We are knee-deep in summer now, and today I’m ear-deep in listening to argument #27 between two of my young darlings. I’ve had it up to here, and I’m about to let them know it. Just when I move upstairs in their direction, all three kids suddenly belly laugh over one of the dog’s antics. I do an about-face and quietly step toward the kitchen, desperate not to break the more peaceful mood.
But before I reach the kitchen, one child throws a sarcastic remark toward another, and we’re back to Squabbleville. I shake my head at how whiplash fast the moments travel from stormy to serene and back to stormy again.
Ah, summer. It holds memories that burst with sparkling goodness, like my husband and I celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. But it also holds less desirable moments too, including many tears lost because of a difficult change. And lately, like a sibling squabble that keeps circling back to my attention, the difficult parts have hung around much too long, grossly overstaying their welcome.
I confess I am more than annoyed and frustrated by this. I am just plain heart weary.
It’s my nature to resist allowing the difficult parts of my life to have a seat at the table, to just push them right back out of the room. I fear that if I spend a little time with them, they will grow and take up even more space in my life. So I both pep-talk and chastise myself by saying things like Get over it, Kristen. This is no big thing. People deal with a whole lot worse all the time.
Ironically, the more I try to push the difficult realities away, the more they velcro themselves to the curves of my heart.
Unlike past times, the persistence of these difficulties and the weariness of my heart means I just plain don’t have the energy to shoo them away. I don’t have the energy to do anything but simply sit with them and bring them to the light of Christ.
“Walk as children of the light . . . when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light.” {Ephesians 5: 8, 13}
When we give our difficult circumstances attention rather than deflection, it exposes them to the light of Christ. Simultaneously, it reduces the dark’s power over them.
But this means we have to do the work of walking through it, of first keeping company with the harsh parts of our circumstances so we can introduce them to the power of Jesus. One might think that giving the darker parts of our life circumstances room to flex and breathe pushes Hope away. But instead, it becomes the window Hope enters in.
There is power in bringing the dark into the Light and letting the love and care of Jesus show us how to deal with it.
“I want to be aware of the darkness but identify with the light.”
~ Emily P. Freeman, Simply Tuesday
I can be thankful for the abundant good in my life and still be unafraid to call the hard realities what they are: HARD.
I can be joyous about my blessings without pretending the hard doesn’t exist. I can walk as a child of the light because I refuse to just get over the difficulties in my life, but rather get through them. And getting through them can’t happen ’til I acknowledge them and bring them front and center into the presence of Jesus first, and then into the presence of other safe folks.
Life will always be a rhythm of light and dark, easy and difficult realities dancing in tandem together.
But over it all is God’s promise, bending like a rainbow across the sky over our tired, yet hope-filled hearts.
Kristen Strong, writer at Chasing Blue Skies and author of Girl Meets Change
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Lisa Appelo @True and Faithful says
“I can be thankful for the abundant good in my life and still be unafraid to call the hard realities what they are: HARD.” I have found that so true! I have to process the hard or it just gets postponed, not avoided. And as an aside, I just last weekend got back from cheering on my oldest son who graduated from Air Force OTS. I’ve been going back through your archives on military life and can’t wait to share with my d-i-l.
KristenStrong says
“I have to process the hard or it just gets postponed, not avoided.” AMEN. That is one powerful sentence, Lisa.
And congrats to your boy! I’m proud of him with you.
M says
“Life will always be a rhythm of light and dark, easy and difficult realities dancing in tandem together.”
Thank you so much for this. What a breath of fresh air for my heart.
KristenStrong says
As is your comment to me. Much love.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Kristen,
I hear the “weary” in your posts. You are in my prayers for room to just breathe and for peace and refreshment. I’m kind of in a soul-weary place too and God is calling me to come, sit, and listen to Him more…to just be in His restoring, illuminating presence. Will you come sit with me there? Thank you for this post this morning…I needed it!
((Hugs)),
Bev
KristenStrong says
Girl, I was there before you even asked. Hugs right back to you, friend.
Wendy Jenkins says
Thank you Kristen. We can’t just ‘get over it’ and move on…so true. Please Jesus shed your light over all our dark places and redeem them for your glory. And please send us ‘safe folks’ to walk it with us.
