We used to sing a song called “The Farmer in the Dell” when I was a kid. The song, and the game you can play along with it, ends with the cheese standing alone.
One person left unpicked.
Hi-ho the derry-o [what does THAT even mean?], the cheese stands alone.
A few weeks ago, I asked the single girls who read my blog to throw out some ideas of what kinds of conversations they wanted us to have here at (in)courage about being single. A lot of comments and thoughts later, my mind was spinning and asking how to even begin to cover this stuff.
But there was one that was a homerun for me and my life and my experience.
“What do you do when you are the last single girl in the bunch?”
[Read: I am the cheese. I am standing alone.]
I know what this feels like- I was the last single girl in my bunch. My small group at church was four married couples and me. My weekends were spent with them and their kids at sporting events or watching movies or eating Mexican food. They were my people.
They still are my people.
But before I knew it, three years had passed and I had met ZERO new single men and didn’t have a social group with anyone in my life place.
So I have two suggestions for you girls who are smack in the middle of a loving group of married folk:
Keep your bunch.
Your people are your people for a reason- married or not, if they love you well, keep them. You shouldn’t drop your friends because they get married. That will only hurt everyone in the situation. Keep them near, dear, and involved in your life.
Make some new bunches, too.
I know. You hate hearing this. Or you think, “yeah, thanks Annie. That’s not possible for me.” I’m going to argue with you on that.
Your local library has book clubs- join one. Your church probably has a singles group- go once. There are cooking classes you can take and yoga classes where you can stretch your friend making skills [you’re welcome for that pun]. The Sierra Club cleans up everywhere- try it one Saturday. Scope out online dating- many of the sites offer free trial weekends. Meet-ups are happening all the time about every hobby known to man- find one that interests you and then actually GO. Do you like sports? Google and find where fans gather to cheer for your team and then, again, actually GO.
I hate to say it, but you are going to have to get uncomfortable. I’m not saying unsafe. I’m saying you are going to have to step out of what is easy and into what is new.
I know. It’s not fair that YOU have to make new friends and your married friends don’t. It’s not fair that just because YOU are single that YOU are the one who has to be brave. It should be easier than this- it was for your married friends.
I’ve told myself all that stuff too.
But the truth is that none of that matters. Because here you are. And you have to find abundant life here- with the friends you have and the ones you are going to make.
I gained tons of courage in this area after reading How to Get a Date Worth Keeping. I learned how important it is for me to branch out and make new friends so that I will grow as a human- it is less about meeting people and more about what it does to your insides to be brave- to refuse to be the cheese.
I know you can give me fifty reasons why you can’t meet anyone new. But the challenge is this- are you brave enough to brainstorm two ways that you CAN meet some new friends?
And pray. Really. Ask God to challenge you in this and encourage you in this and show you the open doors where you can meet new people.
He will. He’ll help you and show you.
He knows you aren’t the cheese.
. . . . .
Let’s talk about it, y’all!
What are your thoughts on being the last single girl?
Married women- what would you suggest to the single girls in your life who don’t know any other singles?
Single women- how have you found ways to meet new people?
By Annie Downs // AnnieBlogsLeave a Comment
Sarah@Speaking of Truth says
Thank you for this, Annie–for once again touching on a deeply prevalent issue for us single gals.
So, I’m in a situation where I HAVE single friends. Just not male ones. So literally, the only reason I would go out and meet new people would be to meet…men. I’ve decided to do it anyway, LOL, but I still feel that tinge of guilt because I’ve been trained to believe that my priorities must be out of whack if searching for male companionship is the primary reason why I would do anything. (Mostly, I’ve been holding out because I just really hoped an amazing Christian guy who loved me would show up at my gas station. I am there, like, every week. It shouldn’t be that hard.)
Any thoughts on this? Anyone?
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates says
My mother encouraged me in this. It is difficult to meet new people in an online world. She told me two things that really helped me – 1. Make your HEART open. Smile more at men. Laugh at their jokes. An open heart shows on your face. and 2. go where you can BE available! Men are just as confused as we are, and it takes perhaps more guts for them to walk up and start a conversation with someone who might be married or dating. They have to put their heart on the line first, oftentimes. Let them know you’re single by going to places singles go. Prayers for you!!
