When it comes to sisters, I am blessed beyond reason. I have a twin sister who knows my soul and loves me well. I have two younger sisters who are also twins, and the four of us have a deep bond. I also have a younger sister and three sisters-in-law — each one of them is unique and amazing.
Sisters add so much beauty and love to my life.
On top of all these undeserved blessings, I have a few deep friendships that feed my soul and make life richer. These ladies listen to me without judgment, they care for my heart, and they speak into my life with wisdom and insight. They care about the things I care about. It’s incredible how a conversation over a cup of coffee can turn my whole week around.
We need women who pour into our lives and allow us to know and love them.
Friendships are no small thing — in fact, they are hugely important. When I was younger, friendship was convenient and easy. The girls I played with at recess were my friends. If you like handball — great! We were friends. And if that friendship ended, although it might have been hard, there was someone else to make friends with.
As I’ve grown, friendships have become more complex. Life is busy. Marriage, kids, and family life demands so much. There is laundry to do, dishes to wash, emails to send. The daily stuff of life is overwhelming — and sometimes friendships take a backseat.
I’ve been challenged in the past year or so to consider the importance of friendship.
It’s good for my soul. It makes the world better and brighter. It smoothes out my rough edges. It makes my marriage stronger and helps me to be a better mother.
What does a healthy friendship look like? I’ve got three strategies for building better friendships.
1. Listen without judgment.
Each of us wants to be loved despite our imperfections. We need to be loved. And we are broken people. Letting another person into our brokenness is scary. But when that person listens with love and doesn’t judge, it frees us from shame. It empowers us to be more whole. If we have another person by our side, to face our fears with us, it’s so much less scary.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” {Ecclesiastes 4:12, NIV}
2. Seek out positive women.
Negativity is exhausting. It’s a drain on our energy. (And energy is a precious resource!) Positivity builds us up and helps us to keep going. Hope in the form of an encouraging word can change our perspective. And we have hope! I want to surround myself with women who laugh easily, find the good in any situation, and encourage my heart.
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” {Romans 5:5, NIV}
3. Put in the effort.
Friendships require time, energy and nurturing. Nothing that matters comes easily. Even friendships that start out easy will at some point encounter difficulty. To be close with another person means that we will have conflict. Feelings get hurt. Misunderstandings happen. If we can engage in honest conversation and work through the messy stuff of life, we will see our friendships deepen and become more precious. Friends who fight with us, cry with us, and even get angry with us are the most precious kind. When it’s easier to walk away, don’t. Engage, be honest. A true friendship will endure.
“Better is open rebuke, than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” {Proverbs 27:5-6, NASB}
Do you have friendships that feed your soul? Are you facing conflict right now with a friend? I encourage you to lean into that friendship, to listen and love with honestly. Share your friendship story in the comments below. I‘d love to hear about your journey!
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Lisa,
Right now I am grieving the “loss” of a wonderful friend who moved many miles away. When we met almost 20 years ago, we immediately “clicked”. I knew I had not only found a friend, but a sister in Christ. She has seen me through so many things in my life, always withholding judgment. Sure, we can talk on the phone, text, and email but it’s just not the same as being able to pop over to her house when our lives take a severe turn south or when we have a joy to celebrate. This is all new right now so I’m not quite sure what this is going to look like as time plays out. I just know that I feel like a significant part of me has been torn away. Once again, I am called to trust in God, His goodness, and His plan…
Blessings,
Bev
Lisa Leonard says
Bev that sounds so hard–a true loss! Praying God brings another soul mate. xx
Dusty Becker Allison says
I have been blessed beyond imagination with many ‘sisters’ in life, though none by family birth. As I read this my mind immediately went to a sister on whose grave I will go and place flowers today. She and I met in 1999 when she got out of jail on drug charges. But God…He set her free and placed us in each others lives. She was a ‘younger sister’ who called me ‘girlfried’ and ‘spiritual mentor’, but God taught me SO much through her. On May 3, a man drove a truck into their home and my sister was killed as she watched TV with her husband. Some days it still doesn’t seem real. But God…flashes memories, reminds me of all my other ‘sisters’ whom He has placed in my life to speak into my heart and spirit. Life is so brief! Please cherish deeply those sisters Papa has given you. While they are alive, let them know how much you love and cherish them, because we never know when that opportunity to do so will be gone. Thank you, Lisa, for the encouragement!
Lisa Leonard says
Dusty, that sounds so hard and yet full of beauty. It makes me long for heaven. xo
Beth Williams says
Dusty,
Prayers for you as you grieve the loss of this precious friendship! God brought you two together for a reason and season! May He bring healing, peace and contentment to you mind, body and soul!
