While we don’t have plans to do a formal (in)RL gathering this year, God has put it on our hearts to continue to encourage and equip women to gather in real life throughout the year — not just one weekend.
Since the last weekend in April holds a special place in our hearts, we want to launch our first “Girlfriend Gathering” Saturday, April 25th. We’ll spend each Wednesday in April sharing our own “friendship on purpose” stories, with topics to inspire you as you gather with your own friends. Then, on April 25th, get together with the women God puts on your heart for a few hours of fun and fellowship!
Each Wednesday we’ll include a challenge, invitation, or resource to help you as you plan, but there will be no set agenda, theme, or to-do list for the Girlfriend Gathering.
It’s as simple as this: Invite your girlfriends to gather. Plan as much or as little as God has put on your heart. Let’s do some (in)RL community together, yeah?
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I had it all planned:
when they would all arrive
what I needed to do beforehand
how I wanted my heart to feel when they got here
Not wanting to turn into “the frazzled friend” I can become when hosting a get-together, I banned myself from Pinterest and my own desire for “perfect.”
I mapped out a timeline and recruited help from a friend. Together we would be prepared. Simple appetizers and decorations. A few pretty touches. My biggest desire? To be ready early, with time to spare and room to breathe.
I wanted to enjoy this night. I wanted to feel calm and happy when guests arrived. I wanted to greet each friend face to face, and let her know she was not only welcomed, she was wanted.
But even the simplest of plans don’t always go as planned.
A crisis at work kept my husband from helping me get the house clean. Traffic was horrible and my friend/co-host got stuck on the other side of town, unable to come early to help with setup. I was on my own, with three hungry kids piling into the kitchen asking when dad would be home to take them out for pizza.
I was not calm. I was not happy. Things were not getting done, and I was coming undone.
My kitchen was a mess. The food wasn’t ready. And just as women started arriving, my tech-savvy-son told me our computer wasn’t compatible with our television, which meant streaming the (in)RL sessions (a highly anticipated part of our evening) was looking like another fail.
Deep disappointment and a slight sense of panic came crashing in. Why do I even try?
I so desperately wanted to enjoy this night. These friends. And then I remembered . . .
I still could. I didn’t have to let my messy “far-from-perfect” reality crash the party. My plan, NOT to become “the frazzled friend,” still had a chance to survive the crazy.
Although it wasn’t easy to switch gears, leaning into these 3 truths reset my perspective:
1. Being present trumps being perfect.
The most important part of gathering friends that night was to be “with” them. To be present. To create a place for women I knew so we could connect and share our hearts, our stories, our lives. That was still possible.
When Jesus stopped by to hang out with His friends and enjoy a dinner party with Mary, Lazarus, and Martha, He didn’t care what they were having for dinner. He wasn’t concerned about dishes in the sink or the decor of their home. He just wanted to be with them. {See Luke 10:39-42}
2. Letting friends see our imperfections may be the best gift we can give them.
Having everything all-together can be intimidating. As women it’s so easy to compare ourselves, our homes, even our party-hosting skills, and feel less-than.
Maybe someone needed to see how very not-all-together I am. Or perhaps someone needed to hear my heart as I shared openly about my struggle that night. Maybe letting friends see my messy imperfections was the best gift I could give them.
3. Non-frazzled friends make plans with open hands.
Like Martha and Mary, I am learning to go to Jesus and ask Him what He wants. His perspective helps me manage my failed plans and frustrations with “imperfect,” so I can enjoy the most important parts of friendship: being together.
I guess you could say I’m learning to make plans with open hands and leave the final details in His.
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Community Challenge: We had such a great time at last week’s Twitter party and loved all of your ideas on how to plan a gathering with friends! Today let’s share our favorite easy, stress-free, food ideas & plan some easy snacks to share at our Girlfriend Gatherings!
For more Girlfriend Gathering resources, including recipes, the other posts in this series & videos to watch together, head here! We’ll keep updating it throughout the month.
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Renee,
I love all the truths…but “being present trumps being perfect” really resonated with me. This is a lesson that God has continued to teach me over the years. I don’t have the concept down “perfectly” yet, but I am a long way from where I used to be. I’m learning that life is too short to get so caught up in the minutia of trying to present the perfect get together…after all, isn’t that the goal…to get together? Thank you for sharing your real life story to encourage us as to where our priorities need to be when trying to create community. Good stuff 🙂
Blessings,
Bev
Oh Bev, me too. “Being present trumps being perfect” is a truth I need to preach to myself daily. Thanks for your presence here in the inCourage community. It’s a gift!! 🙂
I hear ha, Renee! I’m constantly fighting the battle to put togetherness ahead of my to-do list, and I fail more times than I win. The struggle is real 🙂 Thank you for all you do!
The struggle is real. Amen to that. 🙂
I have a friend who is my mother’s age and she has said, Hospitality isn’t what you serve, it’s about how welcome you make the people feel in your home. She would serve a glass of water if that is all she had, and people loved having her listening ear. I have to remember that. I can get so caught up in what I serve when it can just be simple.
I love that! And it’s so true. I want to get better at serving water. 🙂 Thanks for sharing Joanne.
Well, this also applies to your kids. I’m a fairly new adoptive Mom. I adopted my son almost two years ago and with getting a routine down for him, myself, and husband was tricky. I wanted to maintain the house better now with a kid in the house but I also work. So, I found myself always picking things up and cleaning on my off days. One day my son said “lets play” and I told him we would but after I was done cleaning this and that. He said ok but I saw the look in his eyes. Him being a child who had a lot of disappointments early in life I did not want to end up being another disappointment for him. So, I put down the cleaning rag and said “you know what, it can wait. Lets play.” His face lit up and we had a ball for a few hours. When we were done I finished what I wanted to get done. I missed his first 8 years of life and he is only going to want to hang out with me for so long before friends take priority and I don’t want to miss a chance to hang out or spend time with him just to clean the house.
Beautiful, Keesha! You chose the better thing 😉
Renee, I love this so much! My goal before having anyone over to my house is simply to not be sweating when they get there. 😉
You and me both girl. Being ready early would have allowed the sweat to dry. 🙂
You can do it Bevy! It’s so worth it.
We had the best time that night my plans didn’t go as planned :). Praying you’ll say yes to hosting a “Mugs & Muffin” event.
Thank you for all you do Renee!
🙂
I needed to read this. I am hosting a gathering this weekend. I didn’t want to get overstressed, but to keep things simple. I did not expect continual rain the week of sharing my garden as a place we are to gather and enjoy. Nor could I have known an army of stinging asp worms would invade our property. The tree guys had only one date, this past weekend, that they could come finish taking down a huge limb compromising our home; thus unplanned cleanup. Your story helped me to remember the important things. So each one will arrive and be welcomed, knowing they matter. My garden may be muddy, and far from pristine. It’s not a fussy garden anyway, but a work in progress– just as we are. Come rain or sunshine we will still gather, and share our lives and our stories. This is real life!
I’m not good at having people over. I guess it’s partly because we live out in the country far from a lot of people and my husband is an introvert. You are right about “being present trumps being perfect”. Sometimes people just want to come over and visit–actually talk with you. Most of us don’t care how the house looks or what food we eat. I enjoy the company!