I am jealous of her.
She is beautiful and smart and together, and most days I feel inadequate…lacking…unkempt.
But envy doesn’t become me, and I know this: so for today I will deny the feelings, pull up the megaphone and try to cheer her on.
It is the truth, friends: sometimes, we all get jealous. It starts early, before we even have words to know what the feeling means.
As much as we want to be happy for the one who seems to have everything or get it, it’s a struggle; for there is a greater desire within to hear our name called, catch the eye and get the attention.
We are capable of cheering loud for others, but it is in our nature to cheer loudest for ourselves.
Sometimes, in our effort to move past our jealous feelings we decide things about her that we think will help: that we wouldn’t make good friends, that she is cold and has secret, shocking flaws that disqualify her from perfection. Our jealousy judges her, unfairly.
We call it shiny words like discernment and determine to wear our own success differently, should we achieve it.
But all the while, it is our soul that needs the tending.
When we let our jealous feelings run amuck, we jeopardize our own potential. We can’t live fully when we invest our time and energy in being jealous of her.
It is then…these things, we most need to remember:
- Jealousy never produces good in us. It severs, stifles, and kills spirits, starting with ours.
- Envy is not really about someone else. At the core, it is about us not being grateful or content with our own life.
- Our heart will only become more damaged by pretending our jealousy doesn’t exist. We must call it what it is to help it heal.
- Jealous feelings often feel out of control. But there are things we can do, today: focus on our own character building, put our head down and pray, continuously.
- When we serve, we expand our love. We defy our jealous feelings by serving the person we envy, and we watch how our love for them grows.
We come together as girls when we start by telling the truth about our struggle with comparison and our honest feelings of envy.
We honor the heart of the Father when we celebrate His good work in another.
We cheer each other on best when we first learn to celebrate the beautiful life in our mirror.
Katy says
Great post–what a wonderful message! Thank you so much! Blessings!
Lelia Chealey says
Excellent Lisa!
Elizabeth @ DogFurandDandelions says
Needed this reminder today. Thanks.
Linda Stoll says
… as always, Lisa hits another home run, straight-talk writing from the heart.
it’s why she’s consistently one of my favorite bloggers.
Jennifer Peterson says
Love!!
Elizabeth says
Needed, important, significant YOUR WORDS today. yes, amen.
Donna B says
Ouchie!! Great post Lisa!
Missy says
These are encouraging words. I love how you gently convicted us to not use “shiny words” to try to cover up the ugly in our hearts. Thank you!
Felicity says
Very deep message and written well. We are all human and have our strengths and flaws. Even the girls that appear to have it all together.
RachTurner says
This really hits home. I’ve been using “justified” feelings of anger and dislike toward someone in my life to mask what I was really feeling – jealousy. I hate admitting this.
Erin says
Oh man, reading my journal today. Thank-you for speaking so plainly. Envy is never about “them”, it is always about “me.” Choosing to embrace and be thankful for the life God has given me.
Christina Berry says
Bravo to you for saying the thing so many of us are thinking! I admire your courage! 🙂
Diane says
Ouch! Ouch, ouch…. ouchie-ouch!
Lisa says
There was a time in my life when I used to get super jealous of people…to the point of probably losing a friend or two. Jealousy is a choice. I’m glad I realized that soon enough.
Shelby says
Excellent post!
Beth says
I have struggled so much with this in the last six years (since moving to a new ministry assignment), and it seems like everything I have read for the past two weeks has pointed out how I need to let so many of these feelings go. Thanks for the encouragement.
Jill Beran says
Great words Lisa. The last line really hit me and summarizes what God’s been showing me for quite some time. Thank you.
Sharon says
I am right in the midst of some of these feelings right now…in three different situations, in fact. I so want to be happy for my friends, but I’m finding it difficult because of my own heart issues. I’m realizing that the jealously that I’m feeling is directly related to my lack of faith-that God really does has a good plan for me, too. Oh me of little faith. Thank you for sharing this.
Jillian says
BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE! Thank you for writing it!
Erin says
Blogs and quotes about jealousy are consuming my newsfeed today. Coincidence? I think not! Thank you for this. I love coming here to read.
Stacy says
Love this. Even if it is about me. 🙂
Lauren Cunningham says
Thank you, Lisa, for your transparency and honesty. This post further solidifies my deep belief that comparison and jealousy are so dangerous. Thank you for this Truth treasure: ” We cheer each other on best when we first learn to celebrate the beautiful life in our mirror.” These words have etched themselves deeply into my spirit.
Patricia Blomeley-Maddigan says
Hits too close to home…….
Thank you!
Patricia
Beth Williams says
I have always had an issue with jealousy–even with family members. God is gently working on my heart. The more I pray for these people and myself the more I find myself less jealous and in fact “in tune” with them.
I realize that they have/are going through the same situations as I am right now. They may even have different/more difficult problems to deal with. We are all His Children created in His Image. Jealousy is of the devil and we should flee it!@
Lindsey van Niekerk says
so, so, so good!
Thank you!
Abby says
So sweet!!
Mel @ Trailing After God says
Yes! I had to pray about this last night as I went to bed. Thank you for this reminder!
Pat Miller says
Refreshing, kind, loving and powerful message, thank you for sharing
31 Days of Awesome Relationships : : Day 29 – Creekside Ministries | The Casual Relationships Site says
[…] #1. JEALOUSY Contemplative leader and always challenging blogger Lisa Whittle writes, ‘ . . . Jealousy never produces good in us. It severs, stifles, and kills spirits, starting with ours. Envy is not really about someone else. At the core, it is about us not being grateful or content with our own life. Our heart will only become more damaged by pretending our jealousy doesn’t exist. We must call it what it is to help it heal. Jealous feelings often feel out of control. But there are things we can do, today: focus on our own character building, put our head down and pray, continuously. When we serve, we expand our love. We defy our jealous feelings by serving the person we envy, and we watch how our love for them grow . . .’ {read the entire article} […]
Mary says
This is beautiful, Lisa. Thanks for your boldness and sharpening.