Blessings 🙂
Michelle Gates says
Such a beautiful truth, Lisa… ❤️
I was Blessed to be born into a family of 6 sisters -no brothers. Each of us a completely unique masterpiece, yet we piece together like a breathtaking mosaic!! (Bless my sweet Daddy’s heart- He has a special place in heaven for surviving 6 daughters!)
I’ve also been Blessed with a “Soul Sister”… Though our paths didn’t cross until we reached our grown-up years, our life journeys have been parallel from childhood to our current breaths… God knew we would need each other, and orchestrated this friendship years before we ever even met! We even LOOK like sisters, which is just sweet icing on the Sisterhood Cake!! She’s the kind of friend who can complete your sentences, make you laugh to the point of tears, remind you you’re beautiful when you feel like a hot mess, and pray you through those overwhelming life hurdles that seem to stop you in your tracks… Never an ounce of judgement. EVER. She’s travelled the same paths that I’ve traveled and just “gets it”. Gets ME….
Not a day goes by that I don’t thank Jesus for ALL of my sisters… They are a priceless GIFT and I treasure them beyond all measure!!
Lisa Leonard says
Love all these words! So much truth and beauty. And there are friends who are like true sisters–it’s an amazing thing! Hugs to you. xx
Janie J says
I too have have been blessed with a twin sister and 3 other precious sisters…as I get older they have become even more important. Lisa your blog today has “stirred ” my heart to be more intentional about my friend/sister relationships, Thankyou !
Lisa Leonard says
Thank you Janie! xo
MamaJoyful says
Thank you for this. I have four daughters who are still too young to realize how beautiful their sisterhood friendship is and will continue to become. They are young enough to find one another amusing and infuriating in turn. As a loving observer I get the rare privilege of watching them all meld together into a friendship that is in reality a priceless treasure. I have also learned how to be a better friend from watching my daughters.
Lisa Leonard says
We fought so much growing up, and as we got older we realized what an amazing gift our sisterhood truly is. I am so thankful! xx
Ms. Witi says
Well, I have to say I am different. I have 3 sisters…I feel while growing up I was closer to one for awhile and then something would change and I would be closer to another and so on…never really feeling that CLOSE to any.
Years later I was the only one to move 4 hours away from home. We all got married, had children, and we get together on holidays and different occasions but yet still don’t have that connection like you mention and others in the comments speak of.
Kind of funny too that I had that ONE good friend who I met in kindergarten and we con’t best buddies until middle school, however at that point we changed and moved on. Since then I always find it difficult to get close to any “girlfriends”. Yep, sometimes I wish I had someone (other than hubby) to talk to with my inner thoughts and to listen and not judge, but it just doesn’t seem to be in me.
I guess at 46….that “friend” and I maybe just haven’t met yet. ??? 😉 ha!
Lisa Leonard says
Sometimes friendships are hard to find. I’ve had times in my life where i longed for close girlfriends. I’m praying you find someone who understands and listens to your heart. Hugs to you! xx
Beth Williams says
Witi,
I completely understand your situation. I have 3 older sisters and none of us are what I would call close! Guess our family moved a lot and each took her place in a different state – now we live 5 hours apart. Also age spread is hard (13, 9 & 7) years apart in age. That made it difficult to get to know them and be friends/close with them. Now I’m older and we talk a little more, but not much. Also don’t have a lot of friends. We live out in the country and it is hard to get to know people my age. Usually they are married with children. While I’m married I don’t have children & interests are much different.
I will pray for God to bring you a covenant friend you can do life with!
Blessings 🙂
Ms. Witi says
Thanks Beth, I didn’t think I could be the only one out there with my circumstances.
Beth Williams says
Lisa,
God has truly blessed you with 4 good friends/sisters. There is a special bond between your sisters. I have 3 older sisters and we are not really close. Age (13, 9, 7) years apart, and distance (all live 5 hrs. away) are a big reason. Don’t have a lot or even a few close friends. Oh I know people from church, but they are older and usually busy. Most people I know are older or married with children. Not good at making small talk, live out in the country and have different interests than people in my area.
I know God can bring me friends if and when the timing is right for me!
Blessings 🙂
Lisa Leonard says
He definitely can. Thank you for sharing your journey. Hugs to you Beth. xx
Lisa Leonard says
It’s hard when friendships don’t work. It’s like a break-up–painful and confusing. I’m sending you a big hug and praying that God will bring a new, healthy friendship to fill your heart. xx
Calista says
I don’t have sisters, but grew up with brothers. Love them dearly, but not the same. 😉 However, I have been blessed through my life to have sister-friends, several of whom I’ve been close to for 20 – 30 years.
Imagine my joy watching my four daughters grow up and the varying stages of sisterhood! As young adults, ages 30 – 20, they are sisters and they are friends.
Marty says
Love this post. I love my sisters, but we live in different states. When your family lives far away, you make your friends your family. So thankful for the women who choose to do life with me. They bless my life so much! 🙂