KristenStrong says
Perfectly said. My heart echoes your prayer through and through.
So thankful for you here, Wendy. xo
Kathy Foster says
This so applies to myself! Living in a small community(52) is sometimes difficult because of the diversity of population you don’t notice in a large city. No one sees the “good” in each other. Constantly picking apart one another. I’m weary of it and
pray the Lord opens my heart and eyes to the “good” in each.
JeanneTakenaka says
Thank you Kristen. For the transparency, and the encouragement to just take time to work through the hard things of life. I’ve spent plenty of days this summer in Squabbleville. And some days, I’m. Just. Done. 🙂 But these are the easier parts of my hard right now.
Walking through the ups and downs as one of our boys struggles to come to grips with one of his realities has sapped me, left me wounded some days. His mood changes and behaviors are so hard to not react to. At times, I feel like I’m alone, though I know I’m not. I’m working through the hard that comes as he works through his. It’s a messy, humbling, choosing-to-love season for us both.
Thanks for the reminder to embrace the good things in my life in the midst of the hard ones. I needed it today.
Beth Williams says
Jeanne,
Prayers for strength to endure. God gave you these boys as He knew you could handle them! May He guide you and give you the strength and courage to get through each day! Prayers for peace and contentment!
Blessings 🙂
Lina Rochette Hill says
Thanks Kristen, I really needed this today! I am struggling with chronic pain and desperately want to do it with Grace, but it is HARD and I am growing so weary without a rest. I know God is still with me through all this and that is how I get through each day. It was just good to read your post today. I will be keeping a copy in my journal too. Thanks!
KristenStrong says
Lina, it *is* hard. HARD. No doubt about it. I’m praying for your chronic pain right now. May rest in Christ settle in your heart and soul soon. So much love to you.
Charlotte Eden Orth says
This very brief post of yours is golden! So many nuggets that I want to apply right now!
Beth says
Me too Charlotte!
Beth says
This post describes so accurately the current balance I’m looking for in my life. I have hard things that have not only taken a seat at my table, but are in the kitchen whipping up the next meal as if they’re here to stay. This usually happy-go-lucky girl seems to have lost her happy-go-luck, and I have been under the impression that the only way to get it back was to get rid of all those bad things, the things that bruise my heart, the disappointment and sorrow, and THEN I could be happy again. But reading this I realized I need to make room for both; life is not an exclusive resort for one or the other. Some days/weeks/months the scale will perhaps tip more eagerly to a certain vantage point, but most days end up being a mixture of both, and that needs to be okay.
I like your advice of not shoo-ing the bad times away, but welcoming them into the light of Christ, for there they- and I – can be healed for good, not just bandaged in the triage unit and sent out to battle again, weaker than I was before.
Your post is timely, your words are wise. Thank you for your transparency in which I see my own reflection.
KristenStrong says
Beth, this comment is just stunning. I love the way you write that life is not an exclusive resort for one or the other. Ain’t that the truth!
And this right here “Thank you for your transparency in which I see my own reflection.” That makes me tear up. Thank you for being here, Beth. xo
Beth says
Thank you so much for your encouraging words, Kristen. I was recounting reading your post again this morning as I drove in to work – God’s timing is amazing as it speaks so directly in to my life at this point.
dee says
This was so timely! For some weeks now past hurts have been on a continual “rewind loop” in my brain. Just when I think I have forgiven those wrongs, something stirs up the hurt again. To get through them, I have to give them up to the light, otherwise I’ll be stuck in the same place, listening to same “tape” playing over and over again. It really is wearying!
Susan G. says
I think this is ‘life’…difficulties, change, hard things, really hard things ( all on the negative side of ‘life’, of course). Some changes are very difficult… I’m wondering if you are going through what you are going through because of writing that cute little book about ‘change’! I’m thinking you need to thumb back through it. 🙂 I will too. 🙂
Praying you will feel His great arms surrounding you every day.
Blessings!
KristenStrong says
Oh, I don’t think this particular season is a coincidence, Susan! 🙂 Thanks for the prayers, dear one. Much love.
