Grace

When People Love Well

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Dancing in the Rain

Have you ever done something seriously stupid?

Have you ever been misunderstood?

Have you ever felt the weight of a hundred bricks on your spirit as you dealt with regret?

Have you ever felt the searing pain of heartbreak?

If you’re like me, you’ve probably experienced all of these and many more like them. And if you’ve had someone surround you with love in these times you know just how powerful the presence of love is.

Love helps to heal and restore you. It lifts your spirit and encourages your soul. It gives you feet when you cannot stand, and perspective when you think you’ve gone crazy.

Love.

I’ll tell you, I find that the most powerful gift of love comes when you don’t deserve it.  When we’ve done something ugly or foolish or impulsive and we can’t shake it out of our system, but love comes anyway; it’s like grace-rain washing all the muck of shame clean off us. It’s gloriously freeing.

I want to love in a way that frees people from the muck. I know I can’t love without blemish, but I really want to love people well. People, made in the image of God, all of us wounded and struggling, hidden and weak, need all the grace and love we can get. We fumble, we give pretense, we want to control our image because it hurts and its humiliating to be found out. But what if we loved all the more those who were “found out”? What if we loved ourselves all the more because we are already “found out” by the One who weaved us?

Living “found out” is a magnificent way to live, because although humbling, it is also the most surest way to be moldable in the hands of a gracious God.

Some practical ways to love:

Use gentle, gracious words

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Proverbs 16:24

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Forgive over and over again

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Mathew 18:21-22

Make every effort to pursue and live in peace with everyone

“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12:14

“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” Romans 14:19

Love for a greater purpose

“By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35

Real love isn’t mushy or a push-over, it’s challenging and gracious and brave. Will you join me in the pursuit to in being a person who loves well?

What are your biggest hindrances when it comes to loving others (or yourself) well?

…

By Sarah Mae, Like a Warm Cup of Coffee (come join me in the Get Dressed! challenge-begins Monday!)

Photo Credit: Dancing in the rain

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About the Author

Sarah Mae has a past that would be her present if it weren’t for Jesus. A blogger, author, and co-author of Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, she’s currently writing The Complicated Heart, a book for broken-hearted lovers of Jesus. Learn more at @thecomplicatedheart on Instagram or...

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  1. The biggest hindrances?
    TRUST
    or lack of trust, inability to trust,
    FEAR
    of rejection, of abandonment,

    but they can be overcome slowly but surely. God knows who to put in your life when you need them in your life. Those who will be that person that you let in ever so slightly every now and again until you look at them one day and think–hmmm they haven’t left after they’ve heard about me, they say they love me even though they know about me, they show me love like no other and the kicker—I love them too!

    It can happen
    lisa

    • I’m so thankful that God brings us souls who know just how to comfort us in our times of discouragement. I want to be one of those gracious, genuine loving souls myself. Good thoughts my friend!

  2. Gosh, where do we begin on what keeps us from loving ourselves well?
    Pride. Jealousy. That pretty much sums it up. Too proud to admit to things at times, jealous of how put together, successful and gracious other woman are.
    I always have to remind myself that I am only seeing the surface, the image they all project, just as they may see my image instead of my heart.

    As far as loving others well, I would say it comes down to grace and forgiveness. That is a skill on which I have a long ways to go…

    Thanks so much for your list-I love it and am printing it out for my wall here at home.

    • “Loving a person just the way they are is no small thing, it’s the whole thing.” -Sara Groves

      Real love is hard, no doubt. And accepting real love from the Father is the hardest, but the most rewarding, because when we do, the winds of judgement and abandonment from others can’t blow us down. We need to constantly be looking towards the lover of our souls.

  3. I grew up under a “conditional love” cloud. If I was doing the right things the right way–I was treated with love. If I messed up it was not so loving.

    I’ve tried to mother, wife & friend much differently than that. Still the past can haunt you and pop up when you least expect it.

    I’m so thankful for a LOVING FATHER in Jesus!

    • “I’m so thankful for a LOVING FATHER in Jesus!”

      Amen. He never leaves us or abandons us. He is so good, and His love is so wild that we just can’t lose it once we’re His. Brings me to my knees.

  4. So true! It’s hard…when we do open up, we do admit our own sinful failures and doors are slammed in our faces….that’s when you really have to give it to God and keep it from festering in our souls.

    But, those friends, who do love us deep…and work through healing….that’s when Christ’s light truly shines! If someone makes a mistake and owns it…I think that shows a true heart change…and a desire to move closer to Christ…to open up and accept that person…their sin, their apology….and then, back into your life…now, that shows a true relationship with Christ (to me)…that desires to share that relationship with others!

    I’ve been on both sides….and on the side of receiving hurt that was never admitted or even apologized for. That requires the strength of Christ to forgive…and move forward for sure!

    I am loving Angie’s book and realizing…so much, so deep…and receiving so much freedom! Thank you for this post!!!!

  6. I think the hardest part is loving those who lash out at you …. either because they don’t want to be found out or something about you makes them question themselves. I’ve found that as we address certain areas of our lives, make certain choices and changes, others become hostile. We don’t accuse, we just live with our choices and changes. But this causes others to be defensive, accusatory, hostile. That is the hardest. I just want to avoid them. I don’t enjoy being around them. However, I can’t love from a distance. Jesus didn’t love from a distance….