Sarah, I know exactly what you mean about feeling guilty for searching for male companionship. I was raised with the same “doctrine” and I’m really trying to get honest with God and just come right out and say it, “I want a husband.” As if He didn’t know that already, right?
And I truly thought Mr. Right would “just show up” any day now, with no work on my part. I think my brain decided that if it was truly God-ordained, God would just make it happen.
So now I’m trying to keep the two ideas separate but equal- The desires of my heart are important AND those desires should never cause me to lose my faith in His love for me. I can be honest about what I want, and at the same time I can also rest in trust that God has a plan and whether I ever find a mate or not, He has blessed me beyond measure.
And as for doing my part, I don’t look at it as trolling for a husband or getting my priorities mixed up, I’m just trying to create more opportunities for Mr. Right and I to bump into each other. And hopefully make some new friends along the way.
I’m a married girl now, but didn’t get married until I was 37. I always struggled with the idea that surely God had a plan, and He would make sure I met the right man! Somewhere along the way, though, I learned that it’s our job to wait on God’s plan to unfold, but not sit idly by. Maybe the man He has picked out for you is on that online dating site you keep thinking about joining. Maybe he’s signed up for that cooking class that called your name, but you’re nervous about signing up for. When we don’t put ourselves in places to meet new people we’re not giving God a chance to introduce us to the person He has in mind for us!
I am in the uk and so we end this song differently… the last one is the dog and everyone pats the dog. This seems far friendlier. I think we should gather round those who are single and support them where God has them.
Single people are not the cheese… they are the much loved dog. 😉
Ms. Smizzle says
I love this! We (married & single) gals need to support & encourage each other.
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates says
So much nicer with everyone patting the dog at the end!! I’m teaching my kids that one instead. 🙂
Amy W says
Amy – I’m in the UK too, but your version obviously ended before the horrible part!! The one we did at school ended with a bone – “the bone won’t break, the bone won’t break, ee-oh-my-daddy-oh, the bone won’t break”. During the singing of that part, the person who was the bone was supposed to be ‘patted’ but kids get carried away and it ended up as a thumping! When my sister and I are feeling sorry for ourselves, we often joke “I was always the bone!”.
Lisa H says
It used to not bother me being the only single in my group but in the last 6 months its really started to bother me. My friends have all been married for 20+ years. I’ve been divorced for 7, single for 2+ after trying again with my ex-husband. I’ve met 2 men in 2+ years and am getting ready to have the 2nd one over for dinner for the 1st time. We’ve been out 3 times and have been talking on the phone and facebook for a few months. I can’t be accused of rushing into things! But seriously, being single is the pits. It is also okay at times.
I do not go out alone to meet people, my married friends do not have any single male friends and those who do tell me they wouldn’t let me date them! I guess that is a good thing if they are protecting me right? The 2 men I have met have been online dating sites which I really do not like but my options have been limited. This 2nd guy who I’ve invited over for dinner is a nice guy, a Christian man, pleasant to speak with and fun to be around. My heart doesn’t skip a beat yet when I think of him but he makes me smile when he calls or texts me during the day. I think I am too protective of my heart these days to let my emotions take over for now. I have given it to God to orchestrate into whatever he has planned. That could be misconstrued as I don’t really like this guy but that is untrue. I do like him, I enjoy being around him, we have good conversation. I just do not know him yet and I am enjoying learing about him.
I could never imagine letting go of my married friends because they are my rock (besides God of course). I look to them for so much advice and love and support. I figure who better to help me navigate a new relationship than those who have been married for so long. They’ve been through a lot of stuff together and can help guide some newbies along that road!
Married woman here, 25 years, three almost grown kids, with a few thoughts to share…
First, we married folk love our single peeps, just as we love our married or childless ones. You add richness, energy, and perspective to our lives through which God blesses and works. Don’t leave us! (P.S. We don’t think of you as our “single” friends. You’re just a wonderful part of the puzzle of our lives!)
Secondly, I have always believed that God wants us to focus on being the best woman for Him in every stage of our lives. Trying new things and stretching ourselves socially is a way to open ourselves up to His growing us and His ministries through us. Our happiness and fulfillment cannot be dependent on another human, whether that is a boyfriend, friend, church family member, or spouse. I KNOW God will bless you for trusting Him and stretching yourself. He’s amazing that way. 🙂 This process needs to continue in our marriages, too, because, after all, if we become our best selves in God’s grace, then we have more to offer in our marriages (and friendships and ministries).
