It was one of those mundane days when I was elbow-deep in dishwater. A toddler was “organizing” the Tupperware cupboard. With one foot, I bounced a fussy baby in her bouncy seat. My unbrushed hair threatened to stretch itself into the next city’s zip code. Meanwhile, my yoga pants were wondering why they’d never actually been to a yoga class.

That’s when the phone rang. I recognized the name on the caller ID. She was a well-known woman from our community who ran a sizeable nonprofit.  And she was calling me. Me!

I answered the phone, while pressing my most professional-sounding voice into service.

Mrs. Very Important called to see if I might be interested in serving on the nonprofit’s board of directors. She was in a pinch, because someone had resigned unexpectedly. And my name had come up as a possible replacement. She asked if I would let her know my answer within the week.

A huge part of me knew that my answer should be “no.” I was a busy mom. I was trying to manage several freelance writing projects. And I already had several obligations in my community.

But two days later, I called her with my “yes.” I did so for three reasons: I was honored that she asked. I didn’t want to let her down. And I didn’t have the courage to say “no” to a good thing.

I almost immediately regretted my decision. I had yet to learn this truth:

Sometimes you have to say “no” to the good, in order to save room for the great.

I served out my board term, but a part of me suffered because I gave time away that God intended me to use elsewhere. The organization may have suffered, too, because I was not as engaged as I should have been.

I learned a lot from my mistake. I learned that God never intended us to say “yes” to every good thing that comes our way. I also learned that it takes a lot of courage to say “no” to an enticing offer.

I am older — and I hope wiser — these days. I now have a speaking and writing ministry, in which I regularly encourage women to give their courageous “yes.” Because saying “yes” takes a boat-load of courage, especially when we’re being called to step outside of our comfort zones. I want to be their cheerleader.

But if you need to say “no,” I want to be your cheerleader, too. Because there’s another kind of courage — the Courage of No.

Sometimes courage sounds like a “yes.” But sometimes it sounds like a “no.”

Here are some guiding principles to help you say no, when necessary.

The Courage of No

1 – Know who you are. It’s tempting to tie our worth to our yeses, our hustle, and our ability to get ‘er done. But women who have a clear sense of purpose and identity in Christ are able to say no without letting it prescribe something about their worth. Take time every day to affirm your truest identity — the one you have in Jesus.

2 – Know your priorities. The clearer your priorities, the easier your decisions. Filter every request through the prism of your core values and calling. If it doesn’t pass the priorities test, it might be a sign that you should decline.

3 – Be resolute. Sure, it’s polite to offer some explanation for your “no,” but don’t feel like you have to give a drawn-out justification, even if you know that your “no” will disappoint the asker. As Jesus said, “All you need to say is simply ‘yes’ or ‘no’” {Matthew 5:37}.

4 – Keep perspective. Remember that a “yes” to one thing means “no” to another.

5 – Remind yourself that your “no” is someone else’s “yes.” Your “no” may open the door for another soul to learn, lead, and serve.

6 – Hear God’s big yes over you. There is wisdom in knowing when to walk away, but it takes courage to take that step. Know that when you need to say “no,” God is still in your corner, pouring all kinds of yes down on you! Hear these words from Paul:

“Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. . . . God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us.” {2 Corinthians 1:20-22}

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