My daughter and I bonded from the moment our eyes met in the delivery room. With each passing season, our relationship grew and deepened. Friends marveled over how close we were. People beamed at us in church.
Then Lillian turned fourteen. Suddenly, nothing I said was right, and everything I did was embarrassing.
When the Lord opened a door for me to speak at a missionary gathering in Asia, I spent all my frequent flyer miles to take my daughter with me. Since she loved everything Japanese, surely a visit to Tokyo would glue us back together.
The weather was perfect, the hydrangeas were blooming, and our hotel’s decor was delightfully authentic.
My only real worry was dining out. Lillian’s idea of adventurous eating was putting ketchup on her hamburger. She did like fried chicken. Might battered tempura be close enough?
As we headed down to the hotel lobby, I reminded her of our travel motto, borrowed from missionary friends: Where you lead me, I will follow. What you feed me, I will swallow.
“Got it, Mom.” Only a slight eye-roll.
Then we stepped inside the traditional Japanese restaurant, with its shoji screens and glowing lanterns, and her face lit up.
Yes.
Things were off to a stellar start that evening. Until I put my purse beside my feet.
Our horrified waiter quickly produced a small table and moved my bag onto it with much polite bowing.
Lillian was clearly amused at my blunder. “Didn’t you know putting your money on the floor brings bad luck?”
Oh dear. I did not.
Having already committed one cultural faux pas, I vowed to do better and carefully studied the menu, grateful for the full-color photos. No sooner had I ordered the tempura, than we were served two steaming bowls of dark liquid.
Soup? Broth? Our waiter was gone before I could ask, so I gingerly picked up the bowl with both hands. Lillian took a small taste and wrinkled her nose, but I was hungry enough to down the whole thing.
When the waiter reappeared, he looked at my empty bowl in dismay, then quickly replaced it without a word. Only then did I realize I’d just consumed an entire bowl of tempura dipping sauce. Without the tempura.
“Good one, Mom,” Lillian said, now grinning.
Hot tea came next. Since there was a small bowl of sugar on the table with a teeny tiny spoon, I sprinkled a heaping spoonful in my cup, then took a sip. Ack! Not sugar. Salt.
By then, Lillian was giggling aloud and eating everything that landed in front of her. Even the vegetables she never ate at home. Even stuff with tails.
“What’s this?” She held up a mysterious shape.
“Pretend it’s shrimp,” I advised, then plunged it into the soup. Uh, sauce.
By meal’s end, God had used my foolish mistakes to remind us how much we enjoyed being together. I consoled myself that no one understood what we were whispering about, until our waiter offered a final bow, then thanked us profusely. In perfect English.
One of my favorite verses, 1 Thessalonians 5:16, is short but definitely sweet: “Rejoice always.” Few things heal like laughter or bond like shared memories.
My daughter and I flew home smiling. A decade later, we’re still smiling.
How has the Lord used laughter to strengthen the relationships in your life?
Leave a Comment
Bev Duncan @ Walking Well With God says
Liz,
My daughter and I were both given the gift of an easily tickled funny bone. We clip comics and share them with each other or she is always sending me clips of hilarious videos she finds on the internet. We both love to watch silly comedies and laugh at all the stupid lines. It’s a special bond that we have. I’ve also tried to teach her the importance of being able to laugh at yourself and not take yourself too seriously. Laughter is a gift and a balm to the soul. Thanks for sharing your faux pas…they made me chuckle because I could so see myself doing that…
Blessings,
Bev
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Bev, just reading about your relationship with your daughter makes me want to know BOTH of you better. You are so right: laughter IS a wonderful bonding agent!
Crystal Stine says
Oh Liz, I just love this! There is nothing better than sitting around the table laughing 🙂
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Indeed, dear Crystal. Not sure what it is about FOOD and FUNNY, but they do seem to go well together!
Lori Harris says
In the middle of testing the kiddos and I needed this laugh. (my 12 year old is an eye-roller. And a mini-me.)
Love your heart and the way you tell a story!
Liz Curtis Higgs says
I hear you, Lori. I was such an eye-roller as a kid. Believe me, I deserve this! :>)
Marina Bromley says
Delightful! Great memory to share! Wisdom in life experiences! Wonderful to remember teen years can be survived, and cherished!
