About the Author

Karina Allen is devoted to helping women live out their unique calling and building authentic community through the practical application of Scripture in an approachable, winsome manner.

Recent Posts

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Karina,
    Your post is very timely. One of my very best friends for the past 18 years is going to be moving away soon. We both were new in NC back then and we raised our children together. We’ve been through all the highs and lows you mentioned and are as tight as two sisters-in-Christ can be. I know it WILL be a grieving process and I’m going to have to go through it. I am so thankful that God has given me this much time with her. Yes, we’ll stay in touch, but it will be different…All I can do is do with this what I do with other things I can’t control – turn it over to the Lord. Thank you for your insights, Karina.
    Blessings and comfort to you,
    Bev

    • ONE YEAR MY SISTER WHO LIVED 15 MILES FROM ME MOVED , MY BEST FRIEND AT WORK RETIRED, I GOT A DEVORCE AND MY KIDS LOVED IN WITH MY EX HUSBAND, I FELT ABANDONED AND HURT AND FULL OF DESPAIR, I THINK I KEPT TRYING TO HANG ON TO WHAT HAD CHANGED INSTEAD OF LETTING GO AND TRYING SOMETHING NEW. FINALLY I RETIRED ON A DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION AND MOVED TO THE COAST WHERE I GOT INTO MANY THINGS CREATIVE: STAIN GLASS, WATER COLORS, CLAY, TOLE PAINTING AND QUILTING, IT WAS A LIFE SAVER. THE LORD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS AND I’M GREATFUL FOR THE GUIDNESS FROM THE HEART. PAULINE

      • Pauline, I love that! Thanking God that He brought you to a place of healing and hope. That is His specialty. He is faithful to usher in the new.

        Blessings!

    • Bev, you are so welcome! I am very much in the middle of it. But I am standing with you sweet sister and praying for your heart. May God speak peace and comfort to your soul.

      Be blessed!

  2. Thank you for sharing this post! I’ve known in my head that friendships change but hearing these words in this devotional hopes that solidify in my heart. Obviously the ones that you have at the age of five are different than what you have as you grow older, however, I made some great friends and college and then I was the one who moved away. Ten years later I’m still trying to stay connected. Through social media such as Facebook, I do get to see The small joys in their life and from one friend, just yesterday, I got a text about her exciting news of expecting her third baby this coming winter. Call me sensitive, but I missed these girls. I feel like we’ve done a pretty good job of staying in touch but between life circumstances it’s been a challenge to stay connected. I’ve been the one doing the pursuing and to be honest I feel like I’ve been doing it out of guilt since I was the one who moved away. I don’t receive many phone calls or messages from them but when I head to their side of the state I let them know abd try to reconnect in person. I’ve been encouraged by a great friend here at home to really evaluate how much emotional energy I put into these relationships. While while I really love these ladies I still struggle with the fact that I don’t feel a lot of reciprocation since I have moved. Maybe I do just need to let go and see how God will let the relationships continue to develop or not. Thanks again for sharing this post!

    • Jenn, thank you for sharing! I totally understand. I have had a ton of friends move away! They are good friends but not my everyday life people. Most of our connection is through social media as well. I don’t go out of my way to connect. I have just let it happen naturally. I tend to be the initiator as well. With these 2 particular friends, I would like to think that we will stay close, but life. Life happens. And I know that it will change and possibly even fade away. I have to learn to be okay with that if the season for these friendships is over.

      My prayers are with you sister!!!

      • Thanks Katrina! You’re right life happens. And I need to start becoming okay with that. Sigh! Please pray that I will be okay with that. Also pray that I would not be afraid to be open and honest but I missed them. It’s hard to be vulnerable, because I’m afraid I will get hurt and the feelings will not be reciprocated. Thanks for your prayers!

        • Friendships are all kinds of messy and complicated and beautiful and wonderful. They take time and effort. They begin and they end. Life!

          Jesus, I pray for Jenn’s heart. May it rest in Your heart. May she find peace, security and love in Your presence. You value her and esteem her. She is Your beloved daughter. May she walk in confidence of her identity.

          Amen

  3. these words ring so true. we moved to our current location five years ago. we had never moved from our home state before. leaving friends that were and are so dear was extremely difficult.

    • Annette, This time hit me hard. I wasn’t expecting it. But God is good and faithful and He loves me. That is all true for you as well. Rest is His love, grace and goodness.

  4. Thank you for this very timely message. I have two best friends that I have known for years. A couple of years ago, all three of us found men and went through the joy and excitement of first dates together…a year later, the man I met broke up with me…this summer, the other two are getting married to the men that they met. The layers of grief that I am processing are difficult and it is hard to remember that the feelings matter. I have very little patience for myself! So thank you…I needed your words.

    • You are very welcome Tinaya! That is a whole other thing! I am single and I have watched more friends than I care to think about meet men and get married. That has just added to my feelings. Ha! I don’t know what God’s plan is but I am leaning into His presence. May you do the same. Allow Him to comfort you in your grief and speak healing. Trust in His timing. It is perfect. Trust in His plans. They are holy. He loves you and has good in store for you!

