“Let nothing disturb you. Nothing distress you. While all things fade away, God is unchanging.” Prayer of St. Teresa
I’m trying to type words onto the screen.
But, there is only blank space staring back at me.
If you’ve ever experienced anxiety — the kind that wraps around your heart with the cloak of stress — you’d understand how it can tether you back.
It keeps you silent.
Keeps you in your home.
And on the hours or days you need to be with others, you may end up retreating from being seen. Or heard.
You are working hard. You are getting things done.
But, you might feel like I do, unsure if things can really be different.
Whether you can really be known.
This is soul wearying.
A Place For You
Because you may have been hurt, like I’ve been — by words that wound you still — that made you regret that you shared.
Words that made you feel even smaller than how you’re already feeling.
Words that make you feel pressured to get over what you can’t get over.
Words that make you feel more alone, standing on the outside of where you want to be: belonging, loved and understood.
It’s then, at that moment, you and I chance upon a glimpse into our soul.
To the little girl inside us who is broken, feeling cast off and lonely.
It’s hard for me to whisper to her, as I really long to —
I see you. And I won’t put you to the side anymore.
Because Jesus is bringing you closer to me —
I’m learning to make a place for you in this world.
Jesus has a way of slipping in his love notes, to reach that little girl in me.
Just this morning, as I listened to some piano music streaming from Pandora, the words He shared with His disciples those last hours floated its way to me:
“Don’t be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me.
There are many rooms in my Father’s home,
and I am going to prepare a place for you.
…so that you will always be with me where I am.”
John 14:1-2b
A place for me.
Just for me.
With me.
Always.
I’ve always read these words, as words for the future, when I’ll be able to look into the eyes of Jesus and finally lean into the sigh of His arms embracing me.
But, this morning as I heard them, I felt the still, quiet whisper of Jesus speaking to the little girl in me.
There is a place here and now that Jesus has been preparing for the little girl in me.
That place is my heart, where Jesus has been doing deep, healing work — to accept her as she is.
To let her know, there is a place in this world for her.
Because Jesus understands her.
Because Jesus loves her. As is.
Make Some Space
His words to her now, in this very moment is —
You will always be with me where I am.
You will always have a place with me.
In you.
So, even though we are all grown up and capable — carrying the load of daily chores, caring for others, so they don’t have to feel the strain we’ve had to endure — will we dare to ask ourselves:
Can I make some space for that little girl in me?
To begin a journey to walk out into the world?
To share her voice.
And even if she should be rejected — which you and I know she will — we can remind her that Jesus loves her.
And that, even so, we can try to find a friend.
Maybe two.
Encourage her to believe — there is a place for her in this world.
Comfort her when she cries and doesn’t believe.
Be patient.
Show her kindness.
Don’t give up her.
On that little girl in you.
And in me.
Love’s Imprint
Faith after all, just can’t possibly be journeyed alone.
Even if everything tells us it can’t be possible.
We can learn to offer each other the kindness of Jesus and moments of safety.
These small moments may be few, but they are enough.
Because love’s imprint can never be erased.
And it speaks to us through the words we share here.
This place in our hearts Jesus has made.
Just for us.
~~~~~
How is God encouraging you to make room for the little girl in you?
How are you walking by faith out into the world?
Pull up a chair. Click to comment. Share your heart as it speaks to you here.
~~~~~
If you’re on the journey of faith to walk out into the world, I’d love your company. Join me on my blog as I stumble and journey in community together. Let’s keep speaking words of encouragement and friendship with each other in our faith stories — as it’s being made and lived. As is.
By Bonnie Gray, the Faith Barista, serving up shots of faith for everyday life.
Photo credit: risaunface at Photobucket.com
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Just told my sister that I’ve been missing your writing and this comes into my inbox. Thought of you on this special {in}RL day. Hope you’re doing well and still keeping you close in thought and prayer. XOXO <3
Hope you know how special you are on this day too, Eunice. Love how Jesus keeps us close!
Just your title reminded me of an incident several years ago when the Lord gave me the key for living as an adult in an adult world. Here’s the link if you care to read my experience. May the Lord continue to lead you on with peace, joy, and freedom. Amen John 10:27
http://www.abranchinthevine.com/children-incognito-2/
May Jesus continue to whisper His words to you out into the world. Thank you, Jan!
Oh how this piece ministered to me. It really hit home. Just so comforting! And so true. I’m helping my 15 year old find her way yet I too need help in that. God is sooo good.
We who care for others, so need that love and care for our hearts too. May you feel His hand on your heart, holding you. Marge, I’m with you friend as we ponder all this together.
