About the Author

Mary DeMuth is an author, speaker and book mentor who helps folks turn trials to triumph. : She blogs at Mary DeMuth Her recent book, Thin Places, details God's surprising transformation of a life.

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  1. Thank you so much for this… wow, words cannot describe how much you portray grace, courage, love of Jesus.

    I’ve suffered emotional abuse/heartbreak while being spared physically, and there’s this one dear friend who has prayed so much for me to find Jesus’ love and not to be afraid, but to have faith to keep going through the pain. I am so thankful for her, definitely a gift straight from God.

  2. This might be going a different direction than you intended with the question, but when my family changed churches in 2008, I really really struggled with it. My parents prayed that I would find some friends at the new church and asked someone who was working there at the time to try to help me connect with the other girls. As it turned out, I never really was included with the girls in my grade, but that person my parents talked to has become a really good friend for me. she may be 9 years older than me, but she is such a great encourager and I love being included in her life. She walked with me through ending my self-injury, and was there for me when I almost fell into anorexia (oops) and finds time for me when her life is crazy. She has been an amazing blessing to me.

  3. Dear Mary … Sometimes someone has to teach us how to pray. That you’ve allowed yourself to be vulnerable, to share your story, to teach us how to respond, is a deep gift, a living sacrifice.

    Earlier this week I shared the link to your conversation with Sarah Bessey with my own readers. Your ’21 things that shouldn’t be said to sexual abuse survivors’ is simply powerful. For who among us hasn’t said ignorant, bone-headed things in our misguided efforts to ‘help’ those who are so desperately wounded.

    http://creeksideministries.blogspot.com/2014/02/gleanings-singles-boundaries-tiny.html

    Thank you. And my clients thank you. For I will be sharing you with them …

  4. This scripture comes to mind for you Mary…who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
    And these words …freed people free people…
    Blessings and thanks for being willing to reach out to those who are so wounded and extend the grace, truth and comfort you have allowed God to bring to you!!!

  5. Dear Mary,

    my life changed as I started flirting with him and our flirts changed into something emotional. We sat on the couch in our TV-room on work. I looked up to the clock and recognized that it was late. We were alone.
    Minutes ago we kissed – and I knew it wasn’t right. As time went by we went to bed. I had to stay on work for nightshift and he….also. I found myself wrapped in his arms, laying in my bed. Before I lost my virginity I stopped us.
    I know it’s not the typical story about sexual abuse you wrote about. But I have to write it to you.
    It’s so hard to live fully for Christ. To dedicate my life fully to Him. But there are really attractive coworkers …and on the opposite there is Christ and His will.
    Please pray for me…and if you want to make me smile leave some encouraging words here. Thanks so much.
    Rosie

    • Jesus, be near Rosie as she struggles to let You fill her all the way up. Help her run to You when she needs affection or love or affirmation. Thank You that You are the One who fills up our holes and is truly, truly there for us in hardship and joy. Amen.

  6. My humble, sweet grandpa started praying for me the moment I was born I have been told. Every single night of his life he prayed for me. Even though there were years he didn’t get to see me because my mom divorced his son, my father when I was 9 months old. My great, great aunt on my mom’s side ended up raising me and through all of the troubles, sexual abuse and physical abuse which he had no idea was happening to me, he was on his knees praying. I finally accepted Christ when I was 30 years old and unfortunately he never knew that as he had passed away a year before but his prayers were answered and I am fine! I found my significance in who I am through and in Christ, not what I went through! I thank God for my sweet little Pentecostal grandpa! I am sure many times my life was spared because of his prayers.

  7. So many times the prayers of others have changed my life, and I don’t know which one to choose; my mind seems focused on this book. Please, I would truly love a copy~ I know several who would benefit; two of which are still teenagers..as well as myself.