@Lisa, online dating sites are awful, I agree. OurTime.com looked promising last spring, but the quality of the men they are recruiting has gone down a lot. I read a book (ebook) called “Twiduction for Women” by Scot and Emily McKay, which is an interesting idea for using Twitter to meet higher-quality men. The dating sites will take anyone, and there’s no really effective screening process to make sure you aren’t going out with someone who has priors (i.e. prior arrests!). Twitter is very public, and the guys with decent followings who share quality information with their followers are often very high quality guys, it’s just a matter of finessing the site in such a way that you get to meet the ones in your local area, without using cheesy pickup lines or looking like you’re “desperate” (a problem which is almost unavoidable on dating sites).
Diane Bailey says
I rememeber being single , but I was a single mom with two teens. I felt like I had so much garbage that no one would want me. Others were getting married and remarried. I felt like Cinderella – dirty and hidden away.
But the Lord placed it in my heart that I was hidden in Him. That I was really a treasure and that many men would want me, but He was hidding me until the one he had chosen for me arrived.
It took time for us to be ready for each other. We both had some healing to do first.
If God has placed it on your heart that you are to wed, then begin to pray for God’s intended for you. He might be going through some “stuff” and is not ready…yet.
Diane – Thank you for this reminder. As a single mom of 11.5 years with a teen and tween, it’s easy to forget this. I want them to have a daddy. I do keep praying for only God’s absolute best-for all of us, we’ve had enough what I thought would be good…I’m willing to wait. It still gets tiring at times though. 😀
“But the Lord placed it in my heart that I was hidden in Him. That I was really a treasure and that many men would want me, but He was hidding me until the one he had chosen for me arrived.”
Thank you for this!
My comment is very simple. Girls, let HIM pursue YOU. It is exhausting to always be chasing after someone! The way you “get” him, is the way you will have to “keep” him. You are worth waiting for.
Insert *Clapping* Here. 🙂
Barb M. says
I was divorced, sort of looking on single’s sites, praying, “God, YOU pick for me!” and found my husband six years ago! He is the one whom God would pick, most definitely. He loves me and my four children and puts up with our many failings. He goes above and beyond what their dad(s) ever did. He is my best friend, even though I give him the worst of me, too, at times. So, pray, ask God for what you want, but be open to what He has; he may not “look” like what you think you want…haha. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I didn’t even find him on a great singles’ site; I was on a week’s trial of Yahoo Singles, which honestly was a boring site at the time, don’t know what it looks like now; no photo of him, just his words, all caps, too; lol. I asked him if he knew he was shouting, and of course, he did not. I then realized he’s a real guy, and a nice one at that. Our first date was at the park with all my kids. I say test ’em to be sure!
Annie, I have a question about the book – it’s the 2nd time I’ve seen you recommend it, and I’m wondering whether it would be a good gift for someone close to me who has been a widow for a few years, has 3 little ones, but is kind of wanting/ready to meet new people. Do you think it would be helpful for her? I’d appreciate knowing before investing 🙂
I will admitt it`s hard to start , but once you give it a try I guranttee it will work well for everybody . At some point (at a meeting over Tea, wait for the drink to cool , and then spill the balance of the cup on yourself . At somepoint in the evening, they`ll be a uneasy incident, so just cause it to happen to yourself, and LAUGH with the rest of the people in the Dinning room . ) A Laugher naturally brings more attention to herself , and YOU don`t want a boreing guy anyhow, so pick the fellow you want and just go for it … I will guranttee this will work better then sitting all prim and proper. Ask your brother what he looks for, and 10 to1 it`s a woman he can have fun with ! Spill only what you feel you can clean in the powderroom . You`ll still look pretty , but remember to keep laughing the whole evening on.
Jen Y says
Great post & great advice for married women too. Having good women friends is just as important whether you’re married or not. I’ve been married for 25 yrs & I still look for new friends even though I love the friends in my groups. It’s part of keeping yourself healthy & it’s part of reaching out to serve & help others.
I can add to your list of ideas. I volunteer at my local food bank & have for 9 yrs. I was placed with a lady almost 40 yrs older than me when I fist started & she has become such a dear friend. Our age difference is something that would have kept me from seeking her out but she’s been a grandmother to my son through his teen yrs & an amazing encourager to me.