This was such perfect timing that I had to stop and tell you thank you. I can’t express how much I needed this word right now.
Sweet, Dana. Thank your for stopping and letting your presence be felt here this morning with your heart and words.
This hit me to the very core of my soul today. A gift I truly needed. Comforting & true. When you experience debilitating anxiety, a reminder like this from someone who also does is priceless. You helped me BREATH today. Thank you so much & know I am lifting you in prayer as well. I signed up for your blog as well. <3
I know. I felt this priceless encouragement with your voice here, Darlene! 🙂 So wonderful to have you together on this journey. Breathing together…by grace.
You spoke what was exactly on my heart and mind! I recently experienced debilitating anxiety for first time in my life and this comes across my path! God is amazing! I am still sobbing over The Little Girl in You article. I will be rereading this one for days to come! Thank YOU Jesus! Unbelievable and Amazing! God bless ALL of US!
Can’t believe that this is the second time this week to get this message after letting some things that happened over last weekend send me plunging into the depths of defeat. It was very timely and encouraging. Thanks so much.
Oh, Mary. We are with you!
When I read this, the little girl in me and the grown old lady who is me began to tear up. What truth there is in this. As I read it, I wondered who wrote it because I had not noticed and I felt that it might have been you and sure enough it was.
The little girl in me is so sad at times. And this phrase resonated with my heart so much, “Because you may have been hurt, like I’ve been — by words that wound you still”.
Sometimes life is simply so hard.
I am in a fragile time and this entire writing was just lovely, it woke up the feeling side of my heart which is sort of shut down right now.
Thank you, dear one.
I left and went to write:
Sorrow
There is a sorrow too BIG to feel.
It threatens to overwhelm our heart.
So we bury it deep deep down
In the hidden recesses of our innermost heart.
But it is still there.
Then along comes something,
A verse,
A song,
A picture,
Something in creation,
Suddenly the sorrow wells up.
Tears arise.
And we know once again we are not alone.
Loneliness
There is a place deep within.
Hidden even from ourselves at times.
Where we feel lost, lonely, alone.
We wonder if anyone can understand.
Does anyone really care?
Do we care?
Can we even dare to invite the LORD,
Into that place,
Where sorrow and aloneness dwell.
Then suddenly from out of seemingly nowhere,
God sends a touch.
Sometimes from a stranger.
Our heart opens and we see.
Emotions arise.
Tears arise.
We know once again,
In that moment,
We are never alone.
Our sad will NOT overwhelm us.
And if it begins to,
We have a shelter,
A fortress,
A LOVE,
Awaiting us.
Jesus our Lord.
The Lover of our Soul.
Beautiful words, Joan. I pray that you can let Jesus into the deep recesses of your heart where that hurt is buried. He longs to heal the hurt there so that you can walk in more freedom and abundant life. When the tears or emotion arise, use it as an opportunity to bring it before Jesus who loves you *so much* and ask Him to help you heal from those hurts. Blessings, sister!
thank you
Very Beautiful Joan…it is amazing what surfaces when we allow ourselves to feel the sorrow…a gift to us all! Thank you for sitting with it…and blessing us!
Beautiful I hope you don’t mind if I print that out to remind me.
Lisamarie
Sweet Joan, what beautiful beautiful poem that sang through your soul. Thank you, thank you for trusting us with your beautiful words. Your voice. Keep going back to that place, friend. Even if it feels sad and hurt, it’s just beauty, lifegiving: Jesus in you. You in Jesus.
It really has been for me a process of going back again and again, bit by tiny bit. Abba never rushes us, I have found. YOU have a beautiful voice which blesses me so much. I am old and have read much, but your writing expresses something special. God bless you and tenderly hold you near to His heart.
Bless you and thankyou so much for your words today on Anxiety, and how the little girl inside us has been hurt so deeply that ‘she’ retreats and hides away to avoid being
hurt again .Always wanting to be part of life, but because of the overwelming anxiety she tries to protect herself from being hurt again. But that’s not the way Jesus wants us to live. He died that we might live a life of freedom and abundance. At the moment I am in the middle of an Anxiety Management Course with a group of women who suffer the same fears, depression and panic attacks. Your article is so wonderful, full of hope, giving our frightened little girl to Jesus. I am going to print it and give a copy to each of the courageous ladies in the group. Also a wonderful opportunity to show that there’s another way besides medication .Jesus is’ The Way ‘and I will rejoice when the spiritual side of mental health can be included in the treatment. thank you so much for sharing this. A true Word in season. With love and Blessings Maria xx
I totally hear you when you say you will rejoice when the spiritual side of mental health can be included in treatment. I think it is crucial for us…. !!
