I’ve been 30 years old for almost a year. And one of the greatest things I have grown into this year is an understanding of how time heals and how one poorly-handled conversation doesn’t have to define a friendship.
My friend Dan and I had an unpleasant conversation one night around Christmas. I was tired, the evening’s events hadn’t gone as planned, and I was frustrated. He came into the situation unprepared for the emotionally stormy weather I was providing and apparently I was over-dramatic [never!] and then he rolled his eyes.
He. Rolled. His. Eyes.
I walked away. [insert dramatic turn and exit here]
The next morning, we both sent emails of apology- me for being seven shades of crazy and him for rolling his eyes [rightly so].
I’ve had conflict with friends before. I think we all have. And there have been times in my life when conversations like the one Dan and I had would send me into a tailspin- what if he hates me? What should I do to make it better? Will it be awkward when we see each other?
But I have lived enough to know that it will get better.
I am realizing that past experiences actually do birth wisdom into your current life. The older I get, the more days I have lived [profound] and the more I can let conflict run it’s course and pain have it’s day.
Because I have lived. I have lived through some good days and some bad days. But I have always lived through the hard conversations, the deeply painful breakups, the awkward mistakes, the euphoric moments that are a memory the next day.
I don’t like the saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” but I still think it is true. I’m writing this today sitting at a coffee shop and I just interrupted my two friends sitting here with me to make sure they agreed. And both girls took a thoughtful moment before answering that yes, it is true.
I don’t enjoy the grey hairs that are peeking out from the crown of my head and sometimes I just have to speak peacefully to myself about the wrinkles that appear around my eyes when I laugh. But all in all, I am grateful for all the days I have lived.
I can’t wait to live another 30 years, to know that every experience can be used for my growth and God’s glory, and…. to mature enough that I don’t stomp away when someone rolls their eyes at me.
By Annie Downs // AnnieBlogs // She loves being 30.
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At least you didn’t stomp your foot at him before turning away. That says a lot. Trust me. Since I’m quite a bit older than you I have to say the Lord will run those situations by you again and again until you get them right. Ask me how I know.
Yeah… I’m going to try to avoid walking away in the future. 🙂
“…past experiences actually do birth wisdom into your current life. ”
Ahhh, you’ve learned this young enough to serve you well :).
And I think there’s nothing more beautiful than smile-wrinkles.
Amen, sister.
Wouldn’t take the 20’s back for anything – even to be free of the smile-wrinkles (which my 12-year old daughter enjoys pointing out….) – thank you for sharing your journey!
I agree, Shannon! I have grown to LOVE my 30s (all 11.5 months of it) and I look forward to the rest!
30 is the number of maturity.. Jesus was 30 when he began his ministry. you should enjoy being 30, it’s a wonderful age. and for a 30 year old you have gained great wisdom. learning to let pain have its day is a truth that carry you above the pain. by the way i love your smile…
Thanks, Betty! What a great point. (About Jesus, not my smile. But thanks for that too.) 🙂
At 29, I can say that I feel the same way…People ask me how I feel about turning 30 soon and I honestly can say that I am happy because I am enjoying the growing more mature as well. There is definitely a peace that comes with gaining experience and walking with God longer (I don’t think it would be the same way for me if I wasn’t walking with Him).
That is not to say that sometimes I don’t get freaked out by lines around my eyes either though…
yes yes yes, Jadyn. Totally agree with you.
Oh Annie…..girl, I have walked the streets of drama-mama! Matter of fact, I might be the head queen of that land!
I’m way past 3 0…and I’m thankful for the “mature” followers that God has provided in my life that were able to forgive and move forward with me through my passionate reactions.
God is good–to provide mercy & forgiveness!
“Passionate reactions” – I like that. Can I use that line? 🙂
Well, seriously, rolling your eyes at someone’s emotional breakdown? Not cool, Dan. Okay, okay, I guess that wasn’t your point. I love this post, Annie, because I take some sort of weird pride on being mature. (Please know that I’m saying that in a hoity-toity voice. That’s important here.) So when I can actually stand back and realize that I am wiser today than I was before, it’s such a humbling blessing.
Good word, Mary. As usual. 🙂
It amazes me how persistent God is sometimes…I’ve been living and reliving an unfortunate series of interactions with a dear friend this past year, and God has continually been putting people and experiences in my path to teach me a lesson (or two) about what has happened. I am so thankful to have read your line saying, “one poorly-handled conversation doesn’t have to define a friendship.” I feel like we have both been letting that happen. And you are right…what doesn’t kill you certainly makes you stronger!
Annie D, thanks for keeping it {and us} real, my friend. Love and miss you!
‘But I have lived enough to know that it will get better.’
Thank you for your post. I agree! It’s just so hard to know what happens after a conflict – does a good friendship wither away just because of that? What if it never recovers? What happens to those good old days?
But just having the reassurance that there’s a season and a reason for everything in life, and knowing that God is control gives me comfort. Understanding that even if things are no longer the same, His will has already been done. It will get better!
Sweet wisdom from someone half my age {yes, I’ve made it all the way to 30 more years with much more grey and many more smile wrinkles}. All of life does indeed make us stronger when we lay it before our amazing, loving God who does work all things together for good.
[…] I have read a few posts at (in)courage one about truly esteeming other women and not tearing them down, you can read the post here. That was the first of the stepping-stones it took to bring me back to center. What really hit me in that article was that we should encourage others no matter what their religious background is. It really took back the statement of “the bible I read isn’t real” statement that was said to me because while reading it something whispered to my heart that what should have been said at that moment is “God is still here, that I promise you.” the second was here. […]