Draped in white lace I stood ready, waiting. The room brimmed with busyness around me as the bridesmaids clutched their bouquets and the mothers adjusted their corsages. The ceremony would begin any minute.
All of the sudden, an eerie silence descended.
As I searched the faces of my girlfriends, expressions of shock and horror stared back at me.
“What happened? What is it?”
No one would answer me. So I followed their eyes to something happening behind me. The train of my bridal gown was several feet long — just how I always dreamt it would be — but a few creases had formed in the white satin.
And there, kneeling by my train, my 13-year-old cousin held a steaming hot clothes iron, and beneath it a dark orange triangle smoldered on the train of my dress. Apparently she tried to iron out the creases in the train, but the iron was too hot for the satin. It burned the fabric instead.
In the sanctuary we could hear the music begin.
I looked up and said, “Quick! Somebody run to the church office and find some Liquid White Out!”
Everyone just stared at me like I was crazy. But I was serious. The Liquid White Out might make the fabric clumpy and goopy, but at least it wouldn’t be dark orange!
Minutes later I had two friends on their knees pouring several tiny bottles of Liquid White Out on my dress. I told my young, mortified cousin not to worry about it, and I plotted with my Maid of Honor how we could hide the stain. Instead of spreading out my train behind me, like she did at the rehearsal, I asked her to fold the fabric over to cover the stain.
And down the aisle we went.
No one in the sanctuary knew the bride had a huge ugly stain on her dress.
Throughout Scripture we see the metaphor of Christ as the Bridegroom and the church as His Bride.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy, cleansing her with the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or anything like that, but holy and blameless.” {Ephesians 5:25-27}
Every person has been stained by sin. Myself included. None of us are guilt-free. But God chooses us anyway. And because of His grace the stain of our sin no longer marks us. We are cleansed. Set free. Made whole.
I’ve known this in my head for a long time. But there came a season in my life when I struggled to love the church as much as I loved God.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to stay home on Sundays. The hurts and misunderstandings were many. Even when I mustered the will to attend a Sunday service, I seethed inwardly whenever I saw one of the persons who had been so hurtful. I was having a hard time forgiving and moving on.
On Monday mornings I’d mutter to myself, “T.G.I.M.” Thank God it’s Monday. Because Monday meant it would be six more days until I had to go to church again.
During this season, church required more effort on my part. I began to wake up extra early on Sunday mornings so I could pray. Getting ready for church was like getting ready for battle. A spiritual battle. If I wasn’t ready in my spirit for a possible snide remark or silent snub, then I knew my emotions would get the better of me, and I’d be tempted to say something hurtful back.
While praying one Sunday morning, a picture came to mind — a picture of me, walking down the church aisle, with a huge ugly stain on my dress.
The Bride of Christ isn’t perfect. Just like I’m not perfect. But Christ’s forgiveness is complete. He’s removed every spot and wrinkle.
Lord, help me to be a giver of grace — the same kind of grace You have given me. I know I’m a sinner too.
Sundays came and Sundays went. It wasn’t easy. But it did get easier. Then I wondered: How come I never included prayer and solitude as part of my getting-ready-for-church routine before? Perhaps because God knew I needed a specific reason to begin such a routine.
Thankfully, “T.G.I.M.” no longer echoes through my mind on Monday mornings. God has healed those old “church wounds.” And I’m deeply grateful for the local church body I’m a part of.
The church is God’s chosen vessel, albeit a broken one. But that’s the whole point. God uses broken people. He uses you. He uses me. And He redeems our brokenness for His glory.
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Joanna @ Modern Ruth Project says
Love your wedding day story!! What a great metaphor!!
Denise J. Hughes says
Thanks! There are so many amazing metaphors in Scripture that teach us deep truths about God. One of my favorite metaphors, though, is of Christ as the Bridegroom and His church as His Bride.
Beth says
Great post! Made me think of two things- I know someone who has recently begun doing exactly what you described above; taking some quiet time alone to pray and set their mind right before ever stepping in the church doors, for the same reasons you did. Church can be a battleground for some, and there are those who feel most alone when they are in the biggest crowd, especially when that crowd is so caught up in their own agendas that they don’t see the one standing alone…..
Your post also reminded me of a funny story that happened on my wedding day, but this time to my husband, the groom. He and his groomsmen were saying a prayer just before the bells chimed at 11, signaling their entrance to the ceremony. As the prayer was ending, my soon-to-be-husband went to button the jacket of his tux when the button flew off the fabric and onto the floor….all the groomsmen in the prayer circle looked up in astonishment and the best man yelled out with his spur of the moment plan – “Okay….everyone- unbutton your tux!” I cannot remember if they followed through with that or not, but later I understood the reason why, when walking down the aisle, I noticed my groom wouldn’t dare to uncross his arms from in front of him…. This is how memories are made!
Denise J. Hughes says
That’s a great story, Beth! What a fun memory! Thanks for sharing!
Renae says
Really needed this today! Thank you!!!
Denise J. Hughes says
{{HUGS}}
AmyMae says
Your post contained such a powerful message of grace! I found the wedding analogy particularly emotional as I am preparing for my marriage. The church is the Bride of Christ and He is the one who removes all the ugly that comes out of human beings. It is far too easy to stay locked in the hurt that others cause us when through Christ we are made to live free of the pain through forgiveness. Thank you for sharing this article!