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Yes, Marina, we truly CAN survive those teen years! It’s heartening to look back at this incident from nearly a decade ago and realize how close my daughter and I have become. SO grateful.
karyn says
I’m a laugh person. I was called the queen of giggles in school when I was a teen. I could not stop laughing. Laughter is the best medicine for a good health. So, I’ve had a good and happy life and I love to laugh but it irritates people cos they are not happy, I think.
O well, I’m happy.
Liz Curtis Higgs says
I confess, I’ve often felt sorry for people who seldom smile and never laugh out loud. Bless their hearts. Definitely not the way we’re doing life at the Higgs house. Glad to know you’re right there with me, Karyn!
Lois Flowers says
I love this story! By watching my husband interact with our 12-year-old daughter, I’m realizing that humor really is a great antidote to preteen angst. (I just need to use it more often myself!) I’m glad you added that, 10 years later, you and your daughter are still smiling. Now THAT is truly encouraging!
Liz Curtis Higgs says
I promise, it’s the truth, Lois. In fact, I had my daughter read this post before I submitted it, to be sure I got all the facts straight. When she laughed again, remembering everything, my heart was filled to the brim. Yes, a GREAT antidote for preteen angst. (Actually, adult angst too!).
jdukeslee says
Liz… I just love you. I needed your words this morning.
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Bless you, sis!
Caryn Christensen says
Your words make me smile this morning!
I don’t take laughter for granted when shared between my daughters and I. It is truly a healing balm and gift that soothes away the hard times.
BTW, you have a GREAT laugh Liz!
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, “A cheerful heart is good medicine”…SO TRUE! Not sure when or where you heard me laugh, Caryn, but I’m tickled that you remembered it. (Could be the volume…)
kathy says
This gives me great hope. The bond between my daughter and I, though strong, is so strained since her father and I have separated. I’m hoping the eye-rolling 19-year-old love of my life will once again allow herself to be knit back into my heart. Rejoice always.
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Kathy, I hear you, absolutely. Praying with you for that important relationship to be fully restored. Time, love, and laughter are all good healers. And God is the greatest healer of all.
Penny says
Liz,
Your post brought such joy to the start of my day.
As I miss my own daughter I appreciate that we are able to laugh over the times I have done some annoying thing.
Thank-you and blessings for your humor and soulful heart….
Penny
Liz Curtis Higgs says
Oh, surely we mothers don’t do anything ANNOYING!?! Tee-hee. Happy to encourage you, Penny!
Tara says
I just loved this making memory is very important to me.
Liz Curtis Higgs says
So true, Tara, and happy memories are the best to revisit, again and again.
Joanne Peterson says
Laughter is how I decided I wanted to date my husband. I didn’t know I was set up at a Christmas party to be eyeballed by my husband. I just thought I was attending a Christmas party with my girlfriend. I happened to be the only single woman there at the party, all the other single woman who were invited could not make it for one reason or another.
When I arrived, I acknowledged my unbeknownst to me future husband since I recognized him as attending the same high school as I had. I was in a different part of the room during the party and I just listened to his brother-in-law and him tell stories for most of the night. The whole room including myself laughed till our stomachs hurt for most of the night.
When I was asked to give him my phone a while later, I was shocked since we had not talked, but I had noticed his sense of humor, and I had laughed at his stories! So, since I trusted my girlfriend, and I had laughed, I decided to go for a date with him. The rest is history.
My husband and my grown son have the same sense of humor, puns and stories, sight gags. I tell one-liners, but we still laugh.
Janet Taylor says
Liz, This is great! I love to laugh with my little 😉 girl and boy (30 & 26). We love to laugh together until we are all crying AND Snorting. The laughter has helped ease many tension filled times through the years. Just like it did for ya’ll in Japan. Blessings!
Laura Rath says
Oh Liz, you made me laugh! I think daughters need to see that their moms are human, even if they act like they’re mortified.
Jeanne Takenaka says
Liz, I loved this story. I have two preteen boys, and we’ve already dipped toes into the “You don’t know anything, Mom!” pool. Sigh. Laughter is a beautiful thing. God gifted me with two boys who are very ticklish. Sometimes, if one is starting into “a mood,” a little tickle can swing it around before it becomes a full-blown mad. Sometimes they even ask for a “tickle fest,” which always brings smiles to both our faces.
I so appreciate the reminder to take myself lightly. Laugh at what they find funny in some of the things I do. Thanks for sharing your story!
