About the Author

Jessica Turner is the author of Stretched Too Thin: How Working Moms Can Lose the Guilt, Work Smarter and Thrive, and blogs on The Mom Creative. Every day is a juggling act as she balances working full-time, making memories with her family, photographing the every day and trying to be...

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  1. I was actually able to watch the video clip in its entirety. 🙂
    I came out of this chapter being a One-to-One Structure person, but could not discern between the Partnering or Serving or Leading. I am all three socially. My stronger social sight is external and my strongest sphere of needs is relational. I wondered if there were any extra cues to help discern the social structure. Thanks Ladies!!

    • Hi Heather! You are probably a combo of all three, like you said. Some people have stronger tendencies and others just want to connect with people no matter how it happens. 🙂

  2. Wow! What a fabulous chapter! I got so much out of this. I am definitely one-to-one, partnering, external with emotional sphere of needs. What was so great for me was to realize I do not have to people please & put myself in a position that is not the best fit for me. Knowing now what my strengths are will be so much easier for me to help in a way that I am most suited for which will be best for the person(s) in need. Bravo, Holley, truly a wonderful chapter!!

  3. I loved this chapter — a lot of what Holley covers here is helpful to my marriage, as well as to my friendships.

    I love how you focused our attention on using our gifts to serve at the end. But, you give us tools to help us do so without getting weary and burned out.

    Awesome! 😉

  4. Like many, I, too, loved this chapter!!! I ended up being a one-to-one, leading, internal, practical. Hmmm, now what to do with this information. I’ll ponder it, pray about it, and begin to notice more closely as to how my everyday actions are close to this analysis, or far apart from it. This will help. Thank you!

  5. I think it is really a great idea to realize where our strength and tendencies lie. Much easier to help and serve once we’ve established where we are the strongest. I am a combo of one-on-one to a few, plus a combination of partnering and serving. I’ll lead, but it’s not where I am most comfortable.

  6. Chapter 7 is my favorite thus far! Holley opened with the playground scenario followed by us growing up and learning the labels of “outgoing” versus “shy” – that spoke to me loud and clear! Throughout my adolescent and teenage years, I was often hard on myself for being “shy” – seeing it in a negative light. When I read, “What if God made us that way? What if he wired our social tendencies just like he did our other strengths and skills?”, it made me realize how much I need to look positively on the way that I connect with others. My introverted personality is NOT a bad thing – it’s just that I am more comfortable in a one-to-one or one-to-few social setting. BINGO!
    Then on page 123 Holley touches on us being the body of Christ and that we each have individual strengths to offer and unique ways of loving others. I LOVED it when she said, “But knowing how we connect lets us serve in the center of the way God made us.” AMEN sister! In order for us to serve Him effectively, we have to learn how we connect with others and EMBRACE that wholeheartedly!

  7. I loved the way you described the whole take away of the chapter, Holley. It’s about filtering your strengths and then acting on what you do best and helping others. I’m learning so much about myself :).

  8. I’m going off topic here – Just wanted to say that I made ugly truffles for our family Easter dinner and they were a big hit!

  9. I enjoyed this chapter and learning more about myself and how I connect with others. I found I was more one-to-one, better at leading or serving (I know – weird combo), internal social sight, and best at meeting practical or intellectual needs.
    I loved how Holley said that “No one can take your place. God doesn’t have a “plan B” for you. You have gifts to offer the world, ways of connecting that only you can fulfill.”

  10. I have discovered I am a one to few- or a one to many person. I’m strong in leading and partnering. I’m also external and practical/relational. It is great to know what is at my core but my struggle is being able to live in it. I’m a homeschooling mom to 3 and feel my greatest calling in life right now is my kids. Inspite of that there is a such a strong desire to help other women. I find I have the tendency to say yes to everything and then become burnt out. I see now that I have been serving in areas that are not me. Thanks for writing this book. I’m loving the new awareness of who God made me to be.

  11. I’m a day late writing this. It seems like the last few days have been a blur of business, hormones, and exhaustion. However, I’m so glad I caught back up with the reading. Chapter Seven was absolutely fantastic! Lately, I find myself in a bit of an identity crisis. Between the waves of changes that come from being a new mom and the haze of depression medication sometimes I question who the real me is. This chapter helped me sketch an outline of myself. I’m definitely a one on one type of girl when it comes to relationships. I love being able to have an in depth conversation with someone and I have a strong desire to connect with them on an individual basis. However, I also have a passion for leadership. Although I prefer a small inner circle of friends I enjoy taking charge, setting direction, and inspiring others to join in on the journey that God has blessed me with. I guess I’m truly unique in that area. Thanks for the reminder of who I am.

