I’m sitting on my yoga mat, eating a poptart. My third one of the day, if I was to be completely honest.
I ate the first two burned-to-coal ones this a.m. at my desk, while entering homeopathic prescriptions into my work computer.
The irony of all this–the collision of my super-refined discount brand breakfast “food” and my yoga mat healing arts life…really, it epitomizes my truth.
I am the one who says, “Poptarts are really candy bars pretending to be breakfast.” Yet, when cravings hit, I can’t find distilled water but have passed the cereal aisle four times, what lands in my cart but store brand blueberry frosted poptarts. My most human parts scream the loudest. I want the noise to stop, so I give in.
In my bus riding, toasterless life, this treat was warmed in a cast iron skillet with, wait for it, yes, margarine. Some would now be casting their vote for h-y-p-o-c-r-i-t! Can’t say that I would blame them. Can’t say I would vote with them.
We all have ideals and crisis mode. And I am so tired, I can’t give a hoot mode. Or today I can’t see how God made me good mode.
Thus, I eat poptarts while writing in a notebook, trying, at the same time, to stretch my hip flexors. I walked 5 miles yesterday and the blue yoga mat underneath me seems to lack its usual cushion-y feel. I am not able to ignore the messages of stretching and pressure here–of muscles, of acceptance or fitting in. Living a life that is not completely congruent with my ideals, my morals, or the mission of my church doesn’t mean that I have failed. Besides refined sugars, I do crave what is good, what I believe I can be.
I feel like the picture of a woman eating supersized fries in her car while gulping down a diet lemonade. Not hypocritical, just sitting on the fence sometimes. I know the life behind me well. Know that life enough to say that I want the Life before me. I do not understand balance in a cellular way, for me, it is more of a silly dance balancing on a board that is on top of a big colorful ball. No one is really good at it without practice.
This side of heaven we will never completely escape the poptart parade. Yet we can try. Once I eat these last 3, I’ll be ready to make the effort to walk away…really, just give me like 5 more minutes. Make it ten–there is a reason these things are for exercising on and not for naptime.
I am encouraged that many years ago, a man had to admit to the same struggle. Ok, so Paul may not have been craving poptarts, but still….
15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 …. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (Romans 7:15-20 NIV)
So I wonder, what kind of irony do you hold in your hand?
By Mindi Headrick, I Will Show You Yours
“Living a life that is not completely congruent with my ideals, my morals, or the mission of my church doesn’t mean that I have failed.” -What a great statement this is, and quite timely for me. Thank you!
I could not agree. It is in our weakest moments,..in the most frail and worthless images of ourselves that we can see Christ in all His beauty perfecting us and making us new… Thank you Mindi.
I meant could not agree MORE. 😉 Thanks ladies (and Mindi) for your inspiring words and honesty today. I need this.
Amy Hunt says
Oh, gosh, Mindi–you wrote so much here! “…just sitting on the fence sometimes.”–I love the freedom in that! It does take practice, and we’ll never perfect what our spirit craves…it’s what keeps us going to Him and receiving His grace for our lives. I appreciate your freedom-telling words today.
Rich blessings as you live your own freedom story…
Cindy in PA says
The irony I hold in my hand…trusting God and believing in His plan and His timing, then I wear myself out with worry about my (adult) kids’ futures. I’m thankful that He is patient with me!
This is totally me too…
Oh ladies! The hamster wheel of worry is a frequent place for me to hang out. Too bad worry doesn’t burn calories! Balancing action and listening, quiet and prayer is tough, but He gives us a new chance every day.
Beth Williams says
The irony of all this…is that we will never know God’s true plan for us!
I struggle with wanting to do everythingl & failing miserably. Never have truly found a job I love and am still waiting on His plan and timing.
I’m super thankful God is patient and kind to us all!!
Some wise person wrote in a book a little piece of advice that just smacked me in the face. God gives us enough time to do what He wills us to do.
Secondly, He never asked us to do it all….therefore NOT doing it all is NOT failure.
You are loved.
Danelle Townsend says
Mine is marshmellows. I am all about no artificial anything. . I try so hard with boys and even Husband and I. . . . but then I buy these cheap, artificial, corn syrup filled marshmellows.. . and when sons are in bed I eat them by the handful. So, it is sort of like your pop tarts. And it reflects that I want, like Paul, to do what is right. . and sometimes I am sneaking into the kitchen stuffing my mouth with a handful of white, atrificial fluff.
That is the irony I hold in my hand.
Still seeking the real and running to the artificial sometimes.
The marshmellows aren’t really the big deal though. I hardly feel badly about them.
It’s the replacing the artificial for the real in life that gets to my heart. And His.
Love this post!
Bring it! This is amazing. Thank you!! Thank you for sharing! Love your transparency!
I drank an ice cold coke after Zumba class today.
As an aside, I can thank this site for directing me to Zumba class—a class I was sure did NOT exist in this part of the world. A class that has changed the way I exercise and has put a pep in my step. A class I have dragged a few friends to so I can laugh at them (good heartedly, now). Yay, Zumba.
And yay, ice cold Coke.
My irony is that I want friends and deep meaningful relationships. However, I’ve been hurt so much in the past. I build a wall and keep people out and myself safe, all the while crying out for the friendships and relationships I so desperately want and need to have a fulfilling life. “For what I want to do I do not do.” Balance is hard won.
I feel like you are speaking straight from my heart. Thanks for your words.
Brava-I love your honesty. We all have our Poptart moments.
I love your analogy of balance.
You are brave and beautiful.
Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect says
Well, I for one LOVE Pop-Tarts. 🙂 But I also love this passage from Paul because it describes my every day, in-the-flesh struggles – and I’m always thankful to remember that I’m alone and God loves me anyway. Thank you for sharing today!
I have to say that I have your “giving up on perfect” scribbled on a sticky note that to this day is with my encouragement pile-o-goodies. Wonderful how God draws us all into a circle, huh?
Nothing like a blog post about Poptarts to bring on a good craving… 😉
First of all, I think I need to try a POPTART….sounds so yummy!
Secondly, maybe because I am over 50 now and starved
myself from goodies all my life….. that now I eat what I want
and it feels pretty darn good!!!
When I taught yoga and meditation classes one of the most important
things I shared with my students was to simply be good to yourself, even
if it came in the shape of a cupcake or ice cream cone. Feeding the inner
child and just being happy when you eat those “not so healthy things”
occasionally, is not such a bad thing. Enjoy!!!!
Happy Birthday and Congratulations Chica! you are gloriously and perfectly HUMAN…this is like your glorious and perfect spirit trying to ride a bike on a river bed…you’ll get there…but not without the bumps!!
CONGRATULATION, DEAR ONE!! I love your writing, always! Yes…we all have a little inner hypocrite, ey? The good news is we know it, we acknowledge it & we even own it…save me a poptart! Tee-hee
Much love to you,
“I know the life behind me well. Know that Life enough to say I want the Life before me.”
This speaks so much to my heart and I know to yours as well. I’m so proud of you. You are a brave, mighty and beautiful soul Mindi!!
Thanks to all of you beautiful ladies who have encouraged me more than I feel I could have possibly encouraged you. What a wonderful blessing this is!
Alyssa Santos says
Great post! Great hook! Who of us hasn’t felt a little remiss about what we’re engaging in even while we do it? Gossip at Bible study? Complaining about our turn to serve in sunday school? My irony is the idea that I call my children “God’s” but I cling so much to the idea that they are my sole responsibility. I trust him with them, but I don’t.