Denise J. Hughes says
AmyMae, congratulations! I pray your special day is full of His peace and beauty.
Beth Werner Lee says
What a great image, Denise! I’m pondering the church bride metaphor a lot lately.
I’ve been hurt by someone in our past church but had many rallying around me, so it was different but I finally laid it down as we all took communion: it’s the Heavenly Father’s work to keep his kids in line.
Harder to deal with was pain from Christians who didn’t attend church with me but went to other denominations. Then I yearned for a common pastor. Eventually God showed me not to judge but look to him for what he was doing instead.
Denise J. Hughes says
I love that you were able to lay it down as you partook of communion. That’s very scriptural. I love your heart.
Caryn Jenkins Christensen says
What a perfect analogy Denise! The Bride of Christ certainly isn’t perfect, but the grace of God covers us all. Thank you!
Denise J. Hughes says
Thanks, Caryn. You bring sweet joy with you wherever you go — both in person and in words. xo
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Denise,
I/we think that people within the church should know better…but sinners are found outside and inside the church. It took me a LONG time to be able to go back to the church where a youth leader had hurt and turned my son off from church completely. Sad to say it was several years until that leader left the church that I was able to walk through the door again and many more before my son would set foot inside a church at all. I have to remind myself that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and ALL need forgiveness…including me…or especially me. Thanks for a beautiful reminder that only through Christ is the Bride (the church body) made clean before God.
Blessings,
Bev
Denise J. Hughes says
Bev, I’m so sorry you and your son experienced that. I’m afraid those kinds of wounds are more common than we sometimes realize. It’s why we all need grace. I’m so grateful for the mercy He extends to us all!
Michele Morin says
We need regular reminders of God’s love for His bride, so thank you, but I must say that I’m quite in awe of your gracious, cool-headed response as a bride. Blessings to you!
Denise J. Hughes says
Thanks, Michele. There have been plenty of moments where I haven’t been so “cool-headed,” but the ceremony was about to start, so I don’t think I had time to really process it — just react! 🙂
Julie Joiner says
Ah! Thank you. I have had my struggles in the past with attending church. As you did, I would get up early and spend my morning trying to get in a good place to spend a couple hours with God’s people. Even as I say God’s people it doesn’t seem like it should be so difficult but at time is can be. By God’s grace I am at a much better place right now. I am certain many have experienced this at one time or another. Thanks for being vulnerable! And how wonderful it was that you kept your cool as a bride.
Blessings, Julie
Denise J. Hughes says
Julie, you are so wise when you say it’s by God’s grace. Most definitely!
Renee Swope says
This is such a powerful metaphor and story Denise. As I walk through some deep hurts of my own, I needed this tender truth-filled reminder. Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with us!!
Denise J. Hughes says
I’m so grateful for you, Renee. Thanks for your encouraging words here. xo
Krystal says
I need this reminder sometimes even in motherhood. Lord, help me show my children the same grace you show me. What a great example of choosing to love others when they don’t deserve it and to take the annoyances that come when messy, sinful, selfish people do life together.
Denise J. Hughes says
Yes! I want to extend grace to my kids, and model for them what it looks like to extend grace to others. Because we’ve all had moments when we needed grace extended to us. 🙂
Rebecca Jones says
This is a wonderful metaphor, we are spotless brides in Jesus. Unfortunately, church people don’t always act the way they should, the alone time is a good idea. Let God defend us. i also saw a video from Manna Fest, the only way cracked vessels could be fix was with the blood from a tick, taken from a sheep. It must have been made into a paste, but the metaphor is there, we’re fixed by the blood of the Lamb and word of our testimony.
Denise J. Hughes says
The image of a broken vessel is one of my favorite images in the Bible. Such beautiful truth in that imagery.
Mo says
Wow. Right where I have been for too long. Left one church because of just those types of things. I went determinedly for a year longer…dreading, making myself go. “Lord, I’m gathering out, in spite of. Prayed up, armor on. Finally went to a different church … Same stuff. Jesus commands us to love as He loved us: unconditionally. And to forgive one another as He forgave us: completely… we don’t. I’ve come to just thank God that He is not like His children. Not what He intended, I know. Hebrews says, ” and hope does not disappoint” … I’m so glad Jesus doesn’t either 🙂
Denise J. Hughes says
Mo, I’m sorry you’ve experienced similar hurts. I, too, am so glad that Jesus never forsakes us or abandons us. He is a steady constant — an ever-present help. We can always look to Him.
Beth Williams says
Denise,
Such a beautiful metaphor! I’ve heard it said often that church people hurt you more than outsiders. I was attending a down town church and was told that some people said “I don’t want those people in MY church”.–Those people are the homeless. WOW! Never occurred to me that it was their church! I always thought it was God’s church and He would welcome everyone!! I wonder how they would feel if they were the homeless and heard those words!
Blessings 🙂
Britta says
What a comfort! If we had to be perfect to be useful, we’d all be lost. I love your story. The bride’s not perfect, but her friends help her to be shown in her best light. And in her imperfection, she gets married anyway —the groom doesn’t desert her. All of this is true about the Church too…we should help to show her in her best light, but Christ always shows up anyway. He will never abandon His Bride. Thank you for this beautiful story and reminder!! Love your heart, friend!!
Mary Bonner says
Oh friend! I needed this this morning…thank you. I love your story and how it relates to life.