I didn’t pass out, after all. Or throw up. I was concerned I may do one or the other or at worst, both at the same time.
After years of speaking in front of crowds with my corporate job, I had grown accustomed to the last minute jitters and found my way past them as my confidence rose.
That confidence flew out those glass church doors as I stood – knock-kneed in front of seventy women – to talk about the rocks we throw that aren’t ours to throw in the first place and the grace we should be throwing instead.
I also realized in the weeks of preparation leading to the event, I had been throwing rocks at myself.
Who do you think you are to speak to women on matters of faith? You just threw your kids toy over the fence and down the hill because they wouldn’t stop fighting over it. Who does that? I did. Evidently, I do.
So many of the growing pains of motherhood and womanhood I’ve experienced have come from turning the slingshot around on myself. From not measuring up to who I think I have to be or who the world says I should be.
I stopped burning up the road to be home and now so many days I look at the driveway longing to leave. Alone. Because I’m not skilled enough to raise my children or talk to women about giving grace when I don’t know how to give it to myself or anyone else.
In the past I would have stopped there. I would have let my fear of failure win. I would have given up the dream to speak or write or stay home because I would let the rock lie. And oh, how our rocks lie.
The rocks we throw at ourselves and others travel hard and fast and loud. And then they lie. Silent and cold and still. They lie.
They lie about the truth. They tell a different truth that isn’t truth at all.
I’m not good enough. I’m not equipped to do that. She’s so much better than me. Prettier than me. More blessed than me. I can’t…
But God can.
And He will. If we let Him work in us and through us.
It’s not about us, anyway. Not our glory. All for His glory. Always and only His glory.
Am I scared? Yes, so scared. Scared I will mess up my kids and my chance to make a difference in the lives of all of these people I love. Yes, I’m scared.
But I do believe scared is the new brave, as Lisa-Jo Baker put it so well.
No brave person has not known fear. It’s what we do with our fear that determines our course.
In our fear, we find strength we never knew we had.
Strength from the One whose strength alone is all we need. In our weakness, He is strong.
A God-sized dream will take God to see it through. A healthy dose of fear will keep us brave enough to seek God for the finish.
Fear can be healthy when we give it to the One who can do something about it. In my abundant opportunities to throw my fears on God recently, I’ve discovered when I give it to God, my fear steers clear. And that’s a step in the right direction.
The fact is, I messed up that day. I forgot some memorized lines and had to look at my notes. But I kept going. Whether people noticed or not, they didn’t throw rocks. Instead, they covered me in grace.
They took the words spoken and prayed over them and lived them out. Imagine that. Sisters in Christ coming together in grace and love and community. It was a beautiful day and the start of what I pray is a beautiful ministry.
When we let rocks lie, we set grace free.
Just like God does for each of us every time we give our fear to Him. He puts it to rest so we can move forward. In His grace and for His glory.
Oh yes, every brave soul has faced fear. The brave just choose to give their fear to Christ, and then rest in His promise to “fear not.”
Leave a Comment
Kristin Smith says
Beautiful post my friend…so so proud of you!! {{Hugs}}
Meredith Bernard says
Thank you, Kristin! <3 you my inRL friend. 😉
Carmen Horne says
Beautifully written Meredith. So many times I have to stop and ask myself what the truth really is – not what I think I know. I’m a good rock thrower. Not at others but at myself. It’s amazing how much grace I can offer others and forget I need some too. Loved it Meredith.
Meredith Bernard says
I know that all too well, Carmen. Figuring out what the truth really is…not what we think it is…is a lifelong process, no? Amen that we need as much grace for ourselves as we give others. Thanks for stopping by today friend!
Kim says
I am guilty of throwing those rocks at myself often. I love this: A healthy dose of fear will keep us brave enough to seek God for the finish. Amen sister. Without some fear, I would not rely on God like I need to. So, as much as I dislike fear, it can be useful.
Meredith Bernard says
Yes, Kim! As much as we dislike fear, it CAN be useful. Love that insight. Thank you for reading today. You’ve encouraged me!
Brittany says
So beautiful, Meredith! It’s so transparent and I love that. So many times we throw these awfully jagged rocks of judgement and compassion at ourselves. I’m so guilty of it. But like you said, when we let rocks lie we let set grace free. So beautiful, girl. So glad we connected at She Speaks! I hope our paths cross again. xo
Meredith Bernard says
Here’s to letting rocks lie for both of us today. It’s a daily process of picking up and setting down. I’m SO glad we met too, Brittany. Hope to see you again before another year goes by…but thankful for this internet world where we can stay in touch. 😉 Bless your precious family…xoxo
Kate says
Preach it, sister! You have such wonderful truths to offer. So grateful that you are using your gifts to bless others, including me. And how exciting to see you here at (in)courage! May this be the first of many .. 😉
Meredith Bernard says
You have been MORE than a blessing to me, Kate. I just really hope to meet you in person soon. That would make life so much more complete. 😉 And I’ll take that “toast”…I would love to be on here more. In His time, His will, His way…Thank you for stopping by and letting me know you did. Love you, girl!