My garden club is another group of single & married women that I never thought I’d participate in. We maintain public gardens, support community projects, visit gardens together & do a lot of laughing & sharing – no garden knowledge required in our group, just a love of the outdoors. And yes we do a stuffy garden tea once a year but it’s so much fun after working so hard together!
Most of my groups don’t overlap very much either. They do a little but it’s good that when I’m struggling in one group I still have a few others I can count on for support. HTH
lore Ferguson says
“It is less about meeting people and more about what it does to your insides to be brave- to refuse to be the cheese.”
Bravo! Love this. Being brave does marvelous things to our insides (and also our complexions).
I have always believed (and seen experience bear out) that no matter how much we want to find our “other half” it is just not something that can be rushed. We can’t know where the man God intends for us is or how to find him and exhaustively throwing ourselves into the search benefits no one.
I know many women (myself included) who have found in retrospect that meeting or getting together with their spouse could not have happened any earlier – one or both parties still had crucial lessons to learn or experiences to complete before they were ready for each other. God knows what He is doing, even if He refuses to do it on our timetable. As much as it can suck to be patient and just wait, sometimes focusing on yourself and what He has for you right now while you wait is all (and the best) you can do.
You could also enroll in a class at the local community college. Not only will you be enriching yourself, but meeting new people, too.
Thank younfor this post. A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that my closest friends are married couples, many with children. And you are right, they are definitely my people and I have no intention of that changing, but I realized I needed something more. As I began to look for ways to find more people in a similar place, my church started a young adult Bible study. Hi, lots of new friends! (Turns out, there’s a bunch of us.) If your church doesn’t have something like this, ask if something can be started. This group is only five weeks old and has already made a tremendous difference in my life! Several of us got together last night for dinner and then we played Quelf for a few hours. (Hilarious game by the way. Highly recommended.) Throughout the evening, I found myself smiling randomly realizing God had opened this door and this opportunity. He put me in a place where I found others like myself. What a blessing. And I don’t feel like the cheese anymore. 🙂 Thank you for this advice and your willingness to share. And anytime you can use cheese as an analogy, you know it’s bound to be a successful post.
Genevieve @ Turquoise Gates says
“And pray. Really. Ask God to challenge you in this and encourage you in this and show you the open doors where you can meet new people.” This. PRAY. I prayed hard, after trying all the things you suggested, that God would help me be GOOD at being single. And about 2 months after I felt like I was finally doing a good job at being single for His glory, and I was contemplating life-long medical missions and having my house appraised so I could sell it and move to Central America…he showed me a man I’d known for 4 years in a new and beautiful light. And I fell head over heals, not knowing if it was the slightest bit requited (despite all my trying, I just couldn’t fall in love with anyone until him). So I stepped out on a limb and invited him to do something after work. And we did it. And then I made it my mission to be one of his best friends and strongest supporters. And it happened. And finally, with no warning, one evening after dinner he told me he loved me. We got married 3 months later. Without my “trying”, God made my biggest prayer come true, and I was best friends with the man who asked me to marry him.
I like all your thoughts, Annie. I do think that, for some, it takes divine intervention to launch us from the single path to the married one. It hasn’t been easy for me to be married, or to have children, because I was so sure I had the gift of singleness. But God is with me here, too. I still have single friends, who probably will be for life, and I pray God leads in their lives too, as he did in mine.
Praying for this whole, vibrant group of delightful women with the heart for marriage, just waiting for that moment when God says, “YES.”
I been divorced x a year now. It’s a pit! I hate it-but, I rather wait on the Lord than having my heart broken again. My church doesn’t have groups x singles or single moms and it’s hard to fit in….
I been divorced x a year now. It’s a pit! I dont like it, but I rather wait on the Lord than having my heart broken again. My church doesn’t have groups x singles or single moms and it’s hard to fit in.
Well, yes, the game end with Cheese standing alone…but when I was a kid, the cheese was the farmer next round until everyone had been the farmer. And standing alone is lonely, but also brave. I had maaried friends who had never lived o ntheir own.
I am sort of the last single girl, but I lost touch with my teenage friends except for one, before they got married. I was pretty much hte only single at church, and in my 20’s, I managed to make ONE good friend at church. Married, but she didn’t care care that I was 18 years younger & single, & childless.