  8. I just read the excerpt and prayed the prayer and through tears at age 57, and I, too, have been affected by sexual molestation as a young woman. It has affected me in my marriage, in my view of men and it has been a process and I am still working forward. I am working through the Purpose driven life and am know that I am forgiven, I have a mission, a purpose for living and a home in heaven….and I pray to be used as a trophy of God’s grace….

  9. Even though I know studies show 1/3 of women experience some sexual violence or violation at some point in their lives, I am always still surprised by it. I would love to win a copy and possibly even lead some women through their healing. Thanks for that great prayer! You rock! Keep up the good work.

    • Doh! I should probably answer the question! Just after I was assaulted in college, I got connected with a Christian singing group and joined it. At the time, I was a non-Christian. I don’t think I would ever have found healing from my past except for those dear people’s prayers for me for 3 years.

  10. Having three daughters I need the wisdom this book offers.
    Some days I feel we are all the walking wounded…and I pray for words that
    comfort and heal. Thanks for writing!

  11. After many years of being out of touch with a dear friend, God actually put me on her heart! She was going through an excruciating time in her own life and heard of a horrible situation I was facing with heresy in my church. Little did she know things were incredibly rough in my home as well.
    But God knew and brought us together to offer mutual encouragement; even the act of becoming vulnerable with someone in the midst of such pain has been of inestimable value in healing for us both.
    Even as her situation seemed to get worse, I never felt she wanted anything the best for me in mine. Her endless prayer support and encouragement even in the midst of her own fragile state was like a daily shot of adrenaline as I waded through all my mess. She inspired me (sometimes with very straight talk) to not follow my self centered emotions, but to be obedient to allow God to put the pieces together and walk forward in my marriage. I felt those prayers carry me through many months of the kind of emotional nose.to.the.grindstone.grit.your.teeth.do.the.work season that makes you wonder if you’ll survive. I thank God for my precious friend, and that He hears us!

  12. Sexual abuse is so dark and so ugly….I know I wouldn’t have survived if there weren’t people praying for me…

    Thank you for being willing to share about it and help me and countless others…

    Blessings,
    Linda

  13. thank you for being honest and real and sharing your story with us…you have given all us readers a gift–HOPE!
    I know we are strangers…but i sense a connection with you…maybe because my story has similar lines to it.

  14. Thank you so much for your beautiful and healing words. I have suffered for years….. The worst abuse came from a ex-husband, someone you trust the most. It had been so hard untangling myself from the darkness. I found myself in a puddle many times wondering if I was going to make it, praying for one thing, STRENGTH to face it ALL. Step by step, year after year I stuck to it and here I am, remarried to a man who reminds me everyday of my answered prayer. I have still some bad days, they are like waves, but I have faith to help me through. Blessings to you ……

  15. We just welcomed a 6 year old little girl into our family as a foster child. She has been abused in every way possible for probably 4 of her 6 years. Thank you for this prayer that I will pray over our Angel every day. I am her new grandmother, her Meme, and I so grateful that God has opened my daughter’s and her husband’s heart to bring Angel to a safe place and offer her healing. Even if I don’t win the book, I will be purchasing 2 copies for our family to read.

  16. Allister Begg said once in a sermon something about thanking the Lord for what we’ve been saved from even though we haven’t been saved out of it. I identified with that. Sexual abuse is not in my story, but of course there is always need for healing. I would love to read your story and your teaching, especially to help me in mothering my beautiful 13 year old daughter and her vulnerable friends. I’m thankful for your posts in (in)courage and your inspiration to write the book.

  17. While prayerfully walking alongside my niece after she “remembered” being violated as a child, I suddenly had flashbacks of my own. God is so faithful that He brought the two of us together, that we might pray together and walk together on the long, long road to healing.

  18. I would say that sometimes it’s not even the words that were prayed over me – it was the fact that someone stopped, placed value on me as a human being, and sincerely talked to The Lord on my behalf. I knew that God had put on flesh (in the form of that other person) and had hugged me and let me know in no uncertain terms, that I was valuable and loved. Changed my whole perspective!