    Barb
    trainingourdaughters.blogspot.com

    • Barb, the biggest thing that helps me love others who act crazy, angry, lashing, etc., it so know that they have wounds…they are deeply wounded people. Once you start seeing people as fragile, it really helps the compassion meter go up.

      • How do you love someone who puposely comes to you and says deeply hurful things that arent true? My answer is to say, yes that person is wounded and miserable and forgive in my heart…but I dont want anything more to do with this person. Is that wrong? To just walk away?

  7. This is a beautiful post, Sarah Mae. Living “found out” is a lovely phrase. I blog about life after failure after losing a ministry position because of strongholds in my life. The Lord healed me in the Light – not in hiding. I breathe thankfulness every day for the exposure that brought health and wholeness to my wounded life. Learning to walk in grace is often the most challenging truth for those of us with a rocky past. Thank you for sprinkling words of life, grace and freedom over women – you are a treasure! God bless you, lady!!!

    • Thank you Heidi! 🙂

      Wow, I’d love to hear your testimony! I love when God brings our ugly into the light in order that He may heal and redeem. What is secret becomes bondage, and the enemy loves us to be slaves.

      Into the light!

  8. Loving your words, this morning. Very inspirational. I also hope to love people in a way that “frees them from the muck”.

    Thank you for sharing 🙂

    • I love having this space to share…there is something so special about (in)courage and I’m honored and grateful to be a part of it.

      Thanks Lisa-Jo! 🙂

  10. Such a good reminder. I’ve been reading 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 over lately and asking myself, am I patient, am I kind…? If not then this love has not been perfected in me and I need a deeper work. I’m so grateful that the Holy Spirit works His love in us and through us!

  11. Beautiful post Sarah. You are amazing! Thank God I met you on blogs, but I’m looking forward to the Challenge. I’m going to try my best to be very niced dressed for my husband every evening. And of course also be ready and prepared for our Lord Jesus, because we do not know when He will show up at our door. God bless you.

  12. I get in the way of loving myself well–and sometimes that spills over into being an obstacle to loving others. Satan enjoys making me doubt my worth. When I buy into his lies, it is difficult to see how others would want me in their lives. This leads to trying to earn that love–never a good idea!! Wonderful encouraging post! Thanks.

  14. I love this Sarah Mae. We will mess up over and over, and so will others. Truth spoken, with grace and love is the key to growing and learning. Not only is it important to be brave and speak in to the lives of others, but it is important to pray for a receptive, and soft heart to accept the truth that God speaks to us through others.

  16. What are your biggest hindrances when it comes to loving others (or yourself) well?

    Great question that led me down a remberance road as to how far the Lord has brought me in this area. Just last evening a friend and I were talking about the basis to love ourselves and others must come from how much we REALLY understand and believe how much God loves us. I reject my self, other reject me but He never does. Just having the full knowledge, the Word, the Holy Spirit residing inside me gives me powerful promises to bank on. And then God pours out grace and love through a few close family members and friends so now I feel love and accepted most of the time.

    I say “most of the time” for the human part of me gets in the way all too often. After 47 years of marriage I expect my husband to just know what I need, not true. I still have to let my guard down and share my hurting heart and face his sometimes rejection. Same story he has to face with me. Maybe some people grow out of this as they age in their marriage and never battle this but we haven’t . Now we have grown stronger in our committement to Christ and that is what gets us over the rejection. It always those we are closest to that can hurt us the most. Which is why knowing the non rejectable unconditioinal love of God for me is so important. With that reigning in my heart I can love once again being hurt, I can forgive again and agian. I can try again and again when I fail to love properly.

    I said all the above to say this……biggest hinderance to loving myself and other is not totally believing God’s love for me…it’s the only place I have found the love and forgiveness to love myself when I have been unloveable and to love others who reject me. I AM THE BIGGEST HINDERANCE WHEN I DO NOT CHOSE THIS LOVE THAT FLOWS FROM CALVARY ON A DAILY BASES.

  17. Sarah Mae,

    What an important message so many need to hear…. We need that reminder to love when it’s hardest sometimes; our feelings can be so contrary, can’t they?!

  19. The fear of others reactions (aka – fear of rejection) is one of the biggest hindrances I have to fully extending myself in love to other people. The biggest hindrance in fully loving myself is not realizing who I am daily, in Christ, and instead using human feelings to measure my worth. This is a great post. Thank you.

  20. “The biggest offender?” Well….I would say the flesh. The flesh when it is living…and not crucified and dead like it should be. Whenever we are in the midst of inner turmoil, anxiety or anger, we can be sure that our flesh is alive and well instead of dead and buried with Christ. 🙂

  21. This struck a chord with me and it’s a message worth hearing over and over again. It builds me up. Even when I think I’m doing well, I read this and realise I can do better. I can forgive more and speak more graciously than I have. I really loved what you wrote about love being ‘challenging, gracious and brave’. So many times we hear that loving the unlovable or forgiving is being a pushover so it’s nice to look at love in a different way. Thank you Sarah Mae, that was beautiful.

  22. This is exquisite grace and truth:

    “But what if we loved all the more those who were “found out”? What if we loved ourselves all the more because we are already “found out” by the One who weaved us?”

    *Thank you..*.
    Ann