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Hole in Our Fullness

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Her last breath is breathed and the whisper of heaven hangs heavy in the room. Her face transforms, a smile on her lips as her lungs release oxygen one last time. Perhaps she is looking into the face of Jesus. Her fight is over, her battle won.

Earlier she whispered in desperate tones as she grabbed my shirt tight, “I have to go into the street to fight.”

With tears in our eyes we laughed heartily. We stood vigil, watching as her soul slipped from this physical world into eternity.

A quiet calm fills the room as if her soul made a noise that is now silenced this side of forever. The stillness brings peace mingled with grief. Our tears slide down our cheeks and splash upon her sheets. We do not move. Movement seems out of place as this transition between physical life and eternal life takes place.

How do we live when she is still in her bed, her physical body emptied of her essence – her soul? But move we must. We must go about our grieving and our lives now. Our lives forever changed and marked by this woman who is no more here, but is whole there.

Hints of joy cut through the grief. Stories come and memories flood – memories that make us laugh as we grieve our loss. Joy that she is whole in heaven, not suffering in her physical tent. She is home. We long to join her there.

Yet with Paul we remember, “To live is Christ, to die is gain.”

Days, weeks, months, years fly by and still her memory is fresh. Grief is not a constant reminder as it was before, but a hole in the fullness. A moment I wish she could enjoy with me, a desire to hear her stories, oh to laugh with her again.

These holes in my fullness only serve to increase my longing for my heavenly home. May the holes in your fullness do the same for you.

by Angela Mackey Rethinking My Thinking

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About the Author

Wife, mother, blogger, speaker for God’s glory. Drenched in His grace, calling others to renewed minds for transformed lives through the Word. Ro 12:2

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  4. Thank you for this…it has been just over a year since I watched my dear Mom pass away and knowing she’s with Jesus is what helps me the most.

    • Holley,

      I was thinking that too. God knew when He was taking Gitzen Girl home and He timed this post perfectly for that. I am honored that God would use these words to bring comfort.

  9. Beautiful words my friend. Great post. I remember being at my cousin’s funeral and just staring down at him enclosed in his coffin. It seemed so final, but the more I stared at his lifeless body, the more I realized — he was not in that tent any longer.

  10. Angela,

    The hole in our fullness….I so totally understand. Our 16 year old son passed away unexpectedly a year ago. As I sat by him in the emergency room after they had told us there was nothing else they could do, I had the most incredible peace come over me that could only be from the Lord. I knew I was tasting eternity. It seems cold to even write this, but I didn’t even hug him because I knew he was no longer here. That was his shell laying on that table, and he was in the presence of the Lord, totally happy, totally well, safe. God’s grace has truly been with us this past year, but there has been such a hole in our hearts. I am so very thankful for the hope we have that assures us we will be in heaven one day, too, with our loved ones, and especially with our great Lord. May you and all of Sara’s family feel that peace in the midst of your grief.

    • Trish,

      I cannot even begin to fathom the holes in your fullness as you said good-bye to your son. You are a strong woman of God to cling to Him and allow Him to fill your holes as you grieve and as you find joy and hope. I am praying that God continues to bless and comfort you.