Amy Dalke says
You are one brave woman, yes indeed. And I wanted to bawl reading your words on this website, knowing what a beautiful moment this is for you. I couldn’t help but think how those steps of bravery (the small ones and the giant ones) have led you to this point. Leaving your job to follow God’s call. Daring to write. Not having a clue where it leads. You inspire me, Meredith! And yes, yes, yes, I’d be happy to take those dumb rocks and sink them in a pond for you. Amen. Love you, friend!
Meredith Bernard says
Oh, you and your words, Amy. Thank you for cheering me on always and propping me up when I feel like falling over. You are the absolute best and I’m beyond grateful God put you in my life. BEYOND GRATEFUL! You inspire me more, sweet sister. 😉 Love you!!
Abby McDonald says
Meredith, I love seeing you here, friend. God saved this post for this week so that I could be reminded what being brave looks like. Remember that testimony my pastor wants me to give? Well, we’re all healthy now so it’s coming…soon. And I’m terrified, but I know that he holds me in the palm of his hand. He is so good to remind me through your words that it’s what I do with my fear that determines my course. Love you, girl. Thanks for letting God use you.
Meredith Bernard says
I’m glad these words help you today, Abby. Your words today helped me over at Faith Spilling Over. 😀 I am SO excited for you to give your testimony. I told you it would be in His time and it will be exactly how He needs and wants it to be done. I can’t wait to hear how your story helps others. No doubt God will use your words for His glory. Never any doubt. Love you!
Frances says
Thank you for your post! These words, wow: “I can’t… But God can. And He will. If we let Him work in us and through us.” I think God is trying to tell me something because that was the exact message in church on Sunday. We all got these cool little stickers to remind us to say to God: “I can’t. You can.” with Phil. 4:13, and then on the bottom, “Teach me the mystery of Christ in me.”
Meredith Bernard says
Oh wow, Frances. Isn’t it great that God actually DOES speak to His children? I love it when He makes what He’s trying to tell me so very clear. I need that. I’m blonde. And distracted. And selfish. So when He makes it very clear, it’s easier to say “Ok, God. Got it.” 😉 It’s true, though. We can’t. He can! Praying you find your “can” and go for it, with Him…xoxo
Tracy L says
Beautiful post. How often we talk about the rocks we throw at others without even considering those we throw at ourselves. God wants more for us, God wants us to see ourselves as He sees us, we must choose (and it is a choice) to honor that. And such a good reminder that being scared is part of the deal, part of anything we do when we stretch our wings to fly. 🙂
Meredith Bernard says
Yes, Tracy, scared is part of the deal and I love how you say it’s a part of anything we do when we stretch our wings to fly…but if we never did, we would never fly, huh? Love that. Thanks for being here today! You’ve encouraged me. 🙂
Tobi@SimplyJesus says
Great post, I have had to learn to take every thought captive and give it to Christ because that voice in my head wants to throw rocks, but by God’s grace I am learning to listen to God not the crazy voice in my head. 🙂 Thanks for the reminder and encouragement.
Meredith Bernard says
Yes, by God’s grace alone we learn to drop the rocks we throw at ourselves and others, Tobi. Thank you for sharing today and I’m glad you were as encouraged as I am by you being here. xoxo
Jess Hansen says
Great words from a God girl today!! Such a good one for my ever so doubting, self throwing rocks place I can’t seem to shake off. Beautiful reminders! Thx Mer!!!
Meredith Bernard says
Oh, thank you, Jess! You are always such an encourager for me. Love seeing you’re smile here cheering me on. Yes, put those rocks down girl! xo
betsydecruz says
Hey Meredith! I loved this post, especially the thought that scared is the new brave. If I let being scared stop me, I’d never do anything! Your post encourages me to keep on moving past my fears, keep taking new steps. God does, indeed, put our fears to rest so we can move forward in His grace and for His glory. Love your words today, friend. 🙂
Meredith Bernard says
Thank you, Betsy! If I let scared stop me…oh wait, I have. 😉 Glad I’m learning not to, though. It’s so freeing when we find our identity and strength in Christ, isn’t it? Love you lady!
Trudy Den Hoed says
Such beautiful reminders, Meredith. I needed to be reminded not to throw so many self-condemning rocks at myself. Thank you and God bless you and give you courage as you speak the Truth about those lies!
