About the Author
Angie is the proud wife of Todd Smith of Selah, and the blessed mommy to Abby, Ellie, Kate, Charlotte, and Audrey Caroline, who passed away the day she was born, April 7th, 2008. Angie was inspired to write Audrey's story, and began the blog www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com in honor of her. You...
I haven’t read the book but I’ve listened to the videos. I have trouble with pride … Feeling that I’m smarter, know more Scripture, speak better English. I can be snooty and not even realize it. Bebo Norman has a song out I’ve only heard once but I got the lyrics. I want to live them … “I have nothing without Him.” I’m not sure that was what was covered tonight but it kind of fit in with what she was saying about being confident and competent and not worrying. I just take it a step further which is not right.
This has been really good. I’ve enjoyed y’all. Love to you three ~<3~
Holley Gerth says
Love this, Donna.
Kaelynn Judd says
This was truly an amazing chapter. It has been a really rough week for me. Working a full time job, being a full time student, and being pregnant has really overwhelmed me lately. I have been feeling so down on myself and so overwhelmed. That is exactly when I am the most vulnerable to the Evil One’s lies. I think the biggest lie that the Devil taunts me with is that I deserve to be alone because I’m worthless. However, Hebrews 10:14 clearly says that I am made perfect through Christ. With that powerful verse in mind how could I ever believe that lie? That passage is so liberating for me!
Another great point in the chapter was about insecurity making us prideful. How true that is! I mean after all, when we are constantly worried about what other women or people are thinking about us, that is extremely self-centered. God has called me into full time ministry and I need to be able to adequately serve others. This chapter reminded me to give myself permission to be confident in who I am.
Holley Gerth says
Yes, being overwhelmed always makes me feel like a failure. I had to break that lie that overwhelmed = failing. Whew, so glad that isn’t true!
Laura P says
There were so many takeaways in this chapter. So much of what was written had me nodding my head, saying yes or wow or need to remember that.
Now just to process everything I’ve read.
Holley Gerth says
Yes, the processing always takes longer than the reading, doesn’t it? 🙂
Loved chapter 3- especially Mrs. P!!! She’s been on my case since I was a little girl, and she paralyzes me from even trying anything. I think that ties into the lie about not having anything to offer because I can’t do it good enough (the Oreo Truffles lie). I’m so glad that I can say that I may not be good enough… but He is!
Holley Gerth says
You know Ms. P too? So glad I’m not the only one!
Such a good chapter! I loved the perfectionism versus growth bit – perfectionism being about a goal and growth being little by little, and the picture of the morning sun getting brighter till full daylight.
Also, the bit where you said: “If her life seems harder, then we don’t feel entitled to our pain” – it was unexpected to have someone articulate how I’ve felt before. That didn’t used to bother me until I was in my 20s and a friend’s brother died, and another friend said she didn’t feel we had the right to be upset (in other words, his family had more of a right to grieve than anyone else), but that’s wrong. I think God is interested in all our problems, however big or small they are, and would want us to give Him our pain instead of thinking we shouldn’t have it.
I also liked the thought that true confidence leads to service, whereas insecurity turns us inwards – wow! And how you encourage us to replace lies with the truth of Scripture – something I’ve done for a while now and it’s a great practice. Thank you, thank you for this book.
Holley Gerth says
Yes, I so agree that God is interested in ALL our problems, no matter how big or small they may seem to us.
I am loving this book! There has yet to be a story or topic that I can’t relate to in a very real way. Holley, you are truly called to speak to the heart of women. Thank you, (in)courage, for putting the spotlight on such a wonderfully important book. I think we could all use some insight on how to deal with Mrs. P some days!
Holley Gerth says
Thank you for your sweet words, Jessica!
Fabulous chapter, which I plan to re-read to go even more retrospective. The thing that resonated with me was “I don’t have anything to offer”…boy did that hit home!
