When I weaned my daughter three and a half years ago, it was like a mutual agreement. I was done. She was done. No hurt feelings, no lamenting. This left me ill equipped for the betrayal and anguish my son expressed when I began weaning him a month ago.
The plea in his eyes, the desperation in his cry, the frantic clawing at my shirt, were almost more than I could take. My heart was being unravelled by his suffering, and everything in me wanted to abandon ship and attempt weaning another day.
And then I prayed.
I realized that this was a process of maturation and that what sustained him as a child will not sustain him as he grows. Then I came upon Psalm 131:
Lord, my heart is not proud;
My eyes are not haughty.
I don’t concern myself with matters too great
Or too awesome for me to grasp.
Instead, I have calmed and quieted myself,
Like a weaned child who no longer cries for its mother’s milk.
Yes, like a weaned child is my soul within me
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord-
Now and always. (Life Application Study Bible)
The strange part? As I read this passage I didn’t see my son, I saw myself. My thirst for understanding, my thirst for control, my desperation and anguish. I realized that my son was only acting out what I was feeling inside. I saw that what I really longed for was the peace that can only be obtained through surrender. This is why the writer starts his passage with humility because the maturation process in God’s plan requires being weaned from our will.
Now, when my son sees me enter the room with his bottle, there are only squeals of delight, and his anguish has been replaced by unbridled joy and gratitude. This not only gives me hope, but allows me to trust that this too shall pass and joy is awaiting my arrival.
By Samantha Banton-Smith, Holistic Health Blogger
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Tina Jones says
I read this little devotion from you with great curiosity.
I understand a nursing mother’s desire to wean her child. I also understand that the age for weaning a child can vary from mother to mother and child to chilc.
My question came about at the end… “Now, when my son sees me enter the room with his bottle…” ? Really? My understanding of weaning is when a child no longer nurses, but drinks from a cup like a big boy/girl. Did you take you child from nursing you to nursing from a bottle? If this is the case, I would like to know why. I don’t recall anyone doing this except those who were unable to satisfy their child with nursing due to some problem. Just wondering.
Samantha says
Thanks for responding to the post Tina. I knew that using weaning as an analogy, could be a sensitive topic. Weaning is a personal choice that has a number of emotional and physical factors. To satisfy your curiosity, weaning to a bottle is common where I am from and my son had an easier time with it. He quickly transfered to a cup.
Weaning my son however was only an analogy. The true topic was the personal transformation that was taking place in my heart as I learn to let go of my will and live in God’s.
Cynthia @ The Hippie Housewife says
I was confused by this as well. A holistic health blogger is writing about forcibly weaning her baby from breast to bottle, and then (mis)using Scripture to justify it (when children then were not weaned until their third year or later)? Very confusing.
Samantha says
Hi Cynthia,
I am sorry for the confusion. The scripture represented my growth as a Christian woman and was not meant to be used to justify our decision to wean. I understand that using the word ‘bottle’ instead of ‘sippie cup’, has sparked some strong emotion, however this was our experience. This post came from my heart as I read the scripture and saw a parallel in my life and my son’s experience.
Thanks for responding,
Cynthia @ The Hippie Housewife says
I appreciate you writing from your heart and enjoyed the underlying message as applied to your own life. I was uncomfortable reading those encouraging words of Scripture being applied to a baby crying for his mother’s breast. While I understand the post is not a post on breastfeeding, I was concerned at the weight of your words regarding weaning when coming from someone with the title “holistic health blogger”. While the details surrounding weaning are personal and vary from family to family, it is often difficult for mothers to make a fully informed decision when there is so much misinformation perpetuated, such as the idea that babies need to be weaned from the breast to whole milk rather than nursed full-term (what we call “extended” in our culture).
I appreciate your response and your sharing what God laid on your heart.
Samantha Banton Smith says
Thanks Cynthia.
Nikole Hahn says
Good correlation.
Samantha says
Thank you for the kind words.
Shari says
I’m asking this as respectfully as I can, from one Christian sister to another. This section:
“I realized that this was a process of maturation and that what sustained him as a child will not sustain him as he grows.”
combined with the fact that you weaned from breast to bottle, is confusing to me as well. Are you saying that breastfeeding can only satisfy a child’s nutritional needs to a certain point, at which time he then needs to be weaned to formula? Or was your child simply at an age where he could not yet drink from a cup but was ready for whole milk?
Again, I am coming from a place of love with this question. I would hate for a new mom to be confused. I am an advocate for whatever is best for a mother/child’s particular situation, with much research and consideration on the mother’s part.
I am also confused by the Scripture reference.
Samantha says
Hi Shari,
I whole heartedly welcome your question and request for clarification. I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding. My son was at an age where he could go to whole milk. As I mentioned in previous responses, a bottle is commonly used, where I am from, to help children transfer from breast to cup.
Although the verse mentions weaning, what spoke to my heart was letting go of what was and learning to move into what is. This came at a very raw time in my life and reflected my experience.
I appreciate that you are so specific in the area of clarification and I would hate for someone to take misguided nursing advice due to a misunderstanding:
“I realized that this was a process of maturation and that what sustained him as a child will not sustain him as he grows.”
As children mature, so do their needs and this is why we add solid food to their diets and different foods as they grow. This was not a statement to say that women should wean at a certain age.
Again Shari, I appreciate the sensitive nature in which you raised these questions, hopefully preventing further misunderstandings.
Take care.
Shari says
Thank you so much for clarifying, Samantha!
Your statement “As children mature, so do their needs and this is why we add solid food to their diets and different foods as they grow” could certainly be correlated to us as Christians as well. Funny how that kind of thing works out, isn’t it?
Samantha Banton Smith says
I couldn’t agree with you more Shari!
