About the Author

Jessica Turner is the author of Stretched Too Thin: How Working Moms Can Lose the Guilt, Work Smarter and Thrive, and blogs on The Mom Creative. Every day is a juggling act as she balances working full-time, making memories with her family, photographing the every day and trying to be...

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  1. I need this, and how! My phone is a nuisance and unnecessary evil in my life, I can’t stand it!!! It always rings at inconvenient times and interrupts the flow of my life. I decided a while ago that I will only answer it when I wish to. I far prefer email as I can read and write when it suits me. Why this anti-phone allergy??
    When I was sick with cancer it rang and rang, and I had just sat and settled down so it was hard to get up again, go to the phone and then find the energy to talk to yet another person… I live alone…
    I don’t even carry my cell phone around with me as when it rings I can’t find it in my purse! Can’t afford a smartphone..
    Oh dear, this is moan time. That’s why I need this article, thanks, I shall make some calls this evening when I know my friends (especially those without email, yes there are some) are at home. I’ve decided to change my attitude from ME to THEM.

  2. Such a great post and so very true. Women need each other and we need deep connections. Great reminder to not wait around for others to come to me…. I need to GO to others first. πŸ™‚

  3. Yes, let us continue to encourage each other to get, be, and stay in community and communication with each other.

    Many retreat in pain and loneliness and shame when problems creep in. Thank you for boldly calling us out into the lives, tenderly, of one another.

    Often the call, as you so eloquently say, will lead to another feeling they have a friend at just the right time.

    I am going to call a friend this morning that I am out of touch with. Thanks for lovingly spurring me on to action. I know there are amazing connections waiting for each of us other there in the land of moms and women today.

  4. Oh yes!

    I’ve come to lean so heavily on email. Slowly but surely, there are fewer and fewer phone conversations with those people I care about. It’s become too easy to sit with my eyes glued tovmy laptop. Even when I am speaking to someone on the other end of a phone line.

    A dear friend shared these nuggets of truth about face-to-face, voice-to-voice, and screen-to-screen conversations. I love this!
    http://creeksideministries.blogspot.com/2011/08/conversations-101.html

    Thanks for your gentle, much-needed wake up call, Jessica … {no pun intended!}

  5. YES!! YES!! Except I rarely talk on the phone in the car anymore….like you that was my prime chatter time, but now I call it ‘phone drunk driving’ since NPR had a program on it. It is a HUGE bummer to miss that time, especially with little kidlets who make a chatter call near impossible unless it is nap time! I love FB to connect, but NOTHING is as good as in person or telephone….thanks for the reminder. I had a one call daily goal I have never met. ACK.

  6. Great idea! You never know when someone may need us, or we them. Hopefully, if we are following God’s promptings, then we will know.

  7. I am on the other end, no friends ever call, don’t even email, I try to call friends, make an effort, leave messages, I often have to email them to share an encouraging word,
    I so agree, people don’t realize their phone call maybe exactly what that person needs.
    Or like recently, my husband took me away, surprised me with our kids and grandkids to watch us renew our vows. I tried to call a couple of friends to share all about it,
    guess what too busy to call back, worse I didn’t even get to share with any friends how this was so wonderful, to have my husband do this for me or to share all details.
    I hope there are others will see how taking the time, will touch that friend.

  8. Why is it that we are so β€œbusy” that we can’t even take time to call those that we love? AMEN AMEN & AMEN sister! Two of my older sisters-all married with grown children live busy lives between work & family. But why is it that they can’t spare 10-20 minutes and call their widowed father 1-2 times a week? All it takes is a hi dad how are you feeling today?

    I know he enjoys those calls and appreciates it that we are concerned about him living alone. What if something should happen to him? How would they know? Oh sure, I would communicate to them as I call him every other day.

    We also need to call or visit friends and neighbors. Just a quick hello how are you or a nice note. I say people need to take a few minutes every few days and call, write or visit a friend/neighbor.

    WWJD in this situation? He would call!

  9. This is a great reminder. I too depend too much on email. I find talking on the phone difficult as it always takes longer and I have to find something for my kids to do. I love getting emails so forget that some people need to hear my voice. I would however implore you to consider finding another time to talk rather than while you are driving. I have recently stopped doing this (it has been so hard to do) since being in a serious accident which totaled my van. I had all my children in the van at the time and no one was talking on their phone, but since then I have realized how distracting talking even hands free is. The Lord was gracious in saving my family this time but after feeling what it is like to be hit when someone is going 55 mph made me realize it is not worth the risk of driving distracted. Yes – it is an inconvenience not to utilize that time – but I have substituted it with prayer while we listen to praise music or actually talking to my own children! Just something to consider – Blessings!

  10. I am often so guilty of not calling. Life gets so hectic and then I feel bad when my friends are always the ones to call me. I do text message often, but I realize that’s not quite the same. Thanks for the call to action I so desperately needed to be reminded of. πŸ™‚

  11. I soooo love this. And need to do it. And need to be on the receiving end of it too. πŸ™‚ Reciprocity doesn’t always happen in friendships…….

  12. I am so glad you wrote this and hope it inspires folks to pick up the phone. I am a diligent caller and note/card writer. People often say that God must have told me to call them because they really needed to talk. Sometimes I wonder if God doesn’t tell others to call me or they’re not listening because I am always the one who reaches out. Honestly, it’s hurtful but I keep on reaching out anyway trusting that I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

  13. I’ve been thinking and writing on this subject a lot lately. What does it take to build a friendship? What does it take to build vulnerable relationships where we are safe to take our masks off?
    I like the simplicity of your answer…taking 10 minutes to make a call.
    Thanks!

