I’m writing these words from the sofa of my childhood home.
A few rooms over, pink flowered wallpaper beckons me back to memories of slumber parties, awkward years, bangs that were too big, and endless questions about who I would grow up to be.
And the more years go by, it seems I know both more and less about the answer to those questions.
Find yourself, says this world.
But I don’t think that’s really the way it works.
Finding yourself sounds like “you” are out there that knowing who you are is a process of going.
Yet it seems in so many ways that it’s really more about staying.
Staying true to who you are…even when the popular kids make fun of you.
Staying courageous enough to say “yes” to what God asks…even if you’re scared silly.
Staying open to life and love…even when hard times make you want to slam the door of your heart.
It’s the staying that makes us.
And it’s the staying that leads, in the end, to the finding.
The knowing.
Who we are.
What we’re called to do.
To looking in the mirror and seeing a woman who is learning to be who she is smiling back–at least on more days than ever before.
We don’t have to find ourselves, sisters.
We simply have to come home to who we already are…
and the One Who Has Always Loved Us that way.
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Amen!
Thank You!
Its not finding me, its opening my eyes, ears and heart to Jesus.
Its not finding Jesus, he will meet me wherever I am at in life.
Its staying open to that truth!
Lisa
Yes, Lisa, beautiful!
I must have need to hear these words. At least that’s what the tears welling in my eyes are telling me. Thank you.
Was becoming a bit anxious about ‘going’ when I really didn’t want to…now I can rest in the ‘staying’ and know God is there. Thank you for this post, today, God knew I needed it!
I needed this today, too. Thank you.
love this. “It’s the staying that makes us.”
🙂
This is true. Thanks for the encouragement. May God help me stay true to who I am.
Such a beautiful post!
Dear Holley,
I guess I needed to hear these words today, too. The woman I’m still learning to be hasn’t been smiling in days. I’ve been hurting and about ready to slam the door of my heart. But, yes. OK. I’ll stay because I do want to know.
And thank you for the reminder that I’m loved by Him even when I’m an insecure mess, like lately.
Love and blessings,
Praying for you now, dear Becky!
Thank you, Holley! Love you!
Hi Holley,
I, too, believe that the world tells us “go” in order to “find ourself”. In so many ways, that ends up leading down a road of selfishness. The Bible tells us over and over again that we must STAY in HIM. So many times when I thought I needed to “go” I was really running from the very place I needed to stay. . in His loving arms.
Beautiful post!
The perfect early morning message. Or anytime, really.
This post reminds me of why I adore this (In)Courage community family. We are all at home here because Christ IS here, and in His rest we can exhale our stress and inhale His joy and contentment.
XOXO
“In His rest we can exhale our stress and inhale His joy and contentment”
Wonderful words- thanks for sharing!!
Blessings to you friend.
It can be hard to “stay true to who you are…even when the popular kids make fun of you.” I know it was for me, as I grew up with punctured ear drums (couldn’t hear good out either ear), trouble speaking and was super shy.
Fortunately God brought me out of all this with hearing aids, speech language therapy and a whole lot of encouragement from family, friends and God!!
Thanks for the post!
I was “super shy” too and still get nervous a lot of times when I’m trying to make small talk! I’m so glad what others say about us isn’t the true story about who we are or about who we become!
I love this! For years I searched and searched for who I *should* be … and then my Father showed me Who I Am, who I was already created to be. He helped me to be at a place of contentment–of staying true to me.
Amen. I have never like the phrase “finding yourself”. Thanks for this. We find our self when we seek Him and get to know Him. The more we do this, the more we start to understand who we are in Him.
Love this Holley! ” We simply have to come home to who we already are… and the One Who Has Always Loved Us that way.” This has been such a challenge for me… I have lost track a bit in the ability to stay…. too busy spinning my wheels on the “need to change”. Such a good and timely post! Blessings to all as we find the courage to stay…
needed that. was just talking to my husband about this last night. i must agree that it’s in resting in God that we truly “find” ourselves. Thanks for posting
Dear Holley you said it perfectly! In my attempt to “find myself” a few years ago, I ended up losing myself. I did things and became someone I didn’t even recognize. It came to a point of decision to stay or go. I chose to stay and that is when I truly “found” myself – the woman God created and loves. I have found a deep contentment and happiness as I see myself through God’s eyes. As you said we dont find ourselves out there but inside as we stay. There is a joy now that is authentic and with it came a love for myself and my family which in turn brought great healing in my marriage. How I wish I had read your words three years ago and understood. I hope that women who read this (in)couragement will grasp this truth because to lose yourself is to give yourself away when all you have to do is stay.
