This past spring I finished writing my first e-book, How My Soul Yearns. The process proved to be a journey, in and of itself!
I started this e-book in March of 2010. At this point, my husband and I had been in the “beyond infertility” stage (still childless) for just over one year. I had this message on my heart and I could not shake it off, it had been there since being in the depths of my infertility. I knew God wanted me to share my story!
One weekend when I had free time, I started typing away on my laptop. I did not know what was going to be formed from my words. The words just started to pour out of me like a rushing waterfall. During that single weekend, I wrote all but two chapters of my e-book.
I didn’t open the file for over a year after that weekend. I let it set there, unfinished. Something was holding me back. The final words were lost somewhere between my mind and my heart. During this time, my husband and I moved to a new state, started the seminary journey, and on top of that I started working outside of the home again. It was a busy time.
In the midst of this season of busyness, though, I started struggling again. This time, not with infertility but with the progress of our adoption. There was hurdle after hurdle. Setback after setback. I was becoming discouraged.
I thought that I had moved past some of my hurt and the distrust that had formed in my heart against God. Distrust in thinking that His plans were not better than mine. Distrust in thinking that He did not have my ultimate good in His plans for my life.
I began doubting God’s goodness and love for me all over again. I went through the same struggles as I had years before.
Then I remembered that untouched document that held stories of my journey through infertility. I opened it up again. I read over my words, and I began to remember how faithful God had been to give me His grace and shower His love over me during my time of great trial.
Through reading my own words, God led me to Him all over again. Oh how easy it is to get distracted in this world. There is so much sin and suffer and trials. We can so easily lose our focus, and look away from the One who gives us comfort and rest and mercy and love and grace.
I was ready to finish my story. I now had those final words. I felt like my journey through this hurt had come full circle. I had to learn a little bit more about God and about myself so that I could really understand what I was writing about.
God is so good. Through these difficult times in my life, I realized over and over again that He never leaves us. I may have given up on Him, twice, but He faithfully stayed by my side and guided my feet back to Him.
I lost hope twice, but each time I found it again.
If you are suffering through infertility or know someone that is, I would be honored for you to read my journey through infertility and beyond! I pray that it will help guide you on this difficult journey!
You can find my e-book, How My Soul Yearns, on amazon for only $2.99.
Undecided? You can read the preface online for free (PDF)!
Leave a Comment
Brittnie says
This is such a beautiful post. I am very eager to begin reading your E Book. My husband and I are a little over one year into our fertility treatments. We are on treatment cycle number six with our fertility doctor. BUT, like you so wisely mentioned in this post, God is constantly leading me back to Him through this journey. I write some about it on my blog… you have inspired me to keep writing! Thanks… 🙂
Ashley Wells says
Thanks for sharing Brittnie! God is so great and wonderful that He is always leading us back to Him!
-Ashley
Brittnie says
Sorry for the double post… I just read through some of your E Book preface and noticed that you are in the process of adopting via the foster care system. I have been working in the filed of adoption for 4+ years (I do both private infant adoptions as well as children in foster care). If you ever have questions about the process or just need to vent don’t hesitate to email me at brittnieblackburn@yahoo.com. Just wanted to pass that along as i know the process can be overwhelming (to say the least!) at times. Have a great day!
Ashley Wells says
That’s great Brittnie! I have also worked in a residential treatment facility for at risk youth for the last year. It has been a great learning process and season or preparation for me!
It can definitely be overwhelming! Thanks for the encouragement!
-Ashley
Deb Martell says
I have to say this hit my heart today. I’ve recently been reading through my Caringbridge journal (leukemia/bone marrow transplant) for the same reason. It has been so encouraging to me….all of the reminders of how God provided. I’m also wondering if it would be encouraging to others. Might just have to check into this E-book thing 🙂
Bless your heart and I pray the Lord continues to hold you in the palm of His hand!
Ashley Wells says
Thanks for stopping by! God does provide, doesn’t He!?!
How My Soul Yearns {my journey through the process} :: Putting God First Place says
[…] Read the rest of this post at (in)courage where How My Soul Yearns is being featured today! About My Life, Adoption, Being a Christian, Being a Writer, Books, Infertility ← How to Write a Book Proposal […]
Samantha says
It is so good to hear the raw authenticity come through your words. Thanks for sharing. I’ll be sure to read your e-book!
Ashley Wells says
Thank you Samantha for reading my words!
Beth Williams says
For you it may be having a child of your own… For me it was wanting a husband and fearing I may end up alone.
I had almost given up complete hope when a friend led to me to Yahoo Personals. I had some dates, but again lost ALL HOPE that my “man” was out there. One day at work I just threw a pencil down on my desk and shouted, although quietly, “God, no more blind dates for me..if you want me to marry then you’ll have to send someone my way”.
What happened… God sent a most wonderful, loving man and 10 weeks later we married..that was 7 years ago!
Don’t ever give up hope.. keep praying and God will send a child your way!
Ashley Wells says
God uses many ways to bring us to Him. How wonderful for God to bring someone like your husband into your life, probably just when you needed him!
Thanks for sharing!
Christy says
Ashley,
I can so relate to this article. Not the adoption and infertility piece, but other aspects of my life and going through the doubting God’s goodness phase and the process of winning it back again. Thanks so much for sharing.
Ashley Wells says
Yes, yes, yes! It is so easy to doubt God’s goodness in so many areas of our life! However, God is good, even in our difficulty!
Thanks so much for sharing today!
Meredith says
I love that through reading your OWN story, in your own words, He led you back to Him…
That is one of the biggest reasons that I blog. I want a record of what He is showing me, and the mountains that He is moving, and the hearts of stone that He is changing!!!
*hugs*
Thank you for your transparency, and your obedience!!
Ashley Wells says
Isn’t God great?
Thanks for stopping by today and reading a piece of my story!
Holly Murphy says
My husband and I are married 24 years this weekend…I remember the pain of infertility coupled with a horrible disrupted adoption when we were only married about two years. I was afraid to adopt again and sure God would never give me my desire. I continued to pray and follow His lead…He has built our family and last year we completed (I say completed, though, I am not sure what He has in mind!!) our family with the addition of a sibling group of 7 and we now have 11 children. He can, and does, abundantly bless us when we follow His leading.
Ashley Wells says
Congrats on your anniversary! What a beautiful story!
We too have had a disrupted adoption. It was absolutely heartbreaking!
However, my husband and I are hoping to adopt a sibling group of up to four children later this year! So, we are very excited!!!
Thanks for sharing with us!!!