I just finished a project for my daughter’s school & all I kept thinking was, “what if the parents don’t like it? They are going to talk about me & judge me”…this line of thinking gets me every.single.time. Deep down inside I know I am equipped to handle situations I volunteer for, but I always worry about what others will think. It’s taken me a very long time to break through this thought process & this book is just so wonderful at helping me to take a step back, go back to Scripture for “back up” & see the truth in the situation., that it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks! 🙂
Lovin’ the book study, ladies!!
Holley Gerth says
Girl, I totally do the same and continue to try to learn how to put myself out there without fear! 🙂
I feel like I’ve been thrown headfirst into a brick wall. Chapter 1 was good, although hard to believe it was about me. Chapter 2 was tough…still questioning the 3 strengths I finally came up with, all my relationships are functional, and I don’t have a “who”. But Chapter 3? Talk about being blindsided by pain. For me, knowing why I CAN’T believe I’m amazing doesn’t help me any. You see, I was supposed to be a boy. My earthly father still has not forgiven me for being a girl. I have spent my entire life struggling with all 5 of the lies Holley mentions, and I still struggle with not being good enough at my very core. I struggle to see God as my heavenly Father, and to believe that what He says about me in the Bible is actually true. Love, grace, forgiveness, and all the other things God says He is are completely foreign concepts to me. I have no idea what they actually would look like if they showed up beside me. So I feel completely worthless, and I know that’s a lie, but I struggle to believe that God didn’t make a mistake when He made me.
Holley Gerth says
Sharon, you are not a mistake. You are exactly who God intended you to be. Your Heavenly Father is delighted that you are His daughter! I hear your pain and have had deep hurts as well. Counseling and life coaching have really helped me. I’d recommend talking to someone you trust about this. I’m so glad you’re here with us…I just want someone to be able to speak that truth to you face to face too. Thanks for being courageous and sharing this with us.
I agree with Holley. If you were supposed to be a boy, you would have been. God wanted you to be a girl. *hugs*
This chapter really resonated with me…because all 5 lies are what I tell myself (or let myself continue to believe daily). My biggest ones are especially Ms. P and then listening to others tell my truth. My mother told me from an early age that “mothers were always right” so I just assumed early on that meant she knew what was best. That led to many years where I felt stifled and caged by her dreams, her “truth” for my life. I followed what she believed was my best educational route (professional degree) and I have never been more miserable. Now, as I’m discovering the Lord and discovering his word (I’m a new Christian…just began my walk back in January)…I’m discovering that the truths I was living for so many years (I’m in my early 30’s) IS ALL LIES! Even where I’m at now might not be God’s plan for me. I am in the process of working with a counselor to sort all of this out…but this book actually allows me to sit back….know I’m not alone…and let the little girl inside me who is trapped and confused and terrified of all these lies that have held me in bondage for so many years……….let her be FREE. Thank you for bringing these lies to light. Like Angie said, its in speaking the word…finding it in there….the nuggets of truth that are like bullets to the lies we’ve been fed all these years. The lies aren’t serpents, but Satan does what he can to throw us off course. I’ve enjoyed this book so much. I know this one is a re-read for sure! Thanks for being so approachable and understanding..I feel as if we are conversing…not reading. =)
Holley Gerth says
Brooke, I wish we could converse instead of just reading! Next best thing to that cup of coffee I hope we’ll get to have one day. 🙂
Nicole @Team Pipkin says
I struggle with 4 of the 5 lies. I feel that I have to be prefect because if I’m not I failed at something. So there goes my confidence. I always feel that “I need to be more like her”…maybe she has more friends than I. Making friends comes so easy for her. She is handy in the kitchen & crafty to boot. Areas that I struggle with. Not to mention, I feel like “I don’t have anything to offer”… especially in bible study group when I have the answer. i did my research but I’m not confident enough to offer anything to the conversation. Like I’m wrong. I don’t struggle with #4 because that would mean I would have to have confidence. I guess with #5 that would mean I would have to have friends who talk “bad” about me. My friend circle is pretty small…some are more like acquaintances so I’m not sure if anything is being said about me behind my back where I feel “I am who others say I am”. I do know that I am left out of birthday parties & such but then I chalk that up to that I’m not in “her inner circle, I’m her acquaintance”.