Holley,
This post brings back so many memories. Staying true to who we are in Jesus is very important. Thanks for reminding me yet again that He loves me just the way I am and it is ok to be me! We are always wanting to change into someone else, something else, something better than what we are now. But, the truth is Jesus loves us where we are…right now. We just need to stay focused on loving Him right where we are. And making Him our focus.
Blessings,
Carol
Thanks Carol. I really needed to hear that.
Ohhh I loved this post Holley!! Beautifully said! It’s all so true! Thank you for the encouragement today to be who God made me to be!
Thank you for your words, they come at a time that I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, and say enough. At times I feel as if I am fighting alone, I know that I am not, I know that He sustains me. I haven’t run away, I have always stayed, possibly longer than I should have. I have always faced my commitments and through God’s grace I know that this is how I have been able to stand. But, I just am really tired of the fight, I am sorry, I am venting. Everyone is looking for the answer, the answer is God, to all of our questions but I really need His touch today, to really feel his love today. I feel so used and I feel like a dry well, this is not a good feeling. Thank you for listening.
Vivian, so sorry you’re feeling weary–holding you up in prayer this afternoon!
Thank you. Times have seemed so dark, so hard, in my life and your words truly moved me and reminded me to be thankful for His love, guidance and to TRUST.
I always feel that there is “more of me” to find…. It is so comforting to know that we are just great the way He made us!! Thanx for the reminder!
Coming “home to who we already are” is so true! And I’m very thankful Father God knows the way home.
For sure staying true to our Lord will help us stay true to ourselves, but in a sad situation sometimes we need to listen to what we are being lead to do and leave our situation so we CAN stay true to ourselves and focus more on what God wants us to do in our lives. Am I right? Or am I just so unhappy, I think God is telling me to go.?
🙁
I don’t know, Leeza, but I do know you are loved and I’m praying for peace, wisdom, and clarity for you!
Dear Holley, your writings keep ministering to my soul. You see, I can identify with staying true to who you are, staying courageous enough to say “yes” to what God ask & staying open to life, but staying open to love when you have been repeatedly rejected is a struggle. I am actually at the verge of slamming the door of my heart to love. I have recently seperated from my husband & my marriage of 19 years is near collapse. It is comforting & reassuring to be reminded that there is One who would love & accept us the way we are regardless. God is faithful.
So sorry you’re going through this hard time, Mercedes. Love and prayers…
Amen 🙂
This is SO lovely & SO true!
Thank You!
Wow! “We don’t have to find ourselves, sisters. We simply have to come home to who we already are… and the One Who Has Always Loved Us that way.” What a powerful statement. Also, the statements about “staying” are great. That is what it is all about. Staying with our Savior, Father, and the Holy Spirit – in the truth of who we are and His great and deep love for us. Oh to really take that in and live in it!
Thank you, Holley for sharing these important thoughts. You are so insightful. Praise God for you and for your obedience to share with sisters and brothers all over the world! God bless you richly!
Beautifully written and so relevant to me right now!
You know Holley, I’m glad you wrote this post! I’ve always wondered what people mean when they say things like, “I don’t know if you’ve really found yourself” or “(He/she) hasn’t really found herself yet.”
I mean you see yourself in the mirror every day right? What do people mean “find yourself”? Even after reading your post I still don’t understand the meaning behind that popular saying…does “finding yourself” mean acting how people think you should even if it isn’t who you truly are?…does “finding yourself’ mean working in a job that everyone (but you) think you are made for?….does “finding yourself” mean reaching a certain age and doing certain things?…does “finding yourself” mean taking your place in society?
I don’t get it.
But thanks for writing the post and telling us that we simply have to “come home” to who we are, to who God made us to be.
“Finding myself” gives the impression that I’m still lost…I’ve already been ‘found’ by my Daddy. Just have to stay true to Him and me now.
Love it Holley, Blessings.
Phyllis I love this, would like to post it on my fb…..
“Staying”….love that! Thanks Holley!
Thankful for this perspective! Needed this. With Joy, Carey
Sweet Holley! I’m singing today because you’ve been that friend encouraging me to stay true to coming home. I’m so grateful you are there to inspire me with your words and your friendship. *hugs*
Dear Holley,
Thank you for the most needed reminder that He loves us as we already are. Your writings have been so important to me over the past few months. Thank you for sharing, for helping me try to heal and for being a daily reminder that the Lord is watching over me and my young family. In your writings I find peace and, somehow, the strength to face another minute, hour, day. God bless you, dear Holley.
Thank you, Erin! {Hug} to you, my sister!