  19. My mother prayed me through an almost abusive boyfriend (it was only a matter of time, my crushes and into the relationship with my husband. She prayed that my husband would adore me, and God has answered her prayer abundantly.

  20. I’m glad u wrote this book, much needed. I don’t know who prayed for me but someone must have. After 40+ years th effects still linger, but God is finished with me yet.

  21. I’m a survivor. Friends praying and encouraging me has allowed me to share my story and to see my abuser as a victim in his life. I’m more joyful and free since I’m sharing and truly living.

  22. Mary, can you please pray for me? Now 49 but many years ago there were a few ungodly experiences with Friends my age that occurred growing up that are still troubling me today . Praying God would finally break the chains of Guilt and Shame And clear my mind of these terrible things. Tony W. (Male)

    • Jesus, You are greater than our sin, than the sin others committed against us, than shame, than anything. Your love moves beyond our behavior. You simply love Your children. Set Tony free RIGHT NOW. Be near. Speak life and love and hope and blessed freedom now. Amen.

  23. I am currently going through the journey/ therapy in the teachings of “Wildflowers” with three amazing women at our church. There is no dbout in my mind, it is the prayers for and over one another that is making this journey through sexual abuse possible to see a vision of healing, grace and recovery coming to pass. The understanding we are worthy, we are women of God and we are healing one step at a time with the support, prayers and encouragement of one another. I lift and love each of these women, and feel their love & lifting in return. God is making all things possible with out limits. We will heal, we will find forgiveness, if not today, one day. I applaud you for your incredible brave sharing, I so admire your strength and seek to find a strength of my own in my journey.

  24. Absolutely… God placed a group of ladies alongside me early in my early 20’s, and those ladies have prayed me through ups and downs, and I have learned to stand alongside them as well. We have become wall sisters. Always looking out for each other. Some are positioned closer to me on the wall than others, but all are equally important…

  25. I have had some amazing prayer warriors offer inner healing prayers for my abusive past. Powerful to have someone hold the story as holy and seek healing on my behalf.

  26. Just to know that God is there for me. Even when I feel alone and am hurting. I have been blessed with a few precious women. .. we pray together for each other and our kids. I am always blessed. Thanks for sharing your story! So sorry for your pain. I too have been hurt and blessed in sharing mine…sometimes it is hard to find those safe people. Blessings!

  27. My life changed completely when someone who didn’t know me except through a blog, contacted me personally and told me he and his wife were praying for me. I accepted Christ and was able to overcome an addiction to alcohol. This was over a decade ago, and although we have not (YET!) met face to face, they have become very dear to me as we keep in touch on a regular basis.

  28. I have a friend who has prayed for me to take hold of the identity that God has declared for me, to be the woman that He has called me to be, rather than believe lies that the enemy wants to use to keep me ensared. She doesn’t even know about my abuse history, but that prayer that I will believe that I am who He says I am boosts me on a regular basis and God uses it to whisper “remember what Vickie said–it is my truth” as a reminder. Helps to repair wounds that she doesn’t even know exists!

  29. I was victimized for several years as well and I still struggle, 9 years later, to move forward. The Lord has been the best therapist, teaching me to accept that I can’t change the past but I can turn my future towards Him. Since I have re-accepted the Lord into my life those pains come less frequently and are less scary and I am finally turning a corner where I can accept love, unconditionally, instead of fearing what the motive behind the words is. Thank you for sharing! I would love to continue my journey with the help of your book. I have always used the word “broken” to describe myself. God and prayer has helped those breaks turn into small cracks!

  30. Many prayed for me in a season of my life where I doubted and questioned God’s goodness. They prayed for me when I was too anxious and depressed to pray. These folks stood in the gap for me, and I am forever thankful!

  31. “An untold story never heals.” Wow. So true in so many different ways for so many different stories. Praying for you Mary. Thankful for this book and the truth it heralds – as you’ve said – for every one who has either been marked by sexual abuse or loves someone who has been. May the marks Jesus bore set many, many free!