I “dated” tons outside church in my 20’s, had my daughter at 30, and now…a single mom. It’s weird…I don’t fit in either world. I have 3 friends, which for me, is enough, I guess. I have my bff, (friend for 23 years now) who is married with 2 kids) Our friendship survived thru her getting married while I was still single, and me having an unplanned pregnancy while she was struggling with inferitility, a miscarriage etc. What helped was she made time for me even when she was dating her future husband etc.
I have another friend friend who is married with 2 kids & 3 grandkids. Again, she makes time for me, easier in this case as she doesn’t have to worry about childcare, etc.
My other friend has 2 special needs kids and a husband she’d be better off without . We hang out all the time, shop, our kids play together…and ..I’m glad I’m single.
I no longer attend church though. I love God, I’m still a Christian…but I’m not up for being looked down on, pitied, etc, just because I am a single mom.
One issue I have with having married friends is husbands tend not to like me. Has anyone else noticed this? Or more accurately, they don’t like their wives hanging out with me. I don’t get it. I’m really not a bad influence.
My advice on finding friends would be not to limit youself to one age group, or marital status. I have no advice on finding a man because I am not looking now, and have no plans to look. A man would just complicate my life.
Beth Williams says
Not all churches or church people would look down upon you for being a single mom.
Shoot our church would welcome you with open arms. We have 1 single mom in our church and we adore her child. We’ve had 1 girl get pregnant before marriage. She has a beautiful daughter and she and boy are getting married. We never look down on anyone for any reason. We just love you like God would and pray for you.
I pray you can find a nice, perhaps small, church with gentle loving caring people!@
I disagree about your statement that married gals don’t have to make new friends. A lot of times we do, and it’s not any easier for us than it is for you. Thankfully there’s grace and courage beyond ourselves available for us all.
That said, let me also observe that I appreciate your encouragement to not try to stand alone, and to bravely get uncomfortable in order to make progress! : )
All of my best friends have been married for awhile but I’ve purposefully always had a good mix of married and single friends. I do much better when I’m not the perpetual fifth wheel. But when I moved to Nashville, all my friends here were married so I had to be very intentional in finding other single friends. Some friendships began at work but the majority have ended up being friends of friends (either here or people back home that knew people here). It’s kind of like going on friend “dates.” But it has worked out time and time again. I’ve also met friends through Twitter, church, and book club. It does take effort and it can be hard to be vulnerable but it’s so worth it.
Brenda @TripleBraided says
Annie, what a wonderful post with so much truth! I think finding a one thing that you are passionate about – one social injustice or problem – and serving in that area can do wonders for our peace. It puts the focus on others and God, you’re around like-minded people, and you meet new people.
Missy June says
I’m a single again woman, and mother of three little ones. My world consists mostly of married friends, I was in the couples class still at church and there were few times I did things with others women in my life season. About 18 months after my ex left, I began to admit that I didn’t want to be alone, that I enjoyed loving and supporting in partnership. I didn’t want to force anything or be on the “hunt” but I just prayed that God would make His plan clear to me. I was so happy, very satisfied with our Lord, I didn’t need a man, but I admitted that I would like to have one someday.
When a friend called and asked if I would be interested in meeting a friend who had also been through a surprised divorce after years of marriage, I felt so brave when I said YES! I had no idea that such a man existed – I’m truly overwhelmed. I still don’t know how our story will end…we’ve only dated about six months. But I am so very glad that I took a risk! It was my first blind date ever.
I still have a girlfriend get-together about once a month. Most of the women my age are married, but there are a couple of us single moms in the mix, too! We wouldn’t make it without each other for certain!
Annie, this is a wonderful post filled with so much truth. I think that finding the one thing you are passionate about – one social issue or problem – and dedicate time serving in that area is a wonderful idea for single women. Not only does it put your focus on something else, but you are around like-minded people and may even meet some new friends too!
Annie, this is a wonderful post filled with so much truth. I think that finding the one thing you are passionate about – one social issue or problem – and dedicate time serving in that areas is a wonderful idea for single women. Not only does it put your focus on something else, but you are around like-minded people and may even meet some new friends too!
