Lord, when you favored me,
You made my royal mountain stand firm;
But when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
(Psalm 30:7 NIV)
Wife. Mother. Friend. Registered Nurse. Volunteer.
Of all the roles I’ve known in my thirties, the one I was least prepared to hear God speak to my heart was Leader. This sudden whisper, loud as it was, seared my heart forever. Leadership was unfamiliar so I resisted until one morning, months later, I finally came undone. He was calling me away from nursing to lead in ministry…something I never imagined myself doing. I wept as His peace filled my heart.
As I gaze into my autumn backyard, I pause. He took this ordinary girl and did something extraordinary with my life. I get it now. God takes those “less likely” and turns us inside out if we’ll let Him. It’s breathtakingly beautiful what happens in this great romance between Creator and created…Crucified and called…Lover of souls and the lost. He mends and blends, transforming us and spilling out of our regular lives.
A year ago I chose to step down from this God-whispered calling as my third daughter arrived. I have struggled almost every day. Like the Psalmist, God’s favor made me strong and His purpose was my royal mountain! I was standing firm in His presence and power. It was clear. I was certain.
Now I’m dismayed.
I see the reality of change all around. Leaves, once green with life, now a blaze of color as they fall to the hard earth. I wonder does nature fight against the changing of seasons? Does it know that when things feel dry and dead it’s only preparation? Do the trees sway in consternation or surrender? Do the leaves swirl in confusion or expectation? Have they accepted what I cannot? A God of changing seasons has my future in sight even as He lets me wither.
He trained us first, passed us like silver through refining fires,
Brought us into hardscrabble country, pushed us to our very
Limit, Road-tested us inside and out, took us to hell and back;
Finally he brought us to this well-watered place.
(Psalm 66:10-12 The Message)
Now my autumn backyard is one of bare branches and crispy, gray grass. Winter has come and with it understanding. Seasons must change for new things to grow. God brings us to an end only to begin again. He takes who we are in one season and sifts our heart…presses…leads us through refining fire…to prepare us for the next.
The end of a season is not our end. Not when we love Him. When we are willing to travel hardscrabble country with Jesus we will, in time, find rest. We’ll come upon this well-watered place where new dreams and callings can grow in our lives because we are different. Refined.
Maybe your winter seems especially long and harsh. Perhaps you can easily count the blessings in your life and yet discontent is reigning. Maybe your heart is still clinging to a season that has ended. You can’t let go. It’s frustrating and hard. You’re tired.
May I encourage you?
God has not forgotten you. Your dreams and passions are not wasted. Perhaps Jesus is asking you to blindly follow…To let the cold of discontent drive you into the warmth of His embrace…To let the unknown of tomorrow bring you into His presence today…To let all you want and need of this life give way to wanting and needing Him more.
In time the meaning of it all will be reflected in your silver.
By Vanessa Dorsey, MixedMotives
First Image courtesy of “OSU Special Collections & Archives : Commons”
Second Image courtesy of “jannoon028” / FreeDigitalPhotos.netLeave a Comment