  32. Thank you so much, Mary, for speaking out. I jumped over and read your article “…Smoking Hot Wife” too. Wow! I know that would have been great to read 25 years ago as a new wife trying to be that and, like you, disassociating. Thankfully, the prayers of many friends have helped me as well as much therapy. I wanted to share that I had a Christian therapist about 7 years ago use a technique with me that was developed for Vietnam vets with PTSD. EMDR is an eye movement “excercise” done with trained professionals that has helped me GREATly with flashbacks. I got to see Jesus beckoning me-as that little abused girl- to his lap. My therapist prayed before and after the treatment. I highly recommend it for those suffering with flashbacks still, especially with a Christian professional. Blessings!

  33. Mine is not a story of who had prayed for me, but a story of who I pray for. My oldest son is a victim of sexual abuse (at the hands of a babysitter). He is still not whole, and he resists the healing that I know can be found at the feet of Jesus. He has serious issues with his sexual identity and has all of his life.

    Thank you for sharing your story so that maybe some people can find the healing and the peace that they so badly need.

  34. My new friend Naomi prayed for me when I told her my story. I saw the beautiful love and acceptance in her eyes and it was like Jesus himself was looking at me.

  35. Mary, thank you for that prayer. I am currently “walking” with a friend (nearly 40) who, like you, suffered years of abuse by different predators. She is now suicidal and has been turned away from psychiatric hospitals because she has A physical disease that requires much medication. Another friend and I sat with her last night praying. I have been asking God what to pray and today I got my answer here. Thank you! I can’t wait to get my hands on your book to share with her and also to read how I can protect my 4 and 7 year old daughters. Thank you for allowing God to use your pain and story to help so many others.

  36. Wow!
    Thank you for sharing your story. I am not a stranger to sexual abuse. It has been all around me all my life. The sadness and pain and how it would paralyze. When I married my husband knew nothing of this and so I have had hope and healing. I now pray every day for those sexually and physically abused, for those who are lonely and forgotten and those who have no one to pray for them.
    I have been changed and healed by the prayers of my husband. I have also been blessed with another baby who came to be because of the prayers of my daughter and son.

  37. Thank you for being bold and coming forth for ALLLLLLLLLLLLL of us! Yes, I WAS abused. Yes, I still struggle at times. I am CHOOSING not to be a victim or be labeled and look at how God sees me. I want to arrive there……………I am on the journey………….I WILLLLLLLLLLLL survive and thrive and I am whole in Him! Praise God. Lord, heal all the ones who need it. Rescue the ones still being abused. Come for us………….Come quickly Lord Jesus!

  38. Thank you so much for this prayer you shared. I’m not a sexual abuse survivor business my husband is. It’s a struggle for both of us. I love this prayer and as I was reading it, I wasn’t praying for my husband. I will be using it everyday. Thank you so much Mary. May God continue to heal you and bless you abundantly.

  39. I don’t know if there are enough words of thanks that could ever be expressed for this book.

    When I faced a health crisis many people were praying for me, the diagnosis ended up being cancer. I remember having this overwhelming sense of knowing what it was before they had even done the biopsy and complete peace that I was going to get through this hurdle quickly. I remember the 6mos of chemo and just not having any fear or anxiety about what was going on. Looking back I know that was completely possible only because of the prayers of others.

  40. When someone tells you “I get it,” it is like salve on an open wound. That is what it is like when we share our stories of abuse and healing and then redemption. It is a re-gifting (a good kind) of what was once a horrible burden turned into a wonderful gift. It provides us with lenses through which we see God’s hand at work in the world changing and redefining what is good and lovely and holy. Your story provides that to the women that read it and the more we tell our stories the more the beauty is drawn from the ashes that the enemy meant to destroy us. Tell your story Mary and then tell it again.

