I hated myself and the skin I was in. I was behind bars for seven years. Not physical prison bars, but bars of self-hatred, self-rejection and low self-esteem. What caused me to end up there was my obsession to have the perfect skin. And my cell mate “Acne” didn’t make life any better. I was too embarrassed to face people at school, work and social events.

Self-rejection, self-hatred and low self-esteem roll together. You don’t see one without the other. They made sure to consistently remind me that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or talented enough. They made sure I was aware of myself instead of God. They made sure I checked in to pay homage to the mirror on the wall.

 “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, am I pretty at all?”

It would always answer back, “If you had the perfect, smooth, blemish-free skin, you would be pretty. If you looked like the models in Vogue magazine, then you would be pretty once and for all.”

I had believed the lies. I had a severe case of “compare-itis.” I constantly compared myself to other women. “Why is my skin this way? Why can’t my skin look like hers? Wow, she doesn’t have any blemishes.”

I thought everything was okay until God began to shine His light on this issue in my heart. I was a captive to self-rejection. I began to journal and ask God to set me free.

*****

I was going to get the perfect skin at any cost. And a cost I paid. I bought product after product thinking I’d have the perfect skin. Nope, that didn’t work. I tried home remedies but that didn’t work either. Finally, I came to my one last resort: an Intense Pulsed Light Laser skin treatment.

“A skin treatment? Yes, that’ll work.” I’d finally have the perfect skin now.

The treatment went fine – so I thought. I didn’t feel any different afterwards, but was excited for a new look.

Within five minutes, my new look started to show on the way home.

“Turn around,” my mother said, with an alarmed look on her face.

Turning towards her, I asked, “What? What’s wrong?”

“You have a huge welt right here on the side of your face,” she said, rubbing my face.

“What!” I flipped down the car mirror. A 2-inch welt and purplish-red skin stared back at me.

My new look became worse overnight. My face was severely burned. I was angry, hurt, disappointed, and sad. “How could this happen? Will I ever get married? What will people say?”

*****

I had a straight out of the Bible mini-Job experience; it was hard and painful. But Jesus, the Great Liberator, freed me from a seven-year prison sentence from low self-esteem. He unlocked my chains with love, acceptance, worth, approval, and revelation of how He saw me.

“Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.” {John 8:28}

At first, I wanted to hide. Instead, I chose to boldly face people with my “burnt face.” Jesus showed me what true beauty was to Him. He used Psalm 139:14, “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” to restore and heal my self-image. I spoke this verse over myself daily. I meditated on it, prayed it, and posted it up on my wall until I believed it. Forget the mirror on the wall, I looked up and said, “My God, my God, on the throne, tell me again how beautiful I am.”

My skin still isn’t perfect compared to Hollywood’s airbrushed standards. But by Heaven’s “beloved seal of approval,” I’m beautiful in my not-so-perfect skin. And it’s all good because I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. And you are, too!

Would you share in the comments – what is your freedom story, verse, or song?

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