Crocodile tears, these were not.
These were leaky eyes. Panicked eyes. The visit to the dentist for this little one had not gone as planned.
It first involved x-rays that mama bear had to put an end to. Then the scraping. And the electric tooth brushing. It tickled, in that uncomfortable way. I felt his pain as I held his sweaty, stressed-out, clenched hands in mine.
All this and finally clean teeth.
But there was hope in the goodie bag. The prize: a gold token. In the hand of this babe, he looked like a gaming man who loves reading Betting News upon seeing the Vegas strip for the very first time.
The prize machine held so many choices. He popped in the token and out dropped a necklace.
I learned later that he had chosen the necklace on purpose. He’d seen a boy at some time, somewhere, who had one. It was as if wearing a necklace was my son’s newest and most passionate aspiration.
It was a tiny, delicate, beautiful cross.
He gasped. It was magnificent.
We made our way to the car, having affixed the new precious possession around his neck. He began babbling immediately, which was no surprise, but his words turned spiritual before the door slid closed.
“You know what I love most in the world, Mom?” he asked. One could only guess with that child, as this topic has ranged from diving boards to honey mustard to Mom to his kazoo.
No, baby, what do you love most?
“God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit. And this necklace.”
I laughed. So sweet, that one. Leave it to a freshly cried-out four-year-old to turn a traumatic visit to the dentist into a holy love-fest. How he could so quickly forget was beyond me.
As I drove home, I shook my head thinking back to a time not too many years back when the oldest one was deathly afraid of the water. I found the best swim instructor with the best references. And that boy cried the entire lesson, screaming “I’m drowning!” while his mama hid in the bushes, silently crying herself.
As soon as the excruciating 20 minutes were over I met him at the pool’s edge. He smiled at me. “Well, that was fun,” he said. “Seriously?” I wanted to yell. “What lesson were you at? I just had a heart attack listening to this one right here!”
But these responses–such simple, turn-of-the-heart responses–revealed something deep. Something was hard. Then it was beautiful.
I’ve cried and fussed my way through plenty. There was a recent season of my life when we were waiting on a test result for the middle one and I thought I would all but explode in the waiting. But I wandered and worried and wondered until all of a sudden it was over. It was hard. And then it wasn’t. But did I ever stop and think something like, “That was ridiculously difficult but gosh, this is a pretty necklace”?
I struggle. We struggle. In the water, in the chair. With our writing. In relationships. With our Father.
But then we don’t.
And we have something beautiful to show for it–whether it’s a thing, a confidence or just the flat-out assurance that there is, in fact, another side in all this and we can make it.
There could be something to these teary, panicked-eyed souls who can suffer, then take a token and turn it into a gift.
I want that. I choose that. I choose the tears and the panic. And then, thanks be to God, I choose the necklace.
Leave a Comment
Kim says
What a wonderful post. You had me tearing up, laughing out loud and then acknowledging the process. During our struggles, keep our eyes on Him and the end result will be worth it.
Btw, McDonough resident. 🙂
Katie Phillips says
Hello, neighbor! Thank you so much. So much of life is crying, then laughing and hopefully pointing it all back to God.
Elizabeth Strickland says
Beautiful, Katie!
Katie Phillips says
Thank you, Elizabeth! I was struck by the beauty of how Littles handled that situation. And he still wears that necklace–every day!
Shelli Littleton says
Beautiful! I’m waiting on the test results of my 13 year old daughter and cancer survivor’s one kidney … I choose the necklace. Thank you.
Katie Phillips says
Oh, Shelli, the waiting is so hard. I know I felt like a wanderer in the desert. And then all of a sudden the waiting is over. Praying for good news for you and your daughter!
Beth Williams says
Shelli,
Prayers for good news for you and your family.
A big prayer for an END TO CANCER!!!
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully says
Wow, Katie, I really needed that today! Thank you for sharing such a beautiful perspective.
Katie Phillips says
Thank you, Crystal! I appreciate your words of encouragement!
Jamie says
Beautiful post! So glad you shared.
Katie Phillips says
Thank you, Jamie! Looking forward to seeing you at Allume! 🙂
Crystal Walton says
Speaking of tears…you’re about pushing mine over the edges with this post! 🙂 There’s something so simple and yet profound about the sweet joy in a child’s heart. Such tender reminders that God can turn ashes into beautiful things. The real tragedy is when we fail not only to see, but to choose it. Thanks for the encouragement.
Katie Phillips says
Crystal, such truth about God bringing beauty out of ashes. I am reminded of that every day as we foster two children. We need to choose to see the redemption in the midst of the struggle. Amen.
