“She scares me,” the young lady said as she pointed to a name on the bible study sign-up sheet. I burst out laughing because the name belonged to a dear friend. This “scary” friend, bold in spirit with a heart as big as the size of Texas, talks with a delightful Tennessee twang making her seem a little rough around the edges. I could see how the young lady might be intimidated by my friend’s larger-than-life persona.
I started thinking about all the times we miss out on friendship opportunities because we perceive something different than reality. We shy away because the person seems busy, hateful, haughty or a myriad of other perceptions.
In all actuality, the quiet lady who sits to your left in worship may be insecure – not haughty. The young mom brushing past you in a hurry may be at the end of her momma rope with three little ones in tow. The shy girl who looks away when you catch her eye may be drowning in grief or depression.
The truth is we all come to the friendship table with hang ups and insecurities. We all have broken, raw places. It’s not easy to put ourselves out there but the Bible tells us in order to have friends, we must show ourselves friendly.
I grew up believing first impressions are lasting impressions – especially in the professional world; however, Christians should have a different view simply based on God’s reply to Samuel when seeking the new king of Israel.
“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
How about we start taking time to get to know the hearts belonging to all those new faces? What if we extend grace?
Everyone has a bad day and no one is immune to letting emotions slip in hasty replies. The beautiful lady dressed to the hilt with all the diamonds might be the most humble person in the room. The chatty girl may not be annoying once you get to know her and realize her infectious zeal for life.
Given the opportunity to engage my scary friend, the young lady soon fell in love with her. This experience encouraged me to take off my blinders of perception and be bold in showing myself friendly.
Why not be the one to step out and extend the hand of friendship? What do you have to lose? You never know what God has waiting for you on the other side of a friendly conversation.
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Melanie I so needed to read this today. I woke up with someone on my heart, that I just can’t get close to. God knows my heart. It is in his hands. Love you.
Oh sweet Elizabeth, I will pray for this request. I know your sweet heart too – and its precious! You have been a real friend to me and I so appreciate you. Love you girl!
You are so right Melanie, looks are very deceptive. Thank you for sharing. God Bless
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Yes Ifeoma, looks can really fool us for sure. Satan wants to operate with the visual mindset of sizing everyone up in a moment. When we do that – we so cheat ourselves. Have a blessed day dear!
Great reminder. I think I’ve heard this story before……..
Yes Ms. Mandi, you have heard this story. lol Thank you for the inspiration and honesty. Love you girl!
What a fresh read! THANKS!!! I have found myself as both the “scared” person and “scaree”! 🙂 Once assumptions were moved aside and a hand extended, well….. it was good!
BE BOLD!
Thank you Karen. You are so right – we must BE BOLD! I have found my fear fade more and more as I extend my hand. Usually the other party is just as nervous as we are. Thank you for the encouragement.
Melanie, thank you for the reminder. This is a GREAT venue for your powerful insights. Thank you for your obedience. I’m going to share this link. Love and miss y’all.
Thank you Moire. I am so glad you have found “Incourage” and can share with your friends. Incourage has been such a blessing in my life. No matter what kind of day I am having, it seems the Lord always speaks to me from the daily devotion. So many wonderful authors share truth and love. Love you friend!
Melanie Porter, thanks for the reminder. I am guilty of jumping to first impressions and not taking the time to really get to know the person.
Danielle – oh we are all guilty of jumping to first impressions. As I have shared this story, I find that fear is always the common denominator – as well as intimidation. As Karen said above, we must BE BOLD! Love you girl!
Great reminder to all of us.
Thank you Lea Ann! I have gained new friends since the Lord showed me the light! Have a blessed day!
Melanie, I loved this, and Yes! I’ve said those words “She scares me!” But the truth of it was, she was a person just like me, only more vocal! Great post, and wonderful reminder that we don’t know what another is going through…
Thank you Ellen. Yes you are so right – we never know what burden our sister is carrying when we come face to face; therefore, we must take the first step. Thank you for your encouragement!