I am learning about the incredible power of God’s promises in Scripture and am trying to really get them into my heart (through meditating on those precious words). I believe it helps me to fight my way through depression.
Blessings on you and your group today…
Hi Maria! It comforts my heart knowing there are other women you’re traveling through this journey with. Jesus is our faithful companion and He’s bringing our soul the words we long to hear. As for printing out, there isn’t a special feature to do this, but you can print it out directly on your browser or as Kristen suggested, cut and paste in blank document? Love to you and the girls in your group. 🙂
[…] …To catch a “Walking The Little Girl Out Into The World” & read the rest of the story – click here to join me over at DaySpring’s (in)courage site, where today’s post is published. […]
Dear Bonnie, How can i print your message today, for my ladies in the group love maria x
Maria – would it work to just copy and paste the words into a blank document (using Word or WordPerfect, whatever is on your computer) and then printing that off?
K
Thanks Kristen, with the help from my husband we managed to copy and paste it. I now have copies to give to my ‘anxious” ladies on Monday. Think the nurses who manage the course will love them too. Bless you and thank you.Maria xx
These words are just in time for me. Today, perhaps, I was cheated by teller in bank. It`s not infrequent case in Ukraine. She stole 140 gryvnas ( about 14 dollars). It`s a big sum for me. My mother has this sum only in a week. She was crying today with lots of tears. So I was called a cuckoo by my mother and said I`d never have money.
Tetyana, my heart goes out to you, friend. So sorry this has happened. So painful. Jesus brings us together, even from the Ukraine.
My little girl is afraid to make the decisions that should be faced–retirement, housing, finances. Now, as a single Mom with an empty nest, she is, for the first time in her life, no longer surrounded by people–family, roommates, children. She loves the quiet & setting her own schedule (more or less) & a house that stays tidy. She knows now, however, how much she has always relied on other physical beings to define her, reassure her, and allow her to bury the hurts & anger that are there by caring for them.
This morning, however, I am encouraged by your words–
“I felt the still, quiet whisper of Jesus speaking to the little girl in me.
There is a place here and now that Jesus has been preparing for the little girl in me.
That place is my heart, where Jesus has been doing deep, healing work — to accept her as she is.
To let her know, there is a place in this world for her.
Because Jesus understands her.
Because Jesus loves her. As is.”
And I will call my Mother, who at 85 is widowed & living alone for the first in her life.
Thank you, Bonnie.
Such timely kind words. God is healing my little girl inside as we walk through a journey with our little girl – a little girl no one wanted, and God gave her to us – to me. To bring healing for both of us.
Moments ago I had cried out to God – the height of emotion and frustration and exhaustion over so many things – I regret doing this! This little girl – who God loves so dearly, whose hand is so clearly on her – is being used to prune vines hiding chasm of hurt and pain of my own – to bring His healing to us both – and, sometimes, it is more than I can bear, more than I can carry.
Your post reminded me – all I have to do is be faithful, and make room. Tending to her, tending to me, God will do… He is here in the midst of this.
Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to share His love note for me today!
mojudge, you are walking a hard and BEAUTIFUL journey with your little girl — the little girl no one wanted, you did. Jesus understands this best as he walked this same journey for us. When we were not wanted And is still walking it today — in you and me. May you continue to hear Jesus whispering how very loved you are by Him. Louder and stronger. Over and again. So you can feel Him carrying you and give yourself permission to make space for that little girl in you, to comfort you in your pain too. Thank you!
This hit a painful nerve, how very true of my life. I too am still on this journey finding my way, knowing Jesus cares but still anxious and afraid of the bif bad world! Thanks for your encouragement!
I can’t seem to leave a reply
I just wonder why we have to suffer for our childhood an now as an adult still suffering so afraid an I know The Lord did not give us a spirit of fear is my faith that weak your articles are encouraging but this type of living is very lonely !!!
Dear sweet Sherry,
There are many reasons that we might suffer from our childhood wounds as adults, but one reason can be that we have not been healed from those wounds. If we have only *repressed* the darker memories, or the hurts, they will eventually bubble up from beneath those layers of protection that we have in place. The only place that I have found absolute and total healing has been in the presence of Jesus. Through “healing prayer” in which the Holy Spirit is invited in to reveal what work needs to be done, that is where I have found freedom from wounds inflicted in the past. May I refer you to this blog post where I explain a little bit more? http://murmursofmyheart.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/journeys-of-healing/
Jesus does not want you to suffer any longer from fear, from pain and from loneliness. Jesus is able to fully heal. I have experienced it myself. Jesus wants that for you too, Sherry! I pray that you will find that healing as you seek Him.
