Winter is long in Canada. Dreadfully long.
Frosty days well below freezing cause fingers and toes to tingle, and our breath forms icicles on eyelashes. Darkness settles across the land at the time families gather at the dinner table, and it lingers long after the house is roused in the morning. Long months of snow and ice force people indoors, while storms cancel schools and other activities. The long, cold fingers of winter stretch across the calendar, and by March we’re all yearning for a hint of spring in the air.
I’m ready for a new season.
The recent seasons of difficulty our family has trudged through, like snow up to our knees, have been like a winter that’s stayed far past its welcome. Almost two years ago, we huddled around a freshly dug grave and lowered the body of my mother into the warming earth. Her death was far too sudden and quite unexpected. As I fumbled through the unpredictable storms of grief that followed, I was carried by a God who proved Himself to be completely sovereign and undeniably good.
God uses seasons of grief to reveal the unwavering hope we have in Christ.
The shock and finality of death prompts us to take inventory of our priorities and recognize how truly fragile life is. As a result, we determine to squeeze the most out of our days as we squeeze those we love the most.
But this season of grief also led to a season of fear. Just when I thought the storms of grief were giving way to calm hope, I found myself sitting in a doctor’s office, and I heard that word that no one ever wants to hear — cancer. The icy clutch of fear caused my husband and I to cling to one another in the dark of night. When I couldn’t sleep, I would tip-toe downstairs and immerse my mind in the truth of God’s Word.
Through the tests, surgery, and months of recovery that followed, I was cradled by a God who was still sovereign and still good.
God uses season of fear to increase our faith. As we take our eyes off the swirling storm and fix them on His face, fear is conquered by perfect love, and our faith grows.
Then the season of fear led to a season of waiting.
In recent weeks, the doctors have found another lump. Now, I find myself in a restless season of waiting — waiting for test results — not unlike waiting for the first signs of spring. But again, I am held by a God who is absolutely sovereign and unquestionably good.
God uses seasons of waiting to teach us to turn our worries into prayers. As circumstances slip inevitably beyond our control, God reminds us He is still on the throne, which is exactly where we can boldly come to find mercy and grace in our time of waiting.
Yes, winter has been long. But then this morning, as I stepped outdoors, I smelled it . . . that familiar hint of spring in the air. The dark, cold winter has finally given way to the warm light of hope for a new season. The snow has released its grasp, melting away in sweet surrender to the rays of the sun.
Even while my circumstances remain difficult, winter is giving way to spring in my life too.
Regardless of test results, and the fear-inducing what-ifs of tomorrow, I’m determined to allow the Son to melt away the darkness of grief, the icy grip of fear, and the swirling anxiety of the unknown.
I will lean into the light.
You see, our circumstances are merely external details. God can bring hope even if our situation never changes. In the meantime, we must make the most of this present season, focusing on the greater reality of what God is doing in and through us. Spring will come.
Are you prepared to leave the darkness behind and lean into the light? Are you ready for your winter to surrender to spring? Your situation may not change, but God can interrupt any dark season with the brilliance of His glory.
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Shannon,
“God can bring hope even if our situation never changes.” Amen. God IS good even in the midst of our mourning, our fear, our doubt, even if we shake a fist at Him. He is merciful and always offers hope…our ultimate hope being to be with Him for eternity. Thank you for bravely sharing your struggles. I sense God holding you up with His everlasting arms and enabling you to persevere. Waiting and not knowing are two of the hardest “seasons” to endure. Praying with and for you as you await the outcome of your latest season. May the God of all comfort be with you!
Blessings and ((hugs)),
Bev
Shannon Leibold says
Yes – God always offers hope! And not wishful thinking like the world defines hope, but a sure and certain hope. Blessings Bev!
Shannon Leibold says
Update: I wrote this post and submitted it to (in)courage only weeks before I was declared cancer-free! Praise God for His healing touch and for teaching me so much on this cancer journey!
An says
Shannon, praise be to the Lord this day and always for the healing He has so gloriously worked in you life. Thank you for the beautiful encouragement that you offered today as so many wait and move through the storms for the new beginning to come. Our Lord is so good, teaching us so many things in our trials. May our days be so blessed with His variety of graces 🙂
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Shannon….HUGE PRAISE!!
B xx
Tami Harbin says
yea! one of our favorite phrases: cancer free!!!
Jas says
Thank you for your bravely honest post and for the reminder of just how lovingly powerful God is He is right there with us, with you waiting to comfort, bless and to squish any fears with his mighty power. God is good and will blast any dark season with his bright and brilliant glory. I pray our Father will continue to hold you and your family in his grace, and in his hands whatever this next season brings. Much love to you, Jas x
Shannon Leibold says
Squish the fears … I like that! Perfect love casts out fear.
Susan says
Shannon, my prayer is peace for you as you walk through this. Beautiful post.
