And he said, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
It was the vacation you wait for. When I say wait, I mean seven years. Having child after child after child we knew one day, somehow, we would be able to get away and have some time to reconnect. Finally, the opportunity came. Everything aligned perfectly – the trip, our parents watching the children, the flights, the time frame. This was finally happening!
My husband had a three day work trip and I was tagging along. We extended it to six days so we could explore San Francisco. The second day into our trip I was flying solo while my husband tended to business. As he scurried out for an early breakfast meeting, I quickly went into “I need to get up. I have so many things to do” mode. But, it was 7am and I was kidless so I lingered a little longer in the comfy bed. Then, instead of experiencing quiet and peace, which I had wanted for many years, I felt overwhelmed with guilt. “I should get up and do something,” I kept saying to myself. It was at that very moment that a great wave of sadness hit me – I had forgotten how to rest.
Not physical rest, but emotional, mental, and spiritual rest. I couldn’t tune out all the noises in my head to realize the amazing gift in front of me – peace. As I got up and went to get coffee I was bombarded by the hustle and bustle and sounds of the city. While having breakfast and looking out the window at the busy street, I knew the culprit to my overwhelming uneasiness was the noise in my life.
There was clutter that had taken up root in the consciousness of my life and it was time for it to go. I had forgotten how to truly sit and enjoy a cup of coffee because I usually got my coffee in the drive-thru while I raced to the next thing. My soul needed silence. I was cluttered with the things this world was throwing at me and I desperately needed to get off the spinning merry go round.
Sometimes, you need to ask yourself really tough questions and then be ready to accept the answers. As I sat still, I asked myself, “what is causing my noise?” Then, in the deep, deep well of my spirit came the answer. My noise was three things – the desire to please, the desire to succeed, and the desire to have things as perfect as possible.
As I started peeling away the layers, several things became abundantly clear to me. First, I don’t want people to not like me. I don’t want to disappoint. Second, I want to find some measure of success outside of being a wife and mother. I love to write but I realize it cannot dictate who I am. Being a wife and mother is enough for me. Everything else is a wonderful gift. Lastly, I was clinging to an ideal that I must continue to have the house perfect, the food gourmet, and the kids already memorizing half their Bible by age 5. This was a warped view of what I knew to be truth.
As I finished those last sips of my coffee I felt as though a new me was being reborn. The hustle of the city around me was getting louder and louder as the day unfolded, but the busyness and noise in my mind was quieted. Now that I knew my noise problem, the question became “what will I do about it?” I prayed the Lord would give me courage to please Him, not others. I prayed I would only use His standard of living over my life.
Are you experiencing clutter in your mind and soul? Free yourself today of anything that isn’t from the Lord. It is because of Christ that I can surrender and be absolutely free to live the life He has called me to live – noise free! I can now embrace the gift of quiet without guilt or fear.Leave a Comment