I just wonder why we have to suffer for our childhood as adults.
Sometimes I think about what Jesus would say to “little girl me” or how He might respond and act. Contrary perhaps to what we grew up with…I believe that Jesus would delight in that little girl. I think He would smile and swing me around in His strong, caring arms. Praying for all the women who need a healing of memories…
Blessings,
Bev
Amazing story – or rather, it shouldn’t be, yet hearing a story similar to mine stirs my heart to leave a comment. In short, there were many days I struggled to omit the pain that surrounded my thoughts. Until I fully submitted to the teachings of Christ to be “fully present” in Him did I ever experience full Joy in all circumstances. The practice of keeping my eye on him when I felt myself thinking a negative thought past or in the future, has allowed me to stay present in His presence. In the God Calling book by A.J. Russell, April 26 reads: “Do not seek to work for Me. Never make opportunities. Live with Me and for Me. I do the work and I make the opportunities. The whole idea of me relying on Him has lead me to move myself aside and be ready for whatever He leads me to do. When I am feeling anything other than the fruit of the Spirit, I know I am not present with Him and relying on my own strength. It is transformational in how you think. I am set free now to finally be available when He is ready to use me to work and present me with an opportunity. It’s so wonderful! My hope is that all of you that are relating to this post will soon find a secure hold on His truths and that you will cling with all your might to His vine.
Thanks for sharing this. I needed it….TODAY!
Thank you, Bonnie, for your words of extreme comfort to someone who has felt …just…stuck…and…frozen… It’s so hard to explain to people, and I’ve been trying so hard to go forward. Then I saw your article and knew that you understood, and thank you for that encouragement. It helps so much to know that someone understands. It doesn’t always change the situation, but it helps the attitude. On the outside I am going forward and in several directions, but inside I am still that very shy girl who was afraid of her shadow. Then the awkward teenager who kind of fit in but was always on the fringe – by choice. Zip through the 20’s, marriage, motherhood and caregiving my parents until they died. Now in the middle of empty nesting, missing my newly married daughter and anticipating missing my youngest, I am still frozen, missing my father. Necessary decluttering is stalled with emotion. I know I need to move on but I’ve not always looking forward to the next phases of life which will be even harder.
Bonnie, your words frequently make me cry. This is no exception. Obviously I still have some more healing to do. In the last 13 years…
1. Husband died
2. Empty nest
3. Leukemia/stem cell transplant
4. Painful job loss/18 mo. of unemployment
5. Return to school for 2 yr. graduate program
In 3 weeks I will graduate with my MSW degree. Then back to job hunting. God has been faithful through all of it and I have grown so much in my relationship to him. You joined me on my journey at #4 above. So often God has used your heart and words to carry me on another day. Currently, I am involved in a church I love……except…..I feel invisible. There are no other people who are single with grown kids. I have discussed this with 3 church staff members and 2 married friends. They all acknowledge the truth of what I’m feeling, but nothing changes. Everyone (including me) lives such busy lives in such tight circles. All my family live out of state now. The phone rarely rings, few invitations for social events, & peers at school who are 30 yrs younger than me has led to a severe case of loneliness. The simple answer is to find another church, but I honestly can’t fathom that. I love my church. I sing in the choir & teach children’s Sunday School, so I’m not isolating myself. I haven’t lost hope, though. I do have a job opportunity out of state near family. I just want God’s best for my future. I’ve lived in the desert for too long. I really need community and relationships (not just long distance ones). Please keep writing. You help relieve some of the burden I’m carrying.
Bonnie, I was severely abused as a little girl. It has been 30 years. I am just on the brink of getting in touch with that little girl. At first, I completely turned away from God and my faith. Over the last few months, I have gradually allowed myself to be open to my faith and to what God has in store for me. I know that includes His plans for that little girl. It scares me beyond belief to let that little girl out, but I am trying to take little bitty baby steps. Your article touched me deeply. It gave me reason to believe I can do this. Thank you!
Bonnie,
This is a beautiful writing piece, because it is written from your heart and soul. I, too, have had circumstances that I had to give to the Lord. I had to let the little girl who experienced these hurts, know that she is loved by Who matters most: Jesus. I had to forgive myself for disliking others who caused the pain and I had to forgive those who caused it. It was only a vicious cancer that ate away at my soul and I refused to give-in and live that wasteful life. I allow that little girl to go free…sometimes, retreating when the old feelings return…but, quickly remembering that Jesus loves me and running free, again. I run freely more and more, each day. Thank you, for this beautiful post.
