Standing four feet away from his target, my son tossed his fork into the kitchen sink. He didn’t see the juice glass already sitting there. I knew what was going to happen before it happened but didn’t have a spare second to stop it.
Crash!
The fork chiseled off a clean chunk of glass in the instant of contact.
Clink.
The crescent of glass snapped backward hitting what remained of its broken form, causing yet another break, which then resulted in several hairline cracks. As I removed the shards of glass from my sink, I thought about everything the glass and I had in common.
I remembered times in my life when an outside force took a piece of me clean off.
Hurled insults. Crash!
Failed attempts. Crash!
Unrequited love. Crash!
When a heart breaks, the jagged edges left from the initial blow often become agents of additional damage. It is human nature to want to either fight back or build a protective covering to decrease the chance of subsequent attacks. Sometimes both. And most times, these instinctual human reactions cut deeper than what was first dealt.
Self-hatred permeated. Clink.
Revenge plotted. Clink.
Walls erected. Clink.
All hairline fractures of the heart caused by a deeper hurt.
How easily damage brings damage. Brokenness brings brokenness. Pain brings more pain.
Sometimes the subtle scars from the secondary — and usually self-inflicted — wounds stay around much longer than initial heartache. The two emotions that aide the healing process of the hairline fractures of my heart are compassion and gratitude.
Compassion.
Compassion for the broken. Compassion toward those whose wounds were self inflicted. Compassion for the hardened woman whose jagged edges are causing hurt to others. Not excuses. Not a free pass. Not inaction. But an empathy for the person who aches. Some call it solidarity or a deep understanding that we were made to not only love God but to love each other. When I am vulnerable enough to accept my pain instead of pretend that it doesn’t exist, my compassion toward others grows and I become softer and stronger at the same time.
Gratitude.
Gratitude to the One who heals. To the One who seeks to restore the shattered. Gratitude to a loving and just God who is the only one with enough power to repair the damaged vessel. Gratitude to Jesus who allowed the outside world to break Him but did not allow those breaks to undermine His power, love, and authority. When I stand in awe of God for who He is and how vast He loves, I am overcome by thankfulness to belong to the most Holy of Holies and I am able to trust in Him for healing.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit.” {Psalm 147: 3-5, NIV}
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I love this part of the verse, “Great is our Lord & mighty in power” and especially “His understanding has no limit” this makes me feel loved, understood and with being understood, secure and safe. I feel peace from Gods compassion to me that I am encouraged to show more compassion to my children, family and others. I am so grateful with the abundance God has brought to my life…thank you Angela for this post that has spoken to me tonight!!
Angela,
Thank you for the reminder that many of us are walking around with a lot of hairline fractures…hurt heaped upon hurt. It’s hard to believe, sometimes, that others are as vulnerable as what I feel. As my dad would say, I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I realize that others do not. I hope and pray that I would see beyond masks and facades and extend compassion to others who may seem like they have it all together, but inside are a mass of hairline cracks. Gratitude…this is probably the one greatest healer of all our stress, fear, doubt, hurt. I find it hard to grumble and be gracious at the same time. I needed to read this and be reminded this morning!
Blessings,
Bev
Bev,
I wear my heart on my sleeve also! I cry, get upset, etc. easily!
We need to start a club 🙂 Love you sweet friend xx
Lately I have felt God calling me to love more deeply, but not just that — more equally. Your words on compassion speak to that. When someone hurts me, it’s usually because they are secretly hurting. Praying for their hurts, along with my own, is good for the heart.
Praying for those who hurt us … No greater example of this was when Jesus, while on the cross, asked God to forgive his taunters and murderers. Hugs to you. Thank you for commenting
You’re a such a good writer Angela, but more than that, you have a way of taking the pain of life and using it for His glory as you process and heal. Thank you for that gift and this beautiful post.
Thank you, sweet friend.
I appreciate your message of empathy and gratitude. It’s true that no matter the pain, having a grateful heart to God is what He desires. Today, I don’t feel much gratitude. I know it’s not the Christian thing to say, but it’s how I feel this morning. Angela, can I kindly ask, what happens when the wound isn’t self-inflicted? Other people’s words and actions cut deep. It hurts and that hurt does cause jaggedness at times, because I feel the need to self-protect. The “I won’t let you get any closer because all you have done is hurt me.” This has been my experience and it’s wearying at best. Sorry, I know it’s not a happy comment, but it’s where I’m at today.
Dear Veronica,
I’m so sorry that you are experiencing deep pain right now that was inflicted by someone else.
Please do not feel like you ever need to apologize for feeling pain or for struggling with gratitude when life gets exquisitely difficult.
In times like this, when the blow is fresh and repetitive it is ok to just sit with the feeling. But don’t sit alone. Cry out to Jesus. Allow Him and His words to help you through the journey. Great pain can help refine us for Christ’s glory. I know this well. I recently experienced great pain from a hurting friend. And I’m still hurting. I do try to find gratitude for what was and what positive could transpire from the fallout. But there is something said for a good soul cry and allowing your self time to heal. If you click on my profile, there are other articles I wrote on deep pain and loss. They may provide comfort to you now. Much love to you
Angela, thank you so much for your words of comfort. xox
This article is right on time for This Season of My Life. I’ve been through enormous pain, but my relationship with the Lord has blossomed, and so have I.
I’ve been hit by a tsunami in every area of my life, but I’m still here! This must be a time of finding out who your friends are, dealing with pain and rejection, and feeling forgotten even by God.
Ultimately, it’s great to know that we all suffer sometimes, but the Love, Honesty, Empathy that I’ve seen here has given me renewed hope.
Veronica,
Prayers for you! I pray that God will heal those hurts! It is perfectly ok to feel pain or struggle when life gets messy! We love you and want to pray for you!
Father
Help Veronica! She needs your love, compassion, & mercy! Words have been said that cut deep & she needs a healer! Come near to her and hold her in your loving arms!
AMEN!
Angela, such a beautiful, timely post. I’ve definitely been that juice glass in the sink. Split clean apart, and then fractured by those hairline cracks. Right now, my oldest has just come through a time of being bullied, and his initial response (isn’t it all of ours, if we’re honest?) was anger, to hurt back for the hurt inflicted. My heart is so sad for him.
I love your solutions for dealing with some of those hairline cracks. Compassion and gratitude. Now to help a 12 year old learn how to live these out.
I needed your post today. Thank you.
Much love to you Jeanne and to your child. Such great wounds we get just by living. I was bullied for years and have found that compassion toward those bullies brought more healing than retaliation. It really is how Jesus came to us.
I broke a little bottle of honey recently. Most pieces were big, but there were shards. Some even ended up in my dryer lint, from the cleaning rag. The honey oozed thick over the broken glass. It didn’t mend it, but God’s Word and love can. Sweet and kind words should be pouring over us as Christians. But there will always be those who choose bitterness,
Such an insightful post, Angela. You are so right: If we’re not careful, damage brings damage, brokenness brings brokenness, pain brings more pain. Thank you for drawing our attention to the counterproductive reactions that actually make matters worse. Refocusing on compassion for others and gratitude to God, on the other hand, are healing strategies that really work. Lord, keep me mindful of these truths!
Amen, Nancy. Someone has to light the flame
Psalm 103 is a favorite – so compassionate – and He hurt for my hurt so He knows what to do. Thank you, Angela!
Angela,
We all have hairline fractures of the heart! Sometimes a word aptly said, failed attempts makes me feel unloved and unwanted. Lately
And Glory to his Name because he is the Most High God. A deliver to cleanse and makeover of our soul.