      Be blessed!

  5. Thank you Karina for your words! I have had many dear friends move away and it can be so painful. For a long time I sat in the sadness until I realized that I needed to be honest with myself and God about how painful this has been. The Lord loves to restore and has been so faithful in healing that place in me and also bringing about new friends that have been a joy. Also- those dear old friends are just a phone call or text away- the relationship may be a bit different but it still has a place.

    • Honesty! That is tricky Mary. Ha! I like to live in denial when it comes to my emotions. I put up walls and hide. Jesus is working on that. I have amazing friends that are sill here. I am looking forward to cultivating those and discovering new friendships.

  6. I was the friend who moved away – 1100 miles. I had only learned to trust in deep Christian friendship for a couple years with the couple whom my husband and I had grown close to. It was just as hard to move away from them as our children. They felt like family we didn’t have elsewhere. It was so hard, and I look for my friend to be here in a different body but it hasn’t happened. I am learning that God meant for that season to be just that, and the memory of it holds me up now in our new surroundings and as I reach out to new friendships that are not the same but still ordained. We still text, pray for each other, send cards, and celebrate life happenings long-distance but it is not the same.

    • Kathy, I am praying that His sweet peace, comfort and joy wash over your spirit. He is near. Let Him be your refuge and strength. May He fill your life with the abounding joy of authentic community!

      Thank you for sharing!

  7. Karina, what a beautiful post. You’re right. Friendships do have seasons. And when friends move away, it hurts. A lot. Even though that’s true, we can’t not give pieces of our hearts away to trusted friends in order to be spared from the hurt later on. It’s in giving our hearts that we are filled. And it’s in sharing the ups and downs of life with others that the puzzle pieces of our lives are fit into place, making us more complete.

    I like what you said about grieving being natural, and needful when friends move away. Thank goodness the Lord knows how to handle our grieving and comfort us through it.

    I’m saying a prayer for you today as you work through your grieving process.

    • Thank you so much Jeanne! I know this won’t be the last time dear friends move away. I want to grieve with hope and be hopeful in transition. You are so right! I don’t want to withhold my heart because of wounding and grief. I want to stay open to new community and new friendships that will speak life.

  8. All my younger life, I had at least 1 best friend. We could be our true selves with each other, laugh, cry, play, speak of emotional difficulties, etc. THEN, at 35, I developed clinical depression, & after about 5 years of that, it turned into Bipolar Disorder(extreme highs & lows w/some in-betweens. My latest best friends couldn’t handle my highs (I didn’t even know what I was doing half the time), & I’m sure it was stressful to be around me. But, instead of waiting it out with me, they turned their backs on me. My latest friend phoned me up at 6:00 on Christmas morning to tell me she wants nothing more to do with me & I was dead to her. WOW! That was heavy! And, that was approx 4 years ago. I used to make good friends easily, but since that last phone call, I’m afraid to risk being close friends with anyone. Rejection has a hold on me. I’m praying for the courage & direction to make a new friend/friends. I want God to use me in any way He sees fit. He can give me the courage to befriend someone/or more. Also, I have been doing very well for the last 4 years…no highs or lows. I’m so thankful for this. I know He will see me through this time of loneliness, & on to a life of relationships with my brothers & sisters in Christ & with those who don’t know Him. Use me Lord, I pray.

    • Wow Debi! My heart breaks for you sister! It is so sad that often times we don’t stay through the hard stuff of community. We run away from the dirty and awkward times.

      I speak continued healing over your mind, body and soul. Sickness and torment and loneliness must leave in Jesus’ name. Wholeness, peace and a sense of belonging come. Fear has no place in your life, in Jesus’ name. Confidence come.

      I pray that Jesus would heal your every hurt and bind up every wound. May He give you a fresh vision of what community should look like and that you would be that. May that draw others to you so that you may be an encouragement, strength and blessing to them in their hard places.

      I esteem you sister! You are highly favored by the Lord!

    • Debi,
      Praying for you and encouraging you to step out with confidence that you are loved and treasured by the Lord. Unfortunately people don’t know how to handle mental illness especially if we are not doing well. I just encourage you to try again and I am lifting you up that God would put a compassionate friend in your path.
      Bev
      Bev

    • Debi,
      Wow!! What a story! So sorry those friends did not stick by you during your trials. To often people leave when life gets tough! They don’t want to stick by in the thick of things and see you through.
      Prayers for complete healing! May God put His healing hand over your mind, body and soul. Take away all torment, and loneliness. May God bring you 1-2 covenant friends to do life with!
      Blessings 🙂

  9. Beautifully written, Karina! I’ve had this happen twice where I had to allow myself to grieve the loss of some close friends because it hurt so bad. The grieving process wasn’t pretty but it was so valuable to help me make it through and wholeheartedly pray for my friend’s future.