Thank you for being transparent during your journey. We often feel like we are the only ones going through things. We are all on a journey and I too have been fighting anxiety and its hard! Thank God for Jesus, family and friends, and my loving boyfriend. They are a blessing.
~Know PerFfect PeoPle AlloweD
[…] 9. Bonnie Gray blogging at (in)courage “Walking the Little Girl In You Out Into the World” […]
Wow I thought I was the only one. I hide in my house. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I especially despise being with my family and really couldn’t figure out why. Then today you gave me the answer. God used you to answer my question and I think that is just awesome. I am not sad about being alone because you made me see it’s not worth the risk. But also realizing that it makes me understand I must allow Jesus to heal my hurts. That is why He is bringing it up to me. I am missing out on so much just because I am afraid of being hurt again. Thank you for your kind words.
Bonnie ..words can not express how your words were sent by my beautiful beloved Jesus, Thank you for your sweet tender heart of Christ, debb
I am on a similar journey Bonnie… I too felt led by God to write a book… but I never could have anticipated what it would do to my life. I feel like I have spent the last ten years frozen on the top of a pile of “rubble” that is the “archaeological dig” of my life. It is not pretty. I too sometimes feel like the little girl waiting to be healed… waiting to “grow up” into all Christ has planned for me. I pray for you often and look forward to your words whenever they come. I do believe that healing will come to both of us as David said…”while we are in the land of the living.” And total healing will come when we meet Jesus.
This has spoke directly to my heart and is exactly how I feel inside and
appreciate your words of truth and encouragement to this 47 year old
lady. I appreciate you reaching out to those of us who are hurting and
asking the Holy Spirit for help to heal us. In Christ Alone,
Dear Bonnie:
It was comforting to read your encouraging words and the comments of others; sometimes i feel so alone and reading what your wrote and the other’s experiences let me know I am not alone and God is with us all…….
I have kind of lost after having my position eliminated and a couple of disappointing things happen at church. I have been working since 1967 and this is a strange place to be ; I also feel it is one of spiritual growth…..just does not feel good. I also know my service at church is not unto man therefore I should not allow disappointments or hurt feelings hinder me from continuing to serve…..
Again I am encouraged!
The little wounded girl. Thanks so much for this ‘baby bear’ just right, just in time, at the right time lil reminder. Yes, Jesus loves me, you, us! He scoops up His littles and blesses them. You are listening too:) love love LOVED THE MESSAGE!
Dear Bonnie, Thank you so much The little girl in me. So touched my heart. I had to stop reading to dry my eyes. I am that little girl in every word you wrote. I will read this over and over till my heart believes the words. I fear everything and everybody. I have not seen anyone who can express the fears with words. I want to say thank you. Reading all of your words helped me to see I am not alone in the same fears. I feel so lost and broken in my fears. I am so happy you are able to write again. May God Bless You.
Wow. You described me perfectly. I’ve been hiding from the world for a long time because of the wounds from my past. But God has been trying to lead me on the path to love and be loved again.
Thank you for writing this! I pray that all of us find our way out of the darkness with God’s help. 🙂
Wow. You described me perfectly. I’ve been hiding from the world for a long time because of the wounds from my past. But God has been trying to lead me on the path to love and be loved again.
Thank you for writing this! I pray that all of us find our way out of the darkness with God’s help. 🙂
So interesting that I rec’d this In courage at this time. I am finally at a point in my life that I thought I would see a counselor and try to heal from so many past hurts and even recent hurts. But it is so hard to forgive, so hard to open up and dare to be vulnerable again. I feel it is not worth it to ever love again. Why bother to love anymore? Too much hurt, too much pain, too much vulnerability. Its so much easier to just live numb.
But lately, God and the Holy Spirit keep nudging me that as I pray, they are wanting me to heal. They are wanting me to love again. I tell God no, he comes bakc and says Yes, I must try again.
So, I try, but I just fail. I try to forgive, to let go of the bitterness, the anger, the resentment, the hurt. But HOW ??? I read of forgiveness and feel I have some mastery of it. But then I certainly don’t trust……. not anyone….. so then I feel so unloved, so unworthy of anyones love. I can’t forgive myself of my own sins. And I know and have read that God forgives us , forgives ME, of my sins so I need to learn to forgive myself. But, alas, every day is the same. I feel like a failure always, so I close up. Its too hard to be in a relationshiip with those closest to me. And I know that can’t be good!