Hi Holley
Thanks yet again for more encouraging words. So true and so full of wisdom. It took me years to learn to accept myself for who i am and to like myself just the way i am whilst knowing that I am a work in progress, that Jesus is changing me to who he wants me to be yet He still loves me as I am! Having a Bi Polar disorder did not help as it is a horrible and unpredictable illness affecting my behaviour and perception of myself in very negative ways. Yet Jesus has done so much to help me, bless me and to aid me to grow through the very tough times and difficult places my illness has caused. To the extent that I can see my illness as a blessing not a curse because it has made me a stronger and better person than I might otherwise have become. It can be hard; people often do not understandand and can be very unkind to me when I am ill but i can see the Grace of God through it all. You have helped me cope with this last painful episode of it that I am just coming through at this time, by your prayers and the encouragement of your blogs which I receive by email. So thank you Holley … you are a good friend!
You are a wise, strong woman, Abbie!
Holley,
Always the encourager, always, always… Lately, I’m looking in that mirror, and learning a lot about that person smiling back at me!
Thanks for your words.
Praise God. What truth. Thanks for the encouragement. God Bless.
Amen! I discovered several years ago that I had, in a sense, lost myself in the process of raising children, working at church, full time employment… life… but I also found that God hadn’t lost me at all. That His love and blessing and protection and provision had carried me through those years. There was no need to try to find myself again–I had been “in Christ” and I’m still there! I am, however, reconnecting with “me” to discover what my passions and dreams are, to begin living that full and abundant life that God promised… it may not always be smooth and easy, but it is full of God’s abundant blessings and His presence. Can’t wait to see what might be next!
Thank you, Holley, for your encouraging words… 🙂 It is SO true! You have no idea how much God blessed me through your words tonight right when I needed it.. 🙂 Thank you.
Holley, Loved your post today. Over the past 4 years I have been discovering who I am as a single person, after the loss of my husband Jerry. The Lord has helped me to heal and be able to reach out to others. Without the Lord in my life I could never have come this far. He continues to help me on this journey from mourning to joy. It is a continuous process.
Asking God to continue to comfort and strengthen your heart, Kathryn!
The scriptures tell us when we seek and search for God with our whole hearts, then we will be found by Him. Jeremiah 29:11-14. God’s Word Is True! I am learning to press into Jesus more and more, and to listen to His Voice speaking to me. So wonderful to continue to develop this intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. God bless each of you.
Many years ago when asked the question ‘what do you want to be?’, I answered – I want to be the person God created me to be. Shortly after that I started being the person everyone else thought I should be, and it has been a very long road coming home to me – the loved, precious person God created. Jst the other day I remembered that early statement of what I wanted to be and I praisd God for the way He has kept me close as I have wandered (even without me knowing).
Oh Holly, as always your are right on! I think though that throughout the years, I have become aware that I have many facets, that for years and years were not visible to the naked eye. Uncovering those facets is a lifetime work and only possible, at least for me through the lens of my faith in God and the development of my spiritual self. The journey has demanded that I be forgiving to my past “self” and open to the evolving self in Jesus Christ. At least for me, forgiving myself has always been more difficult than forgiving others. At the moment, I am struggling with keeping focused on the forward movement. I feel like Jacob. But I am waiting to awaken from the dream. I feel as if I may not be making much sense, and if anyone has some word of wisdom to offer, I am all ears. God Bless you as you continue to do His work so graciously,
Preach on sister-girl! 🙂
God bless you as you encourage all of us to just be. As someone who has photos of the time I truly believed “the higher the hair the closer to God” I can relate to the unfortunate bangs.
Adore you and praying for blessings on you and yours!
Deb
And think of you and your dear family and this tough year – each time I am at Happy Hour at Sonic. God bless you all!
Oh, the bangs! I had them, too. 🙂
That’s exactly it, Holley!! I believe you’ve hit it bang on!!
Thank You for those words of encouragement and wisdom!!
Blessings & Hugs,
Myrna
Putting my feelings into perfect words – as you so often do. Love this Holley.
I really needed to read this today because you are truly speaking to me.It’s been rough lately and I had started to doubt myself because of the challenges I am facing. This message is a confirmation . Thank you Holley.
just the words i needed to hear today, holley. thank you for staying exactly who you are in my life. you are such a treasure.
I love the way you paint a picture of us in God’s heart. thank you.
I used to know who I was and knew right where God intended for me to be, so that I might stay true to myself and to His plan. Twenty-five years ago, in a matter of days, my life suddenly heaved and I found myself hospitalized with chronic acute depression. I live with the dark, oppressive depression still today. I believe that God MUST have some kind of plan for me. That’s what I hang on to, is the belief, because I have no idea how to find myself, how to be, if I need to stay or if I need to go. So I just BELIEVE.
Absolutely LOVED this article. Thanks for the post!
