I wasn’t crying over spilled milk, but oil. Smoked hickory grapeseed oil, to be exact. And though I knew it was silly to cry over, the tears welled up in a relentless wave before I could duck my face to hide them. Knees cracking, I bent over to sop up the mess of oil, glass, and crumbs from the pantry floor.
My husband’s voice stops me. “Don’t,” he said, his gentle voice a sharp crack in my already bruised heart. “I’ll do that.”
It was an accident. Not my fault. Our teenage babysitter and surrogate daughter had been trying to help, reaching to get the toaster out of the pantry to stop the baby from her jagged crying and our toddler’s incessant whining, when the bottle slipped and fell.
I take a deep breath, used to cleaning messes of PlayDoh and stray crayons, ancient raisins in kitchen corners, smeared handprints on glass — and then I realize that the oil has spread to a giant, 25-lb. bag of sugar I had just purchased with the intention of making more jam than one house could possibly use.
And suddenly, it feels like too much.
I’d had plans for that jar, you see. And I’d had plans for that sugar. And in my quest to be the perfect mom and the perfect wife, my dreams of perfection lay broken, splashed across the floor, seeping into the sweetness.
But knowing that my daughter-of-the-heart’s own heart is beautiful and fragile, I bite my lip, knowing that my words have the power to heal or to hinder. Careless words spoken in anger could signal so easily to her the abandonment she’s come to expect from the women in her life.
It’s not about me, this oil, this sugar. It’s about what they represent.
And I’m reminded of another time something valuable was poured out. Wasted, in the eyes of another. I’m remembering the time a sinful woman bent down, knees cracking, to pour tears and fragrant perfume over the feet of the Savior. How Jesus honored the daily gift of tears, the rare gift of perfume, equal and infinitely precious.
The sacrifice was in the action. The pouring out. And it was in the intention of the woman, reaching for Jesus. Seeking love and acceptance – and finding them.
Composed once more, I turned and smiled a bit shakily.
“It’s ok,” I said. Knowing that sometimes the biggest lessons in life aren’t learned in those moments where we aim for perfection, but in our mistakes. Knowing that it’s the mercy and grace of our actions that speak to a life well-lived, despite our imperfections.
“Turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, [Jesus] said, “Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn’t quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn’t it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal.” Luke 7:44-47 (MSG)
Photo source here
Leave a Comment
Pamela says
Thank you. This is a beautiful reminder to the heart.
Kristin Demery says
Thanks for your kind words, Pamela!
brenda says
thanks
me says
you write beautifully. I cried, and I am not actually certain why.
But I know here is something for me to hear. Because, this morning while waiting I was scrolling through the Bible on my phone stopped at this exact passage, of Mary with the oil.
Two times in one day – I know, something I must see.
Kristin Demery says
I’m always so grateful when I feel like God is speaking into my life through his Word and through the encouraging words of others. Blessings to you today! 🙂
Jen says
Beautifully Written!
Love that you are so honest, you are a voice for Mama’s everywhere striving for perfection! Great Reminded to claim our hearts.
Kristin Demery says
Thank you, Jen! I am far from perfect, but it’s those imperfections that make us realize how much we need to lean constantly on Jesus.
Ashley says
What a wonderful reminder. I was so frustrated with myself earlier this morning for being so forgetful that I began to take it out on others very close to me. Words have so much power. Thank you for reminding me of what really matters this morning.
Kristin Demery says
It’s easy for me to do that, too, Ashley — probably because we know that the people who love us the most are also the most likely to forgive us when we mess up. 🙂 Praying for you today!
Mary says
Oh. My. Stars. This speaks to me in such a compelling way…thank you for this beautiful reminder.
Kristin Demery says
Thanks for your kind words, Mary!
Ali says
Great work to take the focus off your mistake and to put it into perspective. It’s frustrating how easily we negatively amplify a situation. Thank you for the reminder to put things in their proper place in our thoughts and hearts.