  10. Thank you for such good advice and encouragement. Almost everyone can certainly use these words. This verse in Psalm 34 is a favorite…
    Praying for you!

  11. I am in the process of losing an “everyday friend” to a move 3000 away. I knew that it was going to happen someday as I have supported her dream and her process of discernment for almost a year. As the dream has become a reality for her in the past four weeks, I have tried to be there for my friend with all of my heart, putting her happiness above my sadness. I have prayed endlessly for this new season in her life and those times of prayer have brought me great comfort and peace. But I have not let myself grieve for myself. I too am strong and independent and resilient, and I have been clinging to my hope and optimism and confidence that our friendship will change and adapt in this new season. Still, my heart is breaking. Your writing touched my heart today and helped me embrace the reality that it is an ending. It gave me the ability to grieve. Thank you

    • Oh wow Beth! Praise the Lord! I will say a prayer for God to continually wrap you in His presence and whisper words of peace and comfort to your broken heart. He is near!

      Be blessed and joyful in Christ my sister!

  12. Karina,
    I will keep your post and reread often – I’ve said goodbye far too many times! I’ve only had a couple of “best friends” in my life but as you said, those friendships had their seasons and those seasons have passed.

    In recent years, I had a friendship that resembled the one you described for almost 15 years. We definitely shared a ridiculous amount of highs and lows, we shared life! And then…it ended. I kid you not – it just fizzled out and ended. I could write pages on the little things I think contributed (from both sides) but I truly do not know what actually made her turn away from me. The hurtful, sad part is that we are still at the same church and see each other occasionally. I’ve made attempts to talk, but now it’s all surface level and fake.

    The crazy part of this is that I get along well with many people! I mentor college students, I’m a manager at my job and we all get along wonderfully. The icing on the cake is that people who knew the two of us as friends in past years, will ask me what happened and I have no answer! It’s baffling!

    It’s been over 3 years since this friend has changed/turned away. I don’t have anyone I call a best/close friend. I read in your post, and I’ve read it many other places, that God designed us for community and doesn’t intend for us to do life alone. I’m just struggling with finding THAT community or THAT friend that is my place.

    My biggest lesson that I’ve learned from you today: I need to be praying for this friend who has caused the pain and for the situation that has caused the hurt in order to heal and find closure and hope. I’ve never heard it put the way you did: that laying out my feelings of grief and offering a blessing over the transition will create space for the Holy Spirit to move. Wow! I pray He fills me with that comfort, peace, joy and power He promises.

    Thank you!

    • Liz! You totally just blessed me!

      I am so sorry about how that friendship played out! We women are a peculiar group. We read into situations and we make big things out of little things and we take things and people for granted. We sometimes run away from hard circumstances or when things become awkward. I pray that God will bring closure and healing to you. I have people at my church that our friendships have played out like that. It’s sad but God has given me some other amazing friends. I have really tried to let them happen organically. Ask Him to bring those women into your life that will become covenant friends in both good and bad times. When you find them, those are the best! Be patient and trust God’s process.

      There is a place a of belonging for you…where you can be who God created you to be and flourish in all that He has purposed for you! I bless you my sister with ALL of God’s peace, joy, comfort and power! He is faithful!

  13. Karina thanks for sharing. Good stuff. Need prayers. I feel almost numb to some situations. Ive lost my passion. I cant take anymore hurt. Mentally, physically, emotionally and financially drained.

    • Chanel, I know exactly where you are. I am slowly finding myself there these days.

      I release the joy of the Lord over you and you circumstances. His joy is your strength. Jesus, wrap her in your loving embrace. Whisper your unchanging word to her spirit. They are bread and life to weary souls. Come in and heal every place that Chanel hurts. Be everything that she needs. You know her every need and desire to be the one that meets it. May she trust you beyond what her emotions or situation tell her. You are for her! And You are faithful! In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

      Let me know if there is anything else I can do. I am believing that you are in the perfect position for God to show up and show off!

  14. I want to encourage you that geography doesn’t have to end friendship. I’m transferred often, but 2 of my closest friends live in different states. Yes – it’s a different relationship, but our intentionality to remain close has brought us closer together – not further apart. We put more effort into our friendship – travel together, text, email, and lots of phone calls!

  15. I love this post. I had a new friend but I developed too quickly because of his great love for God. It’s difficult to let him go but I had to. I know I don’t have enough time that he really needs. My circumstances are mine alone so he must follow his desire while I continue my journey and faith in God.

    • Thank you Ramona for sharing. I will be praying that the Lord brings a few covenant friendships into your life in His perfect timing. Peace to you sister.

  16. Karina,
    I’m a little like you in that I never had a BFF. Growing up I was shy due to hearing loss. Now that I’m older I find I want and need some good friendships. God has seen fit to bring people into my life that I can do life with. I call one friend almost daily to chat about our aging parents.
    It can be hard when good friends or you move away and the friendship fades. I believe that if it is a good friendship you will find a way to stay in touch!

    Blessings 🙂