But there was a lot of good stuff in this chapter that I highlighted like…”Your story & strengths belong to you. God doesn’t compare them (or you) to anyone else, and you don’t have to either.” So that is where I will begin…not comparing myself to others. Thanks Holley for a wonderful book!
I really enjoyed this chapter. I was able to recognize several “lies” that have been easy for me to believe. I have major issues with the “Lie 1 – I have to be Perfect”. We have a son who has some special issues and it is hard when out and about to recognize that my we are doing exactly what he needs when we see others look at us like we “need to be doing something different”. It has been a struggle for me to compare myself to others mothers with their “perfect” children – which is just an outward appearance I know. I know that God has planned everything out for our lives and has allowed us the privilege (and responsibility) to raise our son into a mighty man of God.
I really related to the “Ms. P” making a red line across the top of a chart and anything below it would be failure. It is wonderful to know that as you say, “God sees our lives in a much different way. The red he places over our lives is the blood of his Son, and it covers us completely.”
On another note, God has SO timed this study for me. Our son, over the past few weeks, has had some issues at school. He has asked us a couple of times “Why did God make me this way? What is his purpose for me? Find me a scripture and tell me.” One of my favorite chapters is Psalm 139 – I’ve clung to this chapter for MANY years. Such a blessing at times of feeling insecure. We spent time reading and discussing this last night and then I found myself pulling out this book and reading certain parts to him (most from the first few chapters) explaining to him how amazing he is and how God has made him just as he is for a specific reason/purpose. We talked about how many skills he has now and how God will develop those skills and make certain ones stronger and use those skills for His glory. It was really an awesome talk/conversation. I have to say that having all of this on my mind and in the forefront from reading it (I’ve finished the book and am reading thru it a second time with the book group) greatly helped me help him last night.
Thank you again SO much for allowing God to use you as a blessing to others!
Marina Bromley (Marina's Kitchen Table) says
Another good chapter, and great conversation to go along with it.
I don’t know if it’s odd to find myself in the middle here? I’m totally comfortable at being broken – only finding confidence in that “in my weakness He is made strong” – yet I get caught up in what others think! ESPECIALLY THE WOMEN. (ugh). When asked to fill in for our class I always feel like I’m the heavy one – (not just physically!! but spiritually!) – one co-leader is super-naturally funny and has tons to share through her God’s gift of humor; one is the Pastor’s wife – and we wait with baited breath to hear what she says; and then there’s me – even when I share what I prayerfully KNOW God’s led me to share – I feel like a flop.
WHY DOES THAT MATTER SO MUCH?
It’s not so much that I am (or am not) who they think I am, I’m confident and comfortable with who He has made me; but I want to know that someone else thinks that’s ok. (is that weird?)
I’m afraid this chapter is leaving me hungry to get the answers that I hope will come down the road!!
Thanks for being “real” ladies!!
Anna Radchenko says
What a great chapter. Before I point out some of the really eye-opening parts of Chapter 3, I just want to make a correction to the first sentence (p. 41). Technically, God created the world in six days, not seven. The world was complete on the sixth day, and He rested on the seventh. 🙂
The top of page 42 was great with the Scripture backing up each truth statement. I wrote on the side margin, “We need to know Scripture in order to know the truth about who we are.”
Another wonderful section was on page 46 where Holley discusses the difference between perfectionism and growth. A couple of years ago, I was at a high point in my faith (perhaps the highest I’ve ever been since Christ has lived in me). I was so passionate about living for Christ and I was strong in His word. Since then, my growth seemed to have gone backwards… I’ve had ups and downs and it’s been scaring me that I’m not good enough because of this “downfall.” The chart on page 46 was inspiring because I realized that I am still taking away the wisdom and growth that I’ve made in the past even though I’m going through valleys. Step by step, I am making progress and being sanctified to become more like Christ – what a relief that God is still working in me and still accepting and loving me… He’s “sharing life with me – just as I am, every step of the way!” (p. 47).
