Cheek to cheek, my eight-month-old grandson, Josiah, and I dance in the pool. When his feet dip in the cold water he sucks in his breath and scrunches his face to cry. I pull him close and he smiles. We dance again.
Somehow my presence is enough, in spite of his fear.
Years ago when I was a young mom, I was afraid.
Afraid that I’d mess up the role of motherhood.
Afraid I’d never get it right.
Afraid that I had been so damaged that, like a banged up old suitcase, I’d carry the clutter of my chaotic childhood into the lives of my babies.
There were times I sat on the floor with a child in my arms, tears brimming as I rocked and prayed.
God, this is hard. Lord, how can I be a good mom if no one showed me how? I’m so afraid I’ll mess this up.
One day these words whispered somewhere deep in response.
Do it afraid, Suzie.
Looking back, I believe that God wasn’t asking me to embrace my fears, but to trust in spite of them. To trust that God saw my heart. To trust that He could somehow use this ill-equipped, work-in-progress woman to love and shape three human beings. To trust that every day as I stepped into motherhood, He would meet me there.
Do it afraid became my mantra.
It meant that it was okay to say that I didn’t have all the answers all the time, because no one has all the answers all the time.
It meant that I could stop comparing. If I left the laundry sitting in a chair and took a walk with my three adventurers, the laundry would be waiting when I returned home. If another mom did it differently, that was okay too.
It meant that on those hard days when I felt like I didn’t have a clue, when my knees hit the carpet I was met with mercy and a fresh start for the next day.
And every time I did it afraid, the layers of the past peeled back to reveal who I was today, separate from my childhood.
I was a mom who jumped on the bed. I was a mom who needed to nurture herself, as well as those around her, because I couldn’t run on empty. I was a mom who didn’t have all the answers, but who wasn’t afraid to ask for help when I hit a brick wall.
At some point, do it afraid changed to a quiet assurance.
Sure, motherhood was still a little messy, but my messy wasn’t in my heart, just in the reality of a house full of real-life family.
And somehow His presence was enough, in spite of my fear.
Leave a Comment
Marty says
This is awesome! I”ve been “doing it afraid” since I had my first child 28 years ago. As if I wasn’t clueless enough, God blessed us with a precious son who was born with Down Syndrome. I really had NO CLUE what I was doing. All I knew was that God is good, all the time…that He has a plan, and that, even tho I didn’t know how…He would equip us for this journey, I tell people that, when Joshua was born, I had a “Jesus, take the wheel” moment…and I found out that that philosophy works for every area of my life.
Thank you for sharing your heart today! This post made me smile. 🙂
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Thanks, Marty! I wish there had been pics to share of those beautiful children. I know there were many “Jesus, take the wheel moments” in my own parenting. <3
VA says
I love this. Do it afraid is how I got through severe OCD…and how I made it through baptism this weekend 🙂 Eventually things I have done afraid might not be scary anymore, but either way, God will be by my side cheering me on as I follow his leading 🙂
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
VA, what a powerful “do it afraid” statement: I “used” to have severe OCD.
What courage and faith and trust it must have taken to break through those afraid moments to find wholeness. You showed great faith in breaking down those boundaries. I’m so glad you shared your story with me today. ~ Suzie
Angie says
This is timely as I just finished writing a list of all that i was feeling to God and everything felt so messy; this encourages me and I take it as confirmation that God is with me and helping me to do His will. Thank you and May God bless you!
From Boston 🙂
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Isn’t it amazing that God uses work-in-progress and messy people to do His will? I think that’s one of the things I love best about my Savior. He sees in us what we might not. Trusting Him helps us see it, too.
Lolye3 says
This is perfect. I suffer from anxiety and I am really trying to give it to God and not worry but it is hard. I have to get a root canal soon and I am sick over it with fear. Please pray that I am filled with His peace and can get through this procedure.
Thank you.
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Lord, I pray that your precious daughter will be surprised by calm and peace as she has this procedure done. Thank you for walking in before her and sitting beside her through every moment.
Catherine says
Suzanne, I just LOVE your saying “Do It Afraid”. I have been trying to Do Something for God & Jesus and I get mixed signals, Wait Upon the Lord Psalm 27:14, and right after that I will read about Joshua and others that God used and they needed to Take A Step of Faith. I will be using this
“Do It Afraid” when I need it.