  14. Agreed! I too am often the one calling, but I’ve decided just to accept it. I need that connection with my friends no matter who initiated it. And a phone call is so much better than an email, text or fb message! Love my phone conversations with my friends!

  15. One thing I’ve learned is that the gift of a phonecall can be returned in wonderfully unexpected ways. When my grandfather passed away, my brother and sister and I each picked a time of the day to call my grandma, who came home from the hospital to an empty farmhouse, so she wouldn’t feel so alone. My designated time was 5:30. The calls began as a way to share mourning and show love, but as the immediate sting of Grampa’s death became less acute, I still found myself reaching for the phone each evening. 8 years later, I still do. Calls with Gramma have sustained me through job loss, moves, and every day trials; she has celebrated my wedding and new jobs and the births of my two daughters; she has told me stories and made me laugh and strengthened my faith. I don’t always call at 5:30 anymore–now I usually call while giving my 10-month old her bath, and our calls don’t always last for long, but I cherish them. She is absolutely one of my best friends. What began as a way to give to her has enriched my life more than I could ever say. And all from simply picking up the phone. What a gift.

  16. Anywhere but in the car…. Visit one friend’s daughter with a brain injury and broken bones in the hospital, or attend another friend’s funeral because of cell phone use in their car and it will change your habits – quick! I’ll stay in the parking lot a few extra minutes to make that call, but I will make it. Friends and family are worth the extra time.

  17. I love this Jessica. Your friends are blessed to have you. I also love a phone call or hand written note. I try to use car time daily to make personal connections. A great reminder today. Thanks!

  18. Oh wow!!! this isn’t something I often think about! So true. Thanks I really needed this.

  19. Wow did you hit a soft spot. I am so sick of answering machines….unreturned calls from my daughter. Is wanting to touch base once a week too much to expect? “I’ve got 4 kids and I just don’t have time”. I’m just not priority . It makes me sad.

  20. A lovely article. But I’m concerned about you calling people in the car and carrying on conversations as you drive. Studies show that even hands-free phone use is distracted and akin to drunk driving. When you do this, you put not only yourself & your family at risk but everyone around you at risk. Nothing is that important. Make your calls at home or elsewhere, but not when you’re driving.

  21. For so many years so often when I answered the door or the phone it was so negative and hurtful that now I always approach both with extreme nervousness/trepidation – I am constantly reminding myself: Fear knocked on the door, Faith answered, there was no-one there… only I remind myself God is everywhere… so He is there.

  22. aw I love this! And it is so fitting for my day today. I have 2 super close friends that are like sisters to me – we met as army wives and were at the same army base for a few years – and one of them is now living in Texas (I’m in Georgia), and though I have talked to her via text messages and facebook, I haven’t spoken with her in a couple of weeks and I felt a nudge tell me to call her today, so I did, and we caught up for over an hour and it was so refreshing! At the end of the call she said “thanks for thinking about me and calling your big sister today” (she’s a couple years older than me so that’s why she said that). I told her she didn’t need to thank me. But now I understand why I was supposed to call her today! We are lifetime friends and we need that contact with each other. I loved reading this post a few hours after that phone call πŸ™‚

  23. Amen!! I’m usually the one doing the calling & I am always so grateful that I did.
    But there are times I wish someone would call me so I don’t feel so alone..

  24. This is so a very true and I totally agree. I try but very often fail in trying to to keep that practise running and you we let the “buszyiness” of the day get the better of us. And than there of course those times when you wonder why I am always the one doing it. I came across this quote which I totally agree with and emphasises what is shared today – “Distance cannot seperate us …silence will”

    Thanks for sharing and the encouragement.

    Blessings on your day.

  25. Such good encouragement here, Jessica. We need our friends and they need us. Taking the time to pause on our own life and extend our heart to another is worship and purposeful living.

    Rich blessings as He blesses you with friendships that draw you closer to His heart.

    Amy

  26. I have phone issues so my first reaction to this post was NO! Please don’t make me talk on the phone. I am an introvert and need to process my thoughts and I generally am able to share my heart more clearly through writing cards & emails.

    Then I got thinking.

    A few weeks ago a friend of mine died suddenly and I (and many others) were in incredible pain and grief. A faraway friend had been emailing with me for days and I knew she was praying. One morning though my phone rang and her name was on the caller id. I broke down crying and answered the phone sobbing. I had no words. She said I didn’t have to talk, to just listen. She then prayed for me right there on the phone. After a few minutes I was able to form words and she tended my broken heart. In that moment I experienced the power of hearing her voice and real time connection.

    I may not leap onto the calling people all the time bandwagon but in times of need I will pick my phone up more often. It was a hugely valuable lesson in friendship to me.

  27. I so miss that people rarely have time for a phone chat anymore. Ten years ago my husband left our marriage of twenty three years, to pursue a personal addiction. As a single mom with two children under 10 years age, and daily work tutoring young children with learning difficulties, a few adult conversations on the phone each month were a highlight for me. Sadly, others have embraced the efficiency of email while I long for the slower world of times past…. I have tried, but the suggestion “why don’t you e-mail me and we can arrange something…in a week or two when I’m not so busy we can probably…” lacks the simple, spontaneous gladness of friendship as it once was.
    Thank you for this thoughtful post.

  28. With my family and in-laws, 98% of the time, I’m the one who initiates contact. 90% of the time I’m the one who initiates the contact with my friends. I’m so sick of it – it’s really hurtful.