I stood on tiptoe to kiss my son’s cheek, before he headed back to college after spring break, and then gave his hair a tug.
“I won’t miss you,” I lied. Grayson laughed and gave me a last hug.
“I’ll miss you too, Mom,” he said with a wink.
After I watched his car disappear down the driveway, I went inside and surveyed the kitchen carnage — the mountain of dishes that had amassed over the the final day of cooking for a hungry young man about to wrap up his junior year. So I started the cleanup by unloading the dishwasher.
I grabbed a stack of clean bowls and began to shoehorn them between the dinner plates and salad plates on the lowest shelf above the counter. Such a crowded mess! My eyes wandered to the shelf directly above it and was immediately struck with all the extra room up there.
Hey! Plenty of room for a stack or two. Now, why on earth hadn’t I thought of this before? Seems so obvious!
Now in full-on investigative mode, I looked inside the adjacent cabinet and saw that all of the water glasses and smaller tumblers were jammed onto the lowest shelf, while the items on the shelf above luxuriated with ample space.
It was like first-class seating up there, while the huddled masses lived below in steerage.
Not real organized, Rachel. What were you thinking when you set THIS “system” up?
That’s when it hit me: When we’d moved to this house twelve years ago, our son was eight — too short to reach anything but the lowest shelf. I’d put everything within that shrimpy kid’s reach so he wouldn’t have to climb on the counter to get something down. The disorderly storage system was that way for a reason . . . a good reason, but one that had long been outgrown.
Grayson has been taller than me for at least eight years. Not to mention he hasn’t even lived here for the past three of them.
A few moments spent rearranging bowls and cups to the middle shelves made me step back and admire my work. So organized! So streamlined! So adult!
I should have done this years ago. What took me so long?
I guess I’d gotten so used to the way things were, I didn’t even realize it was past time to change. It had simply become “the way we do it,” and that’s the way it stayed, long after the reason behind it had grown up and moved away.
There in the kitchen, with my half-emptied dishwasher and open cabinet doors, I realized:
Just because something works for a season, doesn’t mean it will always work . . . for all time.
Sometimes it’s necessary to stand back and ask why. Why do we still do it this way?
- Why do we still use this method of discipline on our children?
- Why do I still sleep on the side of the bed that’s closest to the crib . . . when we no longer have a crib? Or a baby? Or a toddler? Or any kids at home?
- Why do we continue to go to this particular church, even though it doesn’t feed our spiritual life?
- Why do I insist on doing laundry on Saturdays, in spite of the fact that it’s now our busiest day of the week?
- Why do I still wear this bra with no elastic left?
- Why do I believe some of the things I believe? (think: money, gender roles, issues of faith, self-worth)
- Why do I act and react in ways that no longer make sense?
- Why do I not put nuts in the banana bread, when the kids don’t gag on them anymore and everybody likes nuts in their banana bread?
Perhaps the answer is simply this: Habit.
We are so comfortable with the way things are that we don’t even think about them anymore. We don’t notice that the bowls are crammed in with the plates. We don’t put delicious nuts in the banana bread. We don’t stop to consider that we’ve outgrown the thought patterns, routines or actions that have become ingrained in our daily lives.
Maybe it’s time to step back and reassess. Adjust our thinking. Do some rearranging. Make room for growth.
I love my newly organized cabinets, the nuts in the banana bread, and the fresh thoughts on faith that have energized my spiritual life. Things are working again, thanks to a simple question about crowded dishes.
Sometimes asking “Why am I still doing this?” is the first step toward making simple changes with profound results.
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Related: Exhale and invite a friend over for a warm mug of cocoa served in this inspirational mug!
Leave a Comment
Kimmygirl says
Rachel, This is so rich! Thanks for a good reminder to examine underneath the portions of our life that don’t make alot of sense in our current season….. and the seasons are rolling on! 🙂
Rachel Anne Ridge says
I feel like the seasons have changed so quickly, I am just now catching up! It’s hard to make changes, but it sure feels great when I do!
karen says
I LOVED this. We just moved after 20 years in the same house and I am delighting in “starting over”. Just because we had it for 20 years doesn’t mean I have to keep it for the next 20. It has been good for my soul to start new patterns and habits…not just in the house, but in my heart as well!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Moving is such a great motivation to clear out the stuff we hang on to. Sometimes I trick myself, when cleaning out closets and drawers, by asking “if I were moving, would I keep it or throw it?” It helps me get rid of stuff I really don’t need, but hold on to “just because.”