Tina Miller says
Kuddos to you for breastfeeding at all and even a bigger kuddos to you for writing what I’m sure you knew would unravel a few. But I truly got your point and isn’t it amazing how scripture can enlighten us when we seek answers to any and all our questions. God is Good ALL the time!
Samantha Banton Smith says
Whenever I go to God with an open heart or seeking answers, I am blown away. To be able to share that with others is also amazing. God is good.
Thanks for the encouragement Tina.
Dea says
Shari, Thank you for this insight. Could it be that God wants to teach us even more as we “comment” on what the Spirit has been revealing to you through His Word? My husband is a pediatrician so I know what a “hot topic” breastfeeding can be, but we can also give each other grace concerning weaning and feeding because there are many opinions regarding the subject.
At times in our Christian walks, we at some point get drawn into “law-keeping” in order to be in right standing with God thus disregarding the reason we obey and live for Him is because of His love and grace bestowed to us. Paul admonished believers concerning this but that would be a devo not a comment. 🙂
We are so tempted to throw rules (weaning rules) onto someone’s life and judge their actions without regard for our own need for grace—-in other areas of our lives that fall short of the glory of God. Everyday we sin, everyday grace covers. Amazing, radical grace.
There is a lesson in the thread comments as well, and if the ladies read this comment, they could call it into question and say that I too am holding them to a “law” of my own and that I need “to pull the log out” and look at myself!! And I would agree with them.
Oh, but for the grace of God, the grace of Jesus Christ given to us through the shed on the cross. The gospel gives us the grace to give grace and believe that people who like you, Shari, who are seeking God in His Word are right in the middle of where God wants them to be.
Grace and peace my friend. Wish I had been where you are spiritually when my kids were being weaned. 🙂
Samantha Banton Smith says
Dea, you brought a smile to my face.
I love how you talk about grace. I feel grace has been a theme for me today. Sam 2010, would have been seeking approval, but it is only by God’s grace I can release that and make room for more than one point of view or experience.
Thanks for the mini devo, I loved it.
Bek says
Dea, thank you for your words. You have pulled me back in line.
Samantha, I must repent of my initial judgement. I too wondered at the weaning. Yet, we each live our own life and make decisions with where we are in circumstances and the like. It did worry me the forcible weaning from ‘Holistic Health Blogger’ but this has already been addressed and so I move on.
I really enjoyed how you spoke about our own weaning of our will. The tantrums we throw can be many and varied, all trying to get our own way. It is a hopeful scripture, saying that as long as we walk with Jesus whole-heartedly, continuing to deny our will, it will get easier. One day the fight to do the right thing will cease, different areas in our lives at different times, depending on where God is growing us. Thank you.
Samantha Banton Smith says
Thank you Bek,
I love how you mention the hope, because it doesn’t matter what we are struggling with, there is always hope. I think you did a great job of summing it up.
Amy McCollister says
I believe this is something each of us needs to be reminded of from time to time. I firmly believe that there isn’t a time in ones life where we don’t have something that we need to be weaned from. It’s all about opening up and letting God do His work.
Samantha Banton Smith says
Exactly!
I think you summed it up beautifully, Amy. Being able to share what we learn from opening up to God, is the icing on the cake. It allows us to learn from and encourage eachother.
Thanks for the words of wisdom.
Teri @ StumblingAroundInTheLight says
These are tender words of truth, God obviously spoke into your life, as you were dealing with a ‘weaning’ issue. I hear your heart, loud & clear.
Reading the comments is interesting, however…I wouldn’t have thought ‘weaning’ would be such a sensitive issue!!!!
I agree that how long to nurse a baby is SUCH a personal decision (if you even nurse at all!), based on health, family situation, work issues, baby’s temperament, etc. With seven kids, we’ve had a wide range of ‘weaning’ ages…from four months (I ended up with emergency appendectomy, and baby was DONE with me after 4 days of bottles), all the way to our 16-month-old who’s still nursing. We’re a holistically-healthy family too…vegetarian-eating, barefoot-running, TV-eschewing, mountain-living, in our straw-bale-home…can’t get a whole lot holistically-healthy-weird than we are. Four of our seven babies weaned from Mommy to bottle – which was the best, healthiest choice for all of us at the time.
And about the scripture? Isn’t the whole deal with God’s Word that He speaks to us, through the ages, right where we’re at? I definitely hear truth & hope in Paul’s words to the Ephesians…even if I don’t fit the parameters of his original audience.
Write on, dear woman, pressing in to God’s will, relishing His Grace!
Samantha Banton Smith says
Teri,
I don’t think words can express my appreciation for what you have said. The compassion that you have brought to the sensitive topic of weaning is amazing. Your encouragement and insights have really touched me.
Thank you
Tina Jones says
Thank you so much for your gracious replies to all of us who were curious.
You desription of the forced weaning was something very new to me. I do applaud all mom who choose to breast feed today. So many distractions and such busy lives do not always make it easy.
God has gently moved me from milk to meat and I have always , for some strange reason, tried to go back to the milk. And like any good mother, God has always reminded me that He knows best.
Thank you for sharing what God brings to your heart.
Samantha Banton Smith says
Hey Tina,
Although our experiences may be different, we are a part of the same community and there is a gift in that. Thank you for also sharing a piece of your journey.
Samantha Banton Smith says
Hey Liat,
I understand your strong reaction to judging, as all of us know the sting. I think that what you have witnessed is the messiness and beauty of community. Not everyone shares the same opinion and this will be true in any community. What hit me the most, was how supportive and encouraging many women were whether they shared my view or not.
The comments to my post do not represent this website and all of my interactions with the women of (in)courage have been respectful and inspiring.
Take care.