  41. Ugly, broken, defective and used are the words that immediately spring to mind when asked to describe myself. Words never spoken. feelings stuffed so deep inside that physical illness accompanies there mere conscious thought. Fear, guilt and overwhelming sadness for that little girl who was. Fear and masks for the woman who is. A life of self medicating in secret……thriving in my profession focused on helping the old, broken or useless. Maybe one day I will be free from the ties that bind me to the horrible secrets buried deep within my soul. Buried so deep that mere glimpses bring on panic attacks. Hopeless? Perhaps

    • Jesus, speak words of beauty and wholeness and joy over Susan’s life. Break the pain of bitterness and stuffed feelings. Set her free. Bring great community that will bear this burden. Give her bravery to share her story, and please let the person who receives it empathize and pray. Amen.

  42. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your journey Mary. I pray that your book will bring healing and hope to all that have been “marked” by sexual abuse.

    • Let me add that many people have prayed for me, and because of this healing prayer, I have found my ministry. As a survivor I can understand the issues that surround sexual abuse and God has taken me, a lowly sinner and put me into a position of helping others, through my church’s CR ministry. I thank God everyday for placing the right people at the right time, into my life to help me walk through my recovery and now I am able to pay it forward to others.

  43. Thank you so much for the courage of this book. I am not a victim of sexual abuse but I am a mother of a six year old daughter who told me what her perpetrator had done when she was four. We are still in courts now fighting it out through the justice system. I am so glad to have this tool to understand the things she may deal with as she grows up and how to prayer for her through the years. Thank you for your bravery. I also have a very good friend who just attempted suicide because of this very thing that happened to her as a child and at 45 years of age can now find her voice. I thank God my baby girl trusted me enough to tell me and I thank God for her bravery as well. I will use this book to help her and my friend find healing and freedom from the grip of shame it attaches on you.

    Again, thank you. In His hands and for His glory. We will finally have trial in April and I pray for wisdom for the Judge and for all who are involved in making decisions for her future.

  44. My heart was changed about something I would not have thought possible! With God, anything is possible! I know someone who desperately needs this book! Thanks for the chance!

  45. My mentor and friend prayed for me when I broke down and told my story. She continues to pray for me even now!

  46. Mary, thank you. Thank you. You are beautiful.. Friends praying over me, championing my heart in the name of Jesus has healed me over and over again. I am not the same.

  47. As a Pastor’s wife, I am ministering to a young woman in our church that suffered abuse from her father as a young girl, and and also a teenage granddaughter we are raising who suffered abuse as a toddler, and now has been abused by a high school boy. Your book looks like what so many could use as a tool in ministering healing to so many who have suffered abuse and need to be led to healing. My prayer is for them to experience healing and I’m asking God to help me know how to help – hoping to read your book and praying it is read by many – led by the Spirit to instruct and heal!

  48. I too was violated, but by my father. I took that violation into several relationships and finally I brought it into my marriage at 24. I became saved at 28 after my husband cheated on me because he felt shut out. I had shut him out. I had to heal. I gave it all to God and he started healing me of all of my past. Sexual abuse prevented me from being able to be open, loving and giving to my husband in the way God ment for our marriage to be fruitful. It. also prevented me from enjoying the moments God gave us to bond. I am 35 now and through giving myself to God, he washed me clean and gave me back to this world in the way he ment for me to be. I am now in a loving, fruitful relationship with my husband and able to not feel the shame, withdrawal, and (yes) disgust I did before. It took a lot of time and patients for us. But the fruit of our labor has been very prosperous in our marriage. Through God everything is possible. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you God for healing me.

