave!” as I left the house each morning. For my own sons, I end each night with “Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, and Jesus loves you most!” My 3 year old loves hearing it – and saying it himself – and to his little brother.
Such a good message for your kids as they drift off to sleep! I know these messages we repeat to them over and over will become the stories they believe about themselves and about God.
Very sweet post! What’s truly amazing is that we cannot truly grasp the greatness of God’s love – what we see and experience in human terms is just a glimpse. He loves us that much! Thanks for sharing!
Thanks, Joanna! You’re so right — I’m grateful for the little glimpses he allows me to see. I can’t imagine how deep his love really is!
Brittany,
Wow! Such powerful words to speak. What an interesting way to view God. He is rejoicing over us always. Even in the bad days. He comes in the darkest of times to calm our fears. Great post!
Blessings 🙂
That is a truly special! May you always be given such words for your daughter.