LD
Sweet Lori, it was so hard for me, I needed the guidance and confidence to go down the path with an experienced therapist to walk me through healing. It takes faith to go on the journey you are considering, and I am cheering you on. Because I know Jesus is there waiting to walk with you and hold you through it. You can do it. You’ve been though so much. It’s time to take care of you and begin healing.
How nice to know I am not alone on this journey. It seems a little odd at my age to try to resurrect the child somewhere inside that stopped being. However, I want to be real, authentic and fully present to what God has for me. I want to be encouraged and be an encourager. I want my life to be a “yes”.
Journeying with Jesus is calling me to be vulnerable. The little girl in me was vulnerable and it caused me to be hurt by some one I trusted. Now as a grown woman, God is teaching that he is with me and I can keep walking out in faith. Each of the live experiences I am going into are stretching me. Ouch! Hold me Jesus and lead me, even when it seems too hard.
I want to cling to the cold iron bars of a cell of protection. Jesus stands outside for my hand. Fear says stay. Jesus says, “Come home.” For the first time I want to let go and place my hand fully in His.
I want to cling to the cold iron bars of a cell of protection. Jesus stands outside for my hand. Fear says stay. Jesus says, “Come home.” I want to let go and place my hand fully in His.
Is the 48 hour time period to view the community (In) Courage videos for this weekend over already? I thought they would be available until Sunday at midnight… I’m new to this whole thing so don’t really even know who or how to contact anyone about this. Tried going in using my user name and password but don’t see it posted anywhere where I can do that…. a new post is posted about “the little girl in me.” I’m a little confused… my sister and I are trying to figure this out. She is in NH and I am in PR.
http://inrl.incourage.me/wp-login.php?redirect_to=http%3A%2F%2Finrl.incourage.me%2F
Linda, try pasting the above into your browser, a log in page should come up. I hope it works!
Once again Bonnie you have spoken straight in to my heart and shined light in to darkness. Thank you for writing this post. It has helped me to free the little girl so burdened with shame undeserved. I must love her and help her to trust Jesus more.
Lisamarie
Dear Bonnie, Oh how I have missed you friend. I am praying for you and your little girl inside you. I know you prayed for me before when I was learning to cherish that little girl back when I first joined your jam session. I know I still sometimes struggle to let the little girl out and let her know she is loved. I did some more with my counselor myself this last month and did some great break throughs, but it is slow going also. I love you friend and I am praying for you.
Praying for all of you here today. Our little girls need to grow up and tell her she is loved by Almighty God!
May He heal you of your past hurts and bring peace to your lives.
Just this morning after waking from a haunting dream about a little girl – that I realized was in actual fact me – and feeling a great hole in my hart with a burning pain…. this is encouraging to read as I am embarking on my own journey of integrating this little girl into my life and allowing her to be part of me, so I can become whole… and she can be loved, accepted and healed.
I have been praying against anxiety for the past four years. It has been discouraging many times that God is choosing not to heal me quickly. But He has shown me so much about Himself and myself through the process of healing. Just a few days ago He showed me how my anxiety is a result of a lack of security in Him. I have been placing my security and basis for hope, peace and joy in how people respond to me, a good savings account and my health instead of basing them solely in Him. Overcoming this is a slow and at times painful process but I know it will be worth it when I look back.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. It’s so encouraging to know a its not a lack of faith or spiritual immaturity that is causing the anxiety. To know it doesn’t make me less of a Christian for having fear and anxiety in my life.
Wow. I can’t explain why this was so powerful but I walked out of church this morning wondering if I mattered, I counted, anyone knew about the lonely little girl inside, wanting to withdraw. Soul hurting loneliness. Thanks for your words that brought light to the darkened.