Marty says
“Just because something works for a season, doesn’t mean it will always work . . . for all time.” This is TRUTH. Thank you for challenging me to look hard at what might be “habit,” or something “comfortable…” and consider making a change. 🙂
Rachel Anne Ridge says
I’m right there with you, Marty!
Sarah S says
Beautiful Amen!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Thank you, Sarah!
Maggie says
My husband recently asked me if I am pregnant (I’m 62!) because I’ ve been reorganizing drawers. After years of combining two FT jobs (one in ministry) with grad school, I take such joy in decluttering and seeing home, the center of ministry for us, in a new way. Loved this post Rachel!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Haha!! You made me laugh….I love it when the nesting instinct takes over! I’m sure your husband was relieved that you weren’t pregnant….just making changes! Thanks, Maggie!
dukeslee says
Oh Rachel… I just love you. What a great post. Thanks for the encouragement.
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Thank you, Jennifer!! You are a gem….always encouraging.
AnnieO says
That is all SO TRUE. Where I catch myself most is with the kids…. they grow so fast that by the time I think “why am I still doing this?”, they are long past whatever developmental stage my strategies were aimed at. Perhaps it’s time to look in my cupboards too…. Thank you for the eye-opener!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Thanks, Annie!!
Calista says
I have found this principle to be true in my marriage. Through counseling we learned that old, harmful ways of relating to each other were learned behaviors brought in to our marriage which became our habits. The trouble was they didn’t fit, nor were they comfortable, however we were used to it! But, praise God, with some rearranging and adjusting we’ve been able to form new, healthy habits and enjoy one another like never before. 🙂
When we start asking ourselves, “Why am I still doing this?” it’s time for a change! Great post! Thanks!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
So very true, Calista. My husband and I are changing as we enter a new season of life as “empty nesters.” The beauty is that we’ve discovered that change can be fun. Sometimes it just takes asking a few questions and reassessing how we’ve done things in the past. Thanks for bringing in marriage…a perfect application.
Judy Turnbull says
These lines, “We don’t stop to consider that we’ve outgrown the thought patterns, routines or actions that have become ingrained in our daily lives. Maybe it’s time to step back and reassess. Adjust our thinking. Do some rearranging. Make room for growth.” are the best!
If we don’t assess our thoughts once in awhile, we won’t recognize when something needs to go or change in order to allow room for transformation in our life. We are what we think right? So if we don’t check to see how are thoughts are shaping us, we won’t open ourselves up to change.
Thanks for the great post! I love how you took an ordinary thing in life and helped us see how it can be true in so many other areas.
BK says
Rachel, just love how you make the most mundane things relevant through insightful analogies. What a blessing you are!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Thank you, Judy. Seems like God speaks to me through the dishes and laundry – LOL. But I love that ordinary life is full of lessons when I stop long enough to consider them. I’m making room for growth.
Kirsten Holmberg says
A whole-hearted “amen” from me, Rachel. I feel like I need to revisit most of my plans (and goals) every six months in order to see if they’re still working! (Now, I think I’ll go purge my cabinets of the plastic sippy cups from years gone by…)
Rachel Anne Ridge says
I had sippy cups for YEARS after they’d been outgrown. I was hanging on to that sweet season, I know, but it did feel good to finally let go. It’s good to make room for growth, right? 🙂
Lyn LaTessa-Thonn Ott says
I am always amazed how God speaks to you through things like a crowded kitchen cabinet! I needed to hear this message and it confirmed a decision I am having to make. Thanks for sharing and for hearing God speak through dishes!
Rachel Anne Ridge says
Lyn, you know how some people get angelic voices from overhead when God is speaking? Yeah, not me. I get dishes. I’m making room for changes….sometimes it’s obvious, and other times I need to take a fresh look at everything first. Blessings, friend!
Beth Williams says
Rachel,
Life is filled with many different seasons. I’m in a season of changes–something I don’t like!! I much prefer rut and routine–habit!!! I think God is trying to get me to make room for growth! I believe God does this to get us to declutter our lives mentally, physically and spiritually. We tend to do the same things the same way over and over due to habit! God want us to think and reexamine our lives and our priorities!!
Blessings 🙂