I wrestle with my size and how it relates to my place in this enormous world.
More often than not I believe I’m too tiny to make a difference. I feel this way, even though I know by doing so I am accepting a lie.
That realization shrinks me down further birthing a vicious cycle:
Dream. Fear. Ignore. Regret.
A few months ago, I almost stopped blogging for good … for many reasons, but the biggest reason, also the reason I had the hardest time admitting, was the fact that I felt too small for a community that is now so big.
I began writing online in 2007 when the blogging world consisted of a lot of voices, but not as many as today. So many amazing Christian women blog and so many of them share the same types of messages as me: courage in the face of trembling, being womb-woven and wonderfully made, being community, walking with love, etc. The online-based medium also expanded its reach into the traditional publishing realm. Hundreds of books written by popular bloggers align bookstore shelves across the country.
With women reaching thousands, maybe millions, with their words, I began wondering if mine mattered.
Not an ounce of jealousy nor a teaspoon of sour grapes fired up my questioning. My schedule inhaled a bottle of steroids since I first started blogging and I simply wondered if it was time to just call it quits … and I just about did.
Then I watched the Oscars.
Let’s be honest, you weren’t expecting that line were you? I certainly wasn’t. But God used the 86th Academy Awards to drill an important message into the marrow of my insecurities: there’s no such thing as being too small to matter in a big way.
So what happened at the Oscars? Well, really it is more about the buzz that followed Matthew McConaughey’s speech than the award ceremony itself. Early in his acceptance of the Oscar for Best Actor, McConaughey thanked God. Then Twitter, Facebook and other social media channels were blazing with joyous comments.
I understand why many felt jubilant about the actor’s gratitude. For starters, Hollywood often projects negativity toward Christians, so hearing an A-lister speak favorably of the One you love above all brings on the warm fuzzies.
In addition to being pleased when hearing God’s name, believers get over-the-moon excited when they hear celebrities mention Jesus. This line of thinking makes some sense. Fame is big. The thought of a person who has his own legion of fans using such an enormous platform to spread the Gospel is enough to make any believer giddy.
I thought about all of this while watching award show glam and reading social media fodder recapping the evening; and as I pondered a realization struck: ministering to an audience of millions at a time isn’t greater than ministering to an audience of one at a time.
When humble and Christ-centered, a super-sized platform can have a tremendous impact on this world. But that impact is not necessarily greater than what is accomplished through small acts.
When that truth crashed into both my brain and heart while I watched the Oscars, I finally felt that it applied to me as well. I always thought I knew that …over and over again I’ve reminded my children that they are not too small to make a big difference … yet I rarely believed it applied to me. I still went about life doing the everyday things with a heart that loves big, but more often than not I wondered if I was getting in the way more than I was making a helping.
I’m a hands-on learner, so is not enough for me to just feel happy about the revelation that washed over me in a new way. I need to commit to changing the way I feel and react when I’m feeling especially puny. I must remember that size does not determine or in any way affect my worth or the value I can add to lives when I live to let the creator and sustainer of this world shine through me. For starters, I’m going to keep my little blog. It doesn’t matter that I can only post sporadically if just one life is touched by the words God asked me to share.
Second, I’m going to celebrate the big and the small in life more than I normally do. I’m going to start off here by listing a few examples and then I’d love for you to come up with one or two of your own and put them in the comment section.
Speaking in front of an audience of 20,000 about the depths of Christ love is spectacular.
Inviting a lonely mom who just moved into your neighborhood over for coffee and chocolate cake and treating her as Jesus would treat her is equally as spectacular.
Starting a ministry that raises millions of dollars for orphans is beyond amazing.
Donating food from your own pantry to a homeless shelter even though it means you are going to have to cut back on a meal for yourself also is beyond amazing.
Writing a book that brings hope to millions of aching souls across the globe is beautiful.
Writing a few encouraging words in a card for a struggling friend is just as beautiful.
You see, the small … it matters in a big way. I can give many more scenarios, but I’d rather read yours!
“So let’s do it—full of belief, confident that we’re presentable inside and out. Let’s keep a firm grip on the promises that keep us going. He always keeps his word. Let’s see how inventive we can be in encouraging love and helping out, not avoiding worshiping together as some do but spurring each other on, especially as we see the big Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:22-25 – The Message