  49. Mary, Thank you for your courage and boldness in writing your story! I love that God has the final word on de-fining (or rather, re-defining) who we are and our purpose and value in this world. When life, others and this sinful world has marked us, it is because of Jesus, we get to be re-defined and actually walk in and towards whole ness, even if it takes till our last breath. We our constantly being changed from ‘glory to glory’! Some days, may not feel so much like it, because our scabs have been bumped and ooze out a reminder of pain, but that there is a scab, means there is healing…moment by moment, breath by breath. My life has been filled with years of the enemy trying to steal my identity, mark me as useless and unworthy of love and value, BUT God is greater than those lies and I’m walking, sometimes wobbling, in the power of Gods words about how He sees me and what He says about me, and that my friend, is life giving and life changing! I love that we can take one another’s hand and walk together in becoming His princess’s.

  50. “The fervent, effectual prayers of the righteous availeth much (James 5:16)”. I had a praying grandmother that prayed my deliverance from the emotional pain as a result of the sexual abuse that took place in my life as a child. Even during the times when I didn’t love myself, God’s grace kept me from situations and people and finally drew me into His saving grace. His grace is truly AMAZING! It comes when you’re not even looking for it, or not a bit interested in it. But, His loving grace captures us and makes us witnesses to His healing power by living a transformed life. Although I have never met you, I’m SO very proud of you. Thank you for being a voice to those in the darkest, loneliest places of the heart.

  51. I found prevenient grace on the other side of love. My Aunt Jeane has always had her heart and prayers directed to God and directly back to me. I did not know Christ my first 22 years. I found Him after a desperate, heart breaking violent marriage. It was then that I was wandering, desperate, and searching. Finding the light and with no marks showing…

    I began a career working with survivors of sexual assault. I will never forget the day I was able to pray with and for a woman – giving the description of her perpetrator to the criminal artist. She touched the innermost part of my fears and my desperate empty ability to heal her wounds. It is when God carried us to His place of safety. Only He can heal, may we become His vessel.

    Amen.

  52. Thank you Mary for sharing your story. I know how hard that can be.
    I was raped when I was a little girl. My journey feels long and there is still so much further for me to go. But God has healed me of much and I believe He will continue to heal me and make me whole.
    I long for and look forward to the day when I can see my Jesus face to face, completely whole and free, with no more dark shadows haunting me.

  53. My Nana’s prayers were my lifeline. When I was a teen, I went to leave home and, passing my Nana’s room, I heard her praying for me. That prayer stayed with me through my teen rebellion against the church, my date rape, my out of control sexual encounters, until my Nana’s prayers broke through and I fell at Jesus’ cross and gave my life back to Him. She died in 1997 at 103, and a few months later I wrote a poem about her praying for me

  54. Help! I fear I will never be able to be in a healthy, loving, normal relationship. It seems it just can’t happen for me. I have huge trust issues. And worst of all, I don’t feel like I can trust my own heart! And the sexual abuse happened over 40 years ago. Can I ever truly be free from this??

  55. Thank you so much for this candid and courageous exposure of yourself. I know that it will be greatly rewarded with healing and fulfillment knowing you’ve helped so many. I’d love to give this book to a dear friend of mine who’s now walking through the healing process from her sexual abuse. Unfortunately it is all too common. It happened to me and I’m sure I’m dealing with it in other ways. Oddly enough, I embrace sex and all that comes with it in my marriage. But my issues are a little different. The lack thereof is not because of me, but my husband. So pray for us please! I know God has a plan. My dear friend is not married, but I know this book will aid her in the healing process even before she gets married.

  56. I cannot pinpoint how prayer for me has changed my life for the better. What I do know is that I have an indescribable peace from within. Through all my infertility struggles, and lifes ups and downs I have prayed and had people praying for me. And as I said, I am at peace with what God wants for my life. I look forward in anticipation to every day I have been gifted with. That being said, I would love a copy of this book. I am a detective working child abuse cases…. I struggle to bring peace to the many victims I deal with on a daily basis. THere are no words for the things I have seen our children go thru. Thanks for this post!

  57. Thank you. I have someone close to me who was violated and now is living life on the edge. My heart hurts every minute for her and I don’t know how to help her except to love and pray for her. I will pray for much success for your book and all who will find it a blessing.