In His Time,
Catherine “Kitty”
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
All of the periods in our journey are important, Catherine. If it’s a waiting time, then that’s a trusting time, too. It’s when we wait on His timing, but if it’s fear that keeps us from taking a step and we know it’s time, then trusting Him shows tremendous courage and faith. It’s not whether we succeed or fail that matters in the end, but that we trusted. Some of those places where others might point out failure, I believe one day God will point out great faith and trust, and show us that trusting Him when we cannot see the complete results is where He was doing His greatest work! I pray that you sense God so close as you take the next step, whether that is waiting and growing, or stepping out. <3
Trudy Den Hoed says
Thank you, Suzie, for this encouraging post. “Do it afraid.” So hard sometimes when we feel so down on ourselves. I’m especially touched by this line – “To trust that He could somehow use this ill-equipped, work-in-progress woman to love.” It has renewed my hope that God can use me just as I am wherever I am at with whatever limitations I have. I just need to trust Him and hold His hand to lead me. Blessings to you!
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Hi Trudy, I’m still surprised and delighted that He takes clay and makes something beautiful out of it. With Him, all things are possible! Love this comment. Thank you for sharing!
Cynthia says
Love this for motherhood and for every other thing in life…those times when we allow our fears to overcome our purpose. Thank you so much today for the reminder.
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Thank you, Cynthia, for taking time to comment. What a blessing!
Kate Carman says
Suzie, beautiful writing! Thank you for sharing your heart and mantra and how both you and your mantra grew and changed over time. Motherhood can be terrifically overwhelming, i love how you share this anf God’s comforting reply. Bless you!
Joanne Peterson says
How I needed to read this today! I have grown kids, and now have two little guys we have adopted, and I am in way over my head. Between them both being boys, their fear and trauma issues that I don’t know what to do with very well, my tiredness, their “busyness and getting into everything and breaking so many things, the school issues, just generally feeling overwhelmed, and unqualified, and almost like I didn’t sign up for this even though that does not matter and is not the issue sort of thing. He is here with me. I can see I need to be mindful of this……Thank you.
Susan Shipe says
First time I heard that said, Joyce Meyer said it. I’ve been repeating it ever since. Fear is an ugly enemy and if we can just learn to plough through it, ever afraid, the victory comes and the fears slowly decrease!!! Great post.
Claire says
I love your post and words that inspire courage in me. For me, fear is not accepting invitations events, people’s homes, etc., because I don’t like to drive. I am afraid of driving, of getting lost, of other drivers’ anger and impatience. I know it has limited me so much over the years, even not visiting my dad in hospital 15 years ago because I was afraid to try to drive to the hospital and get lost. Also, I am unemployed now almost a year and am not open to driving to jobs that are out of my way. Do it afraid, I really like the way it sounds but I’m not sure I can do it. Appreciate your prayers and thank you for sharing from your heart.
Suzanne (Suzie) Eller says
Lord, I pray that with your help that this fear takes its rightful place in Claire’s heart and thoughts and her world. Bring peace where anxiety dares to intrude. Help her as she takes shaky, but courageous steps of faith out of fear and into confidence. Thank you for a drive around the block. For a drive to a grocery store. For a drive down a side street outside her neighborhood. Then thank you for expanding that territory, in the powerful all-mighty name of Jesus, amen.
Shelli Littleton says
Beautiful, Suzanne! Thank you.
Rebekah says
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing. It really spoke to my heart!
Michelle says
Thank you for this. I feel God is comfirming His will for me. I raised my 2 kids as a single mother doing it afraid but determined to do it right. Now my boys are grown men and I have to move back ” home” by family, I haven’t lived by family in 30 years. My family aren’t Christians so that’s scary being the only Christian, I get put down and made fun of because of my faith. I am also afraid of driving over bridges ( had a bad experience on a dangerous bridge ) If I have to drive 300 miles back home I have to drive over many bridges. I had a dream I was driving and I ended up starting going on a bridge, I felt pure fear but then felt a calm, God said to me, if I brought you here I’ll get you through it, in my dream my fear left me completely. I did it afraid but God showed me He took me there, He’d get me through it. I really feel like this is confirmation He will be with me during and through this move. Thanks for posting !
Beth Williams says
Life itself can be hard & scary! Do it Afraid will now become my mantra! Just trust God that He knows best and go about your day!
Thanks for an awe inspiring post!!
Blessings 🙂
Susan Gruener says
Thanks for this! I love encouraging words that make my soul ‘bold’! I’m doing it afraid tomorrow!
Bless you!
Sue Betts says
Do It Afraid. . . . can be applied to so many situations I am dealing with right now! I will trust that He will remain by me through them all. Thanks for your wonderful posts – always right on! !