Beautifully said!!
Thank you so much for this post. It was exactly what I needed and was talking to the Lord about earlier today. God is so good 🙂
Thank-you Holley: As I read this I can sence that you too have felt rejection and alone.
I have always found it hard to make friends and somedays I feel like I am completely alone. I have a wonderful husband who loves me but that need for a woman friend to just go and have coffee with and open your heart to and know that they understand and won’t use it against you is something I yearn for. I have had those in places in the past but where we live now I feel like I am invisible to those around me. But then I read your messages and it reminds me that we are never alone. Someone who loves us and will never forsake us is always there. Thank-you
Holley, you’re my favorite Lol! This is a great post 🙂 Thank you,
Sherri
Wow… thank you, thank you dear Holley… just going shopping takes me back, all the styles I grew up with are here again. I’ve been going around with this weird feeling… thank you for the encouragement… You are such a blessing to me… GOD bless you, dear Holley!!!
Hi Holly,
Thank you for that beautiful post. I find sometimes the world makes it so convenient for us to be other than who we really are. For me, I had a job that was doing something I knew was not really who I am. I worked hard and long and as unto God. In the back ground I heard His still small voice boom in my soul, “trust me Judy, I have something else,” He was faithful to direct me about that “something else” something I love to do! But I kept giving Him excuses that this job – paid the bills AND came with benefits! Do I need to tell you that I no longer have that “something else?” I developed a health issue and have been laid up for a year unable to work but so happy being ME. The Me God made me to be for the purposes He made me for and everyday waking up to my custom made hand painted sign, “Remember Whose You Are.” In 1 year I lost my ability to drive, my health and my house but what I have gained…!!! Unable to drive and too far from family and friends I am alone A LOT. I miss the fellowship and friendships and my independence but God is my Keeper. He understands my need for company and love of it. I host more often…and in between, I have fun hearing God tell me about the “something else” He’s using me to do and I’m Me – His ME and loving it and discovering a bit more about who I am so I have that much more to give when I am with people. Hope this encourages someone today. Holly! You are amazing! I look forward to everyone of your posts and always pass them on…………((:
I’ve spent most of my life running from who God has called me to be. Staying is the answer. Thanks for the confirmation, Holley!
Dear Holley,
I hate to crash your “girls” blogspot but I’m a regular reader of your enewsletter and find it so uplifting and inspiring. On days when I find myself at the bottom of my well (grieving the recent death of my wife from cancer) I can read your blog and find strength. Thank you so much for being there and giving of yourself.
Sincerely,
Charles Gollott
Excellent Holley, thank your for the encouragement my friend… feeling kind of down of late, as I have had some health issues. I am also in a job with an uncertain future & find myself asking God the “why” question instead of trusitng in Him to lead me thru the fear and uncertainty. I am commited to stay, to love, to cherish my Saviour and to never forget He loves me so very, very much. Than you Holley for praying for all of us !! love & hugs…
Beautifully put!!! Have a Blessed Weekend!
Amen, amen, amen.
Oh my goodness! I honestly needed these words RIGHT NOW, Holley! I am 19 years old, and go to the University of Mobile. I just finished my 1st year of college, and I’m in the Worship Leadership major right now..but lately, iv been seeking God like never before and He’s really breaking some chains that have held me and just He’s doin alot, and I’m not so sure I am called to lead worship. I will always be a worshiper and will always have a part singing with praise teams when i can and all..but I dont think i will be actually leading….its not really what i desire anymore……but since it’s not that, idk what He is calling me to. Music is the only thing that I’ve really enjoyed and i dont have anything else to do right now….im realy seeking Him and trying to trust Him to show me the way…but for about a few weeks now iv been so worried with “finding myself” and who i am supposed to be….i just had to tell you that your words here truly incouraged me and I thank you so much!! Much love to you, sister!
<3 Anna Hall
Thank you! I grew up with Jesus, but I’ve spent the last three years trying to find myself and that has lead me in the wrong directions. I’m learning now to stay and it feel so good!
Beautifully said. A resounding AMEN, sister!
[…] on the ways some of my “running around” shaped me and brought me to this point. I also read Holley’s insights about staying – when the world keeps saying you need to go out and find […]
thank you for this ms. Holley…
Hi Holley, thanks for all your wonderful up-lifting words, love you =)
Thank you for this eye opening post! I’ve had it bookmarked for well over a month now to use as a devotion but in the midst of a 2nd in a row international move, being smacked with unexpected challenges upon arrival, and other things, I let my emotions spiral downhill and haven’t been in the Word or prayer as I know I should. It was my focus last night and although the road is long and the staircase high and hidden, it was easier to take that first step.