Meredith Bernard says
Thank you, Trudy! Put your rocks down and go in grace. XO, mb
Angie Ryg says
This is beautiful. A wonderful gift to me as I often throw rocks at myself and think I should *be more.* Thank you for sharing your heart and you. And here’s to one day hugging in real life! XO
Meredith Bernard says
Thank you, Angie. I guess we all tend to do that, huh? I’m so glad to be sharing here today and so glad you took the time to visit. 🙂 And I can’t wait to take you up on that real life hug…one day soon, I hope. 😀 Blessings beautiful friend!
Beth S. says
Just beautiful and full of encouragement. Thank you for how you share your heart with us. Love you much. xoxo
Meredith Bernard says
Thank you sweet friend!! xoxo
Ginger says
Well done. I once threw an entire tin of cup cakes into the pond when Kyle kept eating without asking. He was jacked on sugar and driving me nuts. I threw my hands up and said I can’t do this again! I can and I do. Thanks be to God.
Meredith Bernard says
I laugh with you! Grace…thank God for grace. 😉 Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me today. xoxo
Marty says
Beautiful post, and we’ve all been there, listening to the lies that say we are not [good, mature, wise, capable, strong] enough. Trying to make scared my new brave every day! “In our weakness, He is strong.” Thank you so much for these encouraging words.
Meredith Bernard says
Thank you for encouraging me, Marty. I’m with you in making the scared our new brave one day at a time! Bless you..mb
Stephanie Lane says
I was SO excited to see your post here, Meredith!!!! You have such a gift and I’m thrilled that even more readers will be blessed by your lovely, transparent words. You’ve had a record over the past few weeks since I discovered your blog of sharing words that have been *exactly* what I need to hear at the very time I needed to hear them – and I’m so thankful for that/you. God is seriously using you, girl!
I was in Hobby Lobby today and saw this quote on a piece of art:
“Let your FAITH be bigger than your fear”
I even took a picture of it so that I could see it on my phone 🙂 because I’ve heard it many times, but each time, it speaks to me.
My husband and I were given a specific vision – this God-sized dream – of working together to use our life experiences and gifts to help others in an online forum back in May 2012….and we have let our fears (well, and our stubbornness of pushing through certain challenges) keep us from starting. But now here we are, giving our fears to Christ, buckling up and planning to launch mid-Nov! And it is absolutely TERRIFYING!! But it’s also comforting. Because like you shared, we know THE ONE who gave us the vision and that with seeking Him for the how-to/finish, He can and will carry us through!
Our faith can be bigger than our fear, friend!!
Meredith Bernard says
Stephanie, your encouragement overwhelms me. I cannot wait to see where God leads you and your husband in walking out your faith BIGGER than your fear. Amen to that!! Thank you for being here and loving on me today. <3
Beth Williams says
Meredith,
You speak truth my friend!! I have thrown too many a rock at myself. My job and some co-workers, bosses have had me saying “I’m not good enough. I’m not equipped to do that. She’s so much better than me. Prettier than me. More blessed than me. I can’t…” to myself a lot over the last few years. It has been hard to even go into the office at all.
So proud of you for giving the speech and keep on going through it all. I do sign language to music in front of my church. I am not a fan of getting in front of people. I try! Sometimes I make mistakes–nothing to look at just music playing–so I persevere and keep on going letting no one know I messed up!
Blessings 🙂
Meredith Bernard says
I wouldn’t have a clue if you messed up doing sign language, Beth! 😛 I’m sure it’s beautiful even when you mess up. 😉 Isn’t that how God sees us? Beautiful…even when we mess up. I really like that analogy thinking of you in that position…and us all in that position from time to time. All He sees is His beautiful creation and how he longs for us to put down the rocks. It’s a process, learning to do this. But one we all need to practice. Thank you for being here and encouraging me today!! Blessings to you, friend. xoxo
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
I love the idea of throwing grace instead of rocks. What a visual, one that I’ll remember.
Meredith Bernard says
I never saw your reply on here, Suzie. Better late than never, maybe? 😉 Thank you for reading. Your support amazes and strengthens me. xo
Debby says
Meredith, it was so good to meet you in person at Allume and hug your neck. And how nice to see your brave words here on {in}courage. Bless you, dear sister, as you listen to God’s whispers in your life and share his light with others.
Meredith Bernard says
Is it taboo to reply to a reply three months later? Thank you for your support, Debby, and I’m SO glad we got to meet at Allume this past fall. It was an experience of a lifetime. I hope we get to do it together again…and blessings to you as you continue to share His light in such beautiful ways with your words. <3
Katie Reid says
Just read this! So proud of you friend for bravely sharing here.:)
Meredith Bernard says
And I JUST read this, friend. 😉 Thank you, AS ALWAYS, for the strength, courage and love you so kindly throw my way so very often. Love you!
Ginger says
Just saw this friend!!! Way to go!!!
Meredith Bernard says
Just saw this from you, Ginger. 😉 Thank you! You are the BEST cheerleader. And we are SO in this together. xoxo