I often get asked how I “find balance.” If balance means the house is clean, the kids are attended to, I’m caught up on emails, and I’m wearing a cute outfit with lipstick — then I have never found balance. My house is a mess, my kids are loved, my email list is long, and I wear the same jeans almost every day.
Balance is illusive. What does “balance” look like? How can we as busy moms find it? I have a slightly different perspective that’s helped me.
Instead of trying to find balance, I try to find the sweet spot between sacrifice and self-care. As a wife, special-needs mom, and jewelry designer, there more things to do in the day than hours. That’s real — and hopefully I’m not the only one who feels that way. I wake up, jump in the shower, and then begin working on the daily tasks that are so important, but often unnoticed. Kids need to be fed and bathed, homework checked, the groceries bought and put away, the laundry folded — and it goes on and on, right? I have a husband who is in it with me, and we have a babysitter who does a ton to help, and still there’s more to do.
As moms, we sacrifice. We make sure we feed our kids before we eat. We cancel meetings to pick up a sick child from school. We lose sleep worrying about that difficult kid in our child’s class. Sacrifice is part of being a mom. It’s a natural outpouring of love and affection. We simply can’t help it — it’s how we’re wired.
Self-care means tending to our own souls. For me, self-care looks like working out, getting a pedicure, having long chats with my sisters, and spending time in prayer. Self-care feeds my soul. It makes me whole. When I care for myself, I have more to give to my family and friends. It’s necessary.
Last week I had a frazzled afternoon. I was helping Matthias, my eleven-year-old, with a book project, and David was hungry and waiting to be fed. The phone was ringing, texts were coming in, and my email was mocking me. I was exhausted from a late night the day before and looking at my to-do list; I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do everything that needed to be done that day. I was overwhelmed — and I started freaking out. I screamed at the kids and I started to cry. Through my tears I said, “I’m just one person. I can’t do it all.” I felt broken and angry. I was leaning too far toward sacrifice and I needed to spend some time doing self-care.
When I’m on a trip for work, I often take an afternoon to nap. Naps are a glorious thing, and I don’t usually get one at home. Sometimes I’ll order ice cream from room service or spend an hour on the phone with my sister. These things are good for my soul. I’m not busy caring for my family and I try to say yes to what I want. I indulge a little, I relax. And mostly, I can’t wait to get home and cuddle my boys and figure out what to make for dinner. I love them and that’s where my heart resides.
If you’re like me, you probably lean towards sacrifice and need to do more self-care. I’m not sure why it’s so hard for us moms? Maybe it’s the mile long to-do list or it’s just the way our hearts are wired.
In the search for balance, I encourage you to take a look at how you navigate sacrifice and self-care.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” {Matthew 11:28-30}
Tell us, how do you nurture your soul so you can love more wholly?
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Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Lisa,
I love your wording of “finding the sweet spot between sacrifice and self-care”. Now that my children are grown ( but even still, they need a mom), I look back and see how my pendulum swung way too far toward the sacrifice side. I equated sacrifice with being a good mom and felt guilty if I indulged myself with a little self-care. All I can say now is that’s a lie. I believe that if I had done a better job of taking care of myself I would have been able to show more fruits of the Spirit: patience, gentleness, kindness, love…in order to pour forth living water, we need to take it in ourselves. Just an encouragement to you and other moms to take God-intended time for self-care and relationship with Him. Great post Lisa!
Bev
Bev
Lisa Leonard says
Such wise words Bev! xx
Beth Williams says
Bev,
Amen!! Women need to indulge themselves a little and then they will have the patience, gentleness, Etc. we need to bestow on others!
Tanya says
Wow! Thanks for posting. As a mother of two, going back to school myslef, being a teacher with 30 kids during the day and a husband I have been praying for more patience and tolerance when I get home. But I do not do any self care at all. But you are absolutely correct, to have more of the Fruit of the Spirit (gentleness, patience, love, etc) I need to have a balance. I have never thought about it like that before.
Jenn says
What an awesome and encouraging reminder! I really needed this this morning as I am a teacher approaching the end of the school year and feeling the hope of soon-to-be some relief but at the same time the pressure of a challenging schedule.
Lisa Leonard says
Summer always feels like a relief but brings a different kind of stress. Sending a hug your way! xx
Brooke Elizabeth Burger says
Love this! I can relate so much to tending to run on the sacrifice side.
I am actually on a work trip right now, I have relaxed each of the last two nights in a wonderful hot tub. I try to take care of myself with little things like manicures and reading when I can. Even Hagen Daas (sp?) on Mother’s Day, lol.
Thank you for this. Blessings from another special needs kid. Mine is midly so and working for the summer at a Christian camp hours away from home. It is such a blessing, and Mom won’t worry too much. 😉
Lisa Leonard says
Good for you Brooke! xo
Shauna Viele says
Just nurtured myself Right here…thank you! When I can’t find extended time slots, I pray for guidance and encouragement, and it pops up just when I need it most. As a mom AND a nurse, self sacrifice seems to tilt the scales way too far some days. 😉
Lisa Leonard says
So true. I tend to lean that way as well. xo
Lisa Brown says
A must read and thank you for the reminder. Self Care for me is reading blog posts that nurture my soul.