Shannon Leibold says
Thanks Susan.
Katie Scott Randolph says
This reminds me of Psalm 139 whereever we go God is there and darkness is not dark to him. 8 years of struggles and tears. Blow after blow seems to hit. I keep pressing into God. Read in the comments that you are cancer free. Praise God! We got news the last several months and have had two surgeries in the last month. We now know after 8 years what has been wrong with my husband. Now to start the new journey of facing it snd walking it out of cancer causing goiter pressing on windpipe almost closing it off. He isn’t passing out almost daily now.
Shannon Leibold says
Oh, Katie…thats a long time in a difficult season. Praying God holds you close in His everlasting arms.
Carolina says
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your journey through this. Thigh you, Jesus, for His interruptions. I pray peace overwhelms you. Glad I got to read this, Compel friend.
Shannon Leibold says
Yes, praise Him for His divine interruptions!
Beth Williams says
Shannon,
for complete healing from the Great Physician! May He bring peace and comfort to you during this trial!
This is stunning writing!! God has truly gifted you with the art of writing and story telling!!!
The shock and finality of death prompts us to take inventory of our priorities and recognize how truly fragile life is I have found myself in that season of life. My aging father had serious health issues and I believed he was close to death. This has caused me introspection and dwelling more on God and His goodness to us! This has been a tough season of questioning, worry, fear and excitement. Through it all I know I am held by a God who is absolutely sovereign and unquestionably good!! He will bring about peace and comfort in His perfect timing!!
Blessings 🙂
Shannon Leibold says
God’s goodness is such striking brilliance in the valley of the shadow of death. Praying you will know His peace in real and tangible ways, Beth.
Rachel B says
I can so identify with you…
While I haven’t suffered the loss of my Mom, (may God continue to comfort your soul), I have endured another loss. My sister has just been diagnosed with cancer, & we are waiting for scan results to find out if it is localized…
The entire year of 2015 was one whirlwind of emotion & trauma after another in dealing with my oldest child. And my church leadership failed me…
I. Am. Ready. For a new season.
One of the things the Holy Spirit has used to comfort my heart is this… “Lean in & listen.”
So that’s what I’ve been doing, leaning in & listening to His heart, as my heart becomes un-wound.
He has also comforted my heart with Psalm 23…one of my favorites…specifically verse 2…
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.
He MAKES me lie down & rest in green pastures. He restores my soul….
He Makes me. Even when I don’t want to. Or think I need to. He makes me, in order to restore my soul.
So lean in Sister. I’m leaning in too.
Shannon Leibold says
Thank you for sharing. What a difficult journey you’ve been on! Yes, lean in and listen. He is so close in difficult times.
Missy says
Wow. Unbelievably said and such truth. Even in the uncertainty of what is next, you point us to Jesus- the only place where we find hope and courage and truth and grace. THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Shannon Leibold says
Amen.
Sheryl87 says
Thank you for sharing this Shannon. As others mentioned, the thought that God can bring hope to us even if our situations do not change brings such joy to my heart. Praising God that you are now cancer free. Blessings to you.
Shannon Leibold says
Thank you, Sheryl.
Cheri Tolliver Johnson says
“Your situation may not change, but God can interrupt any dark season with the brilliance of His glory.” Love this! Thank you for sharing openly about your seasons.
Shannon Leibold says
Thank you
Greer Oharah says
Beautiful words. It is amazing how God intertwines the seasons of weather with our seasons of internal journeys. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Shannon Leibold says
Yes, the seasons are such a picture of life’s seasons.
Rebecca Jones says
I’m so glad to hear you’re update. Stand on Isaiah 53. I am sorry to hear about your mother. I do believe that trauma and grief can wear us down, allowing the enemy to slip sickness and disease in on us. Whatever the problem, Jesus paid the price.
Shannon Leibold says
Yes, grief is certainly exhausting. Thank God that He is the answer to every problem!
Jeanette says
Shannon,
Thank you so much for sharing this. I just had a suspicious spot removed from my leg and I am waiting for the biopsy results. I am so glad to hear that you are cancer free. God bless you and your family!
Shannon Leibold says
Waiting is often the hardest part. As you wait, trust in Him. He knows the end from the beginning.
Penny says
Shannon,
I’m sorry for all that you have endured. Thank-you for bravely sharing and for reminding us that during even the most difficult times, His love, hope and faith keep us strong. I hope and pray that all goes well for you.
Penny
Shannon Leibold says
I believe we all have a brave story to tell … all for His glory.
Kelly says
These words are comforting to me- still learning how to cope and continue living after the passing of my dad 6 months ago.
Shannon Leibold says
I’m so sorry for your loss, Kelly. I understand the pain and the fumbling while trying to figure out what life looks like without a parent. Praying you experience God’s comfort in new and fresh ways even today.
Wendy says
Thank you so much for these words.