I am about to return to ministry work after being off for a month on medical leave. Ministry work can be all consuming…your time, your thoughts and your life. So much so that I had forgotten about me, my personal relationship with God and even my family. Side effects to the medication I have been on is one factor of my time off but I was also burned out…I know that God is calling me out of the specific ministry I am in now and leading me down a different path…yet I am in His waiting room. The words shared reminded me of who matters most to God and that is me. I am in this world to serve God and to serve others. No matter what my job is I want to do it with passion and love. I know that with my eyes solely focused on Him I know that He is the only one I need in my life to fill any void and give me the strength to face each day. So thankful for this message…
It’s so easy to forget that little girl because we need to “be an adult” so much in the day to day. Thank you for reminding me to pay some attention to her. 🙂
I have been attending church off and on for the past 3 years, never having been confirmed, nor even baptized. I have always felt something was missing, never knowing what it could be. In my life I have made so many stupid mistakes, bad decisions, and useless moves. I have always known I am a good person, yet I have always felt enormous guilt and shame, never feeling good enough–for what, I never even knew. Recently, I was terribly hurt by someone to whom I had given my whole (albeit damaged) heart. On top of that pain, I have been extremely stressed at work. My nights have been interrupted by hours of doubting, hurting wakefulness, and in my regular waking moments I have been experiencing sudden, but (thankfully) fleeting panic attacks, mostly when driving or doing something similar where my mind is idle. It has been quite frightening, and I fear they could get worse and debilitate me. I plan on seeking out mental health counselling, and I have been trying much harder to open this brittle, malformed heart to the Word. I read your post this afternoon when I came home from a particularly moving service, and I want to thank you for the additional hope and enlightenment you provided to me and to all of these other “little girls.” I hesitate to say it, but I find strange comfort in the fact that these women, undoubtedly from a wide range of ages and all walks of life, all share a common bond in our pain and in our wish to walk with God. And I appreciate that your writing has shown me, for one thing, that I am not, and never have been, alone, as Jesus is working within me always. And secondly, there are so many more like me, unfulfilled yet hopeful.
Kristin , I became a believer in my adult life and I can definitely relate to experiencing a life of poor choices and the guilt associated with it. One thing I learned is if you have repented and taken it to Christ then he has forgiven you and guilt after that point is from the enemy to keep you down. Remember that Christ has renewed us.
I’m glad I came across this today as well because it’s amazing how easy it is to get sucked into that dark hole where you think you’re alone. Thank God we know we’re not!
Kristin,
I can so relate to this..” yet I have always felt enormous guilt and shame, never feeling good enough–for what, I never even knew.” That is so me. That little girl is somehow trapped inside and though I try I can’t coax her out to heal. We are somehow linked together in this journey. It makes me ask, ” do all women in some way feel this way”? Thank you, Bonnie, for sharing your story. Though I feel terribly alone in this, you have proven to each of us that we are not.
Kristin,
I have been plagued by negative self talk for many years and in your third sentence you are calling yourself stupid,bad and useless. Ouch! The enemy is trying to steal your joy and is lying through your own words. Bind him and all that he uses. Give Jesus your heart and rejoice speaking truth in to your life. Be kind to yourself and recognize you are smart, you are good and you are important.
How did you know this was just what I needed to hear today? God knew, and I am so thankful He led me to this website to hear a word of encouragement, on a day that just feels tough, and I don’t feel whole & strong. Thank you for responding to His call to encourage your sisters in Christ. Your impact is felt more than you’ll know.
God bless you, Bonnie, for sharing your journey in such a thought-provoking way. Thanks for mentioning Romans 5:5 and how we do have Hope in Christ Jesus, Hope that is an anchor for our souls, firm and secure in Him Who loves all His little girls. He Who is in us is greater than he who is in the world (from 1John4:4). Praise the LORD!!!
As I sit her reading and weeping, that little girl makes herself known. She was born into a family with older parents, and very few playmates, but loved to read and had quite the imagination. Her Daddy was her hero and her greatest advocate, but God somehow saw fit to take him home when she was just twelve. Mom just wasn’t there. Loneliness and isolation became a way to cope. I didn’t realize until your post that she is still hiding and crying and feeling lost. Thank you for opening my eyes and my heart.
I was having a tough morning when I went to church. I made a simple comment in Sunday School about the gifts of the spirit. The teacher was very sweet and slipped in a comment that felt like a love note to me. I needed some love and she said just what I needed to hear. X0<3
Your words reach deep and touch wounded chords. Thank you! God bless and keep you!
Oh thank you for these beautiful words. I needed to read this while I’m alone and unable to sleep tonight from the great anxiety that is built up in my soul. “The soul wearying,” as you say. God bless you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for speaking to the little girl in me this morning! Jesus loves me, even the little girl who felt alone and rejected so many times in this life. The Lord has used your words as a healing balm in me today!! Thank you for being used of Him to heal others with wounds that run deep who need to know it is safe to be the little girl again! Wow! Thank you, thank you Jesus! Anxiety and fear has been plaguing me for years and I need to hold onto this trust in Jesus that its okay to be myself. I have always felt I needed to copy others ways of talking or actions to feel accepted in social situations, but that is all false! I need to be the woman God created me to be at all times! Trusting that my friends are kind and not bully’s like the ones I grew up with. It’s okay to be you. 🙂 sigh!