Love your heart Melanie and thank you for sharing such great insight and challenging me to look beyond the appearance of the people I meet, especially having just moved. Love you!
Thank you sweet girl! You have such an infectious personality – everyone loves you! So BE BOLD!! Love you dear!
Melanie, your words speak straight to my heart. I have done the same thing as your friend on more than one occasion, but as it turns out the people who didn’t make a great first impression happen to be my closest friends. Isn’t it amazing how God works? 😉 So delighted to see you here today. #WriteOn, sister!
Dear Abby….I like how that sounds – giggle, giggle – I know exactly what you mean! It is amazing how GOD puts us together with the hearts we connect with. The same thing happened to me. I have often thought about where I would be without some of the friendships that I had to work at. Now they are sweet aromas to my soul. Thank you for your encouragement dear. Oh the many times your words inspired me!!!! From one sister to another – we may be miles and miles apart in geography but our hearts are knitted in words for the father’s purpose! Have a blessed day!
The Lord spoke to me through your words!! Beautiful, friend! And thank you!!
Thank you so much Jess! I am looking forward to getting to know you more through our writing sisterhood. Your kindness is much appreciated!
These are beautiful, needed words Melaine. Thank you for the reminder to look past the surface today. This has been on my mind a lot recently. Your words inspire!!
Ah lovely Meredith, thank you for the encouragement. I am always grateful for a word from you and I so enjoy your humor! Just like Abby, Ellen, Jess and Sarah – we are bound as sisters, sharing our hearts for HIS purpose. You inspire me everyday dear and I Love being a spectator of your little family!
Eeek! I thought maybe the scary lady was ME…until I read that she was from TN. I love to laugh, and I’m always looking for the funny in things. But,we are new in our town, and my daughter keeps telling me, “MOM…these people don’t understand your humor!” I’ve had to really watch myself and tread lightly. Just because I can use humor to deal with some hard situations in my life, doesn’t mean that everyone else does. Or can. Or wants to. And, not everything is funny…I totally get that. I don’t want to scare anyone off! Thank you for the reminder to not only avoid making judgments about people based on my perceptions…but to also really watch myself to see what kind of impression I might be making on others. 🙂
Ok Marty, I like you!!!! You had me chuckling all the way through your post. I can’t imagine anyone not wanting you for a friend. I too deal with trials via laughter…..I had to with raising 3 boys. I am so thankful for that release value GOD gave us, just smiling makes me feel better! Praying for fun, favor and friends for you to share your laughter with. Blessings new friend!
Thanks for sharing!.. I’ll try not to be scared with some women in our church… I sometimes feel rejection.. snobbed/ laughed at for my accent..but your divine perspective inspired me.
One older missionary lady scares me now( 71 yo).. coz acc. to her..I can’t be a better Christian friend..I can’t meet her own judgedment/standard on how I should act when I’m around her…I tried my best lo love her unconditionally…but scared to give her a call coz she changed her attitude towards me…she rejected me as her friend…
Oh Karen I am so sorry you have experienced this situation. I will lift you up in prayer. Just because you had a bad experience with one person, please don’t let that keep you from trying again. Choose to reject any negative thought in your mind concerning those you come in contact with. Satan wants to make you think all kinds of negative things about yourself and others. He doesn’t want you to have Godly friends. Pray for boldness and for a special few to connect with! BE BOLD friend!!
Amen! It’s so easy to look at people and make assumptions about them. My family and I travel to many different churches and meet many new people on a weekly basis. I’ve learned over the years that the first impression is not always the right impression. In fact, in my very limited experience, the first impression is very rarely correct. It takes courage to walk past the awkward “firsts” of a friendship, reach out, and truly discover the heart of a person. But there are so many connections just waiting to enrich our lives if we embrace the courage to look past the outward appearance and to look on the heart as God does.
Amen Courtney! Amen! I have friends that didn’t make a great first impression and I know I don’t always make a great first impression. The richness of friendship doesn’t happen in those first few minutes anyway. The outward appearance can be deceptive as well. Thank you for your wise words here friend!
