“A friend loves at all times.” {Proverbs 17:17, NKJV}
“I know you’re depressed; don’t try to deny it. I’ll be praying for you; call me if you need me. Or call someone.”
Tossing the phone, I crumpled to the floor. Crushed by Kathy’s words.
She saw through me. I thought my got-it-all-together act was working. Not with this friend, not anymore. Could anyone else suspect the heartache inside my soul too?
Why did I feel the need to hide this dreary secret? Pride, I suppose. I had presented a picture of my world as a woman, wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, church member, and Christian who had it all going on. Thinking if I revealed my true self, others may see me as weak and view my faith shaky.
After all, sad people came to me for help. I was the burden barer not the burden sharer. A church leader for goodness’ sake.
However, this life of mine had become an act. I barely made it through each day. I cried myself to sleep each night. Absurdly denying the truth to myself day after day after day. Depression was taking over as my chemical imbalance gained speed with each passing week.
Kathy’s words pricked at my heart. I sensed Gods nudging: It is time to break down your walls. You need a friend to help you.
Picking myself up off the ground, I inhaled a breath of courage and decided to tell someone about my profound sadness. And there it began.
I chose Kimberly, the right friend for the job. Sitting together at dinner, I experienced immense release in the telling as tears dropped on the table between us.
After this initial step, I took a few more — including seeking medical help.
On this healing road, I learned an unexpected thing: Needing a friend can sometimes mean being a friend.
I found it surprising that Kimberly appeared almost happy to hear my struggles. No, that’s not quite right, she was pleased and touched that I came to her baring my heart. I felt my veneer split, adding depth to our relationship by showing my sweet friend I trusted in her worth, by revealing my true, messed–up self.
My pride survived the telling as God humbled me graciously, yet strengthened me too, all in the course of one citrus-salad dinner.
Holding on to my nerve, I sought more support by reaching out to other real and vulnerable women. Admirable (chocolate loving) gals. Friends possessing deep and authentic faith who desired to be there for me.
I landed in their sweet place of acceptance and unconditional love. In return, they received the real, imperfect, armor-free me.
Sometimes the silly armor begins creeping up around me yet again. As I begin putting on the perfect act, I remember that needing can mean being a friend. So I pick up the phone, reach out to my girls and crush the armor.
And you? Is it time to get real? Are you tired of appearing to have it all going on? Is it time to reach out by bringing your heartache, realness, or weakness to the table?
With God’s help, you too may crush that seemingly perfect but cumbersome armor. I pray the Lord will prick your heart, dear one, let Him lead you to your own trustworthy, admirable, chocolate-loving friend.
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Related: Schedule a coffee date with a friend and serve her coffee in this inspirational mug: Two women met for coffee. When their mugs were empty . . . their hearts were full.
Leave a Comment
Jenn says
Wow! Thank you for this humbling reminder. It is so tempting to try to keep it all together for everyone. Thank you for the reminder that we don’t have to and more importantly it is not what God has called us to.
Kristin Saatzer says
You are so right Jenn, God has not called us to that.
Da Man says
Just what I needed to hear today!
Kristin Saatzer says
Good to hear!
Gina Quintanilla says
Wow! I totally understand how you felt because I feel the same way. I have a few friends here at work. But once work is over I have this overwhelming feeling that I don’t have these friends anymore. I have shared my heart with one and she has been really understanding and caring. But no one ever wants to do anything with me outside of work. They all get together for lunch, shopping or just to hang out. I am never a part of anything with them. So I have started withdrawing again and continue struggling with there must be something wrong with me that no one wants to be around me. I am there for everyone else and I listen and just comfort them when they are struggling. I want to have friends outside of work, but I don’t think they want to hang out with me.
Kristin Saatzer says
Keep at it Gina! The enemy wants us to withdrawal. You are a precious gem and I’m praying for you right now.
Mary says
Gina
You have a friend with me here on this site. I’ll be praying God will bless you with a Christian friend.
Kristin Saatzer says
Gina, what about joining a small group or an adult Sunday School class at church?
Beth Williams says
Prayers for you Gina! May God bring a good covenant friend that will share and do life with you! I understand your feelings and will pray for God to bring that special someone!
Kimberly Taylor Lucas says
I love you friend! Thanks for “keeping it real” with me. This is what touches lives and opens up hearts that would itherwise remain sealed to protect themselves!
Kristin Saatzer says
You have been a beautiful example to me of “keeping it real”!
Sonya Hill Houghton says
What a God-inspired message! You know exactly what to say to encourage women. Thank you, Kris!
Kristin Saatzer says
Thanks friend.
Marty says
“Needing a friend can sometimes mean being a friend.” That’ll preach right there. Thank you so much for sharing your insights. This post blessed me so much today.
Kristin Saatzer says
Thank you Marty.
Beth Williams says
Thank you for your honesty! We need to take the mask off and quit pretending life is perfect all the time! I have a good “covenant” friend with whom I share everything! She and I talk a few times a week, laughing and crying over life with aging parents. I also have a good friend at work with whom I share life!
We understand each other as we’re in the same spot with aging parents. I took her on a women’s retreat last weekend (5/15-5/16). I knew she needed to get away from her hectic life and recharge! I believe that God has called us to Community-not aloneness! We need friends to help us through these trials!
Blessings to you! I pray God will heal you!
Kristin Saatzer says
Thank you Beth. God has brought amazing healing.
Happy you have a heart friend to do life with.
Blessings.