And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,
that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. ~Romans 12:2
We’ve homeschooled for eighteen years, but our oldest son attended public kindergarten and first grade. His first day wasn’t easy for me, wondering how he fared in a new environment with new people. When I picked him up, his face was troubled.
“We colored apples today and everyone made fun of mine,” he said.
“Why?” I replied—and I still remember the surprising combination of anguish and a desire to give a piece of my mind to every child in that kindergarten class (and possibly their mothers, too).
“I colored mine green instead of red.”
Somewhere along the way I started purchasing other varieties, but at that time Granny Smith apples were all we ate. In my son’s world, apples were green.
The next afternoon he beamed and told me that everyone liked his apple that day.
“Really?” I smiled, relieved.
“Yes, I colored it red,” he replied, and something inside of me shrank from the thought that on Day 2 he learned conformity.
Behavior driven by conformity is the exact opposite of conviction-driven behavior. Conformity says, “I’m acting this way because of external pressure. This is what you expect or demand of me, but I don’t necessarily believe in it or give it freely.”
Conviction-driven behavior springs from within: “I’m modeling my life on principles that I believe are true. I live this way because I’m convinced that it’s right.”
As a parent, we recognize behavior that is governed by external pressures: threat of punishment, peer pressure, etc. Sometimes it’s more difficult to identify it in ourselves.
Conformity and conviction are powerful forces. What about you? Do you feel that sometimes your behavior is influenced by a desire to conform to the expectations of others rather than by inner conviction? How does this make you feel?
October’s Desktop Wallpaper
Don’t miss October’s desktop wallpaper! Here are direct links—with and without calendar—and as always, you can download it from the Calendar link in the navigation bar just under this blog’s header.
Small (1280px x 800px): with calendar | without calendar
Large (1680px x 1050px): with calendar | without calendar
31 Days of Real Life
Have you seen the 31 Days series for October that Nester started? If you want to post a 31 days series on your own blog, just pick a topic and jump right in. Add your blog’s link or click through to visit participating sites from this linky. I’m blogging 31 Days of Real Life on my blog and I’d love it if you’d join me!
By Dawn Camp, My Home Sweet Home
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[…] with me the difference between behavior driven by conformity or conviction today at (in)courage (and don’t forget to download your October desktop […]
Yes, I’ve been told by my mother that conforming is the best thing to do because then, you won’t be made fun of or looked at differently. It’s a sad state. No one should be brought up that way or made to think that. We’re all original for a reason. God made us in His own way for a reason and we should celebrate it, not go with what society thinks. It’s what God thinks that’s the most important.
Sue, I’m sorry that you’ve been given that message, but you’re right, it’s what God thinks that’s most important.
I think we probably all conform, to a degree, because we want to connect with others & be accepted. We do need to check our behavior against our values and make sure they line up.
I am thinking more these days about what I want to really do and what I think is right instead of what I ‘should’ be doing.
Audrey, that’s so wise: check our behavior against our values.
it amazes me that even though i am older, i still conform in many ways. to me conforming helps me blend in – -i so hate having any attention come my way.
thank you for the desk calendar – -i was looking for it for the past couple of days! i love these calendars – they truly brighten my day! i have it on my work computer – so it is the first thing is i see when i sit at my desk each morning . ..a great way to start the day!
Susan, I’m so glad you’re enjoying the calendars! It’s fun making them each month and wondering where they “are.” 🙂
This is a verse in the bible that my husband and I look at constantly since we are homeschooling. One of the reason we started homeschooling is because my oldest didn’t conform to the public school ways and he was looked at differently and made fun of on a daily basis. Even picked on by some of the teachers. Yes, God has called us out and we need to stand up for what we believe. Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!
Joy, I love this verse, too, the idea of transforming and renewing our minds through Him.
Romans 12 is one of my very favorite chapters in the New Testament!
I use it often and cling to it’s truth!
Wanda, Romans 12 is really rich, isn’t it? 🙂
As a mother I struggle to not conform to the patterns of other moms and have been accused of marching to a different beat – yet that is what it takes to continuously demonstrate to my own children that we are to live as Christ called us and not based upon what our friends demand or expect of us that defies those principles. Thank you for the reminder that my work is not in vain!