Such truth in this post! I’ve been on both ends. I’ve been accused of being “snobby” or “thinking I’m too good for them” when in truth I was very shy when I was younger. I pray your words will bless many just as it has blessed me today. Thank you for sharing.
Oh yes Barbara, I know what you mean. I have a friend that is incredibly shy but yet she has the most beautiful heart! Thank you for your encouragement dear! Have a blessed day!
Melanie, I love ❤ your heart ❤. You can touch my heart ❤ like nobody else. I think sitting down and writing in a journal may help communicating my feeling to God the way I don’t think I can in near speech. Thank you sweet friend.
Oh sweet Patricia, keeping a journal will so enrich you time with JESUS….its such a good way to see clarity spiritually. You are a jewell Patricia, I love you!!
Amen! It’s the heart the heart the heart!!! He has been teaching me so much about this lately. Such truth and beauty- sweet Jesus is our example and He rubbed shoulders with the outcasts, the despised, the children, the broken…always looking at the heart. He keeps reminding me of this same verse. Thank you for sharing!
Beautiful Melanie! Thank you for your wise insight and honesty. JESUS is the ultimate example!! Have a blessed day dear!
Melanie thank you for bringing such a great topic to the table. We so often fly through life and quickly access if we want to get to know someone. I’m glad some of my friends gave me a second chance. Beautifully written and a reminder that we just don’t know what’s buried within another person’s heart. Let’s give folks the benefit of the doubt.
Loved it Melanie!
Oh yes that is so true Carmen. I was just thinking about that this morning – and how that really is being a “respecter of men” in a way. After this happened, I thought about the people that I have not given a second chance and I have been working hard at trying to develop those friendships. Thank you for your insight! Have a blessed day friend!
Melanie, I love this! In so many ways, I love this. We are so wise to let go of judgement and to grab hold of grace and love. Thank you for encouraging my soul in this process.
Thank you for encouragement sweet Kelly!!
Thanks Mel for the reminder…for sharing. I have been off fb for awhile and have missed reading your blogs. Keep writing my friend…The Holy Spirit is using them to speak to our heart. Love u Mel!
Thank you for your encouragement and support sweet Nini! I love you!
It is so very true that first impressions should never be lasting impressions. I made a few first impression ideas about people at my church years ago. Once I truly got to know them I have grown to “love” them as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Don’t look at the outside, but deep into the heart of the person and see who they really are. I love getting to know people deep down. It puts new perspective on life!
Blessings 🙂
You are so right Beth! It’s worth the investment of time and energy getting to know people’s heart! Have a blessed day!
What a wonderful message, Melanie! It’s so important not to make judgments about each other. We cannot know what is going on inside. The Lord is also teaching me not to assume people stay the same. I’ve certainly grown through the years. Mistakes I’ve made in the past and my perspective has certainly changed through the years as the Lord works on my heart. Wouldn’t it be great if we assumed people have grown in the their walk with the Lord instead of holding past hurts against them? Grace…God is teaching me to live filled with His grace and pouring it out to everyone around me.
Thank you for your encouragement sweet friend! Your words are very wise and food for my soul – thank you!
This was a word for me today. When I was picking up my kids from preschool today, I specifically said hello to someone I just met (a new pastor’s wife in town). She looked right passed me and didn’t say hello. My flesh wants to write her off and turn away. Your post convicted me to stay in the game, to work towards this friendship.
Yes Tamara! Stay in the game! Don’t let Satan try to twist a first impression into something it is not! Have a blessed day dear! Press on!
Very timely! I need this to remind me of looking at the heart of this friend of mine who just uttered a not so nice remarks on me….oh i need that grace to pour out in my heart! God bless you all!
Blessings to you Lorna! It is so hard sometimes – I understand. My prayer for you and your friend is peace and sweet unity as you navigate Grace threads in your relationship!
Wow! I needed this and I can’t wait to share it with friends! so true Melanie!
God bless you!
Thank you Jaki! So glad it spoke to you! To GOD be the Glory! Have a blessed day!