  12. Loved this chapter! I think I marked up these pages more than any other chapter so far!! Good stuff.
    I found that I’m a Combo person. LOL. I treasure my time with one-on-one’s, but am one of those people who’s “never met a stranger”. I want to deny that – but I can’t. Love meeting new people, but I don’t have to always lead. Actually prefer NOT making those decisions. 🙂
    I’m also a Partner and an Internal – which is kinda odd – it caught me off guard because when Holley said in the video about being an introvert/extrovert – I’m totally an extrovert! So I’m a little confused on that. Might have to go back and read it again. LOL
    On the Sphere of Needs, my first indication was to put “Emotional”, but then I read about the “prayer” line in the Intellectual area – and that would be me too. I realize that nothing I say can heal a heart, or say I care, as much as stopping and praying for someone.
    I guess when it all boils down to it, we are each “fearfully and wonderfully made”. Perhaps we’re also intricately and complexly made too. 🙂

  13. What a great chapter. It’s nice to “pin-point” certain social strengths that God has instilled in us in order to seek how we can use those strengths in order to glorify Him through our lives.

    Here are some thoughts in regards to each of my social strengths:

    Setting: I feel most comfortable in one-on-one settings – these settings are where I feel like I can open up the most and have a “partnering” type of relationship. However, there are some friends from a small bible study I’ve been going to the past couple of years that I can have a one-to-few setting and feel completely at ease. I believe each of these depends on the person(s) and reason for being together. I definitely can say that the one-to-many setting does not come naturally for me. 🙂

    Structure: While serving is what I naturally believe I gravitate towards, I can definitely say it is hard to do. 🙂 While for years I’ve been happy to be in the background, I believe that God is changing me in preparation for whatever plans He has for my future. He’s gently moved me into positions of leadership, and I’m actually beginning to like it! Even though I naturally want to follow, I am willing and ready to lead if needed. I wasn’t really sure about the partnering structure or what that entails.

    Sight: I had a hard time determining between external and internal… if they are compared to being extroverted and introverted, then I would say internal because I am introverted. However, while reading the descriptions of each, I would say I am externally sighted.

    Sphere of Needs: Of course, while I see numerous areas of needs (emotional and relational) that I gravitate towards, I would ultimately say that I focus on the intellectual needs of others. I noted on page 122, “You want others in your life to know what matters most because you believe it impacts every area of their lives.” That is so true!

    Again, there was so much in this chapter, and God is really using this book to change my perspective and remind me of what’s really important. He’s been changing my heart and mind lately in allowing me to see that I don’t have to do everything and be everything. I can say no at times, and I don’t have to be doing what everyone else is… I only need to love Him and love others in everything I do. So relieving, yet so difficult although it’s so simple! 🙂

  14. This book has been so life affirming for me! Holley you have such a beautiful heart for women and it just shines through the pages.
    This particular chapter was interesting to me because I had a hard time “defining” myself in each of the areas. However, it took me a few days to watch this video because “life” kept happening and that time allowed me to truly see that I was created unique and that I have a special set of strengths to share…even though they may look different depending on who I am with and where I am. My “comfort zone” is one one one or one to few but lately God keeps calling me to step out in Faith and lead one to many! How cool that our God is a God who will not just use our strengths but build upon them and increase them in Him and His power!
    Em

  15. I want to begin by saying that this is my favorite chapter!!!
    Talk about filtering, sifting, dividing…only to run our fingers through to feel the mix of our OWN SELF!!!! And oh how well we mix!! My eyes opened and I felt all of this drape over me and offer such comfort to my heart and soul. Its nice to see a new ME emerging and beginning to recognize, “Hey, I AM good enough and offer good enough in His eyes!”

    Page 126, 3rd Paragraph, 1st Sentence: ‘It’s often when we step outside our strengths for a season that we learn and grow.’
    This spoke to me immediately, although it was very brief, it spoke to me in the exact moment it was supposed to….How? ~~ I read this and then had a customer divulge some bad news re: her husband and I reached out to her…a warm feeling of good came over me by stepping outside of my strengths and grasping a weakness by the hand~~I haven’t reached out to many in a long while…especially someone who’s an acquaintance. You see, I’m a bank teller at the drive thru and this all happened within 3 minutes….I was so overwhelmed I was brought to a misty eyed state of being for a brief yet wonderful moment.

    Thank you Holley for such eye-opening words to help us see who we are in Christ and well….. know that WE ARE ALREADY AMAZING~~~~~

    God Bless you and all those at (in)courage
    Sherry

  16. I appreciate Holley’s statement that this book is about learning to love well. What a concept! If I have that as a goal in my life, I won’t be overtaken by the lies and selfish desires Satan throws my way.

  17. I’m trying to catch up on the reading and videos! Loved this chapter (love them all)

    I see myself as one-to-few, partnering, and practical. But couldn’t really pick external or internal…definitely some of both. Wish I had some one to have coffee with me that could help me discern my social strengths! 🙂