Kristin Demery says
Thanks, Ali — it’s definitely an easy trap to fall into. I’m so thankful that Jesus nudges us with graciousness, rather than bludgeoning us with our own mistakes, on the days when we falter.
Qhippie4ever says
Thank you.
Kristen S says
Wow! The Lord used this to speak right to my heart this morning. Thank you for sharing.
Kristin Demery says
Thanks for your kind words, Kristen. 🙂
Jennifer F. says
What a beautiful reminder!
Kristin Demery says
Thank you, Jennifer! Blessings to you.
Joan says
Beautiful and timely as I struggle with a young girl I have let into my home. Hoping I am doing the right thing. The strange chills I got, that kept on, must mean something. It’s so beautiful! I want to share it with the world.
Thank you!
Kristin Demery says
Oh, Joan, I’ve struggled with this, too. We have let others stay with us many times, and there are often days where I feel weary and wonder if we’ve done the right thing. Praying for peace and wisdom for you today, friend!
karyn says
Yes, many a time I’ve poured out my tears as well right at the feet of JESUS and bathed HIM in my love of my heart spilt out without walls nor barriers. This touches my heart as …. I also lay down my fears and failures and tears at JESUS feet in humble adoration as it becomes to HIM a sweet sweet aroma to HIM.
Nice devotional.
🙂
Kristin Demery says
Thank you, Karyn — I think it’s true that the Lord values our tears (Psalm 56:8 “You have kept count of my tossings [wanderings]; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”) and understands the inherent sacrifice of pouring out something of such value. I often think that I cry too easily, but perhaps that’s a good thing, in God’s view? 🙂 Blessings to you today!
Meredith says
This is beautifully said and a great reminder for my soul today. I find myself “losing it” over the smallest messes and then regret the way I reacted. Going from a “gone all the time mom” to a “stay at home mom” in the last four months has been a culture shock. I used to lose it because I was gone, now I lose it because I’m always here. Blessings to you…your Sister in Christ,
Meredith
Kristin Demery says
You’re definitely not alone, Meredith — I often think about how it’s so easy for us as parents to lavish our children with generosity — the best things this life can offer — and yet so often we’re stingy with ourselves, refusing to give ourselves the grace we need and deserve. My friends and I call it “Mom Guilt.” 🙂 Praying for you during this transition time in your life!
Holley Gerth says
Thank you so much for this beautiful post, Kristin!
Kristin Demery says
Thanks for your encouragement, Holley! Congrats again on your lovely new book. 🙂
Lee says
Thank you for writing about something that many of us have experienced and, hopefully, have learned from………….those moments when something seemingly trivial has triggered deeply hidden wounds and memories. God has used those times in my life to expose things I have either been unaware of, or which I have conveniently chosen to bury rather than deal with them. Blessings! Keep on writing!
Kristin Demery says
Thanks so much for your kind words, Lee. This life is definitely a continually-refining process, but I’m so grateful for friends along the way who offer kindness and encouragement.
Beth WIlliams says
Kristin,
Blessing upon you today. Thank you and God for writing this perfect post about the tongue and words we use. Our Women’s group is finishing a Bible Study called “The Power of a Woman’s Words” by Sharon Jaynes. In it she talks about not only the words we use, but the tone of voice, but also the loudness or softness we use.
I, too, cry easily over seemingly insignificant items. I realize that usually when I cry or get upset it is because I need to pour out my soul to Christ and give my tired, worn body with worries about work, aging parents, etc. over to Him and know that He know the plans for my life–Jeremiah 29:11. Also must tell myself “It is well with my soul”–such a beautiful song playing on my computer now.
Thanks for an uplifting post and great thoughts on the sinful woman who used perfume and tears to prepare Christ for burial.
Blessings 🙂
Kristin Demery says
Thanks for your kind words, Beth. Sharon Jaynes’s book sounds like a good read — I love the idea that our tone and volume matter, too. (Also, Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my favorite verses.)
Blessings to you, as well. 🙂