I’m proud of you.
Maybe that’s how I should begin this, because there are other days, other years, when this letter would have started off much differently.
All you want right now is to be beautiful. That’s the bottom line. Which is shallow, but true. You wake up and look in the mirror, all the while begging God to make you half as pretty as your older sister. That would be sufficient, you tell Him. You ask your mom to please please please get you contacts so you can finally throw away your glasses. You explain to her if you have contacts nobody will notice the giant braces that are taking over the entirety of your mouth. The braces come off eventually. It’ll be worth it, I promise.
You’re worried about a lot of things right now.
All your life people have told you what a good girl you are, and you secretly wish you could be anything but. You feel there is a mountain of expectations upon you, and let’s be honest with one another for a moment, you’ve placed most of these expectations on yourself. I want you to know there will be grace when you screw up. Grace and consequences. But mostly grace.
You stare at the girls in your school. You find something in all of them that you wish was yours — a flatter stomach, larger eyes, Abercrombie and Fitch clothes (but don’t waste your time wishing for these; they go out of style real quick), a boyfriend, the lead part in the school play, the ability to do anything athletic. You spend your days chasing an illusion: that if you do more, act more, have more, you’ll finally be enough.
I know it’s hard to believe right now, and in a few years it probably won’t be any easier, but you are enough right as you are. You see, you think you’re in charge of your life. You think beauty is the most important thing, and that a boyfriend will fill your innermost parts. The truth is, you’re not in charge. You don’t have control over anything.
You’ll go to Africa after you graduate. You’ll come home armed with notebooks and stories, and you’ll want to tell all the people you pass by that you are going to be a writer. A few years later, your mom will get cancer. It will be a long, hard journey, but God will heal her and you’ll see Jesus in ways you never thought you could see.
You have an identity.
You don’t know what that is yet, and I understand. It’s still being formed and shifted into place. But you have an identity, one that was created even before you. Christ knew that you would wake up and look into the mirror, begging to be beautiful. He knew you’d go to Rwanda, and that your mom would have cancer, and that you’d lay awake at night dreaming of writing a book. He knew the expectations that weighed and wilted you down.
He knows you. He knows you now, He knew you before, He’ll know you next year, and all the years after that. Root your identity in Him. Plant your worth in who He is, and who He says you are.
You’re a good kid. Believe your dad when he tells you that. Love people hard, write down your stories, and would you quit thinking about your weight? That’s a waste of time.
Keep looking for Jesus in everything you see. He loves you madly, you know. You’ll realize this someday.
Love, me
[linebreak]
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Aliza,
Let me first say that you have a smile, an outer beauty and an inner beauty that lights up a room…I say that most sincerely. God has given you such a wonderful gift in being able to put into words, that flow so fluidly, what we ALL feel. We all have our insecurities – our Achilles heels- where the enemy knows to strike. For each of us it’s just a little bit different, but insecurities exist. Perhaps we have them so that we will go running back to the arms of our Creator and find our worth in who He says we are…not what the world says. You have expressed it so beautifully here – root yourself in Him and who He says you are. Seek Him first and all these other things will be added unto you. For someone so young, you amaze me. I’m 50+ and needed to here these words. Thank you…
Blessings,
Bev
alizalatta says
Bev, you always are so kind to me. I love this: “perhaps we have them so that we will go running back to the arms of our Creator”…I think you’re absolutely right. Thank you for your words. I deeply appreciate them.
Abby says
Thanks for sharing, I needed this!!
alizalatta says
Thanks, Abby.
Sheryl87 says
Such a wonderful post, thank you for sharing.
alizalatta says
Thank you Sheryl!
Joi says
Abercrombie and Fitch clothes! Bahaha! I remember wishing I had some of those as well! Great post.
alizalatta says
What about them was so enticing? So funny to think back on, eh?!
Jeannie says
Wow, as a teacher of teenagers, I see this every day. You nailed it, girlfriend. Keep writing His Truth. There are so many blinded, hurting souls out there who need to hear it.
John 8:32
alizalatta says
Thanks so much, Jeannie.
Anneke says
oh wow. there were nearly tears…thank you for your words. God spoke truth over me, through you, today. I pray that you will remember each day how much you are loved by Him and your readers/fellow fighters!
alizalatta says
Anneke, I’m thrilled God spoke truth to you through this. Thank you for your prayers! xo
Angela says
I don’t think think I can write a letter to myself. Because it’ll be full of scathing remarks, condemnation and vulgar name calling.
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Angela,
If you can, read Psalm 139 which says that you are God’s handiwork…you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God didn’t make any mistakes when He made you and He wants you to delight in His handiwork…You are a treasure, a prize, beautifully created in His image. Praying that you can see yourself as God sees you – worthy and dearly loved. God does not condemn you and would not want you to heap condemnation upon yourself. Lifting you up…
Bev xx
XiaoE says
This is the first time I want to say something,I’m a Christian from China(please forgive my mistakes in English),and i have found this website for several months,all the blogs posted on this site are wonderful.I tried to lose weight for many times,and this makes me feel bad until I know about Jesus,and I tried to live a happier life without considering the weight.And most of the time,it worked.I still need to Keep looking for Jesus in everything i see. Thank all the sisters here,and you, Aliza.
Beth Williams says
XiaoE
Prayers for you and other Chinese Christians. Keep looking to Jesus for all your answers. Prayers that He will shower you with much grace and mercy. May you feel His and our love pouring out over you.
(((hugs)))
XiaoE says
Thank you, Beth.A big hug to you~I can feel the love from Him and you.Thanks again,I believe I can be more confident than every yesterday because of the love.
Beth Williams says
Aliza,
Girl you nailed it on the head!! You have eloquently expressed every young girls’ insecurities. Your talent for writing is exquisite. Thanks for sharing a most poignant post!
Every young girl wants what she thinks other’s have. My insecurities were talking in public. Making friends is hard when you’re shy due to hearing loss, I didn’t have “rich” or outgoing parents either. We need to teach our young girls that they need to root themselves in who Christ says they are–beautiful, smart, outgoing women who can accomplish anything they put their minds to,
Blessings 🙂
Bev @ Walking Well With God says
Amen, Beth!!
Bev xx