Heather P says
I really liked this chapter. I usually underline and highlight, but I want to pass the book on to a friend. Therefore, I am taking notes in a notebook. Thanks for the recipe! I will probably try it.
i really wish I could hear what you ladies are saying! There isn’t any way to turn up the sound. Am missing out on a lot! Susan
Carol H. says
I agree Susan. I’ve got my volume cranked up to the max and I still have trouble catching every word. I suppose it’s too late for anything to be done as these wonderful ladies have probably already made all of the videos! Next time perhaps?
Brooke J. says
Just a thought, it might help if you have a speaker you can add to your computer. I use a laptop, and the sound isn’t loud enough without an additional speaker. They are pretty inexpensive, like the ones you use for an i-pod or mp3 player is what I have. It has a volume control on it, so I can turn the laptop vol all the way up then control the sound with the speaker.
Earphones help alot too. That’s what I do.
Earphones help alot!! That’s what I use as my hearing is bad.
Earphones help tremendously. That’s what I use all the time as I have some hearing loss.
Two great ideas that I want to think about more:
1) That we can actually change the physical pathways in our brain to replace the lies with truth.
and 2) That feeling that confidence is dangerous! Such a great way to describe the feeling of reluctance I’ve had to believe positive things about myself!
I too am having sound quality issues…everything is turned up full blast, speaking is oh-so-soft, but then the music blares at the end, so I know it’s not my speakers.
Chapter 3…It is so easy to get caught up in the 5 lies, and I especially struggle with 2-3 of them!
Striving to be perfect…As a mom, we want to do it all. We try to be in charge of this, have our hand in this, and do this for them. I finally had a breakdown/breakthrough last night when the hubby and I were out, and I told him…”This is not working. I can not do it all, I need to take care of myself, along with my children’s needs first, then my husbands, and so on down the line. When I am trying to do it all, I am not giving 100% to anything, and things are just not getting done as I would like them to.” Needless to say, he agreed with me. The problem? Learning to step back and away from those items. Since I am already committed to some, I need to finish out those commitments, and then re-evaluate and learn to say “NO”!
Which goes right along with…Being More Like Her! Well, if she can do it, I should be able to handle this, have that, etc. It’s a vicious cycle that can go round and round!
WOW – Have i said yet that I LOVE this book! Now let me introduce you to Miss P – ahem – that would be ME***SIGH***please please please do not misunderstand me here – I love my Mom very very very very much – but growing up as an only child it was always about being better than the next person, never make a mistake, you have to know more, be more than the next person in order to get anywhere in life – she learned these lessons young in her working career and with her whole heart intended them for my good and not wanting me to endure some of the nonsense she had to – hence the perfectionism trait very evident in me – I hated disappointing her and now as a Christian that has morphed into I hate disappointing Him. So I try harder to be better (notice the I in the trying) That quickly satan get seep into my brain and change my thought patterns. You know you read in scripture how subtle satan is and sometimes I forget and then he gets in there ruins my morning coffee and takes my whole world turns it upside down and tells me i am less useful than a bump on a log…BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? Day by day, moment by moment as I nestle into the security under the shadow of His wing He tells me my daughter – you are so very precious to me and You are already amazing…Amazing Grace…
Holley: thanks for the recipe, and for the reminder that my ugly truffles may be a blessing to others, so I need to put out the plate and let God do the rest. I totally related to that story. This really ties back to Angie’s broken vase for me — cracks and all, He will shine through as long as we are willing to put ourselves out there. Praying for the courage to do it!
Brooke J. says
I love this book. Thank you Holly for writing it and sharing your heart. I really related to chapter 3. Not too long ago God showed me that my comparing ways needed to change, that I needed to accept who he made me to be, and then I see bloom is doing your book, which fit right in with what God was teaching me. I also have struggled with confidence making me prideful. I have always been confident. people see it more than I feel it usually, but when someone says, “you are…” I always backtrack because if I say” no I’m not” which then sounds like phishing for compliments, but if I say “yes I am” then I sound prideful. I have struggled with this because I have always associated quiet and reserved with humility. That is a lie I have believed since I was a little girl which led me to comparing. It has been quite the cycle. I appreciate this book and the truth God is showing me through it.
