My typical operating position is from a place of fear or worry.
what I can’t do,
what I’m afraid of,
what might happen.
I worry about what I am not.
I am not patient.
I am not brave.
I am not good enough.
Theologian Baxter Kruger calls this the lie: “I am not.”
That struggle of faith that
we are not valuable,
we are not important,
we are not good,
we are not capable,
that we are not loved.
I think Lois Shea, in her essay Big House, Little House, Back House, Barn from Mommy Wars by Leslie Morgan Steiner, hit the nail on the head.
The whisper of the “Inner You Stink.”
Internal, emotional spit wads we throw at ourselves over imagined failures.
My kids were both in the principal’s office this week. And my mind screams – you stink! You stink!
I didn’t serve those vegetables for dinner on Thursday.You stink! You stink!
I lose my temper. I want what she’s got. I worry when I should trust. I am not faithful enough. You stink! You stink!
But God, who is also known simply as “I AM” wants to restore me, to restore me to the truth. Kruger points out that not only does God know about all of my “I am nots,” He loves me in spite of them.
Psalm 139 is one big love letter from God…to me.
1 You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, LORD, know it completely.7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?…11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
I want to stop focusing on what I am not.
I want to stop thinking that I can’t.
I want to stop limiting God.
Who am I to limit His unlimitless power?
To limit His unlimitless love?
To limit His unlimitless grace
and dictate what I can and cannot do?
With every self-limiting statement that I make – or even the fears and worry that consume me and keep me awake at night – I am limiting the unlimitless power and love and grace of God.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. – Phillippians 4:13
In the face of all my “I am nots”…I am still wholly loved by the great I AM.
In other words, when my heart cries out “I can’t”
The I AM replies…”Yes, you can”
Barbie says
This is just what my heart needed today. Thank you!
Amy Hunt says
Oh how I struggle with this, and my Father knows just how I need this reminder today.
What truths He uses us to speak-aloud when we’ve lived the nasty self-doubt, traveling a road to His unconditional grace and love.
Rich blessings, Adelle, as you trust in your Father…
Hope Easter says
Thank you. 🙂
That is my life verse at the end. Phil. 4:13.
Thank you. I needed this uplifting this morning.
Jennifer says
If only we would stand on truth without wavering! Thank you!
Carrie says
I wrote something like this today, too. I guess I needed to hear this message twice! Thank you for writing it!
carriethinkstoomuch.blogspot.com
sarah says
I had such a self-defeating day yesterday. Waking up and reading this post… oh wow… God is so faithful and so good! Being reminded of the I AM spoke volumes to my heart. Thank you for this post! Blessings on you girl!
Betty Draper says
good, straight forward honest post…anyone reading would have to lie to not admit that is them. thank God for His word that brings us out of that stinky place the enemy wants us to stay in. You can toe to toe with the enemy with those two powerful words the Lord gave us , I AM….now go away devil…go away for I AM love by the I AM.
Christy A. says
I love your writing. It reads like a poem, but with a refreshing genuineness.
Adelle Gabrielson says
Thank you for all the comment-love! It is SO good to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way, falling down (and getting back up again) on a daily basis. Sometimes, hourly! Blessings to you all…
Cheri Gregory says
Adelle —
Wow — I’d say “get out of my head” but it feels so good to know you know how I feel! And yes, daily, hourly, sometimes minutely (is that a word?!?)
At the weekly group I attend, the other women are always telling me, “Cheri, you are SO HARD ON YOURSELF.” When they point it out, I can see it. On my own, it just feels so normal to make agreements with the devil’s suggestions…especially when the dust is accumulating on the cover of my Bible!
I’m old enough to be a fan of Bryan Duncan. The music style in this song isn’t normally my favorite, but I LOVE “Yes I Will” . . . even the discord and chaos of the music mimic what goes on in my head! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moAMzsvRRxY
Thank you for sharing your heart!
Melody says
Absolutely true and so well written. I love how I almost always feel you are writing directly to me–like you just peeked into my life and wanted to encourage ME. Your gift of being able to put all our thoughts; struggles, fears, simple pleasures, love of family and love and faithfulness of our Father, is a true gift to to me.
Kathy C. @ In Quiet Places says
On a day that I need to write an important proposal that is very intimidating to me, your words are the reminder I need to hear from the Lord, Yes, you can, thanks for reminding all of us.
Pat says
Posted this on my Facebook page so that my friends can benefit from the truth of your message. Well done, dear one!
Beth Williams says
You must have read my mind! I say those very words to myself over and over again – Not good enough, not talented, etc.
I take time daily to talk with God and try to hear Him in the midst of all the hustle, bustle and lies the enemy throws my way!
Thanks for an encouraging post!
Charisa says
I so needed this today! thank you for your words!
Anonymous says
Awesome, awesome post! Thank you so much for sharing. I think that so many women are plagued with thoughts like this and they think they are all alone!
Bernice
Letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be
Living the Balanced Life says
Awesome, awesome post! Thank you so much for sharing. So many women are plagued with thought like this and they think they are alone. It helps for them to know they are not!
Bernice
Letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be
Niki says
Oh wow! I thought the “you stink” voice was only in MY head. Thank you for this wonderful post today! (And you’ve got really cute hair, BTW.)
Bob Sr. says
I am blessed to have hou as a daughter.
Adelle Gabrielson says
Aw, thanks Daddy. I love you, too.
@Niki – THANKS!
Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment. You are such an encouragement to me…