I was excited for this big opportunity. I was going to be used by God for something magnificent, something mammoth, and something meaningful. I wanted to count.
What would it look like?
How would others receive me?
Would I do well by Him?
The wrappings of eager seemed to cover every inch of me, adeptly holding the vision of amazing about to unfold. I could feel it. I could see it. I could almost smell it . . . until, it happened.
The phone rang with the call that said, “There has been a change of plans.”
Have you ever gotten one of those calls? The type of call that changes everything in a blink of an eye? The type of call that takes away the good you were supposed to unwrap, hold, look at, then jump up and down over?
There was another woman — and all I knew is it wasn’t me. A tear slid down my eye. I was asked to hand over the opportunity, the near once-in-a-lifetime dream. I didn’t want to, I really didn’t want to, but I did. Afterwards, nearly every part of me felt like kicking and screaming, letting all my insides out, but the other part of me knew God had some stuff to say.
Yet, how do you listen to God when He didn’t listen to you? How do you receive from Him, when He has just taken from you?
It is akin to kissing the woman who just nabbed the last pair of shoes in your size, or pedicuring the feet of a friend who lied directly to your face, or dying for the man who just spit on you, or forgiving the thief standing next to you. And this thought, it hits me with the power of the cross, making me realize — God has some stuff to say.
So I listen.
And God whispers, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived” . . . the things God has prepared for those who love him.” {1 Corinthians 2:9}
God loves me.
God also loves her.
He has big plans for us both.
We have a choice in moments like these, don’t we? We can choose to wallow in the idea of limited opportunity or we can choose to see the unlimited God we follow.
Not too long after I was passed over, I got word about the other woman. She was diagnosed with severe cancer. She also noted how vital and encouraging this special event was in her life. How God had carved it out just for her soul. How others had blessed her in a way she would never forget.
To her, it was a cherished trophy of great honor she could hold through hard times.
Clearly, she received her “something magnificent, something mammoth, something meaningful,” but the thing is — so did I. He made my sacrifice count for her. And that is worth something.
Because, in the end, isn’t that what we are all really after? To count? Sometimes, counting is much more about saying “Your will be done,” than it is about saying “I am going to get this done.” Sometimes, it is much more about stepping aside than it is about stepping in. Sometimes, it is much more about humility than it is about the spotlight.
What act of surrender might God be preparing for you, so that you truly realize how much you count?
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Related: Wear this lovely pendant necklace that says “It is well with my soul” as a beautiful expression of a relentless faith and trust in God.
Leave a Comment
Kathy Cheek @ In Quiet Places says
Thank you for sharing this because sometimes that big answer
is no and it is so hard to truly prepare our hearts for no even when we have
been praying for God’s will to be done. I am waiting for an answer from a
publisher reviewing a book manuscript for my first devotional book. On this
first day of a new year I am already wondering this morning, what is God’s will
in this? But I also know I trust Him with all of my heart.
kelly balarie says
Thank you Kathy. I am glad that this message came at just the right time. The answer of no is not always easy, but there is such great comfort in knowing that God has a plan all the same. Much love to you.
Angela Parlin says
Thank you for sharing this story, friend. “God has big plans for us both.” Such an important reminder that He’s behind the scenes, even when the questions are huge and life feels unfair or we feel overlooked. Love the way this turned out!
kelly balarie says
Thank you Angela. He is! God is so good. So blessed by his love.
Trudy Den Hoed says
That’s so devastating, Kelly. But oh, how faithful God is to give you such wise and beautiful lessons because of it. And He is using what He teaches you to encourage others. His ways are so much higher than ours, right?
It’s sometimes so hard for me to surrender dreams, desires, and passions that fall by the wayside because of chronic illness. But as you say – “We can choose to wallow in the idea of limited opportunity or we can choose to see the unlimited God we follow.” Thank you for this encouraging advice to focus on our unlimited God. Have a Blessed 2016!
kelly balarie says
Thank you Trudy. His ways are so high and his vision goes miles farther. Much love to you in 2016!
Joanne Peterson says
I’ve been through this many times,even getting to the point of starting something and then when in place solidly being told no by either God or man (which is still ultimately God) to let someone else take over. Not that I am not capable, but because God has/had other plans. Some, to develop character, some to do something else, but all for His purposes. I’ve cried over the “NO” each time for different reasons. It is painful. God does have plans for all involved and they are for good even being painful at the time.
kelly balarie says
They are. It seems every time I get a “hard” no, I also learn so much. It is exciting, looking back, to know that I am growing with God.
Amanda Bacon says
So good, Kelly. What a faith strengthener for you! God knows and sees. He can be trusted even when we can’t see the *reason* behind the heartache or decision.
kelly balarie says
He does see. I am so thankful that this is always a truth we can fall back on.