Wow Chapter 3 was eye opening. It is very easy to let the lies come to the forefront and take over our life, I thank you for reminding us to hold onto the promises that are in God’s word that show us the truth instead of the lies.
My biggest things are thinking that I’m not pretty enough or smart enough. I know better, but sometimes I have a hard time believing it.
Belinda Gresham says
How can i find out your next book so i can buy it and join in at the beginning? Thx!
Marina Bromley says
we’ve just started this week!! join on in!!
I would love to read the book but I can’t find it in Kenya yet. 🙁
Marina Bromley says
can you download it through Kindle?? it’s not too late to get it and join on in with us!!
Kristen Strong says
Oh, this chapter is one of my faves, too. Holley, I love what God is doing through you, sister. We girls *need* your word wisdom! So, so thankful for you.
Julie Anne says
Can I say, this book is Amazing! 🙂 oh the lies I hear every day! Thank you for reminding me of the truth I already know! I just need to shout it to myself more often!
Ps. I still think we need a truffle recipe with Nutella!
What a great chapter….tough but great. At first, I was not sure about lies I was believing. I found myself thinking that I Know God loves me….I dom’t struggle with believing lies…then I got to the 5 lies part and I felt something inside me break open a little bit. by the end of the chapter my heart was crying out the lie I’ve believed since becoming a Chtpristian (ironically). that I am not good enough. That I don’t measure up to all the “perfect”Titus two’s out there. what a fallacy! Thanks you for this chapter. I’ve spent much of my time trying to be a good enough. What I needed to hear is that in Jesus I am more than enough. Praising God for allowing the light to shine through this crack in my heart that I didn’t eve know was there until now.
Confusing when you think of the differences between humility and false humiity. Living the truth that confidence is not pride when it gives God the glory (credit) SOUNDS like an amazing way to live. This does not come naturally for me at all. I want to be liked and thought highly of, which ends up causing me huge problems because I don’t really trust myself or my motives Sounds like a legalistic mess…no wonder why I am sruggling with the title of the book. UGH
Hope it’s OK, Holley! I felt the need to process some of my thinking, and sometimes my blog is the best space for that. Here is my post, in case is sparks more conversation for others… http://www.jenbaum-laughoftenlovemuch.blogspot.com/2012/03/book-club.html
After the week I just had, with the enemy whispering all kinds of lies into my heart and using coworkers to back them up, I needed this chapter. I loved hearing that it’s not up to me to determine what is “good enough” – I need to let God determine how He can use it all for His glory.
I’m loving this book so far! I still struggle with ugly nightmares sometimes and even just worry in general and I literally say out loud, “get out Satan!”. he has no choice. I’m so thankful that God is always there and always listening and He comforts.
This was a great chapter! So often, Ms. P is yelling at me. It is so easy to listen to Ms. P tell me each day how I am not good enough. I am constantly feeling like there is never a balance, and I compare with others. I feel like I am constantly running. I ask, “How does she do it?” and I compare with others around me. I always feel others have somehow mastered it, and I don’t know why I can’t. Working full time, and trying to balance home, family, serving at church, etc. is challenging, but it is not up to Ms. P. Replacing the lie is hard to do. Constantly feeling overwhelmed is not what God wants for me.
Thank you for the timely reminders. I’m always trying to be as good as or better than and really I just need to be who God made ME to be. Such a simple concept but so difficult to grasp! Thanks for bringing the lies out in the open and making it clear where God “stands” in these lies!
Megan Henderson says
This was a great chapter! I fall into lie #2 so often. God has been showing me that comparing myself to others is EXHAUSTING (finding others to compare myself to), and it also affects other relationships. When I compare, I spout off my thoughts to my husband. He listens, but then he reaffirms what he loves about me. Doesn’t Christ do that to me? He is always affirming that He loves me, and that I am His child. What better affirmation could I ask for?