Thank-you for this post. It reminded me of exactly why I have been getting out there and trying things. I’ve started Salsa dancing and I have joined a dating site. Yes, not all of the guys on the site are worth while, but there have been several nice ones and one that I’m starting to become quite interested in. Thanks Annie, turns out your advice really does work 🙂
Beth Williams says
Join a singles group at church. I joined a singles’ womens group. The people were much older than me, some widowed, divorced, etc. It got me out & I had fun especially on New Year’s eve. We’d stay up all night & play games.
Try some online dating. You just never know–always pray about it. I found my mister wonderful–the man God had planned for me via Yahoo personals. It was scary at first, but after dating my hubby 10 weeks we married–I was 38 going on 39.
Go to hiking clubs. biking clubs, gyms. The point is you have to get out there and enjoy life–who knows the man God has for you might just be the next guy you meet!
Marina Bromley (Marina's Kitchen Table) says
Marina here…married 28 years.
A few months ago I was in a women’s small group, and we were talking about the things we feared the most. One woman said “being left alone” and went on to talk about her fear of what would happen if her husband died before her. She wasn’t very old, I think younger than me (in my early 50’s) – but she was overcome with fear at that thought.
I know so many women, single, in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and yes, even in their 50’s that are living life to the fullest and following the Lord’s leading. They take mission trips. They adopt children. They lead lives full of joy and compassion.
Being single is not a bad thing. I know what married life is a mystery to you – it’s what you think you want – but I think that you (and it might read “WE”) should embrace where we are and live life to the fullest. Stop “worrying” about what others will think, and make the most of what God has given you!
If God’s called you to be a mom, then be a mother. There are so many children in the world that need a loving parent. If He’s given you a passion for missions, then go and serve! If there are drawbacks, don’t let them be from yourself…listen to God, place strong, believing women around you, and see what God says! I bet you’ll be surprised with the desires He’ll place in your heart, if you’ll let Him lead!!
God bless you women! You have the opportunity to go and do what He is calling you to without encumbrances…no husband or kids! Celebrate it!! Be a Paul!!
Thanks Annie! I have a question for once we’ve started making new single guy friends. Should I initiate FB friending and twitter following? Part of me says, “let him lead in this” but then the other part of me says “hello! It’s 2012 and social media is just another conversation!”
Have you read The Stinky Cheese Man story?
Sometimes this single life does feel like I have The Plague and it’s advertised in a neon crown atop my head.
But I have been challenged by several wonderful women, and I work at the challenge…to get out there. To be brave. To stretch just. another. inch.
So I am stretching, and I will be better for it, even if no one else ever notices.
Today was a hard day–I felt the pain of stretching but I have to remember that the pain is just the reminder of the work being done and it is temporary.
This hit me like a ton of bricks. I was sitting here having a pity party, because I went to a wedding this weekend. Thanks for all the ideas Im going to try them. Im gonna stretch and see what happens.:)
I think the first step to meeting new people is being open to it.
And being friendly. I’ve always been shy but getting out there and saying hello but being nice to someone new in my PiYo class or when I’m at church or where ever is always good.
You never know what will happen and I don’t think it matters if those people are married or not (ok, let me say I generally never really talk to random guys) because you never know if these ladies know single guys (like their husbands friends, or brothers…etc.) and they could need a friend too. Or they could even need a witness – that person could be you.
Kaitlin @ Perceptions & Passions says
Yes please!!! I would DIE if my single girlfriends left me!!! 🙂
I am not the last single girl in my group of friends, but sometimes I feel like I’m the last one. I have many married friends and these are wonderful friendships who helped me trough a lot of difficult times. They never gave me a bad feeling and I am thankful for the moments they share with me. I’m also very thankful for my single friends we can talk for hours and it is very encouraging to know you’re not alone. Now I’m just tired an it’s a daily struggle to keep my happyness…
I’m busy with a full-time job and grad school and college student ministry, but an emotional near-burn out experience taught me that those things can’t be my entire life (even though I enjoy them). I made two major choices to prevent that from happening again:
About a year ago, I proposed to my two dearest local girlfriends that we set a recurring monthly “coffee date” because we always talked about wishing we could get together more, but it rarely happened. Now we know that, if possible, we’ll meet at one of our homes on the second Thursday of the month. If there’s a conflict, the other two may meet anyway but we all understand.