Carly says
Thanks for sharing your story. My word for 2016 is surrender and just as I shared it on Twitter your post popped up! It is so hard to give up our plans and desires and trust in God’s plan but the verse from 1 Corinthians really encourages me that God always has good plans for us even when we don’t understand or they are not what we would have chosen.
kelly balarie says
I love God’s timing. He does have plans – now may we just hold on to that as truth.
Katie Reid says
Kelly- What a beautiful and transparent post. Thank you for telling this and glorifying the King with your courage to share this story.
kelly balarie says
Thank you Katie. God is good to us.
Deena Maga says
It true, some times there are things in our life’s that we just have to surrender by and let go, but God knows, he knows when and how, I just want to truly surrender to him this year!!!.
kelly balarie says
Yes Deena! Me too. Let’s let it all go and know he has us.
Vannessa says
I realized that No is really yes if you truly love the Lord with all your heart and trust in his written word. He uses us and we that are in tuned with the Holy Spirit can truly understand what the natural eye can not see and the worldly ear can not hear. Every step we take with the Holy Spirit adds another peace of the puzzle of life with great success with a smile brighter than the sun moon and stars with the Lord saying well done.
kelly balarie says
Yes, with the Holy Spirit he speaks comfort. It is the gift that transcends our emotions. Love that.
joni says
I have been stuck with no for three years.
kelly balarie says
Joni, this is a hard time. It is not easy. Sometimes I wish I had the power to fix things for people. I wish I could snap my fingers and things would be fixed. I can’t though. I love your thumbnail image on your comment; those words speak so much truth over what you are going through. Much love to you.
joni says
choosing to wait with and in the JOY #oneword365 not sure what it means? Still trying to figure out if i am waiting for God’s yes or if he is waiting for me? if so will God tell me what He is waiting for? #Hardquestionsinthewaiting
Cindy Martin Krall says
Your transparency and authenticity bless me beyond words. I will not forget this post. Thank you for “going first” on so many levels. I’m praying for unimaginable “wonderfulness” as your faith and journey with Him grows in 2016. XOXO
kelly balarie says
Cindy, you always bless me. It is an honor to be able to love you back with a half-measure of all you give to me. May God bless you in all your ways as you serve and love with him! XOXO
Shandra Vadella says
What an encouraging thing to read this morning. It is amazing to see how God works and His ways are higher in every situation.
I have these dreams I am working on and keep questioning if they are what I should be focusing on. I believe I am where I need to be but I want things to happen right now. I can get frustrated. Then I read this and am reminded that God is working behind the scenes and He may not so what I want or how I think things should happen. I need to just trust Him and His plan and His timing. Thank you for sharing!
kelly balarie says
Your response has ministered to my own heart. Thank you. Isn’t it funny how sometimes the very things we know, we need to keep hearing in order to truly embrace? Thank you so very much Shandra. We walk together.
Doris Swift says
Yes, this has happened to me too! This line was pretty magnificent: He made my sacrifice count for her. And that is worth something. Love that! It meant to me, that God didn’t take it from you or I and give it to them, but rather He gave to them and included us too. It didn’t take our plans He has for us away, it became part of them! You are such a cheerleader of faith Kelly.
Nancy Gladwin says
Thank you for being transparent and sharing the deep heart-felt feelings so others can be encouraged. Your post spoke to my heart.
jenni ho-huan says
God has done something magnificient when we go to him with our ‘it ain’t fair’ to find that when we quiet down, our hearts have grown larger! that is magnificient indeed – and maybe, it won’t happen any other way. bless your heart Kel!
Pam Ecrement says
Thanks, Kelly, for your transparency. It is indeed difficult when God says no or we are not the one chosen for something we desire or feel so suited for. When that happens to me, it reminds me of areas I so need to grow in and it feels ouchy even though I know He is there in the midst of it. I can be tempted to so many things starting with comparing myself to the one chosen. Your post was so authentic and on target that I wanted to be sure to comment today instead of simply hit the “like” button.
Lovelle says
This is so beautiful. It made me cry a little… I love that concept. We need to think about how our “no’s” could be the BIG HUGE “YES” to someone else. Instead of saying, “why me?” We need to say, “Thank you God for using me.” Thank you for this beautifully written reminder Kelly!
~ Lovelle from (in)courage
Beth Williams says
Kelly,
I gave up a good job in order to be more present in the care of my aging dad-he’s in an assisted living. It has been a hard six months. In the first two weeks I had to put him on Hospice! Now I’m having to move him to “memory care”-similar to nursing home. It is tough to watch parents go through dementia and aging. This is the second time for me. Some days this past summer were good to enjoy time with him!
Blessings 🙂