God always speaks when you need to hear it. After the moments last night of inadequacy and loneliness I haven’t felt in years, yet your words were timely. They spoke to my little girl that I have been walking out into the world since college, when I first realized how deeply I had hidden her. I will probably print this out, just to pin up and remind myself of this over the next few days.
Thank you so much, for obedience and hearing God!
This really spoke to me – thank you for writing and sharing. I have been connecting the dots between my childhood to present day – God is healing some hurts and false beliefs that developed out of my parents divorce. It is an ongoing journey and I am thankful to share it with other women who also need to give the little girl they once were a voice. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is gently and kind, and we can be kind to ourselves too.
Wow! So does the little girl in me not have to grow up? What about mature? I am 56 years of age and ask myself – far less than I used to – “When am I going to grow up?” Just yesterday, I, as the Prayer Ministry Coordinator at our church, I approached my pastor to make a suggestion that my husband thought of. The more I talked with him, the more nervous I became. What is that? He appreciated what I shared. I am older than he is, and I respect his position and authority.
One day, God gave me a vision of the little girl me crawling out of a dark cave-like place and standing up hand-in-hand with Jesus. Perhaps that is why I don’t ask myself that question much anymore. But I still hurt, cower, don’t speak up, etc. I will continue to pray about this.
My sixteen year old daughter intimidates me. 🙁 That can’t be good. She is inches taller than me, and quite strong-willed, yet insecure in many ways. She seems to be embarrassed by her father and me, as we are older. She thinks she has everything under control, and doesn’t need us. How that hurts. I am also, too much of the time, bitter and resentful. I really want that to stop.
Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts! God bless you richly!
Your words are such a blessing and so beautiful, Bonnie. Thank you so much for speaking for all of us with much more eloquence than we could ever muster!
Praying for you!
This really touched me today. I’ve been feeling very alone and unheard and invisible. I’m a pastor’s wife and do have friends who pray for me, but feel very hurt by people I have tried to befriend and in one way or another, showed me we are not really friends. I have decided to just accept that I am not meant to have friends, you know, the type who call you from Walmart to tell you about something amazing they just had to share with you! You were the first person they wanted to share it with. Nope. Not gonna happen for me. Also, when you wrote, “You are working hard. You are getting things done. But, you might feel like I do, unsure if things can really be different.
Whether you can really be known.” THAT’S ME. I don’t think I can be known or heard. Everyone else is so loud and confident and I retreat so quickly and give up so easily if others are louder or better spoken than me. Anyway, thank you for this word. I’ll read it over again.
Oh Bonnie, it’s so good to see your words here again. They brought many tears. I notice how Jesus looks into the eyes of the little girl in me and cradles her sweet anxious face saying,” Don’t be afraid; it’ s going to be alright.” Be blessed with Him face-to-face today.
Thank you for sharing your gift. The healing to my soul is in a painful ongoing state. You spoke what I would speak if not holding back a deluge of tears. I am a weary one but am encouraged by your spark. In respectful truth, I bless you for your courage, honesty and doubtless devotion to our Lord Jesus Christ.
just heard that if you dont have a friend is takes time off your life like smoking 15 cigarettes per day . I gess i am about done at that rate . All my life ive wanted a friend Guess god doesn’t think I need one
I just want to thank you for this… I have had a terrible life changing event happen to me. It was my fault. I recently had to surrender my RN license due to taking a drug. It was a stupid mistake. But I have never been so humiliated in my life. I have let my family down. That is not me. I feel so alone. I feel worthless now like I can’t find my place in this world. My soul is broken. I feel like when I go out I’m being judged by everyone around me. I want my life back. I miss taking care of people. I haven’t done any drugs since that happened and I never will again. The anxiety I feel is overwhelming. Your blog brought me to tears and really spoke to me. Thank you so much. I haven’t had anyone to talk to so I just keep my feelings bottled up inside and I feel like I could pop
I just want to thank you for this… I have had a terrible life changing event happen to me. It was my fault. I recently had to surrender my RN license due to taking a drug. It was a stupid mistake. But I have never been so humiliated in my life. I have let my family down. That is not me. I feel so alone. I feel worthless now like I can’t find my place in this world. My soul is broken. I feel like when I go out I’m being judged by everyone around me. I want my life back. I miss taking care of people. I haven’t done any drugs since that happened and I never will again. The anxiety I feel is overwhelming. Your blog brought me to tears and really spoke to me. Thank you so much.
This brought tears to my eyes…I’m still working through the memory and the residue of molestation, failures and disappointments and I hear God saying to hold his hand and allow Him to walke through the maze of Life. Thank you, and to all the courageous people who have responded, allowing themselves to be vulnerable.