Over the past year, I’ve also made friends at the office. There is a group of 8-10 who are 20- or 30-something singles who (except for me) all relocated to this small town for work. Initially, they don’t know anyone outside work and we try to connect with new people (married or not) and invite them to join us for social activities. We go bowling, grill out at different homes, some golf or play racquetball together. We’ve had a Christmas party and a murder mystery party.
Relationships add infinitely more joy and fulfillment to my life than the time and energy I feel I put into them.
Great insight Annie!! Very encouraging for all us single ladies!!
I love cheese and I love forging past the uncomfortable…… for those of you reading this that are waiting for a little nudge……Here it is: NUDGE-NUDGE .. GO!
This hits home. I know that I hate these types of settings (you know the ones where I might meet single folks). BUT I do need to meet more people. BUT – what are your thoughts on meeting CHRISTIAN men that actually are living a CHRIST centered life? I live in the bible belt and everyone seems to be a christian here but not many (at all) actually hold up the christian values that I do. I don’t care who you vote for or what denomination you are, or how many cuss words you use in a day BUT I do care about being in a christ centered community, and helping spread Jesus through your actions and the way you love, AND (the kicker) I am hoping and praying for a man who has the same believes on sex as I do and that the Bible talks about.
Reeve, I know what you mean, but don’t lose hope. I live in a city that is 3% Christian (New York), and women outnumber men in the church. I used to think it would be nearly impossible to meet a godly man, but then I started praying with the belief that God wanted to bless my desire for a godly man because I’m His beloved daughter. I felt Him nudge me to invite a guy at church (who i didnt think was my “type”) to get together and three years later we’re engaged. It hasn’t been easy, but our relationship grows deeper every day as we work to love more like Jesus. Just sharing to say I know it’s tough out there and I know dating is work, but nothing is too hard for God.
Kim, Thanks for the encouragement. I am definitely not losing hope, it’s just a battle sometimes to remember that. Congrats on your engagement.
Weekend Links, 3.24.12 — Giving Up on Perfect says
[…] The Cheese Stands Alone…. But You Shouldn’t. :: Annie Downs at (in)courage […]
Weekly Wrap-Up – April 1 | miranda gehrke says
[…] The Cheese Stands Alone, but You Shouldn’t- Incourage Annie discusses the question of “what do you do when you are the last single girl in the bunch?” That is quickly becoming my lot in life and I was encouraged by her suggestions. […]
What a great message. I found your site because I was searching for lesson plans for Robert Cormier’s I Am the Cheese. I scanned the posted comments but didn’t see if anyone else made the connection between your “cheese” metaphor and this compelling and smart young adult read. It doesn’t have anything to do with divorce, but addresses desperation and isolation through the eyes of a teenager. “The Farmer In the Dell” is used as an allegory throughout. Very powerful.
I realise these posts were months ago but thought I’d leave a reply in hopes that someone reads this still?
I’m in my 30s and have been single for a long time…some people think being single for 6months is long but I’ve been single for 8 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I was 18 until 25 I was with the most perfect man and we were engaged to be married but for whatever reason he broke off the Engagement 3 months before our wedding. I was devastated!! Since then I have been in 3 r’ships none lasting more than 7months. And since then have been single now for 8years. When ppl see me they ask why am I still single…I ask that too…the last year or so has been the hardest to cope with being single…all my friends, work colleagues everyone is married. I have done everything mentioned in above posts…I’ve done online dating, new groups, courses, hobbies etc to meet new people…but nothing comes of it. I find it hard now to get up in the morning because of the fear another day on my own is too hard! I have a great job but I come home to nothing (I bought a dog which means the works to me but my longing for a partner and family won’t come from a dog)
I’m also Christian and have been praying to God everyday for Him to help me feel ok with where I am….the desire I have in my heart is to be a wife and mother…in Aust (where I’m from) you can’t adopt, foster anything if you’re single. So my longing for children won’t happen. My desire to love someone or be loved cant happen when I’m on my own.
I’m at the point where being alone has become more than I can handle! Not sure if anyone can help me but I pray that my day will come because where I’m at now is heartbreaking!!!
(In saying all this though anyone who knows me would not even suspect anything is troubling me this much because I am a together person. I don’t let my emotions override me when I’m in public. It’s when I’m home that my heart breaks)
I’m sorry my post is not uplifting its just where I’m at