Angela Bell says
“There is power in bringing the dark into the Light and letting the love and care of Jesus show us how to deal with it.”
Needed this post so much. I lost both grandmothers this summer over the course of eleven days. And I haven’t wanted to bring that darkness out. I just wanted to shut it away like that could prevent the shadow from consuming me. But shutting it away only makes the darkness grow, swell, incubate pain. I’m just now realizing that & your post was further confirmation that I need to acknowledge the darkness so God’s Light can help me deal with it and heal from it.
Beth Williams says
Angela,
So sorry for the losses of your grandmothers. May God bring about healing in your soul, mind and body. I pray for peace and contentment to know they are in a better place. Talk to God about your pain and He will slowly bring about healing to your weary soul!
Blessings 🙂
Blessings 🙂
tiffanie johnson says
I appreciate the confirmation that it’s ok and possible to be sad/weary/wanting change at the same time as also expressing gratitude for the things that are good. it’s refreshing to hear that sadness and gratitude are not mutually exclusive. “I can be joyous about my blessings without pretending the hard doesn’t exist.” thank you!
Melinda Lancaster says
I don’t think there is a single sentence of this post that I don’t identify with. Well, okay. I no longer have little ones at home for the summer. But still.
My youngest sister died of an overdose on April 1st. (that was really hard to type) Needless to say our world was turned upside down. We’ve experienced 7 additional losses since that time. I am so weary that it feels physically painful at times.
Although I have not found safe people yet, I was trying to push the pain and darkness away but found it only grew more intense. I’ve begun to make myself sit and just feel the pain instead of fearing it.
Your post has given me additional insight regarding what I need to do while sitting with it. It is not that I haven’t been talking to God about it because I have. It’s just that it feels more like venting than anything and a little shift in perspective has the ability to change that.
Have a mentioned how thankful I am to have stumbled upon this post today?
This stood out to me…”When we give our difficult circumstances attention rather than deflection, it exposes them to the light of Christ. Simultaneously, it reduces the dark’s power over them.
But this means we have to do the work of walking through it, of first keeping company with the harsh parts of our circumstances so we can introduce them to the power of Jesus. One might think that giving the darker parts of our life circumstances room to flex and breathe pushes Hope away. But instead, it becomes the window Hope enters in.
There is power in bringing the dark into the Light and letting the love and care of Jesus show us how to deal with it.”
I’ve been crying out to God so much these days. I know He hears us, and I realize there is no “formula” for getting Him to respond. So, I feel sure He’s been helping me/us. However this post brought a change in perspective that I think will be helpful in season of life.
I need to introduce the harsh parts of our circumstances to the power of Jesus. I’ve already introduced Him to them (and He knows about it all anyway). I never thought about making it a two-way street. Just reading this has made me feel more hopeful. I needed to see things differently. This situation, which is a real painful mess, isn’t going away any time soon. I really needed to consider bringing the dark into the Light and allowing Jesus to show me/us how to deal with it.
The whole pushing it down, keeping it bottled up has really made me sick and tired. Thank you so much for this post. I’m seeing things a little differently right now.
Beth Williams says
Melinda,
Prayers for you and your family! May God come, sit with you and comfort you during this most difficult time! Prayers for some peace and contentment within your heart, mind and soul! I pray for soul rest. It is ok to vent to God and ask why. He understands our frustrations and wants to be there for us during these times!
(((((hugs)))))
Blessings 🙂
Beth Williams says
Kristen,
I’m a little weary from some of life’s struggles. Last year we moved dad into assisted living and he had multiple medical issues. It was hard to deal with and work at the same time, but I managed somehow. This year, though I quit my job and assist more in his care-we called in hospice on July 17. At this time my hubby is looking for different work in his field. It has been a difficult few years. I find it easy to suppress the hard and not deal with it. If we face it and bring it to light then God will help us through these “trials”.
Blessings 🙂
Kathy Foster says
Thanks so much for sharing. I know this is an older post but praying all goes well for you. It is so difficult to place a loved one in any unfamiliar surroundings. Having to adjust to this myself, I know God in His wisdom and mercy will help you and all others to cope with this new situation. Blessings!