Lisa Leonard says
Thank you Lisa! xo
Lisa Appelo says
It’s so true that balance is elusive! Life is always tilted a bit! Whenever I’m doing really well with a clean house or errands run or homeschooled well or lots of writing. . . other things are left undone. I think the one thing that nutures my soul is my time in the Word. That is my not-to-be-missed if nothing else gets done. But I have to fight for it! Thank you for a good reminder that none of us has it all balance well. 🙂
Emily Haney says
As someone already said, the words “finding the sweet spot between sacrifice and self-care” really ring true to moms. I’m a mother, a teacher, and volunteer at church, sometimes it seems all I do is pour into other people and give up my wants for others. Thanks for this reminder to take care of ourselves 🙂
Lisa Leonard says
I agree, we pour out ourselves and end up empty. Sending you a hug today! xx
Marshae says
Oh wow, I’m definitely motivated and inspired by reading this article. People often tell me I need to find a balance as I try to do Ministry work, but I agree with you, im happy and if I’m scarficing and doing the work of God, why do I need a balance. You have such an amazing spirit, I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog posts. God bless!
Lisa Leonard says
Thanks Marshae! xx
Marshae says
Very welcome, I’m keeping you, your family, and your Ministry lifted. God Bless!
Marty says
“…the sweet spot between sacrifice and self-care.” I think this statement describes how most moms want to view their roles. And, like most moms, I have maybe spent too much time on the sacrifice side of things. It’s hard, when you have a child with Special Needs. We have a 29 year old son with Down Syndrome, and he lives at home with us. And we love it. Even tho 2 of our other children have left our nest for homes of their own…and our baby is leaving for college in the Fall…having one who is dependent on the care of others takes a lot of sacrifice and mental energy. It is such a blessing to parent him, but you are so right about the importance of self-care. I am recharged by laughter, time with family and friends, time in God’s word and prayer, and sometimes by time alone. Not necessarily in that order!
Lisa Leonard says
Marty, it’s so hard! Love the ways you recharge. xx
Leslee says
I have one child out of the house (for now) and a teenage daughter at home that has a pretty crazy schedule at time and I am in full time ministry at our church. Sometimes its all about ministry and housework. Spending time on dates with my husband and spending time with friends talking and laughing over coffee or food is the best self care I can think of. Along with a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus and I can take a deep breath and going back to conquering my little piece of the world.
Tyra says
Lisa,
Wonderful truth spoke here friend. Last year I finally gave myself permission for self care. As a busy mom of 5, whose husband works around the clock, a ministry leader and wearing many other hats, I can get depleted. While it is difficult to literally find the time for self care I listen to the voice of Jesus and obey him. He makes me lie down in green pasture and leads me beside still waters. Even if I steal away for 5 minutes of deep breathing, I relish the time. I pray all reading will see that self care is CRITICAL and they’ll nurture themselves on purpose.
Calvin Zusabel Ibañez says
Thank you so much, Lisa. The same verse was also our guiding truth in our mini-couple retreat-slash-babymoon. I am a soon-to-be first-time mom and though the baby has not popped yet, the husband and I felt we needed to bond with the Lord and with each other before we become three. And I am just so glad he decided for it! 🙂 Lately, also, self-care for me means that I wake up minutes earlier than usual so I can spend time reading His Word and journalling my thoughts.
Susan G. says
Bless you as He helps you to find that ‘sweet spot’ more and more often.
Thanks for this!
Beth Williams says
Lisa,
I’m not a mother, but find myself mothering my aging dad. Last year was full of moving to assisted living, doctor’s visits, ER trips, falls, psych issues, and the list goes on. I found it super hard to balance life-(I finally felt in tune with busy moms)~ My work suffered greatly, dad got the best of me & for a month I felt ill and out of sorts. Just couldn’t take it anymore–too much busyness and not enough “me” time! Adding to my stress was hubby about to lose his job.
This year Praise God my dad is doing much better!! I am still having hard time at work, but I know that will end soon. I am taking a little more me time and doing just for me! I have a little more to give people!
Prayers for you and your family! May God bless you and give you the strength you need to carry on!!
Judy says
I too find it hard to find balance. I’m not married nor have children but I have an elderly father to check in on every day. I work full time, have a 3 bedroom house and 2 cats. My job is about 10 miles away and my dad 9 miles. It’s exhausting to keep up with everything. The mere nature of my job in a medical lab and checking in on my dad to see what he needs means I come last, even behind my 2 cats. So how do I find balance, what I have always called my “center”? prayer, walking and associating with friends, excursions to museums and parks, started taking a water color painting class, gardening, enjoying what I can when I find time.. But the house is a mess of unorganized piles of papers and magazines and projects that I always mean to do when I don’t have anything else to do, That makes me feel guilty, But I know I can’s do it all. I find it important to do those things that fill me with spiritual guidance and bring me closer to the Lord, So a messy house just has to lose to a trip to a museum or a evening painting somehow in order to keep my balance or “center”
Angela Marie Cheong says
Thanks..Only Rest in God’s Presence will lead our soul at peace! Exodus14:14- Be still The Lord will fight for you! Psalm 23