Marisa Slusarcyk says
I am THEE WORLDS PICKIEST EATER and this had me in stitches! I have always been terrified to travel the world, because of the food, so I haven’t went anywhere, that’s how horribly picky and scared I am of different foods. I love that this silly moment will last you a lifetime and it wasn’t planned or forced, it just happened and that’s the best kind of memory!
Ana.V.forbes says
thank you for sharing I enjoyed this story.
Carol Weeks says
I loved this! Having survived 2 teenagers, I now watch them deal with their own children, which is quite entertaining! Thanks for sharing such an encouraging story…
Barbara Alkema says
Liz, I just loved your story so much. Since our son had to move back with my hubby and I. Our son makes me laugh so much and my husband too. I love the laughter and I think it is great for the soul! Our three beautiful grandchildren make me laugh too! It is wonderful! God bless you for all you do! Love, Barb
Cathy Gross says
So needed a smile today…thanks Sis.
Melanie Dale says
I love this post! Laughter is my number one coping strategy and has gotten me through infertility, crazy shots in the butt, adopting a screaming toddler overseas, and diffusing the extreme tension between my kiddos. My husband teases me because my laugh and my cry usually come out at the same time, kind of a blend of the two, a wailing, hiccuping thing. There’s nothing better than a belly laugh for getting the whole family to stop, regroup, and heal. Thanks for this hilariously sweet story.
Beth WIlliams says
Liz,
So glad to see you writing here at In(Courage). I love your books and your humor. Humor takes the yucky out of a day!
My husband is a rather serious person. Every now and then I will start a pillow fight and off we go laughing into the night!
Loved this story!!! 🙂
Marianne Wilson-Viera says
As the teen years loom larger and larger, this brings me comfort and hope. It also inspires me to take a trip with my daughter. What a great post. Thank you.
Renee Swope says
I love this story!! And oh how I love to laugh with my family! Most of my favorite memories include times when we’ve laughed together we almost cried. Like last winter when we were snow tubing and my tube didn’t stop at the bottom of the hill. I couldn’t touch my feet on the ground because I was going too fast so my tube kept sliding, backwards…past the rubber stopping mat, over the small incline and down the steps to the treadmill-like contraption that takes everyone back up the mountain. The loading dock dude just looked at me like I was crazy as I bounced down the steps squealing and laughing – 20 feet away from where everyone else had stopped!
Julie Sunne says
Precious, Liz! You are a wonderful story-teller and a gracious Mama.
Marsha Kay says
Liz. I love you. 🙂 I’ve heard you speak but not read your words. I can’t wait to though. God bless.
Amy Reasoner says
Oh, Liz – thank you so much for your light-hearted, humble perspective. I love to laugh (although I’m still learning to be better at laughing at myself!), and am so grateful for a God who seems to delight in humor and joy, too!
Angela Nazworth says
Oh I love this post. My daughter is 10 and I know I’ve already lost some of my cool factor in her eyes, but I am praying that we will always have sweet and joyous moments like the one you shared. Precious.
Karen says
I just read this and I really needed to hear it. My daughter is 20 and we have been very close after we struggled through years of academic learning difficulties and strong-willed battles. We have had a great relationship in the last 7 or so years, but now that she has started college and lives away from home much of the time, there are times when I feel as though she is an adolescent all over again. I know that she needs to have a little more distance to mature into her independence, but it can be hurtful to feel irrelevant. Your words give me hope. We are headed out on a month-long extended family vacation, so I’m hoping we will have lots of laughter together that will bring us close again.
Janelle Keith says
Those times we peed our pants a little are always laughable later but at our most raw times when they happen. Finding joy in the aweful pee-stained pants of motherhood.
RJ Thesman says
As a single mom, I scrimped and saved every penny, but when Bill Cosby came to town – I knew my prodigal son and I had to attend. But the money for the tickets? Really? God reminded me that my son would remember the memories we made together rather than the amount in my savings account. So I bought the tickets and we laughed with Bill Cosby until our faces hurt. It was a healing evening for both of us.
Lawan Rivera says
Great story. Brings back many memories! I lived in Japan for 12 years, plenty of time to committ many cultural faux paus! I love to laugh over memories.
Carole Larose says
Good memory among family table speaking and laughing for also réally nothing. Or gréât story of childhood.