Momsquire, you are so right, modeling for our children is more important to living up to the expectations of others. Your children will notice what you’re doing and hopefully understand why.
This is a pailful truth for me in my own home. My mil (who also lives here) is hostile to our faith. My husband states he is a believer, but he doesn’t read his Bible, attend church or have any desire/interest in spiritual disciplines or the things of God. I homeschool our two boys and wish to impress God’s Word upon them as we sit, stand, walk by the way. But I am met by hostility, glares, groans and harumphs when others are around. Rather than standing by my convictions (if I don’t stand then are they truly convictions?), I conform to those who would prefer no word of God be mentioned. I feel sad, regretful, angry at myself. My boys recognize my silence and fear. How will they grow to stand strong when they see me be so weak in the faith?
Jacqueline B,
Praying that God will instill courage & strength in you to be able to stand on your convictions and not cowtow to others in your home!
God Bless!!
Jacqueline, your story makes me think of Romans 8:31 – “If God be for us, who can be against us?” Stand on His word and principles and rely on His strength, not your own. I pray you find the courage to follow your convictions, for you and your sons.
i am feeling a lot of those same things! how did you teach your son through that? i’d love to hear that piece.
Crissy, I’d love to tell you that I remember “the rest of the story,” but this son is now 25 years old! 🙂
I definitely feel this way, too, that there is a tension between conformity and conviction. But honestly, as I get older (I’m in my 40’s), I don’t care so much about confirming to what everyone else is doing. I still struggle but not nearly as much as I did in my younger years. There just has to be something about us — if we say we believe, and if we say we choose joy — there just has to be something about us that is set apart from the rest. There’s so much beauty in that. And there’s a lot of Jesus in that, too! Thankful that His grace covers me (and us)! Love this post, Dawn. And thanks for the calendar, too. Love love love!!!!
Melissa, I agree with everything you said. Thanks for the comment (and you’re welcome for the calendar).
I definitely do not conform! I usually do my own thing my own way–not caring how the world views me, except as a Christian who truly loves the Lord with her whole heart!
That’s the crux right there – that the world would “see” Christ in you. When I was younger I didn’t think it mattered what other people thought as long as I knew I was doing right. With time I’ve realized that it does matter – our life should be a visible (not just private) testimony to Him.
I think for me conformity comes when I fall into comparison. I’m on a journey right now of becoming secure in who I am in Christ so that I can just be who he made me to be, not who he made others to be.
Emily, that’s definitely a process, isn’t it: realizing that He has his own plan for us, not to be compared with His plan for others?
Yes… I guess we all do. Its a tightrope that we need to learn balance in Christ looking to Him to help us and our children with choices daily, knowing when to adapt and when to be steadfast.
Maria, you nailed it: when to adapt and when to be steadfast. We have to do a little of both sometimes.
Yep… being the people pleaser that I am, I’m constantly “conforming”, trying to fit in and be liked by others… when really, I am already loved and accepted by the only one that matters! Conformity comes from the outside, while conviction comes from the inside… and sometimes it’s so much easier to do what everyone else is doing, but is that pleasing to Him?
Oh, and beautiful calendar!!! What font is that? 🙂
Sydney, do you know how much I love that someone asked me about the font? I’m a fontaholic. 🙂 It’s called Sensual (http://new.myfonts.com/fonts/corradine/sensual/).
I love your pictures and I can’t wait to see each calendar each month, Dawn! Thank you for sharing your gift.
xx
Reese
Reese, you are so welcome and I’m glad you enjoy them!
Sometimes conforming is the easier thing to do (we all want to be people pleasers to some extend). It avoids potential conflict with a friend or a family member. But I have learned some lessons over the years that conforming is NOT worth it in the end. It only makes your life journey harder. Acting out of conviction is tough, at times, but oh so worth it!
“Conformity and conviction are powerful forces.”
I love this quote. It is so true, not just in the example that you gave but in most circumstances in life.
I want to conform to Christs convictions.
-H
Hey there! Great post today. Quick random question…..How do you create the cute little blog button for the “31 Days of Real Life” with your blog address? I am sort of new to this and would love to make those, but don’t know even remotely how to start. Thanks for the info ahead of time. Blessings…..
Amy
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