Holley Gerth says
“Something was hard and then it was beautiful.” Yes. Whew, I needed those words this morning. Thank you, Katie!
Katie Phillips says
Holley, thank you. That means a lot to me!
nina ruth says
Thank you, Katie. Brought tears and laughter…I must be a four year old, LOL!! 🙂
Praying for you, Shelli!!
Katie Phillips says
Laughter and tears–totally ok! As long as you didn’t throw a temper tantrum like my 2 four year olds today, you are good. 🙂 Thank you for your sweet words.
Sandy says
This is so good. “Good” and “bad” are such temporal things.
Katie Phillips says
Funny how they seem so real and intense in the moment. And then things change. And then they change again. If only could adjust as quickly as my four year old! 🙂 Thank you for your kind words.
Veronica says
Hi Katie,
Quite honestly, this post took my breath away. It was so beautifully written and the message is exactly what I need to hear. My family has been dealing with the “hard” for a long time. We have been holding our breath while praying that our Savior frees us from our it. How comforting it is to know that we are not forgotten by Him and that one day, just like your son’s trip the dentist, it will be hard, then it will be beautiful.
God Bless.
Katie Phillips says
Oh, Veronica. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes it feels so deep and hard and impossible. But there’s a hope we hold onto that cannot be taken from us…He will never leave us or forsake us. Praise God. Praying that God delivers you from this hard time and that you will rest in Him now and also after when it’s beautiful.
Stephanie Kay says
“Something was hard. Then it was beautiful.” Such sweet truth. We are currently in the hard waiting stage of saving money for a bigger house. It’s requiring sacrifice and saying no to spending money on things and activities we want. But it will be worth it in the end.
Katie Phillips says
Thank you, Stephanie. Oh, I know how hard it is to walk through a season and you don’t know when you’ll be done with it. But there is an end and it will be worth it.
Heidi Fuller says
Perfect. Thank you. Taking my oldest (3) in for his first cleaning today, so that was extraordinarily well timed.
Katie Phillips says
Thanks, Heidi! Hoping your visit went more smoothly than ours-haha!
LaDonna says
Love it. Thanks for the encouragement to keep choosing the necklace!
Katie Phillips says
LaDonna, thank you for taking the time to encourage me!
Lisa says
Oh thank you! I choose this!!
Katie Phillips says
That just made me smile! 🙂
kimmie says
Kids are tough. Us? Not so much.
Katie Phillips says
Seriously! I recover much more slowly than my kids (and I’m not as graceful!) Ha!
Shelly Hendricks (@Renewed_Daily) says
Oh, that we could all be like children in our willingness to accept the beautiful and release the painful! This is lovely. Thank you and God Bless! <3
Katie Phillips says
Oh, thank you, Shelly. Beautifully put–“accept the beautiful and release the painful”. Amen.
Cindy says
Loved this…immediately sent it to my husband as we navigate through a seemingly never ending season of “hard” in terms of ex-spouses…but because of those difficulties, our necklace shines all the more brightly…5 gorgeous kids, a marriage built on a foundation of God’s love, and a passion and respect for each other for which we prayed…thankful for the light shed on the good stuff.
Katie Phillips says
Thank you, Cindy! Thank you for sharing your example of seeing the beauty despite the pain of this long season.
Natalie (@fashionatalie) says
Love this post so much! I’m going through a tough season myself and this reminder to ‘choose the necklace’ is so timely. Thank you!!
Katie Phillips says
Thank YOU, Natalie. Praying that you would feel God’s presence through this hard season.
Kacey says
So, so true. Your story makes me think of the words, beauty from ashes. Thanks for the reminder to push through.
Katie Phillips says
Absolutely, Kacey! Beauty from ashes all over the place! Love that image and rest in its truth. Thanks for your encouragement!
Beth Williams says
Katie,
Life can be hard and choices we make can seem to be all wrong. Plenty of tears were shed. Then God comes in and makes it all better. He makes us realize that this is the spot He wants us in for now. He also shows us how in trials and tribulations He is with us and we can be survivors.
Actually we realize that what we thought was hard wasn’t so bad after all! I choose the necklace also!!!!!
Katie Phillips says
Amen, Beth! I often pray for an eternal perspective so my difficulties and trials can be a joy and honor rather than merely painful. There is pain, yes, but beauty also.
Stephanie says
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this amazing perspective. God showed me a necklace today.
Katie Phillips says
Thank you, Stephanie! Praise God for your necklace!